Advice

[Amanda32]

Hi everybody

 

Need some advice on what to do with my son playing with toys and other children. He's 9 yrs old and he was very obsessed with Actionman but he seems to be all talk about power rangers dino thunder. Very annoyed this morning interfering in-laws again......... I was very argumentative and my father-in-law went red as he suffer's with high blood pressure. He kept saying he should be just reading/writing and learning not playing with toys like power rangers etc. I kept saying he should be a child and learn and play. He said he's a baby and that those sort of toys are for 3/4 yr olds.. He shouldn't be playing with a 5 year old, well i know that much but there is nonone else for him around by me. the only boys around here would end up getting my son in trouble or getting him riding his bike over the roads and he's not like them if you know what I mean. What my hubby told me is that my inlaw didn't read or write until he was a teenager and he's trying to alter my son and not do what he did. This is the first time I answered back but I nearly lost it with him. His friends are in school but he got upset when I told him that the boy he plays with age 5 is to young for him . I just went out and bought him black ranger etc, have I done the right thing as I do help him with reading, learnign etc but he get's very frustrated so got to get him in the right mood. He has not been on the Xbox in a few weeks just wants to ride his bike in which that's no problems as it's good exercise for him. Sorry to go on but really blanked off. To be honest my hubby said that he doesn't think his father really understands ASD in children and my son's difficulties etc, like most other family members I expect.

 

Please any advice would be appreciated as ive told him that Im not a bad parent I do the best I can.

 

Not been on much been busy sorting the house out and work.......Sorry and hope everyone is fine.

 

Take care

Amanda

[lil_me]

If he enjoys it let him play, I was talking to a lady who bought her son a boobah last week, this was to replace the one she said had suffered 'cranial damage' from a window fall, not much of a point at first, but the fact her son is 14 some people believe it is wrong. But as she says, sod them, let them think what they want, he likes it.

[loulou]

Hi Amanda,

 

I don't think 9 is too old to be playing with these sorts of toys. It's far better to be playing with toys than out on the streets getting into trouble or glued to the TV.

 

I'm sure you are right in that your father in law doesn't understand ASD as much as you would like him to. I'm sure he means well though, he justs wants to see your son do well.

 

I think children grow up far too quickly these days. Kai plays very young compared to other 7 year olds, but i don't think it's a bad thing. The most important thing to me, is that he is happy.

 

You are doing a great job!

 

Loulou x

[Amanda32]

Thank Loulou/Lil-me..............

 

It's nice to be reassured that im not alone with this one because what ive learnt that Autistic children can be very immature with some things.......... Am I right ? please correct me.

 

Thanks again means alot....

Amanda

[jayjay]

I think u should let him carry on playing with them if he is happy that is what counts. I wish my son would get some of his toys out and play with them but no such luck he never goes near the toy cupboard just plays on playstation , gameboy or watches t.v the main thing is your sons happiness <'>

[Viper]

Hi Amanda.

 

I think you are right about imaturity, My DD AS 14, loves to play with the little kids round the corner, they are 11 and 7, she joins her sister 11 and they play with dolls or play schools.

 

J never played when she was young so I think it's like she is learning how to from these other children, and yes she can be immature but she also has older friends at school so I think it balances out quite well.

 

Thank you FIL for his advice and sound like you are interested in his oppinion then when he's gone just forget it.

 

Viper.

[gvce]

Dont worry - my son is 5 and is obsesssed with TikkaBilla and the tweenies and telletubbies. Allthe other kids are playing with Power rangers and toys like that but my boy wouldnt know what to do with a power ranger!

[mandyque]

I totally agree with you that ASD kids should be allowed to enjoy themselves doing something which is at their own level, not because society says that a child of their age should play with certain things. My daughter is 9 next month and still giggles away at Teletubbies videos, she loves Cbeebies, which should be way too young for her, but the older TV channels aren't suitable for her, she wouldn't understand Tracy Beaker so why should she watch it just because other 9 year olds do? Give me Balamory any day

[gvce]

HERE HERE!

 

[KarenT]

You know how sometimes you go to the park and see a group of 15 year olds playing on the swings, pretending to be hard? Well that's because they're still children and they have a need to be that, while society is constantly telling them to grown up too fast.

 

Lots of children, ASD or not, like to play with younger age toys and I can't see what's wrong with that. My son (nearly 7) has a bedful of soft toys which he adores but he hides them all away if anyone visits who he doesn't want to know about it. And if he's in a doctor's waiting room or similar he always plays with the baby toys. I think there's a tendency for parents to make their children grow up before they're ready (I think they like the idea of their children being more advanced than their peers), but I think they should be allowed to develop at their own pace as and when they're ready.

 

Anyway, if a toy says 5+ or whatever, it doesn't mean that the child shouldn't be playing with it beyond six. Imagination doesn't date at all so if there's still scope in a certain toy the child will find uses for it.

