Single Parents

[mandyque]

Are there any other single parents with ASD kids who have problems getting support from ex partners? I'm at the end of my tether once again with my unsupportive ex who seems to think that he is right and I am wrong in everything.

 

I'm ill at the moment, I rarely ask my ex for help but this weekend I feel really bad and could use a bit of support. I got ignored yesterday then today I got a lecture about how he works and I don't - what planet is he on???? I have told him umpteen times that it is impossible for me to get suitable, affordable childcare for my daughter while I go to work and the responsibility of her needs means that I would probably end up getting sacked when I have to have time off to take her to appointments, caring for her when she is ill and what not, things HE is way too busy to do for her. Apparently today I should be thinking myself lucky as he has had her 1 night this past week and she has had 1 night in respite. Well yes I have had a break but I am ill NOW and need help NOW. But the one person who could provide that refuses to because he is 'too busy' and has been working all week. Sometimes I hate my life

 

Sorry for whinging

[Kazzen161]

Been in this situation for 12 years. When the Twins were babies, and I was getting less than 5 hours sleep a night ( and not all in one go even then), he said that it was not possible to catch up on sleep missed!

 

He also decided two weeks ago that he needed a holiday ( the third this year), and told me he "would not be available" on the days he was suppposed to have them. Luckily, this time he did at least swap it to different days, unlike last time, when he just did not have them.

 

Karen

[witsend]

Hi Mandyque - my ex has not seen my children for six months now. I do not expect (or want) him to see them in the future either! I have a 10 year old (AS) son and a 3 year old (NT I think) son and an elderly father and a dog and a job! It is not easy I also struggle with childcare, I don't really have any respite or social life. I live in fear of the day I might not be well because God knows what would happen!

All I can say is that the kids do make it all worthwhile (despite the fact that that they drive me bonkers as a rule!! ). It is hard but if we weren't here for them then who would be?? Sorry to be personal - I don't know anything about your ex - but I'd say don't hate your life because of what someone else is or isn't doing, get on with it you've only got one and if he is only adding to the stress cut him out! It is easy to feel resentful when exes are not helping but I've found that resentment fades away if you accept they are useless and sort it all out for yourself and your kids and exclude them from the scenario!

Good luck- take care of yourself - luv Witsend.

[mel]

i took my ex to court and they ruled that he had to have my son fri night to sat night. they ruled that if he did not keep it up and let me down twice with no reasonable excuse then he would lose all rights to see my son because his negative attitude to visitation was damaging my sons well being. ( he let us down a lot, kept saying he would have him then left my son watching for him from the window all night. didnt turn up or phone to let us know). maybe its worth going to citizens advice to see where you stand legally.

[jomarie]

I know how you feel, M sees his dad for access every w/e but at the moment we're having issues about his denial of M's AS. After a very productive meeting with the SENCO the other week, the school are letting him have 'quiet time' when he gets stressed or as a reward for getting his work done without a fuss, he gets to go to a quiet corner of the room with one of his Harry Potter books & they're also giving him a timer so he knows exactly how much time he has

 

this w/e he told his dad about it & his response was....... "I think they're making too much of your Asperger Syndrome"....... if only he realised how difficult it is to get this kind of provision in schools & just the fact that he's getting it means that they're aware of how much he struggles in school

[Tylers-mum]

<'> I hope you get the right outcome for this for you and the kids.

I am a single parent but his father has had no part in his life since before he was born, nor would I want it!

 

(((HUGS))) to you and I hope things pan out soon for you.

[Jadensmum]

I am also a single parent. My son's father has not seen him for over 3 months now after having a very difficult 2 years of him seeing him one week and not the next (amongst other numerous difficulties)

 

Jaden doesn't seem to realise who is Dad is anyway and I am much happier and I have to say, life is much easier without him. I know where I am with everything and I don't have to worry about being let down.

 

Big hugs <'> <'> for you.

 

Denisex

[rainbow queen]

hi guys, im a single mum to 4 year old[global developmental delay/possible aspergers/awaiting camhs] and also my other son whos 3 this nov. im the same too- if i was ill id have no one to look after them[hence going have flu jab this winter,and take lot of vits]

i had to leave there dad as it was a abusive relationship,now nearly 3 years since been on me own,boys have no contact with him at all.

no life other than me boys/and me computer[godsend],have recently started attending church,to try and get my son into sunday school, did have short friendship last year but he could not deal/accept my older sons behaviour ect.....

have given up on men,my sons need me and i am trying my best to be a good mum,although must admit my sons problems/outbursts,ect...........is slowly grinding me down,have got very depressed due to it too.

everyday i hope for a better one.

[Strange girl]

Rainbow Queen, I really feel for you. It sounds really tough for you. I sort of chose to be a single parent and my son has never known his father. I've been raising my boy on my own for his 7 years. But like you I have a computer It does get really hard sometimes taking sole responsibility and dealing with the AS on your own, but sometimes I think that must be preferable to having to totally disagree with someone else over how to raise your child.