Tez Report post Posted August 18, 2005 Had a conversation with my husband the other night about how we work as a family. He'd called in at a friends on his way home from work and his friend's wife had spent about an hour telling him that we were not a family because we all spend too much time in separate rooms doing our own thing (we all have our own interests which we pursue) and not sitting and talking or watching tele together. Our taste in tv programmes is very different so we do usually watch tv in separate rooms but will sit together if we are all watching the same thing. We spend about 4 weeks per year away on holiday as a family where we are with each other 24/7 and this works well for us as well, we enjoy the time together. Need less to say we don't agree. with his friend's wife's view. We are all very much loners and enjoy our own space and time too do our own thing, but we do spend time everyday talking to each other, discussing things that interest us and supporting each other with any problems we might have. It works for us, but it made me wonder how others view their family and what to you constitutes being a family? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Tylers-mum Report post Posted August 18, 2005 (edited) IMO the days of sitting around an open fire or sitting around a table eating dinner, died in the 80's. LOL Times have changed and so have families. Things happen now that would never have happened when I was a kid and new things of enjoyment have come into play such as the videogames etc etc. Geez, I sound old! LOL You have to move with the times I guess and if this family is happy with what they see as family life, then good on them but each to their own. Every family has it's own views and opinions and your family is not the same as the next, well, maybe mine! LOL Basically what I'm trying to say is, if you are happy with what you have as a unit, then great b/c you are happy and those in your family are happy. You work to meet your families needs and if say for example, you were to live the lives that this other family live, then would you all be happy?? Probably not!! My son has his own hobbies and I'm happy for him to get on with them whilst he's quiet and not under my feet so that I can get on with either my hobby or housework. We don't sit down together in front of the TV except for maybe 4-5 times a week where I'll sit and cuddle and watch a cartoon or two with him but we an't doing things together 24/7 b/c that would just be impossible. I'm either in the same room as him doing chores or in the next room to him (like now) doing something but we are always interacting. He never shuts up! LOL and we do go out every day to do something together too. Each to there own! You and your family are your No1 priority and I think you've succeeded on that one!! <'> <'> <'> Edited August 18, 2005 by Tylers-mum Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
forbsay Report post Posted August 18, 2005 I totally agree with Tyler's mum. It works for you - so good on you! What might work for others may not work for you and vice versa! Gosh, that sounds a bit double dutch - hope you get my drift! Elaine xx Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mossgrove Report post Posted August 18, 2005 (edited) If you have a family with one or more autistic children in it, and you can find a way of doing it that works for everyone then well done! There is no reason you should have to conform to someone elses idea of how your family should work. Simon Edited August 18, 2005 by mossgrove Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Tez Report post Posted August 18, 2005 I think that the gist of her argument was because we are in her opinion not a "normal family" and we spend time doing our own thing my son was not learning to cope with the "normal bickering and nastiness" that occurs in family life. We choose to spend quality time together not arguing over what to watch on the tele. I sit up all night most nights talking with my AS son about anything under the sun when he can't sleep, but I don't spend my time arguing with him. If we did spend more time in normal family conflict, so her argument goes, my son would have no trouble coping with the nastiness that he recieves at school and so in effect we are being emotionally abusive by not teaching him to cope with this in the safer environment of the family. I think she's talking rubbish and I don't think our life style is unusual but it just set off a train of thought as to how other people organise their family lives. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest flutter Report post Posted August 18, 2005 we are all individuals, asd, or not the same goes for families i sit alone here, one upstairs on my bed watching tv, other one in his room watching a dvd i dont care, we will eat together,and i know they are happy and that is most important i wonder these days what is "normal" families are all mixed up and muddled now. we are not stepford tc and be yourselves C x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Suze Report post Posted August 18, 2005 I agree Tez ..she,s talking rubbish, there is no perfect way for any family to socialise together. Whats correct is what works for you . Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lil_me Report post Posted August 18, 2005 If we sat as a family to do everything etc I doubt some members of the family would be still alive or without serious injury. I think personal space is vital. My partners been off sick for over a week as he fell in the park when playing with the kids , and its driving me and the kids insane We do spend time as a family, but I think its definately each to their own. No point us trying to eat as a family etc as he's a taxi driver and part time student. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CarerQuie Report post Posted August 19, 2005 Do whar works for you-all families are different.I've got 6 children aged between 19 and 7,so I'm hardly likely to hit upon something that would please everyone. I'm sure having space to do your own thing is preferable to getting an ulcer or high blood pressure from the level of tension that would result. Your friend's wife needs to remember that all families are different and that there are no hard and fast rules to govern how families operate.xx Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hev Report post Posted August 19, 2005 your friendwouldnt agree with my household then,when nick comes in from work i go out for a bit just to have some time on my own without kids,then he goes upstairs and watches a video with them,it works for us and thats what matters,i think your friend has been watching too much of the brady bunch! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hatter Report post Posted August 19, 2005 Every family is different- I have a friend with 2 NT children and they always do everything together around the house- if gardening needs to be done then they all go out and do gardening etc. My friend spends her whole day entertaining the kids with craft activities etc. the children can't even watch a video by themselves- their mum has to be there all the time giving them full-on attention! I don't think this can be that good for the children- people need to learn to entertain themselves to some extent. I think the kids will find it really hard when they grow up and realise that the would doesn't revolve around them. However, my friend is really happy with her family life, and her kids are lovely- it works for them, but it would suffocate me! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mrs q Report post Posted August 22, 2005 I think she is jealous of your life..... I would just ignore her comments..... YOUR life sounds very much like mine.... Me and hubbie are really different.....we been together for 12 years....so we getting something right....we had a family for 8 years....our eldest has AS our children are all different...we all do different things.... Enjoy your family life........children soon grow up..... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
