Playing outside

[Strange girl]

Hi, I was just wondering how many of you let your child play outside after school with the neighbourhood children and how you feel about it and manage it? I feel it would be wrong not to allow my son to play out after school, (he's nearly 8) even though it often ends in tears and is stressful for me, and him. My son's main idea of playing is shouting Run! and chasing other children or running from them. He gets over excited, over-heated and hyped up and then things are more likely to go bad.. He gets upset over one thing or the other and then he comes in raging or in floods of tears. If I try to bring him in before an upset can happen he gets upset by having to come in so there's no quitting while he's ahead.... It doesn't go wrong every time but a lot of the time. He wants to fit in, and I know he should be allowed to try to join in, and to learn thru his experiences, but its difficult.. he really wants to be out there, and there are times when the play goes ok and all is well. I just can't relax and get on with anything when he is outside, I am always on the edge of my seat ready to face a 'crisis'. I don't want to be out there lording over him making things worse, I do watch out for bullying or dangerous situations but other than that I don't feel right to interfere too much. I just secretly hope he wants to come in or the other children will get called in before he has a chance to get upset so we can view it as a successful play.

I'm probably just being neurotic

[KarenT]

Hi. I've just recently started letting my son (AS, age nearly 7) play out in the street on his bike. This really started because he's calmed down dramatically after a few sessions of cranial osteopathy, and for the first time I feel comfortable about letting him do so. The osteopathy helped him learn to ride the bike without stabilisers and that increased his desire to play out. That said, it's a very quiet street with a long stretch of pavement at the door and he can cycle up and down alone with no problems and no danger. There are very few children in the street but there is one boy who J used to be very friendly with before he lost patience with his behaviour difficulties, and I'm on good terms with his mother, so occasionally I'll allow J to go and knock for this boy and they play on their bikes together. I find that if J's on his own the outside experience is good for him, but if the other boy is present it cranks him up and his behaviour worsens. And that's with a very calm, sensible little boy as a playmate. I very much doubt that I'd be able to let him out with a crowd of local kids if we had them.

 

J's started to realise that riding his bike is a great stress reliever after a hard day at school so he likes to go out while I'm cooking tea. I've no problem with that, as he comes back calm and ready to eat, whereas if he's straight indoors after school he goes wild by teatime.

 

Karen

x

[lil_me]

My son doesn't play out in the street with the other children if I am not there

[loulou]

Hi,

 

I don't let Kai play out with the kids in our street. He is 7 (ADHD/ASD). To be honest, he has never shown the slightest bit of interest in them. He's quite happy in the back garden or out on the drive, playing with my neighbour's boy.

 

I'm sure when he gets a bit older he'll want to go out and that's when my dilema will start.

 

He sometimes rides up and down the path on his bike, but i don't let him out of my sight, because he just doesn't have any sense of danger.

 

Loulou x

[linss]

hi ,i totally relate to this !!! this summer we went away for five weeks in our caravan and my son had a whole campsite full of kids to play with. Wonderful for him terrifying for me ! During the first week i was pretty much sure it wasn't going to work out ,he was so often over excited and the inevitable was then happening the kids thinking he was "too much " .He so wants to be accepted he's like an excited puppy. He would also only want to lead the games they played and of course other kids get bored of this particularly as the games are so complicated!!! I stuck it out though because it was such great learning experience for him plus it's imposssible to keep them away from other children when they want so much to join in. How do the other kidsin the street get on with your son?

[lil_me]

Basic description of where I live, small village, bus route on the same street, being small and near fields there are people who use quad bikes on a regular basis which petrify my son.

 

The local community is quite 'close knit' but that doesn't include me, most of the close ones are related, they always arguing so I'm not interested in getting involved. Whilst I've never heard anything bad about my son said, other children have commented on it. Basically he's the only one in the village who is 'different' as they seemed to like to call it. They know what triggers him into meltdown and they'll push their luck with him.

 

Also tbh the kids tend to just do as they please, I've found some local 7/8 year olds 2 miles away in nearby villages when I have been out and the parents had no idea. My son would be confused if he left the street never mind going that far.

 

Luckily he isn't interested in playing out apart from in the garden, where he has all the play equiptment etc. I try to take him to a lot of out of school activity stuff which is in a safe place, like soft play areas, parks etc

Edited October 4, 2005 by lil_me

[CarerQuie]

I couldn't let Rh out to play because our road is a rat run and Rh is not always aware of the dangers.Even the last time he went to the Park with his brothers,he was picked on by some boys.xx

[oracle]

Matthew does play out, and at this moment in time I feel that he is as 'included' into the group of children he is playing with as any other child would be. BUT we do, and have had, some massive blips getting this far. Only last year after a really bad verbal outburst he was sent to Coventry for months (By the other Mums). This actually worked in the long term although at the time it broke my heart, but Matthew has never forgotten what happended and now walks away and comes home to meltdown But that is progress and I reward the fact that he does walk away from trouble. I am a firm believer in rewarding positive behaviour. Walking away to me is a positive. So he melts down in the comfort of our home - but then there is only us listening to him.

 

Matthew's friends now call for him on a regular basis and are now allowed to play in his room with him. If Matthew is outside than either me or his Dad are lurking in the garden. We live in a Close and it's ideal for Matthew to play out because there is nowhere to run and nowhere to hide He now knows that he must never leave the Close - again I have rewarded him for staying when the other children have left.

