should i be here?

[something_different]

Sorry if i am not in the right place, but would like some opinions please.

 

I am 23 years old, i have always had problems socialy with making friends. In fact i have only really had 2 friends and that was when i was at school. and they were only friends in school, never had any social life out with school.

 

I lost contact with these 2 friends when i left for college.

College was very difficult for me and i found it hard to relate to the other students in my class. I felt like i was invisible and did not exist and was unable to join in their discussions as a group. I felt different some how. Ended up failing college as my placement did not want me as i lacked confidence, and i couldn't cope with the fact that i seemed invisible. Its not like i did not want to join in and be part of the group, i just felt that i couldn't.

 

I find eye contact with people uncomfortable, and tend to look else where e.g down at my hands. I can't start a conversation tho i will speak when spoken to. sometimes i feel once i start talking, i talk too much about things that the person is not even interested in. then i feel like i should shut up. so their is no happy medium, i either talk a load of rubbish or do not talk at all.

 

I find msn and yahoo great as it is the only social life i have. But most people soon get fed up with me. I have even tried to meet people from online, and they will meet me once and then they don't want to know me any more. I think inperson i come across as strange, or maybe come across as not being interested in the other person. But its not that i do not want to talk, i just do not know what to say or do?

 

I hate talking on the phone, and will only use it if i really have to.

 

I do not have any friends at all at the moment, and do not have a social life. My sister has tried taking me out with her and some of her friends but i don't seem to be able to 'fit in' with them.

 

now the question is, am i just shy? or is their more to it? or maybe i am just weird?

 

sorry to go on

 

and feel free to say if this is not the place for me!

 

thank you for taking the time to read this post

 

and sorry if it is not related to your forum.

[KarenM]

Hi you do sound like an aspie ,have you got obssesive intrests ?My daughter has aspergers and she finds social contact very hard. The people here are really friendly i love this site .Ime sure someone will come along and say something brillant soon i, just wanted to say hello.

[oracle]

Hi and Weclome

 

You do sound very much like my son who is now 18. Do you think that you may have AS? It's not too late to find out - but only if you feel the need to do so. We are a friendly bunch here - most of the time So stick around and you may discover this is the right place for you.

 

Carole

Edited August 4, 2005 by carole

[something_different]

thank you for your replies

 

i feel their is something different about me, and not sure what is is, maybe i do have AS but i really don't want to go looking for answers if their are no answers out their. I would look really stupid going to the doctor when their is nothing wrong with me, if you know what i mean.

 

I just feel very lonly and isolated at times, as i do want social interaction with others, but when i am in a social situation i feel anxious and awkward, and unsure what to say and do.

[Zemanski]

I know more about younger people with AS but your pattern is very familiar.

 

People with AS do have difficulties like yours with socialising and fitting in.

 

They also tend to have obsessive interests that last years as Karen implied (and they find it difficult to understand why everybody else isn't just as interested), they like order and routine and don't deal with change or broken rules very well (they get confused and anxious very easily) and they usually have difficulty with imagination - not in the art sense necessarily but in the sense of not being able to imagine what people are thinking or why they behave in certain ways in certain situations. The fact that they often have difficulty reading people's expressions, bodylanguage and tone of voice adds to this feeling of otherness when so many people obviously do know what is going on around them and expect everybody else to too makes socialising pretty stressful.

 

Every person with AS is different, they have different strengths and weaknesses, some are pretty much geniuses in a narrow field but have serious learning difficulties in another area, some struggle to talk and communicate at all while others never stop talking even if you tell them point blank to shut up. Some have self-help skills that allow them to hold down jobs and have families with little or no support while others need almost constant support.......

 

in essence, nobody here fits the mould - we are all either on the spectrum or caring for someone who is.

 

However different you feel, here you know that we all feel different and you are very welcome to join us. <'>

 

There are several people here who either have AS or are exploring the possibility that they may have - My partner, Little nemo, is one of them, he fits the criteria but doesn't have the actual diagnosis.

 

enjoy exploring - whether you have AS or not understanding yourself and others a bit better can only help.

