Meeting with Head.

[Suze]

Just got back from school, had a good sob/cup of tea, feel down and upset. Head called me in this a.m , there are problems on the playground. My son has been kicking and violent towards other kids. A parent has sent in a letter of complaint , complete with photographic evidence of bruising .My son says he is called names, he does,nt understand social rules and when he is wound up lets rip . At easter the autism team went into school and suggested social skills tution (1 hr per week), plus a card to leave the playground when he finds things too much. (none of this has been implemented although Iwas assuredtoday it is happening) I have real problems as some of these kids are deliberately winding him up, but of course the school can,t allow this violence.I feel dreadful as this situation is out of my hands and managed by the school, who are very understanding, feel cr*p I don,t like this violence in my son but cos I,m not on the playground I can,t watch for the signs of a meltdown, and it,s all in the schools hands .

[elainem]

Hi Suze,

 

<'> <'> so sorry this is happening. Don't really have any advice just I know what other kids are like and I can see this happening with my little one who is in Reception. The older boys and girls come over and mimic if he makes an odd noise and then when M asks them to 'o away they tease all the more. So far M has not been violent but I fear it won;t be long as they are pushing him to his limits. It's not that they are malicious, they are very young too and they think M is funny and then when he says things like buzz off they think it's even funnier, and then he shouts even more

 

Hope you get it sorted.

 

Elaine

[annie]

Hi Suze <'> <'>

 

Your son sounds very much like how mine used to react.

 

Could you contact your Autism team and explain to them today's developments and your fears that unless the Autism team's recommendations are put in place NOW, you are worried that your son is at risk of exclusion.

 

The school (like my son's old one) cannot keep complaining to you about your son's behaviour if they are not following through with recommentdations. As well as having a duty of care to other children in the school, they also have a duty of care to your son.

 

It never b****y ends does it????

 

Annie

<'> <'>

[loulou]

Hi Suze,

 

Ditto what Annie said. I went through the same with Kai at his old school too. The others would wind him up and then he'd let rip. He used to spend most play times on the "naughty bench" because of this . He'd then spend the afternoon hiding under the desk .

 

Please, please phone the autism team ASAP so that this can be sorted out. Kai ended up being excluded twice (age 5) and it has caused no end of problems with his self esteem.

 

Loulou x

[phasmid]

Could you contact your Autism team and explain to them today's developments and your fears that unless the Autism team's recommendations are put in place NOW, you are worried that your son is at risk of exclusion.

 

Why oh why would a school go to the time and trouble of bringing the Autism Support service and then IGNORE their advice? This beggars belief! Any child with an ASD is going to have problems in the playground - this isn't rocket science, it's a simple fact. The school are allowing a situation to develop that could well lead to him being excluded. This is simply not good enough. The school should be following the advice given by the outreach team - they need to be contacted about this pronto! He should be having 1-1 supervision at breaktimes. By not doing this they are putting him in a psoition where he is going to breech school rules when steps can be taken to stop this!

 

Mrs P had an exclusion appeal that was based on a similar scenario. A child was unsupervised at breaktimes and was constantly having fights. They excluded him. When the parents appealed it was found that no action had been taken by the school to try and address this situation. He was allowed back and they had to put in the sort of measures your son needs.

 

A letter is needed NOW, to the head and the Chair of governors demanding that steps are taken at once to address this. If they refuse then go ballistic! Get onto the LEA at once.

[mossgrove]

Playtime problems are common, especially at Lunchtimes when the long unstructured time can make things difficult.

 

If you son was simply bullying, the head would be justified in calling you in and saying that the behaviour is unacceptable. The fact that your son is hitting out because he is autistic and cannot cope means that the head should take responsibility for sorting the problem out. Ideally your child should have 1:1 support during breaktimes (or as a mimimum at lunchtime), and you should request this in writing incase they go down the exclusion rute later on. Another things the school should consider is allowing your son to stay in at breaktimes, perhaps in the Library or in a quiet corner with a 1:1. When he was still in mainstream J was sometimes allowed to choose on other child to stay in with him and play on the copmputer.

 

Sadly, many mainstream schools cannot understand that for an autistic child, unstructured playtimes can be the most stressful part of the day.

 

 

Simon

[Guest flutter]

if they know his issues then they should be dealing with it

he shouldnt be out in playground

AND other kids should be told off for teasing him!!!

have been at recieving end of skool knowing whats going on and not dealing with it. Makes me soo cross

[phasmid]

if they know his issues then they should be dealing with it

he shouldnt be out in playground

 

I disagree, to a point at least. If he wants to be out there, then out there he should be. If there is a problem (which there clearly is) then the school should be addressing it. Simply not letting him go out is a form of exclusion due to his inability to cope with playtime. This inability has a recognised cause, and steps can, and indeed, should be being taken to address them. Even if he decides he would rather be inside he should at least be being given the choice for himself: supervised outside breaktimes OR inside supervised breaktimes. The current provision is not good enough.

