Refusing to move

[mandyque]

Once again I feel I have been the shopping day entertainment in tesco as my darling daughter decided to go into one at the worst possible moment I had just got all the stuff through the till after getting round with no problems, then she ran. I had to leave my shopping and debit card and go after her. I lost sight of her for a few heart stopping seconds then spotted her. I went over and tried to guide her back to the checkout where the assistant was sat patiently but not helping Anyway, I managed to slide dd along the floor back to the checkout to pay, asked her to pack the bags while I dealt with my little darling, which she did (usually they offer anyway) and finally got the message. She grabbed another assistant to help me take the trolley to the car while I slid my angel half way across tesco again to the door, where she then got up and walked!!!!!!! ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Anyway I was quite proud of myself that I dealt with it despite being full of cold, with relative calmness and didn't lose my temper once, but how can we attempt to change things once she is stuck in meltdown? She is way too big to carry any more and I haven't got the strength to even lift her off the floor now, there is no reasoning with her as she doesn't understand what you are saying so I can't use reasoning or bribery but I can't exactly never go shopping ever again with her And her father says she is no problem and I should stop complaining

[nellie]

I think it would help if you could avoid the meltdown in the first place, I know, it's not easy.

 

She may be in sensory overload, she may find the noise, lights and people overwhelming. Ear defenders, or a walkman which will allow her to listen to her favourite music or a story. A hat or hood to hide under. Sunglasses might help.

 

You could buy a wrist restraint, which means she can't run away. You could tell Tesco you will need help packing and help taking your goods to the car.

 

You could order your shopping on line, it's worth every penny!

 

Best of all, get hubbie to do it, tell him how wonderfully clever he is and that he's much more capable than you. It's bound to work.

 

While they are shopping have a long soak in the bath or put your feet up with some chocs.

 

Good luck

 

Nellie xx

[elainem]

if you wanted to order online but worried about the delivery charge I have been very lucky lately and obtaining on-line discount codes to get money off - offsets the delivery charge and a bit more. this is for tesco. here is the link if your interested http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=92862.

can't promise it will work but I have never had a code rejected. i do still go to the store from time to time but really love on-line shopping.

 

Elaine

[Elanor]

Hi

 

Once the meltdown starts, you can't stop it - it has to run its course. Supermarkets are a common trigger - there's so many reasons a child with ASD might find it difficult.

 

I think many people here have found that the answer is not going to the supermarket with the child. I've used tesco online for years - and the delivery charge is easily offest by all the impulse buys that you don't get!

 

Lately my son has sometimes been able to go to Aldi - it is very small, and there are fewer choices (just one type of baked beans) and distractions. It is a less demanding place for him to be, and he can just about manage it (it' cheap too).

[mandyque]

I've sat and thought about what usually triggers her off and she will make a beeline for the clothes dept and always wants a swimming costume Of course she can't have 200 swimming costumes so I said no. Usually the tantrum starts straight away when I have said no but she must have tried to keep it in check but couldn't. She was good the whole way round the shop but it must have still been on her mind. When I thought about it, when she ran off I had gone through the checkout, which means shopping has finished, she didn't have the swimming costume and she ran away, in the general direction of the clothing department. So I think that was the trigger. We have tried to make it a routine that she is allowed to have a comic of her choice and sweets but she still fixates on the swimming costumes even though I always say no.

 

It might be a good idea to go elsewhere for my odds and ends shopping, tesco is just very close by, but there are other supermarkets that don't sell SWIMMING COSTUMES!

[mum22boys]

Oh I do sympathise with you on this one. <'>

 

It is good you have identified the cause. My son, M is generally quite good if I say no but catch him on a bad day and we too have the tantrum from hell. I hate the way everyone looks at you as if you are a bad mother. M has started shouting abuse at everyone whilst he is in a tantrum which makes it even worse. I agree that once they are in them you just have to let it pass no matter how hard or long it is.

I agree shopping on line would be a good idea. I very rarely take m to do a big shop because it causes too many problems.

You are not alone with this. Keep up the good work.

[Mother in Need]

My son seems to somehow manage with supermarkets (well, usually anyway...) but is a real night mare in other shops most times, especially when his younger borhter has come along and I can't give him the full attention that he wants.

[Blue-Kat]

I only take L to the supermarket if I've got another adult with me, that's partly because I also need assistance myself ( I have ME/CFS).

 

Even so I avoid the really big supermarkets, as they are just too much, and the smaller ones are best of all.

 

Do you have a Waitrose in your area? We've found they have wider aisles, and are quiet and are generally less stressful. Although L is fixated on the cafe, from the one time I took him.

 

We get tesco online quite often, the money off codes from Money Saving expert (mentioned above ) are great.

 

bests

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Katya