Working in partnership with schools

[Tez]

Normally I dislike "in" phrases and the thinking behind them but the current idea of parents and schools working in partnership is one that I like and believe in, but I'm wondering whether it is ever possible for it to work consistently and to the satisfaction of both parties.

 

I have been very lucky and in recent years I have had a good relationship with my son's school but I think that, in some respect, this has been at the expense of me allowing them too much leeway and them getting very complacent about me trying to sort things out informally and not making formal complaints about some very serious lapses. Unfortunately, this worked against me and I have had to become more assertive.

 

Recently there has been a change in the staff that I have to deal with and I am now having to sort things out through the SENCO from hell, who definitely doesn't believe in parents being equal partners. I am usually very good at avoiding open conflict. I usually just take a step back and deal with it by email and this deflects the disagreements and both parties have some space to come out of it with pride and status intact. However, this is not this SENCOs style.

 

My son has been out of school since April, and due to the school constantly sending him home sick before then, has not really received any tuition since December of last year. In September he was due to start his GCSEs courses but the LEA messed up and until Monday of this week he still hadn't received any tuition. I became aware last week that my son was entered into modular GCSEs and that he would have to take regular exams every 3 months which would contribute towards his final grade. The first three of these exams are mid November. The SENCO phoned me yesterday to tell me the date and time and to tell me to make sure he was there. I expressed my view that he shouldn't be sitting them because:-

- He was off sick with severe anxiety and depression and wasn't well enough to sit them.

- He'd be being examined on subjects that he hadn't been taught and was therefore being set up to fail.

- The school hadn't applied for exam dispensation and he was being expected to cope without them and at the school which on the last 3 occasions he entered it he was severely bullied, one of which was in an exam.

 

The SENCO disagreed she said that;-

- Being signed off school sick wasn't the same as being too sick to sit the exam.

- He had two weeks to learn the material and he could always resit the exam if he failed. Children have to learn to deal with failure, it's an important lesson in life.

- He'd been entered and I would be charged for the exams if he didn't attend.

- There comes a time when he just has to get on with things and I was in effect colluding with him to stay off school unnecessarily instead of facing up to life and making an effort to get on with people.

 

 

It is unusual for me to stand my ground, but I'm really proud of myself and I told her that I couldn't believe her attitude, that under the circumstances given that A had a medical note signing him off sick her comments were out of line and was she suggesting that A's Consultant Psychiatrist was also colluding with us and that I would not be paying for the exams. I told her that I would obtain a medical note confirming that he was medically unfit to sit the exams and that I wanted him withdrawn and that he would sit the modules at an alternative date. This she agreed to do but told me it would be noted that this was against her advice.

 

Fortunately A's psychiatrist agrees with me and is writing to the school but I'm now left with the problem of how I deal with this woman whom I'm now told I must work with.

 

I do firmly believe in working in partnership but what do you do when the relationship between you and the person you're working with breaks down, a it clearly has in this case. Is a partnership arrangement only possible when the personalities gell or is it something that can still work when both parties hold radically different views as to what's in the best interests of the child?

Edited October 18, 2005 by Tez

[Kathryn]

Tez,

 

!!!!!!

 

I'm just shocked and temporarily speechless! Her attitude is unbelievable - is she medically qualified to decide whether or not your son is fit to take an exam?

 

We had a SENCO very like this - luckily she left and I didn't have too long a relationship with her. I don't know how one continues to work with someone like this. Hopefully your psychiatrist can knock some sense into her and make her change her attitude.

 

Well done for standing your ground and making your views heard loud and clear. If you have a good relationship with the form tutor or head maybe you could take up future concerns with them?

[annie]

Hi Tez,

 

The SENCO's attitude is terrible. She obviously has not got any idea what your son is going through. If only things were as easy as she makes them sound.

 

I agree with everything Kathryn has said. I hope your son's phychiatrist makes her think twice before she comes out with such stupid statements in the future.

 

I really don't know how any parent can be expected to work with a person with an attitude like that, I couldn't.

 

Annie

<'>

Edited October 18, 2005 by annie

[LKS]

tez it sounds as though you have been very patient. Your Senco seems very much like my daughters, she is fine as long as you agree with what she says. I would so like to work in partnership with the school but while this SENCO is here I don't think it's going to happen. We disagree on everything. If there is something important to discuss I usually have to get someone from parent partnership to come with me. We all know it can be hit and miss with PP but ours is pretty good I hope to god your SENCO will be put in her place eventually, they obviously so resent anyone offering any suggestions or advice. Hope this all works out well <'>

[annie]

We all try to keep the communication going with schools because common sense tells us that it is the way we should be. It is a shame that some staff cannot see that too.