[Guest flutter]

sorry phasmid you are right x

i think i was thinkin of my own, who was never looked after at breaktime, and who wanted dearly to be inside,

and am still bitter about many things

[phasmid]

Flutter, I know how you feel. My own son went through hell at primary with breaktimes - was a model pupil the rest of the time. But it all fell apart at breaks. We didn't know why at the time (no dx). We do now.

 

What's more this is the school where I now work. The steps I described above are exactly thos that are in place now. Which is just how it should be. Lessons have been learnt and acted on. It was when they are learnt and ignored that I have a problem!

[Suze]

Thankyou so so much for your replies.I spoke to the Head again this afternoon after she had spoken to my son and the child with the bruises. It was thought that my sons reaction to a situation was extreme ie the kicking and bruising and further discussion prompted an apology from my son, he even managed eye contact!..........Of course I,m pleased he apologised ....I,m not pleased about his violence just feel a little disillusioned to say the least .I then phoned the autism lady who came to school at easter. Had an interesting chat with her , she is v ,v, understanding and really nice and helpful. She was exasperated that the measures she had suggested had not been properly acted on. In my earlier conversation with the head I had asked why he was,nt using his "I need to leave the playground " card , she said his LSA felt he was using it too much and maybe abusing it,s use to go inside . The autism lady told me she had reiterated all her recommendations to the head and stressed that a year ago when he was using this card there were no violent issues on the playground primarily because he had the ability to leave the playground if he needed. She also urged them to let him eat alone again , another recommendation that had been acted on then changed when they thought he could cope . The social skills tution that she had suggested and provided games/ equipment for was also discussed and that should be happening soon. She also told the head some of his lsa hours might be better spent supporting him at dinner time.....Then had another call from the head after school to say she had spoken to the autism lady (my phone call must have had something to do with it), they are going to use some of the lsa hours as support in the playground, but don,t feel he needs to go inside . I am taking your advice and writing a letter to the head/governors. I shall keep up the fight. .......p.s. the autism support team are going in again in 2 weeks shall have my battle gear on then. Feel jaded tonight , it seems it,s a merry go round of issues and confrontation with people all the time. I,m sure all you guys will be able to relate to it.

[annie]

Hi Suze,

 

Sorry you're still feeling down about everything <'> . It does sound like you have made a lot waves. I'm sure the Autism Support Team don't appreciate schools wasting their time by asking for help and then ignoring it. If the team are going back into school in a couple of weeks I would think that they will be keeping the school on their toes..........never a bad thing eh?

 

Sadly, schools seem to think oh well, if a child seems to be coping we'll take the support or whatever away from them. They don't have the brains to realise that, that is WHY the child is coping

 

Legs (sorry, I mean Annie)

<'>

 

ps Keep the sparkly uberthong ready, just in case

[oracle]

Hi Suze,

 

Depending on how far you want to push this I would ask for any letter that you write to the Head and COG to be read out at a full governing body meating. Often the Head and COG get very cosy together and endeavour to smooth things over without the rest of the Governing Body ever finding out If you ask for this to be addressed at a full Governing Body meeting it will be recorded in their minutes, which are then available for everyone to see. Sooooooooo If they continue to do nothing then you have even more grounds to complain. Also the SEN Governors will also be aware of the situation and should get their act together pronto.

 

<'>

 

Carole

[Sallya]

Suze, <'> hope you back tomorrow and feel better

S

xxx

[baddad]

Hi Suze -

Can identify totally where you're coming from... I spent yesterday afternoon with Ben's headmistress, 'cos we've had similar outbursts over the past week or so.

I think a big part (for ben - this may not be relevent for your littlun, but may be food for thought) of it is the new school year, new classroom, new teacher, new expectations. We had a golden honeymoon period for about a week and a half, then the proverbial hit the proverbial. Ben has verbalised to me that he doesn't know where things stand, that the new teacher doesn't seem to know what to do with him. Trying to explain that it's HIS job to control his temper - not his teachers, or mine, or the headmistresses, that we can only 'help', not actually do it for him - is all well and good, but you can't just 'hand over' that sort of responsibility to a kid: you have to give them the skills to take that responsibility, and that's the bit that we're not getting any help with...