 

Zemanski

[Tylers-mum]

I'll be your friend if you like???

 

You do sound very much like an Aspie to me. If you don't have obsessions like my son doesn't, then it could be High Functioing Autism but the only way you'll know for sure is by being assessed for it.

 

All the very best. We are all here for you if you need support, answers, company etc etc.

[Viper]

Hi.

 

You would not look stupid if you went to a GP with your concerns, your GP is there to help, even if you don't have AS you are still having trouble in general. If you find it hard to talk to your GP write down what you want to say and either read it to him or give him the paper and let him read it himself.

 

You seem to have a sympathetic sister Maybe she could go to your GP with you or you could ask her to read up on AS for you and tell you if it applies to you, sometimes it is easier for someone other than yourself to see you as you are, after all you might be a it biased.

 

Viper.

[nellie]

Hi and welcome to the forum,

 

I have two sons, the eldest (26) was diagnosed with autism at 19, my youngest (24) was diagnosis with AS a couple of months ago. My husband was diagnosed with AS at 52.

 

Yes I think you should stick around, you might find it's the right place. Taking time to read some of the many postings and asking questions might help with your understanding of AS and possibly of your self.

 

This previous topic has some useful information and is a good point to start. (I think it's several topics merged together, so information may be repeated).

 

Have I got ASD/Aspergers?, I'm confused and seeking a diagnosis

http://www.asd-forum.org.uk/forum/index.ph...st=0entry3043

 

 

Nellie xx

[something_different]

thank you all for the replies!

 

I am not really obsessed with anything in particular, and from reading posts on here that is one of the aspie traits? so maybe i do not have AS after all

 

maybe i am just weird?

 

I do spend a LOT of time online, but i think the reason fot that is because i have nothing else to do, and its a way of me having someone to 'talk' to even tho i am only typing on a screen.

 

I do have a job tho tend to get up go to work, come home and go online.

[punky]

Hi, you sound like me, I went to the doctors and I talked to them about my social anxieties, they can prescribe something to help specifically with social anxiety, which does help to some extent, what things other than being online do you enjoy?

[something_different]

their is not really much that i do

 

i like ski-ing but do not get to do that very often, usually only once a year

 

also like cycling which is something i can do on my own, and walking

 

so anything i like its something that can be done on my own really.

 

their aren't really any tv programmes that i like

 

their are a few films i like and can watch them again and again, but not in an obsessive way. like i don't watch the same thing every day.

 

i have always been a loner really, not because i want to be, it just how i am because i am not good socially when trying to talk to people.

[Viper]

You say you are a loner. Are you happy with that or does it upset you?

 

If you take away the expectations, that we should socialise, would you be worried ie, is it other peoples expectations of you that is the problem or is it you yourself who is unhappy? Do you think you are, in your words, "odd" because you try to do what others do but don't feel comfortable.

 

What I am trying to say is if you are happy with yourself then don't let what is the "norm" bother you. Be who you are and don't think you have to conform.

 

On the other hand if you are not happy, then I sugest you should see your GP as I said before.

 

Viper.

Edited August 4, 2005 by Viper

[something_different]

Thanx

 

it does bother me that i am a loner

 

yes i like my own space, but i would also like to have the company of others

 

i'd like to be able to socialize 'normally' but i can't

 

ppl say that it i up to me to get out and make friends and socialize, but it aint as simple as that is it? not when i feel so anxious and awkward within social situations?

 

is it strange that i want to be sociable even tho i feel that way when i am amoungst ppl and try to be sociable? ?

[something_different]

Thank you all for all of the replies

 

i appreciate your opinions

 

maybe i am in the wrong place as i do not have any obsessions. just not good socially.

 

oh well i guess i am just a bit different

 

thank you

[nellie]

Hi something_different,

 

Lots of people diagnosed with AS don't have obsessions.

 

Asperger syndrome or not, you are welcome to stay if that's what you want.

 

Nothing wrong with being different. <'>

 

Nellie xx

[something_different]

thank you Nellie

 

<'>

 

 

 

i said something really think the other day, was getting ready to go to a wedding and mum said

 

"I have to wear gold"

 

so i said "Oh, do i need to take my silver off and wear gold then?"

without even thinking!

