what to do

[Clarkie]

OK GUYS - HELP HELP HELP

I have just read the topic re Mainstream v Special and am in a real quandry.

 

The experts with our son recommend we look at special residential

We don't know what to do?

HELP

Edited March 18, 2006 by Clarkie

[helenl53]

Clarkie, knowing the purgatory that our kids go though I woudl personally opt for a situation where 'unfortunate incidents' are less likely to happen. As a self harmer,your boy should not be sujected to the kind of treatment that he has been getting - that is enough to push anyone over the edge - let alone a kids with AS.

 

I know one boy who went to a specialist residential setting and he said it was a life saver and the best thing that ever happened for him. When I met him, he was at the Wing Centre in Hants.

 

If a specialist place is offered and funded, I would take it - reason being - it is not easy to get into a special placement and it would be easier to come out of a special school than to get into it! - does that make sense?

 

Very difficult decision but it is about more than education and it may be what he needs to equip him for his life as an adult with AS

 

Hope this has helped

 

Best wishes

 

Helen

[bid]

You have a PM

 

Bid

[Suze]

Clarkie this current situation at school sounds awful for your son, mine is similar too ...he has a bad attitude to work(compounded by dyslexia)..............mainstream does,nt sound like it is giving your son the understanding he needs, and it is making his general emotional health worse.We are looking at a specialist unit for HS placement in sept.What the nurse has suggested needs looking at visit some alternatives it can,t make the situation any worse , it might be the answer to your sons needs.All the best Suzex.

[nellie]

Clarkie,

 

If I'm honest I was concerned when I heard your son was going back into mainstream school after being stabilised in the psychiatric unit. I don't know your child or your family, so it is difficulty to make any judgement.

 

You are incredibly lucky to have this nurse who understands your son and his needs, from what you have said, this nurse seems to be making perfect sense. In your shoes I would take his advice and look at the possibility of specialist residential schooling. I'm sure some of the members on here with experience of this could advise you and point you in the right direction.

 

Good luck and please keep us posted.

 

Nellie xx

[lynyona]

I was talking to a mum at a meeting last year and she sent her son to residential schooling i cant remember what it was called she did tell me and i had heard of it and she said it had been the best thing for her son and also their family,at the end of the day you have to do what you think would be in the best interests of your son. lynn

[Clarkie]

Hi Nellie

 

We are very lucky to have a fantastic nurse in our lives. We all believed that our child going back into mainstream would be the best for him at the time as he was very attached to his friends and is "academically" good at school and great at sport. However this was not the case.

 

 

Thanks for the help people. I wouldn't have got through this without the support I'm getting here.

 

Cheers for that.

 

Clarkie

Edited March 18, 2006 by Clarkie

[nellie]

Clarkie,

 

Our family also had someone like your nurse who saved us from goodness knows what. If only there were more people around with that level of understanding who can also connect with these young people. My eldest was an adult by the time we were 'rescued', he is now in happy in a residential setting.

 

My youngest was diagnosed with AS this year, he appeared to cope well until his A levels and then had a complete breakdown. He has always had a wide group of friends and appeared to be very social, I can now see he was just going through the motions. He still has these friends but now chooses when and how he interacts with them. He opts out of all social gatherings, but does play football, snooker, cinema trips and the like.

 

He was asked to go to his friends family party recently but told me he would have to decline the invitation and explain why he can't go, he also said he would ask his friend if he could meet the family on another occasion. I don't think he has disclosed his diagnosis, but explains he 'doesn't do social'.

 

I would be very wary of putting any pressure on your son to disclose his diagnosis, he will handle it in his own way in his own time. If it happens to go pear shaped he may hold you responsible. Maybe he could explain any difficulties he has as a personality difference. After all, we are all different.

 

As for getting R to agree to any changes you think appropriate, I can only suggest you get your trusted nurse and psychiatrist to prepare him, they sound as if they would make a good job of it.

 

The best of luck to you and your family whatever route you decide to take.

 

Nellie <'>

[Suze]

Hi Clarkie........regarding letting kids at school know....this is one situation we had to deal with recently.My son is 10 and none of the kids at school knew about his ASD.His behaviour has started to really stand out now and teasing is involved.My son gets very angry and this resulted in complaints made to the head regarding him.We were devastated by this and the autism team came in to advise the school.The only way forward was to let his class know he had ASD.My son was devastated by this but the situation had got so bad it could,nt have got any worse.The class took the news very well,the Team explained everyone is different and that my son needed to know the rules of games and more understanding.They said much more but can,t write it all down .I was shocked how well the kids took this news his tormentors have stayed away , so for now it seem to have been a good move.I think Nellies idea about telling the kids he just has a different type of personality , really hope you find the answers Suzex <'>

[Kazzen161]

>>Having talked to his nurse and to you guys I think we have made the decision to go and look at a coupla schools.

BUT HOW TO GET R TO AGREE TO THIS

 

I would go and have a look by yourself first - your instinct will tell you if your son will like it. Then you can talk to him about a particular school ( many of them have good web-sites too), and you can sell it to him based on the things that will appeal to him.

 

It can be difficult if your son sees a school and loves it, and then you find he cannot go there, due to lack of spaces or funding (my friend has had this problem - hopefully her son will go next year though).

 

I have a problem in that my eldest goes to a residential specialist school, but my youngest goes to mainstream (his AS is not so "severe") - he wants to know why he can't go to T's school - he says at least they would understand him there!

 

Karen

[Surrey]

Made the decision to send my 11 year old to residential school as he had the same sort of problems in mainstream. Best decision ive ever made. He loves it. Loves having friends and people that dont judge him for his strange behaviour. I cannot praise the specialist staff enough. My son went through a lot of pain at mainstream school because of others lack of understanding. Now he is made to feel normal and not different.