The Headteacher looked at me like I was daft

[DaisyProudfoot]

 

I spoke to Martin's headteacher this morning (v briefly as I was dashing) and I gave her a letter.

 

"Have you got the psychiatrist's report on Martin's Autistic Spectrum Disorder diagnosis? He has Aspergers," I said to her.

 

She looked at me blankly. When I first voiced my concerns that he "seemed a bit autistic" several years ago she said he seemed fine to her and didn't take it any further.

It was her SEN teacher, who also happens to be his form tutor who advised me to seek medical advice.

 

"I've just written a letter to explain it a bit," I added. "I think it will help when the report comes through."

 

"And it's in this envelope?" she asked.

 

"The letter yes," I said. "Not the report, that's coming from his psychiatrist. I'd like to talk it over with you when you've read the report," I said.

 

"What else is in this envelope?" she asked (I think she suspected a letter bomb!)

 

"Just the forms you wanting signing for after-school clubs and stuff," says me.

 

"Oh, that's alright then," she said. And blanked me out.

 

AAAARgh! Something tells me this may take some time - I don't think she's convinced because Martin doesn't get into too much trouble at school so he's not a problem child.

 

How do you explain to a headteacher who never listens to her own teachers never mind the parents!

 

Daisy

[phasmid]

One of three ways;

 

1. Very s-l-o-w-l-y, stressing the important bits or;

 

2. Point them here, in a 'Yoda' type voice, saying: Seek the link 'Advice for professionals' you must or;

 

3. Go there yourself and print it off and sneak it to them in an envelope marked 'School trip' (not telling them it is a 'school trip' into the Autistic zone - cue Twilight Zone type spooky music).

[Zemanski]

could you point out that if he doesn't pay some attention soon he WILL BE a problem child?

 

didn't work for us and, hey presto, the school now has a problem child but at least we now have the satisfaction of uttering the smug 'We told you so!' and watching them all panic because the governors are insisting on an investigation into Com's last 2 years at the school and how his needs have been met (or not)

 

Zemanski

[Zemanski]

Oh, yes, meant to say - contacting the chair of governors with an eight page letter was pretty effective

 

Z

[DaisyProudfoot]

Thanks folks I will try all of the above.

 

SEN teacher (who is also his form tutor) caught me today to say she wants to talk about it - woohoo - someone may be listening I hope, and wants to add it to his IEP I think she said (??? - what is that) it's not in our jargon buster.

 

She actually said: "I'm pleased you've taken this further, I was very worried about him last year." But she said nothing to us until we mentioned it to her last year!!!

 

Actually I don't think she would have mentioned Martin's report at all but for the fact that she dragged me into school this morning to complain to me about his NT twin sister defacing school property and writing death threats to her previous best friend on the school step. She will now go "on report" and she's getting detention. Now who's the problem child?

 

Am I neglecting his twin because of his problems?

[littlenemo]

you probably have been giving more attention to your son, he's been in your mind because of what he has been going through and what you have needed to concentrate doing for him so she probably does need a bit more attention but don't beat yourself up about it, just try to focus a bit more on her now you've realised - I'm sure we've all done this, I know I have.

 

what is probably more important for her is understanding that she needs to let out the stress she has been feeling.

Lots of things have been happening that she probably doesn't understand enough to deal with; you've been upset and angry, her twin has been upset and frustrated, having appointments and meetings and tests, strange new words have been flying around - it's all very confusing and she is probably just as worried about her brother as you are.

She probably just needs a bit of tender loving care and some good explanations

 

There are some good books for siblings and families if you need them - try the resources threads.

 

it might be worth asking about her having time with the learning mentor in school - they can be brilliant for children who need someone to listen when things are tough for them

 

stay strong

 

Zemanski

Edited September 15, 2005 by littlenemo

[DaisyProudfoot]

Thanks Zemanski,

 

I know you're right - you'll see this thread in general discussion too, You know I'm worried when I'm posting it twice!!!

 

I don't know if our school has a Learning Mentor it's only a small village school but I'll ask. I think I've blinkered myself to the fact that Martin's diagnosis could have an effect on the whole family, for some reason I've only considered his needs in the equation not anyone else's.

 

Perhaps his sis has given me the wake-up call I needed.

 

Daisy

[Zemanski]

well, you're not blinkered any more and kids are pretty adaptable, she'll pull through fine now you're on the case - might take a while but you are there for her <'>

 

Z

[Mother in Need]

IEP = Individual Education Plan.

 

Zemanski, you're problably the one to explain that one fully? I could use some clarity too there! Like, who writes it, do parents HAVE to be shown it, how much does it really cover (all their needs or only a very few) and who decides which ones, etc etc.