 

Karen

x

[lil_me]

My partner still goes on the swings every time we goto the park, he's a big kid at 25, nothing wrong with doing what you enjoy. I can't tho, makes me feel He goes on the slide, roundabout, everything. We have more fun in the soft play areas than the kids do sometimes

 

Just to point out the lady who buys her son boobah toys is one of the most knowledgable people when it comes to ASD's that I know, even has an MA in Autism and works with people on the spectrum daily aswell as being a Mum, so if she's doing it I doubt you are wrong

 

I think part of its down to maturity but the biggest part is what society says, my Mam was always saying we were too old for xxxx when we were growing up and most parents do the same, where as children on the spectrum don't see the social need to do certain things, they do what they like when they like and why stop them. My son loves baby toys, I have only got rid of his as most are broken, but the lights and subtle sounds from baby toys he likes, and the older stuff is way too scary sometimes with all the loud noises etc.

[Zemanski]

Com, 13, is still into lego (as long as it's dragons) beyblades (loads of stats to count) and, wait for it, his brio train set

 

think about it this way:

 

our children have a social communication disorder and many have inhibited or delayed play.

They may be teenagers physicially and some are even more mature than average intellectually but their early play just didn't happen like it did for other children - I would consider Com to be about 6 in the level of his play, possibly younger.

 

how do small children learn best? - through play

 

our kids often miss all those lessons, mostly the social and imaginative side of play, when they are at the 'appropriate' age but they still need to learn them if they are going to turn into well-rounded, confident people - this level of play is not only OK but absolutely essential for their long term well-being

 

child development theorists have known this for years which is why play therapy is used so widely.

 

on the research thread in general discussion some of us have been discussiong a relatively new therapy called intensive interaction which deliberately takes children (and adults) back to very early stages of play, often right back to first baby play, in order to set the patterns of development of communication through play back on the right track. This is a very gentle and successful therapy, the children and therapists really enjoy it.

 

How much better though if our children are doing it for themselves by opting to play with toys that suit younger play and children who interact at the level they need?

 

the more children are actively involved in play the faster they learn. If they can't be allowed to play at their own level then they may hardly play at all because they just aren't ready for the complex social structure of the 'age appropriate' play of their peers.

 

I say buy them baby toys if that's what they want and tell grandad it's part of his therapy

 

Zemanski

[Canopus]

At what age are kids supposed to stop playing with toys? That is a question I have never found an answer for. I am in my 20s and still play with Lego, cars, Transformers, puzzle toys, and radio controlled robots. I also play on swings and climbing frames in parks. My family think I can be childish and immature at times.

 

I have a feeling that toys are less popular with kids of today than kids of my generation. They have been overshadowed by game consoles and other electronic hardware.

[Malika]

Hi

 

I think you are right to let your son play with toys as ASD children aquire theory of mind later and this goes toghether with pretend play however they need to go through that stage in order to progress to something else explain your inlaw that your son needs to relax and to play to be able to develope further.

Beside some adult do like playing and so what!!???

 

I have seen that often from people who did not get the chance or incentive to study they tend to be very pushy with children it is all about caring for their future but not always right specialy when there is a condition like ASD. May be you could get some leaflet to explain your inlaw about your son condition.

Be careful not to get too much into argument specialy in front of your son, and do not feel disapointed or guilty about your son development you are doing your best and that what is important ;improvement will happen more in a stress free way of learning.

 

You are doing the right thing, take care.

 

Malika

[mandyque]

Zemanski that makes perfect sense! If you think about it in terms of perhaps learning to read, you pick the simplest texts first, no matter what age you are at when you begin to learn. So it makes perfect sense for learning through play to start at the very beginning too. We just need to remember that age-appropriateness in general doesn't count with our kids and we should take it at their pace, not what is expected by society.

[forbsay]

I think they should play with whatever toys that they like. My son is 5 and has gone back to playing with his teletubbies - if that is what makes him happy then so be it!

 

xx

[littlenemo]

have you tried playing with them too - Com loves me to join in with his train set

 

zemanski

[Amanda32]

Thanks alot everyone............... means alot.

 

I think alot of people do criticise about our children as they dont understand them very well. Whether it would be family or strangers, im glad it's been on the tv, papers etc more so people can start to realise our kids are different in they own way. They should NOT get compared to someone that as no problems and I can safely say im not on my own as you all have probably gone through the same thing with your family members to. He has not said anything else since but if he does Im going to put him straight again and tell him that if he wants to interfere he's not welcome as im an adult/mother and wife not a child to be told what to do....... It's so difficult as they interfere when they come down saying that needs doing, you want to sort that out..IT'S OUR HOUSE for god sake. Just like to say thanks for all the support in the past you all have been a great help...........

 

Yes Littlenemo I do play with my son but I find it difficult to do small talk with action figures not sure what to say....... We had fun the other day he was on my back and I was on all fours he thought that was very funny he couldn't stop laughing....... He made a new friend yesterday he's 7 just moved in recently so they went out on their bikes, son dressed up as darth vader and his friend wore my son's spiderman costume that had got to small so we gave it to him to keep.

 

Sorry about the life story I apologise yet again.

 

Take care

Amanda

Edited October 3, 2005 by Amanda32