 

then she said 'No, don't be daft, I have gold thru my outfit!"

 

ahhh how thick am I LOL why would i have to wear gold? i dunno! lol

 

 

 

thanx everyone for the lovely welcome nice to meet you all

[hopeful]

Something Different I have Aspergers and I relate to a lot of what you say about yourself.

[baddad]

Hi SD (just as well you didn't decide on "Something Terribly Different" as a user name, isn't it!?) -

As nellie says, it really doesn't matter if you is or you aint - if you like it round here, stick around. ASD is very much a spectrum, so it could be that you have certain 'traits', even if you don't feel that the full definition fits...That being the case, you may find strategies/suggestions here you find helpful, or that you just feel comfortable around here.

So far as obsessions go; not every person on the spectrum has them, and even the ones who do may not obsess over specific 'things', but more over how they like things to be done, and then again there are degrees of importance placed on such rituals.

Very best for the future, and don't worry too much about 'fitting in' - the most interesting people hardly ever do!

L&P

BD

[something_different]

thank you

 

i like that 'don't worry too much about 'fitting in' - the most interesting people hardly ever do! '

[Viper]

Hi SD,

 

I have a daughter of 14 with a diagnosis of AS and she has no interests at all let alone obsessions. Then on the other hand I have a son of 4 who gets obsessed about just about anything and he only has traits of AS and some other related problems. So basically you could fit either catagory or non at all only you can find out for yourself.

 

On the social side of things, when you are with people could you bring yourself to say "i feel a bit shy with people so please bear with me" People can be very understanding and with just a simple rehearsed phrase you may find it helps. Honesty is a good policy, say what you are feeling. When you get to know someone, you say you tend to ramble even when you know people are no longer interested in what you have to say. In that instance, you could tell people to let you know when you are doing it, that will make them feel less uncomfortable that they are being rude and you less embarassed about being told, you could make it into a joke. Something like " oh dear there I go again" that wuld lighten the atmosphere and de stress everyone.

 

Just a few sugestions to maybe get you going, you may be able to build on them or add your own strategies. We all have to learn how to socialise. I hope these can help you.

 

Best wishes to you. <'>

Viper.

[something_different]

thanx Viper

 

I normally do tell people that i am v shy

 

these days the only ppl i meet are from online, not really an ideal situation. ok have only met 5 people in person in the past 3 years or so. tho have been online since year 2000.

 

i do 'chat' with them online for months sometimes even years b4 i meet them. and seem to get on well, its online i normally talk about cr*p these days as don't really have social interaction. just spend a lot of my time on the computer.

 

and before i meet with them i tell them on several occasoins that i am very shy and not to be offended if i don't say much.

 

and still once they meet me in person they are not interested anymore.

 

they go as far as ignoring me copletly till they get fed up with me trying to make contact via text message or msn/yahoo that they tell me that yes they are ignoring me. hmmm they say that they did not expect me to be that shy, but i always TELL them that i am, so why agree to meet me when they are not prepared to give me time to get to know them in person and for them to get to know me?

 

so not sure what steps to take now, as anyone i meet from here ends up not liking me, yet the friends online are the only friends i have, so if i chance meeting anyone else they may end up not likeing me either. and i would like to have a 'real' friend rather than just an 'online' one.

 

 

 

sorry going on a bit too much again aint i?

 

SD

[Gordie]

Well if you're not in the right place, then neither am I!

 

Thanks to Viper for the heads-up here, attracting my attention to your presence here, and to this post.

 

I'm almost 25, male, with Asperger's Syndrome. You could quite easily be describing me. In fact it would be easier for me to list the things you've said about yourself that I'm not, rather than the other way round. I'm probably marginally better at making eye contact with people than you are, but there's not a lot else I wasn't nodding my head at in empathy there ... I can relate to absolutely everything you've written. And I can't stick the phone either.

 

So as far as I'm concerned, you've got to have Asperger's! No doubt about it! Forget your GP, or anyone else! You've got it!

