Homework again aaaaahhhhhhh

[LKS]

I know some of us parents hate homework more than our children. Enter the scary world of the LKS household Sunday evening

**** I want you to start your homework at 6 o clock

 

Does it have to be exactly 6 or can I finish this match

 

You can finish a match but don't start another one

 

ten past 6. **** You are to stop playing that game now.

 

**** comes down reluctantly. Starts more delaying tactics.

 

He asks "you know other countries have different alphabets do you think they have to change their names when using the English alphabet."

 

Thats a very interesting question and I will ask your sister's Chinese friend.

 

When will you ask her. and so it went on and on and on

 

Then it was I'm to hot I need to go outside

 

It's dark you can't

 

I will stick my head out the door then

 

Another 10 minutes. You all get the picture don't you I was being manipulated damn it

 

I left him at one stage hanging upside down from the chair and humming.

 

Then he couldn't remember what to do, then the newly sharpened pencil broke

 

Finally start at ten past 7. He spends approx. 5 minutes on it. The homework was maths which he is very good at but hates at the moment. He says the questions are pointless. Sorry this is a huge post but this happens nearly every night apart from Saturday and it is wearing me down

[Tez]

Hi LKS,

 

We had this problem with A. I also felt that he wasn't up to doing homework after the stresses of the school day and that our home should be his sanctuary and not an extension of the turmoil he experienced at school and that he was achieving nothing by doing homework in this manner.

 

We managed to negotiate with the school over this and A was put on a restricted homework timetable. The school agreed that he would only be set homework in his core subjects - Maths, English and Science (and only then if it was essential for his learning) and we added Geography(because A liked the h/w projects he was given). It was then agreed that A would not bring this work home but would have time allocated during the day at school to do it and the support of a LSA to keep him on task and assist as necessary.

 

Tony Attwood has written an article on this and I'll search it out for you and add a link.

 

 

Edited to say This is the link to Tony Attwood's site Here It is under Tony's publications - Should children with an autistic spectrum disorder be exempted from doing homework?

Edited January 9, 2006 by Tez

[Suze]

...............LKS its only funny because I live with that too .First we have to search for it, then he claims he does,nt know what he,s supposed to do....que call to a classmate who explains it to me.Then we begin, looks out of the window, comes back to earth humming and tapping.Needs to sharpen pencil...needs to find a rubber...begins to get angry...........I don,t know....this is stupid...growls, starts to swing on his chair and kick the table....this is stupid...I don,t care...........get her out of here(said to sister who dared to enter the room)..........begins to write an answer...but scrawls accross the page deliberately...(I,m losing patience )..............jabs his pencil on the paper,we try again....I don,t know the bl**dy answer this is stupid I hate school it,s sh*t...........throws homework across room I give up, he goes and vegetates for an hour on the setee and refuses to speak............I love Sunday morning .

[LKS]

suze no its not funny. In primary school we only really had one day a week of this but its different in secondary. AND I must admit some of the homework does seem pointless e.g. another one for maths look up 15 mathematical terms beginning with the letter A This is for the top set and really to me it just seems to be setting homework for setting sake if you know what I mean. My husband doesn't 'approve'of homework so will not really back me up on this. Tez thanks for that link. I did mention to the senco about the necessity of his having homework in all subjects and she said that the teachers didn't think it would be fair on the other pupils Joking aside though this is really begining to have a serious impact on our homelife. God forbid anyone else might need my attention or help during this time.

[Canopus]

There are endless arguments whether kids get too much or not enough homework. Far fewer people seem to raise the question whether their kids are actually learning anything from the homework or whether it really is just work for the sake of it. When I was in KS3, about 45% of all the homework I got were pointless exercises and the other 45% I learnt virtually nothing from because the work was too trivial. I often didn't bother doing my homework and it upset my parents when they read school reports but nobody ever identified why I didn't do my homework. I all boiled down to laziness and lack of responsibility.

 

I have always held a suspicion that schools are designed to make kids do gruelling pointless tasks more than teach them enjoyable and useful things.

[mel_jayne]

We have the same homework problems.I got to the point were i hated fridays.

Gone back to school,got a letter "HOMEWORK"

 

TWICE A WEEK

 

What the hell are they trying to do to me?

They know i have a sunday(homework night) meltdown

They also know we do it on a sunday as he has low muscule tone,so his hands ache alot ,so i give them the weekend to recover .

So how the hell am i suppose to deal with all that,then there's the change to his routine.