[Guest flutter]

this may help

http://www.asd-forum.org.uk/forum/index.php?showtopic=230

tc X

[Malika]

Hi Daisy,

I understand perfectly what you are going through I had the same kind of pb with my son, pointing out that he may have some form of autism in year one to the teacher then to the Head-master, with no response untill the year two teacher got annoyed with him because of his lack of concentration and his tics, and I was given a letter to give to my GP (this on my request) at the time they put him on school action then after the report came trough with ASD, begining of year 3 they put him on school action plus with less support that what he had the previous year???

 

I lost my appeal to the SENDIST in June (for statutory assesment) H gets a bit more support now and I have not given up, tomorow I am going to meet with some kind of "unoficial" key worker as now they help mainly children under 5, I hope something will come out soon as H progress are very slow. He cannot express himself in writing, like answering question with why or how and find difficult to understand any abstract concept... and organise himself he find difficult to concentrate except on spiderman or computer game. I always found that the school would have like better if he had not been diagnosed.

H sister is much older than him 5 years and when all that started she got quite jealous because of the attention but I talk to her and explain and she has become much more understanding telling me everytime there is a programe about autism really she is great...

Do not despair children are very resilient but they need to be sure you love them very very much.

 

Best wishes.

 

Malika.

[DaisyProudfoot]

Thanks for everything folks. Got a meeting with Martin's SEN teacher tomorrow and hoping to speak to his paedetrician today about how we progress with his severe aggression problems - I hope your meeting goes well too Malika.

 

Bless him - today he asked me in the playground if he could stay tomorrow after school for rugby practice (I had already said he could days ago). He was jumping up and down, flapping about, speaking dead quickly, getting panicky that I would say "no" before he had even asked the question, and I could see kids around him looking at him with that "you're weird" look on their faces and felt so sad for him.

 

Oddly enough though he does have two or three good friends at school (one is another Aspie, the other is gentle and kind) so they mustn't all think he's crackers.

 

I've been getting more lovey dovey hugs from his sister again so we're seeing some return to normality again on her front. The two older boys seem to be taking it all in their stride so that's OK and the toddler (well - all toddlers are self-centred anyway so no change there!)

 

Oh - by the way thanks for the IEP description - actually it was in the jargon buster I just wasn't looking properly!

 

Thanks again,

Daisy

[Zemanski]

nurture those friendships - they will be his lifeline in times to come

 

stay strong

 

Zemanski

[phasmid]

Good luck with your meeting. Hope it goes well.

[Malika]

Hi Daisy'

 

My meeting went well in a way I've got good documentation "the early support project" and been told I would be introduced to an communication impairment group where there is a lady who knows everybody involved with education and medical support for children with developmental problems, let see but this sound good.

In another way I have been told that I should have had much more support 4 and 3 years ago but that now my son is 8 and manage to learn so much (meaning he can talk and is independant for most of the daily routine) I won't get much support for him except if he becomes a problem at school !!! beside they focusing now on children under 5 and they are trying to put ressources in place for older children with ASD but it will take quite some time before anything substential happens.

 

I am going to 2 others "autism group 1 with Contact a family every 6 weeks another one with The neurodevelopment team in Ealing hospital the 2nd one was finished but as parents we decided to carry on and meet every 2 months.

 

My son was upset this morning as he is going to the swimming pool with the school tomorow and they told him he would not have a cubbicle on his own to get change H is obsessed with the idea that anybody could see him undressed ( difficult for him as he has low muscles tone flat feet and genuvelgum ) since some clever boy had pull down his trousers in year 2 in the cloakroom and he got in trouble for punching him, finally after 1 week of negociation I obtain that they would let him change on his own, our school sportman specialised in working with handicap and difficult children promess me that he would look after my son and make sure nobody would annoyed him he has been very understanding and now H is over the moon as he loves water..

 

Our children are very vulnerable specially because of the lack of compassion from others, teachers should really work to establish frienship and social group.

 

Hope your son will manage to keep his frienship it is so important for ASD children

 

H told me after school that he was upset with the girl he was friend with because she has been kissing a boy of her class, he was obviously very jealous and wanted to "punch him in the face" I've told him not to, as he cannot force anybody to love him or be his friend. Then what he did was to tell our sportman that he should told them off as they should not kiss at school anyway. I hope it wont be too bad tomorow... I will be anxious to see him after school.

 

Take care.

 

Malika.

[DaisyProudfoot]

Hi Malika,

 

Pleased your meeting went well. So did mine with the teacher. She has worked with him to set in place a simple IEP which he understands and he seems delighted that the teacher is taking notice of him which is great. We have the speech and language therapist going into school next week to assess him further as well.

 

His paedetrician gave me Tony Attwood's book to read and tried to talk a bit with Martin but he wasn't interested and just gave her one-word answers before retreating to the computer. In a way I was pleased because she saw him on a bad day which strengthens any case I may have in the future.

 

Take care

Daisy