 

Yeah - the loneliness and isolation sucks, doesn't it? But despite finding socialising difficult, I know I would love to have the ability to do it. So I don't find it a strange feeling in you at all - I feel the same way.

 

And since the advent of the Internet, I've found the outlet I've needed, and it really has been great. I was first exposed to chat rooms on-line in a big way when I first went to university in 1998. So I've been doing this for about 7 years now. It's one of the few positive aspects of my time at university - being able to come on-line!! I've made hundreds of friends over this time, all around the world (although I wouldn't mind a few more local ones! ), and I've even had one long-term relationship with a girl in America - that lasted between August 1999 and July 2001, and included 6 weeks in the summer of 2001 where I was fortunate enough to have the opportunity to live with her (and her parents, unfortunately! ). That was a truly wonderful time in my life, and I have no regrets about it at all. But we mutually decided to split up pretty much as soon as I got back home again, as neither of us had realistic ambitions of moving to the other person's country on a permanent basis. So we didn't really have a future together as a couple. She and I are still very close friends though, which I'm pleased about. (In fact it's her 22nd birthday today! ) But I've made so many UK-based friends on-line, and it's been much easier meeting them in person. The bonus about originally meeting these people on-line is that when we eventually meet up in person, they already know all about me, and why I'm the way I am. So that relaxes me so much, and makes me a lot less self-conscious. I can genuinely enjoy their company, and I always miss them whenever I have to go home again. I even make a 250-mile+ round trip to near Watford and back every Monday, to have driving lessons with my best friend. That's not just my best on-line friend, I hasten to add, but my best friend on the entire planet. She's amazing, and just happens to be a driving instructor. I'd never had the motivation to learn to drive until she came along. But I couldn't resist the opportunity to combine driving lessons with the opportunity to regularly see my best friend on a weekly basis. It's not just her I love seeing either - even her young kids (aged 11, 9 and 6) like me a lot too. Whenever I visit, I really feel like part of the family now - it's a great feeling ... one I never felt as a child - just so liberating. I could recount so many tales of meeting my on-line friends, but I won't bore you with them all now! But yes - needless to say, I spend aaaaaaages on-line, just like you.

 

Clearly it sounds like you're still struggling with the whole meeting-online-friends thing though. That's a shame, as I find it so rewarding about 99% of the time. But it can be hard when the other person is shy as well - I just find myself retreating into my shell again when that happens.

 

By the way, are you female? It's just that it's not too clear from your posts so far, and I was wondering ...

 

Welcome to the forum anyway. I'm still amazed to see such similar people to me popping up here occasionally.

 

James

[something_different]

thanx James

 

yes i am female how could u tell?

[Gordie]

It was all this stuff ...

 

i said something really think the other day, was getting ready to go to a wedding and mum said

 

"I have to wear gold"

 

so i said "Oh, do i need to take my silver off and wear gold then?"

without even thinking!

 

then she said 'No, don't be daft, I have gold thru my outfit!"

 

ahhh how thick am I LOL why would i have to wear gold?  i dunno! lol

You don't tend to find men talking like that very often. But I wanted to be sure before assuming.

 

Oh, and Viper's hunch (when she PMed me about your post here) was that you were female too.

 

James

[~Jonathan~]

maybe i am in the wrong place as i do not have any obsessions. just not good socially.

 

oh well i guess i am just a bit different

 

There's nothing wrong with being different although society does seem to read different as being odd when it isn't. I'm learning to stop worrying about what wider society feels which in a way I feel is a misnomer.

 

The media and society are NOT the same, I used to feel that what I was being bombarded with in the media was what society actually thought and felt but it isn't, there are millions of people out there who don't fit the media's definitions of who/how we are supposed to be yet do we hear about them? Of course not.

 

The media likes to portray people as it wishes to rather than how they are, so what we see and hear in no way mirrors reality. I like you. I like your avatar, you have a nice energy and I feel you contribute positively to the site. I empathise with everything you have written and feel or have gone through practically everything you have, so you are NOT alone. Please stick around.

 

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