IS IT ME

[board]

HELLO WENT TO HOSPITAL TO DAY ABOUT MY DAUGHTER 6 YEAR OLD I ASKED A LOT BUT EVEY THING I SAID MY HUSBAND SAID NO SHE DONT SO I ASKED THE DOCTER WHAT DO YOU THINK HE SAID I THINK SHE MYBE ASPERGERS AT THAT MY HUSBAND SAID ITS YOU SHES LIKE THAT BECOUSE OF YOU WHAT DO I DO I JUST CRYED THE SCHOOL SEES IT BUT NOT HIM HE SAID I DONT WANT TO THINK THERES ANYTHING WRONG WITH MY DAUGHTER I ALLSO HAVE 4 BOYS ANY ADVISE PLEASE JILL

[Tensing]

It's always hard getting a diagnosis, even if you already know its coming. Some people, especially men (sorry to all the wonderful men on here) find it near impossible to accept that there is anything wrong with their children.

 

Give him time

[sarahjane]

I have a similar problem with my Husband. He was working away when all the assessments went on and now I have treid to explain but he just say's all children do that or " he's not like that". What really helped me was talking to others who know H well mainly my mum and asking them the same questions as I was asked about H and see what they said. They all saw the same as me and having read further know this is the case. i think it can be very hard for Dads to accept a diagnosis and they seem to take it as a personel insult! i know my hubby immediately starts questioning what we have done wrong. i tend to go to meetings etc on my own and communicate back to him in a form that he can accept. Slowly I am going through with him what as is and trying to put in place behaviour methods we can both follow. Also at the assessement I was asked by the doctor who also knows my husband wether I thought he has AS as well! I think there are certainlt traits. Also when we first discussed the diagnosis and he was in a rational mood the first thing he said was " do think thats my problem as well?"

 

There is lots of emotion around the time of iagnosis and i would take things easy then start to educate him slowly if possible.

[DaisyProudfoot]

Oh Jill, first here's some big <'> <'> <'> <'>

 

You don't say how much day-to-day contact your husband has with your daughter or whether you also have AS so he is "blaming you" for her condition.

 

It sounds as though there's obviously some recognition of AS from the doctor and the school.

 

Sometimes people don't see the AS traits, especially if they are fairly mild, I didn't notice my son rocks a lot until I saw him on a video with his psychiatrist although I couldn't fail to see alot of his other problems well before that!

 

Does your husband spend more time with the boys and you with your daughter? Perhaps he just doesn't want to think his only daughter could have a health condition.

 

Tell us more

 

Daisy

[Noetic]

The problem with fathers in tis respect is often that a lot of AS traits seem "more male" or that the fathers themselves have a few AS traits, so they are often completely adamant that a child is 'normal'.

 

In addition, fathers often don't spend as much time with the child, so they do not see or get to experience the child on his or her own (only when the mother is present).

 

If a child genuinely has AS (and it is not a behavioural or emotional problem per se), then that has nothing to do with upbringing. The outcome can improve greatly with good parenting and a loving home, but the AS itself is not caused by parenting.

[Clarkie]

Here's a big <'>

Edited March 18, 2006 by Clarkie

[call me jaded]

Oh dear Jill. This is tough.

 

Please don't ever doubt yourself. My son is 11 years old. Over those years I've had a few moments of self doubt and my completely unscientific conclusion is that that it isn't me. Sometimes it has taken years to validate that conclusion, but it has always come in the end.

 

Step back, if you can, and allow your partner a little time. Try not to let this disagreement come between you.