Strange girl

Hi. I wish I didn't know what you were going through but in my experience it is all too common. My son is only 8 but he also has 'enemies' who tease him and say things that provoke him. Recently he has been getting teased because I am gay, but they have an assortment of cruel comments to wind him up with. They push him and call it playing, they slap and hit and its just how boys play roughly, but other kids know to do it when an adult isn't looking, where as my son will retaliate in front of adults and be the one they see kicking off. There are days my son refuses to go to school for the dread of play time, lunch and golden play- as these times do tend to be when the older children can get to him easiest. He tends to want to attack the boys that push his buttons, and of course the school never sees what causes my son the upset and tend to think its just a symptom of his ASD. He has done what the school told him to and gone to tell the teacher or the head but he feels its pointless as all it does is make it worse for him, and they don't do anything about it but tell him to ignore it.. The other children are quite aware that they can portray the problem as my son's and the school will believe that my son simply misread things. I know school's tend to have 'policies' or codes of conduct regarding bullying- but I don't know of any law governing bullying? How do they deal with it in the US? Is there a law and if so does it work? It seems unfair that your son should have his lunch right placed in the hands of the children who set him off, but we've had the same thing in the past. Having a buddy seemed to help matters for a time until the novelty wore off.. I hope you can find a resolution.

I think Autism is a proper plain old Noun. If I use the word at the beginning of a sentence I capitalise. Or if I just feel like it, I Capitalise and nobody stops me. Sometimes I write AuTiSm in mixed case bEcaUse LiFe CaN geT boring If You don'T spICe it Up.. I actually don't think a captal letter makes that much difference to a word in a TxT based society.? Basic literacy is enough for many people to grapple with at the best of times -me thinks?. **british AuTiStIc Happy FEmale what only wishes She was skiNNy.

i also sent in a comment and was contacted for an interview for the article by the health editor. I don't know if I should do it or not. I am ok putting my thoughts down on paper but when it comes to live phone conversation.. I just don't want to be misinterpretted. I think there are so many people on this forum that could do a better job of it. Good luck Zaman.

Annie1- did you go to a meeting in London? I am thinking of going along to one of them to try it out. If I can summons the courage.

Thanks all for your considered responses You have given me a lot to ponder. My son is anything BUT shy, he is very outgoing in most cases.. but then I think I read somewhere once, (baron- cohen? Lorna Wing? not sure) about 3 different types of those with HFA, aloof; active but odd and passive. I would say my son would be active but odd. But I was thinking more of the aloof, or passive? working along the definition of shy as being socially introverted or reluctance to mix with ones peers. It may appear as shyness to the outsider but perhaps just be a preference- as baddad said. As a socially aware adult with AS its just like the experience he described. . Actually everything Baddad said there made sense thanks BD

Sorry, not a lot of explanation here.. just a straight out curiousity. Is shyness a social awareness? does it require theory of mind? or is it a seperate personality trait found in both NT's and AS that is seperate from social communication all together? or maybe it is more prevelent in girls than boys? opinions greatly received.

There's also this book, called Aspergers- what does it mean to me? A workbook Explaining Self Awareness & Life Lessons to the Child or Youth with High Functioning Autism or Aspergers- Structured Teaching Ideas for Home & School.. by Faherty, Catherine. It's quite pricey but it is a simple, practical, easy to understand, step by step guide to work through with the child. I couldn't afford the price when I saw it at an education conference but I managed to get it on loan from a resource library. I then photocopied the relevant bits for my son. It's one of the most accessible books for children and adults to share IMO. When I read the Kathy Hoopman books (Blue Bottle Mystery, Lucy and the Lacemaker) to my son, he was quite excited when he said, "Hey! That's just like me!" It was nice he could relate to a character for a change. I know Curious Incident of a dog in the nightime is supposed to be a childrens book, but if so, I would say teenage child?

Sometimes I snap at my son when he is not being that bad, but perhaps I have just come off the phone with a debt collector, I've stubbed my toe on a toy my son has left out, and etc (insert other fabricated examples of budding irritations for the purpose of dramatic reconstruction) and boom, I snap at him for something minor. But then I would think how I had reacted OTT and apologise to my son and say 'sorry, didn't mean to snap, but my toe hurts.. blah.. blah.. blah.' I wouldn't dare to do it with someone elses child in the first place, but if I had I would hope I would have apologised in the same way as a matter of course. But for the nurse it might be viewed as an admission of guilt in bahaving in an innappropriate manner and accepting responsibily or blame for some people is excruciatingly painful. To avoid consequence the nurse would have gone into denial. She would have realised she'd lost it in front of you and hoped that if she over compensated for the rest of the time that you would overlook the earlier sharp-tongued episode. Personally I would not get a job where I had to work with people because I would make social faux pas and similar blunders inherent to my nature. I'd expect complaints to then be made by infallible or socially adequate people who would not make the same mistakes I would. So likewise, if other people choose to have a job or profession working with humans, they must be made accountable. Otherwise people like me ( with uneven temperments and social defecits) would have no barriers to employment in the public sector and the quality of care would disintigrate over night. To maintain performance standards those who are supposedly capable of working with people need to be monitored and called up on their conduct when dealing with those entrusted to their care. If you have made a formal complaint she will be able to adjust her attitude or risk losing her job. She will be better in future to patients because of it. If she can't exhibit patience with her patients, or she can't control her angry outbursts, even after a warning, then she has no more right to be employed in a job working with people than I do.

