Trying to motivate Aspergers son.!

[Beebee]

Hi everyone. Just wondering if anyone can give me some advice.

My son has Aspergers and is 19 years old. He is currently in further education and just finishing his first year on a level 3 I.T course, having already completed the level 2.

He is now unsure whether he wants to continue at college and complete the last year.

This gives me concern, as although he is now more than old enough to decide what he wants to do, he has little interest in anything else. Over the last eighteen months, we have tried unsuccessfully to motivate him into looking for a part time job but to no avail.

I understand that he is uncomfortable in social situations and have tried to 'brief' him in certain situations where he has agreed to hand a C.V into a business but don't really know what else I can do.

My worry is that he will give up college and just stay in his bedroom on the computer/xbox all day whilst we are all out at work. We can't seem to get him to understand that he needs to do more to make more of his life but he just says 'why, I'm happy as I am?' Help...!!!

[trekster]

There used to be a user representation group for autistic adults in northants. I think it was run by the NAS. Would that help him?

[positive_about]

All you can do is encourage, keep up the pressure but without overwhelming him - his motivation needs to come from within really, ie. an inner desire/need to get a job. I was the same when I left school, I was happy in my bedroom, and had no desire or motivation to look for a job or go to college. My mum made me look through job listings and I was fortunate to get an apprenticeship in electronics, which I had a strong interest in. I would have found it difficult to apply for jobs I had no interest in - and still do.

[oxgirl]

Hi Beebee, I can relate to this. My lad is 20 and left his college course in November as it wasn't right for him and he was miserable. I was terrified at the thought of him leaving and being out there in the big wide world. It took a while, but we managed to get him settled into a routine of helping out at charity shops. It isn't a long-term plan but is increasing his confidence and making him feel more settled. Like you, I was horrified by the idea of him being in his room on his own 24/7. We still have a long way to go before he'll be ready for a job I think, and it is a scary road, I know. Would your lad be willing to volunteer? It is something to put on his CV at least and would get him into a routine and get him out there interacting and meeting people at the very least. It will also take the pressure off him because maybe he'll feel he can settle into a routine of this for a while without the prospect of having to get out there and look for work being so much of a pressure on him.

 

~ Mel ~

[BelLocke]

My husband is similar... He doesn't want to do certain things unless they work in his favour and he gets something that he wants. He hated school and was very traumatized by the whole experience as a kid. He had to force himself to go to college because at the time we were living in different countries and he wanted a career to move over and be able to start a life with. (I ended up moving over instead, but that's another story!) More recently, I've convinced him that we need to move out of our flat because the noise is driving him insane and driving us apart. We'll be going back to his parents' house until we can move into our new place in January. He was very against the idea - until I mentioned we may be able to take a trip to Japan (place we went to for our honeymoon) with the spare money we will have. Within less than a day, he was going on and on about moving out! Hahaha.

Long story short, your son needs to want it, or it can be difficult to convince him otherwise. Is I.T. perhaps not the right field for him? Is it something he's in love with, or just something he chose just because he felt he had to? If he loves video games, and if the finances are there, why not send him on a games design or games programming course instead to keep him productive - and who knows, perhaps find a job someday? If I.T. is what he likes but he doesn't want to finish the Level 3, perhaps sending him on an apprenticeship might be an option? He'll be learning as well as earning that way, and he could even buy himself more Xbox games with the spare money.

[Oolong]

I have Asperger's and recommend charity shops. I volunteer at Age UK one day a week for four hours on the till, and I love it. It took me a little time to become confident with dealing with members of the public and learning all the different procedures, but now I am a pro. I actually enjoy serving the public, it takes me out of myself, and the social interaction is formal and rule based, so manageable. It is a small shop, and the members of staff are friendly and put me at ease.

[Beebee]

Thank you all so much for taking the time to reply.

I think I agree with the general idea, that "getting out" there will have to come from my son himself. Volunteering might be a really good idea to give him some confidence. :0))

I will keep trying to "suggest" things to him and continue to support him and hopefully we might get him out there.!

Thanks everyone

Bee