On thing that I'm making a determined effort with is to not punish Ben when he gets home from school. He's feeling bad enough already, so there's no point. So instead of taking things away for 'bad' behaviour, I'm rewarding him for good behaviour. This has meant re-printing all the star charts and stuff I thought we'd seen the back of, and re-introducing the concept of 'golden time', rather than just playing with him as and when. It seems a fine difference, between taking something away for bad/giving something for good, but it can make a big difference in terms of how the child perceives it.

Hope none of the above sounds trite or twee - it's certainly not meant that way. Doubt there's anything there you don't already know/do, but sometimes just knowing that others are going through the same process is reassuring in itself...

Very Best

BD (Who DOES NOT have a knicker fetish!)... well...

And for anyone who doesn't visit the batcave: Seriously, i DO NOT have a knicker fetish!

[phasmid]

Some of the noises from the school sound good. It does seem like the Autism Worker's phone call to them has had, in part, the desired effect.

 

I think Carol's suggestion of requesting the letter is read out to the governors is a good one. Otherwise it might just appear as;'Letter of complaint from parent' - complaint dealt with. No background or explanation just that, and thats all the governors would know!

 

They have had their eyes forced open again - dont let them droop!

[Suze]

Don,t know where I,d be without you guys, you all have your own problems and issues but you took the time to help with mine thanks...xxx

[E=mc2]

Suzie, be strong , and as I (we have found) this is the place to run too. (he says just wanting to scoop you all up

[Suze]

Been angry.... .....been confused ...........been frustrated ................now completely exasperated. More discussion with head and class teacher today , there has been some back tracking....after requesting I come into school for a chat yesterday/ informing me of my sons anger and aggression, informing me and showing me a letter and photographic evidence of complaint and injury..................it now seems the swollen ankle referred to in the letter was caused by a p.e. injury, they are now telling me it seems my sons kick aggravated it. I told themof my intention to write letters, the head seemed alarmed and assured me this problem and strategies to deal with it were in hand , she hopes I will give her time to sort these issues out. They have agreed that he can go inside if he wants, the situation is being monitored etc .............then also found out today his lsa is going on holiday today and won,t be back for 10 days......................someones playing a joke here surely????????

[gvce]

First time on this so bear with me. My 5 year old boy is aggressive too. Even though hes just started school he is finding it quite hard to communicate and not be mean. I thought he was just being naughty but he was never like that with just a couple of people. I dont know what to think to be honest - is this how its gonig to be for the rest of theirs and our lives?

Really worried and i can see the other parents shunning me sometimes. the only comfort i have really is knowing that my 5 yr old is probably more intelligent than all the kids put together

[phasmid]

Hi gvce,

 

Welcome to the board. I can say it doesn't stay like this forever. Phas jr began to develop his own stratergies of how to deal with playtime problems. With some careful assistance playtime doesn't have to be a huge problem. It can be used to aid social skills learning.

[Suze]

We have had another incident the day after the meeting with the head. This involved the same group of kids and my son again lashed out. His LSA was observing through the window???.....................Next morning went into school and caught a Parent/ governor having a sharp/loud conversation with the head. It was obviously about my son. Spoke to head after, she seemed reasonable but not sympathetic. Burst into floods of tears and ended up in the staffroom with a friend who works at the school. This parents son it seems has also been attacked by my son???............She was telling the head of her anger and intention to speak to the governors . So got home still ., spoke to nas, lea, and head of governors, we intend to have a meeting next week and go through his statement, request an sen timetable so we know exactly how his hours are used etc.I have had another chat with the head and feel the only thing I can do now is leave it with them and wait to see what the autism team say when they go in , in 2 weeks. The head is new and has only been there 3 weeks so need to leave this mess with her for now. She certainly hit the ground running with this , this week. Praying next week is quiet , so glad it,s the weekend.

[annie]

Suze <'> <'>

 

This link http://www.oaasis.co.uk/Documents/edu/Educ...es%20&%20AS.pdf 'Educational Issues in Asperger Syndrome' is written by the ex-head of a school for boys aged 9-16 with Asperger's. I printed it off when we were going through the same thing with Alex's school. It could have been written specifically about Alex.

 

I would print off a few copies (it's 10 pages long), and start off by giving the Head a copy to read. It also contains strategies and backs up everything that us parents know SHOULD being going on in schools to help our children but doesn't.

 

Annie

<'> <'>

[Suze]

Bless you , you are a true Angel, oh purple lycra one

[Hectorshouse]

Annie that was a fab link have added it to my favourites ... one for the file definitely.

 

HHxx

[annie]

HH,

 

Great to see you back

 

Suze,

 

I can feel another Batcave party coming on

 

Annie

XX

[Suze]

I,m up for it legs old girl .......