Came across this and thought I would pass it on. I would go if it was in London maybe. http://www.aspectaction.org.uk/

Wish I could help Life can be so unfair sometimes. Hope you get some let up soon. <'>

Hi Jonathon, I just wanted to say that you sound like a really nice guy and if someone is making you feel bad you need to let them go. It's hard to admit sometimes, but not all people are good for you, even if you see them as a friend. I have lost friends over the years and been lonely too, but things change and if you keep being friendly as you are, you will meet some nicer and truer friends than this man seems to be. I wave at people if they wave at me, even if I don't know them. I only get embarassed when I turn around and see they were waving at their friend stood behind me. I also live in London but I try to smile at people who smile at me. I catch myself staring at people sometimes, when I forget I am not invisible, and then I hope they will smile at me and not thump me for staring I have said hello and spoken with many people on the streets of London, but they are normally tourists who don't realise that a lot of Londoners are miserable gits like me. be happy. Believe in yourself and keep on being you.

I get quite upset with this kind of attitude and especially the wording, 'recovered'.. It sounds like they have come off drink or something and it is very negative and patronising IMO. I agree with most of the things being said so far. Watching the clip with the kids and the mums, I saw a child like my own son, who also didn't have language at 3.. but my son is not recovered autistic. He is living with HFA. I don't think these miracle claims are helpful. It could give some parents unrealistic expectations and hopes for a magic wand to take away the autism. It reminds me of the claims that gays can be cured of homosexuality and left handed people should use their right hand instead. It's intrinsic to a person's composition. It's how you handle the diversity that matters, having a positive attitude and persevering with getting the most out of what we've got. Eradicating parts of the person from their make up doesn't seem plausible or even advisable. I think variety in the population is not a bad thing. It can be more challenging as a square peg in a society of round holes, but there are positives to being different. Think of all the achievements and contributions that people on the spectrum have made in the world often thru thier AS traits. Not just people like Temple Grandin, Michelangelo, Jonathon Swift, Patricia Highsmith, Isaac Newton, Stephen Wiltshire, for example, but our own children and even those here on this site who are parents with AS and in many cases raising children on the spectrum. I think everyone happens for a reason. I think its a bit neo nazi trying to conform everyone to a stereotypical ideal of what people should be like.. I am all for anything that makes life easier or more accessible for ourselves and our children. I would encourage more acceptance and understanding rather than enforcing massive changes to children with autism so they appear more NT. (for whose actual benefit is 'appearing' NT? ) Surface appearances can take a toll internally. At the expense of myself I pretend to be normal all the time, but I can't sustain it continually. I need lots of social breaks and even if I can immitate normality satisfactorly most of the time, it does not mean I feel it inside or that it is coming naturally to me. It's hard work. I don't want to 'recover'. I just want to be myself. I want my son to be himself, so long as he is not hurting anyone. If I nag him to 'act more normal.' it's because I don't want other people to be horrible to him. Some of the nastiest people appear so 'normal'

I went to a briefing on DDAT (also Dore) at an education conference a couple years ago. It seemed interesting and logical, a bit brain gym sort of. Working on the cerebellum and balance thru specific excersize regime. I was put off by the cost of it TBH. Toyah swears by it, but I can't say either way as I haven't tried it myself. I'm a bit dubious of anything that calls itself a 'cure'..

I know waiting lists are way too long and there are a lot of vacant posts and no help when and where you need it. I realise from reading your post you have thought it out clearly and you have a very good attitude towards what you want to get from it. I'm sure it will help a lot of other parents but I doubt very much whether the powers that be would get any message from it at all. I doubt even a sledge hammer could drive any sense into them. (sorry my sceptic again ) If this program can help then you have to go for it. Dr Tanya seems professional enough to handle it sensitively. It might also be helpful to raise awareness amongst other parents to what extra difficulties parents with SEN children have to go through.. Good Luck with it in any case. I hope you get on and finally get the help you need.

had a second thought.. which should be ignored but I had it anyway I was just wondering, how being on tv will be for the child? Not now obviously, but as he is older and hopefully all problems in the rear view mirror.. what will he think of having been on telly for these probs when he is more aware? I'm thinking long term obviously.. I was just doing an excersize in empathy I was trying to imagine my 15 minutes of fame being my most embarasssing childhood moments exposed to the world. I really do see the spectrum as a delay in certain areas of development (and an advancement in other areas) - and I just wonder how it will be taken when the child reaches that area of understanding, that his mum put him on tv to expose things about him he wasn't ready to manage yet? At the same time, as I said, it would be a benefit to myself and surely others, and if they give you a fair and educated treatment then I say go for it. They didn't have reality tv when I was growing up and I am not sure that the "sweep it under the carpet" attitude did any good anyway. I am sure you have thought it through thoroughly, so just ignore my 'second thought'. I would definately tune in and give support regardless.