 

How long will he be able to play out with the other children? I don't know and I only hope that the effort we have put into his social skills will continue to pay off. When he was at school he could not play out successfully. Full days at school left him on pre-melt down and playing out always tripped his switch.

 

I have to admit that I love answering the door at 3.30pm to the local children who actually want Matthew to play with them It's a good feeling and one that I hope will continue

 

Carole

[Amanda32]

None of us are perfect as we are all on edge when our kids want to play outside where there's danger around them with cars etc. Lately my son comes in from school and says he wants to go out on his bike as soon as he's changed... Around the backs of the houses there are side roads and keep telling him to be very careful, in the front of my house there is the main road (very busy) fast cars... So I tell him to stay around the backs but look out for cars pulling in aswell and I got to let him out one day without worrying too much. A neighbour has told me that she said to my son to watch the cars and all he said was Dont Care...... Then she said well your mam would So he said..... I told him off for that anyway, he came in crying the other day saying that a girl put her wheel of her bike against his but nothing else so they all made fun of him because he was upset of silly things. I do get annoyed with other kids because he's different as they can be very mean especially teasing etc. I just got him together with friend same age has him who as learning difficulties but quite independant just behind a bit. I explained to his dad as his mother is not around for him that my son cant walk all the way to the local shop alone as he cant be trusted. He's coming to tea tomorrow and the cinema with us on saturday..... To be honest some of the kids around us would end up getting him into trouble going out on the busy roads and this boy doesn't go out much himself and is very quiet so at least he's not going to be lead astray....

 

Take care ALL

Amanda <'> <'> <'>

Edited October 5, 2005 by Amanda32

[Strange girl]

He has one friend that still knocks for him, we live in a cul-delsac which is swarming with kids and they all used to knock for him but now they tend to just play with him when he goes out. He knows some of the other kids quite well and they have watched him grow up and are protective of him and long suffering. Then there are other kids who delight in pushing his buttons to see the fireworks. And then there are older ones, yr 6, 7.. that think he is a good punching bag or easy to manipulate to do daffed things. They also enjoy winding him up or making a joke out of him. They are only a problem now if I don't catch them at it

But even the children who he considers his friends inc his 'best' friend still set him off unintentionally.. my son will now come in the house (thank god- as he used to explode and stay out there exploding until I brought him in). Now he becomes frighteningly loud angry, "that's it! You're not my friend anymore! and i don't want to play your f****** game anyway!" then he will kick the door like a policeman to let him in the house. Inside he will shake with red faced rage and within a minute or two his eyes will well up and he may sob like a baby with a wobbly lip trying to explain the misjustice.. (the one side of the story). (yesterday it was that his friend had broke the rules- cheated- (a mortal sin as far as my son is concerned- there is no such thing as water off a duck's back to my son) they were playing chase and the boy tagged him when he was at a safe base,, or something along those lines. then bam- rage. The volume and swearing of it horrifies me, and he knows that profanity is unacceptable and intolerable to me, so it only comes out in these extreme loss of temper moments. It's better than being physical I suppose.

I really fear for his future if he can't learn to chill out and curb his temper. I imagine there are some AS/ adhd adults in prison for the results of actions made in the heat of an overload moment. He is a really sweet boy honestly, in the company of one child at a time. I sometimes think I prefered it before he had any interest in playing outside at all.

[meemo38]

I havnt had time to read others replies, but we found till this year, Chris is 12 he wouldnt play out in the garden, let alone anywere else!!!

Now he does go out, but his friend lives a stones throw away, they often walk to a school sports field nearby, but theres always trouble when he returns, ie, things always happen to him, someone supposedly spat at him outside our house, his dad went out, but they had gone to far by the time he got there, a 5 year old boy just round the corner happened to come up to him, and punch him in the face, for nothing, my other son (9) goes with them as well but things dont happen to him, and noone seems to be able to give a proper recall of what happened, ie if Chris provoked it ect, so his dad has started to make him stay in the garden or outside the house.

Its difficult as we as parents can see little ways that he might antagonise other kids, like he often shouts from the car window when i pick him up from school, then doesnt understand why the child he shouted at has a go at him the next day!!!

So usually its much harder work letting him out than when he wouldnt go out.

Michelle

[faye]

My son only plays out in street if i'm there safety issues etc.Normally though he plays in the garden, but to be honest he doesn't like/want to play outside

[DaisyProudfoot]

Martin plays out on his bike during the summer and enjoys hanging out with his big brothers and their friends but quite often if he asks to go out to play I find all he's done is go to the corner shop, buy himself some sweets and a drink and watches the world go by sitting on our wall.

 

There are only girls living round our immediate area, he has a school friend who lives about ten minutes walk away but the last time he went to call he got lost! Thankfully his friend's dad knew he was coming round and went looking for him.

 

Most of the time Martin arranges to go to a friend's house after school for tea. (We work so can't return the favour very often). His best friend also has AS so his mum is very understanding and on Sunday he spent the whole afternoon at an NT friend's house and his mum said he was "welcome any time!" - Result!

[elaine1]

my son dosent play outside but my friends son does, he has dyspraxia.

he is always going off with ppl and forgetting to tell her, he goes into friends houses too without saying where he is going, but he loves to be out with the kids. What do you do? he is 12 by the way