[phasmid]

 

Well done. That took courage.

 

What I would suggest is you write a letter to the effect of what you have told us on here and send it to the school - Head or SENCo (better still both). This put's this on your son's pupil record. Try and avoid phone calls from the school - in fact you could ask for all future communications to be written communication. That way any further comments from the school (especialy the SENCo) can be used for evidence - should you need it.

 

SENCo's cannot know everything, to pretend otherwise helps nobody. Let's face it we all know what the learning curve is like for us when it's our child - and it isn't easy. But, to try and go in the face of medical notes and behave like that is totally unprofessional. You would have just cause to complain, the problem being it would be your word against hers (hence the advice about written communication!).

 

Why some SENCo's feel that they shouldn't listen to parents is beyond me. When all is said and done we all ought to be pulling for the same thing - as good an education as we can get for the child concerned.

 

Hang in there.

[darky]

i have to say in my past experience of senco's its very hard to have a "partnership" when its all one way. senco's can advise and should do, but should always take the views of the parents and child into consideration. my little girls old senco told me "i will take the advice of the educational pyschologist" when i cornered her once for putting my little girl through a band concert, even when she knew my girl would find it stressfull! my views were not taken into account then and certainly not the views of my little girl who was distressed and couldnt speak for herself! that momment then was the beginning of a downward spiral for me. it was obvious the senco was not going to take any of our views into consideration, and the flattery about my child was no longer going to get round me!

 

i was glad in a way, it enabled me to see just what was and wasnt being done, i thought everything was ok, telling me my daughter is lovely and wonderful etc etc after a while i realised this was just flannel and a poor attempt to keep me onside.

it enabled me to take a step back and just think about what actualy was being done for my child, a big fat resounding zero.

 

to be honest, in the end it seemed to become more of i pulled one way and the senco pulled another, everything i said she started to undermine and vice versa. i lost trust in the school, especialy when i discovered the senco had in fact lied and delieberatley kept information from me. i couldnt send my girl to a school like that so i pulled her out an a fresh start at a new school has been wonderful.

 

my boys are still at that school, and i have a son with aspergers whos needs are not AS demanding as my daughters, its now gone to the govenors to sort out because i cannot and will not battle with the senco anymore, shes a minion who needs to be retired, (i think my good pal helen will back me there!)

 

i would say that if you have started to have problems, resolve them asap. let the senco know where she stands etc. i fannied around for far to long and was bought for ages because i didnt want to upset anyone. you have rights too, as a proffessional she does have a right to disagree with you but she must also listen to you and give good constructive reasons as to why she does not agree instead of forcing her beliefs!

 

goodluck to you, people say buying a house is the most stressful time in a persons life, well to all those people i guess they never had a child with sen!

[Canopus]

Working in partnership with schools is difficult unless one is a close friend of the head, and possibly a close friend of a senior figure in the LEA. The way the education system in this country works is that it is detached from much of the real world and doesn't like the idea of outside people or organisations intruding on the sacred ground that schools stand on.

 

I gave a few presentations on electronics at a certain secondary school and it didn't go down all that well with the head who stopped me from making any more presentations. There were issues with things like health and safety and that I hadn't been vetted to work with children amongst other things.

[helenl53]

Boy do I ever bark darky on this one.

 

I left my son in that particular school to be abused because mine and his views were not considered and I was told to leave him to be 'himself'

 

The underpinning concept in the new Children and Young Peoples plan, is that Parents are the most important contributor to our children achieving the 5 goals.

 

However, I think they forgot to mention that this only applies if you have an NT child or young person.

 

Lip service is paid to Parents being in partnership - we are not welcomed into partnership with Education.

 

Best wishes

 

HelenL

[Flora]

Tez, it's almost unbelievable what your SENCO is saying. I'm absoluteley gob smacked Though I do know that we shouldn't really be surprised.

 

Fab response from you though, but isn't it just all so draining?

 

I can't wait for the half term when I'm going to make a huge attempt to switch off entirely from the whole education system and try and enjoy spending time with my kids instead of worrying and writing and ringing people up.

 

Hope you manage to do something similar Tez. Good luck getting things sorted.

 

Lauren <'>

[Kathryn]

"Partnership" means providing money when the school asks for it, helping out at the school fete and being an extra body on school trips. Heavn forbid parents should actually challenge the education their child is receiving.

[Helen]

Tez,

 

I'm so sorry that you're still having to deal with such ignorance <'>