I will need to fit his homework in to our nightly routine. .He's not going to like that.

 

I think they are out to make my life harder than it already is.

[lisa]

LKS and Tez,

 

I have this double, my 2 AS kids are both incapable of doing any homework without making a fuss/delay tactics and both need me to sit with them the whole way through or they stop!!! Add to that my NT daughter moaning that I never help her, only her brother and sister and I obviously don't care about her!! Then if I do offer to help, she huffs and puffs all the way through and if I dare to suggest that she's doing it wrong I get a sulky "if you're so clever, why don't you do it!" and stomping off. No wonder I'm going grey!!!

 

Lisa

[LKS]

Thanks everyone. I had a sympathetic e-mail from the senco saying she feels for me ,and that she is hearing of lots of trouble from, particularly boys completing their homework. However she did end by saying that she felt I had spent enough time helping him (son) and that he should now face the consequences(detention) for non completion. I don't really think that is taking into consideration his difficulties and perhaps this matter will have to be raised at the annual review. Son also has a homework timetable so at least we know what days he is due to be set certain subjects. The maths teacher continues to ignore this and still gives maths homework on Monday, despite letters, a phonecall, a letter to head of maths and the senco having a word. This is guaranteed to cause major meltdown as I can only just about help him to do the work he is supposed to on the right days. I think I might be quoting large chunks of the tony Attwood article.

[Helen]

I had a sympathetic e-mail from the senco saying she feels for me ,and that she is hearing of lots of trouble from, particularly boys completing their homework. However she did end by saying that she felt I had spent enough time helping him (son) and that he should now face the consequences(detention) for non completion.

Hello LKS, there are times when my son has difficulty in completing a homework task and when this happens I write comments on his book/homework sheet that he tried his best to work independently but that he hasn't been able to complete the task. I have also written comments in his book when I have given him some help with his homework - I don't expect the teaching staff to give my son detention for incomplete homework.

Son also has a homework timetable so at least we know what days he is due to be set certain subjects. The maths teacher continues to ignore this and still gives maths homework on Monday, despite letters, a phonecall, a letter to head of maths and the senco having a word. This is guaranteed to cause major meltdown as I can only just about help him to do the work he is supposed to on the right days.

I understand where you're coming from. My son's math teacher does this, as well as a number of other teachers in the school. What's the point in having a bl***y homework timetable if the teachers don't adhere to it! I too brought this up with the Senco and she told me that the homework timetable was just a 'guideline'. I had to explain to the Senco that should one teacher give out unexpected homework my son would probably be able to deal with it, but when up to four teachers each give out extra unexpected homework with specified deadlines for that week their demands are likely to cause an overload in homework. I asked the Senco if the homework deadlines could be extended for a day or two in order for my son to adequately attempt these tasks - my request was immediately refused. I then asked the Senco for suggestions on how to combat this problem - she didn't offer any. So far my son has not been given detention for incompleted homework.

Edited January 10, 2006 by Helen

[LKS]

Helen I will not allow my son to have a detention for incomplete homework, but as you say the suggestions for combating the problem are not very forthcoming As canopus said I think my son needs to feel there is a point to the homework and I'm sure he looks at my face sometimes and sees my blank expression when I read some of the tasks A timetable SHOULD NOT be a guideline, their ordinary day to day one is not, why should a homework one be any different, We need the teachers to stick to this so that we can plan our week. I have had 2 older NT children who have done the usual moaning about homework but have got on with it, without the need for me to police them all the time. They have asked for help if needed and it has been given. So I really think that this problem is associated with my son's condition, this should be recognised and help and ideas given by the professionals.

[Tez]

I think how you deal with this depends upon how strongly you feel about the homework issue and how much your son gains from doing the homework. If you really believe that adjustments are needed then it pays to be committed to your cause (code for keeping on and not letting the matter drop), as you discovered with the P levels and subsequent email.

 

It wasn't easy to negotiate different homework terms for A. We got the same sort of response as you, wouldn't be fair on other children, let him take the consequences for not doing it. However, I was not prepared to accept this, so I did a couple of things. I put in writing to the school my concerns, and pointed out to them that my son had a recognised didability and as such they were required to make reasonable adjustments to accomodate his needs, it wasn't acceptable to say that it wasn't fair on the other children, what they were doing wasn't fair on my son.

 

I then wrote individually to all his subject teachers asking for their help and pointing out his difficulties, some gave him differentiated homework, others just ignored me.

 

I did as Helen suggests and wrote notes in his homework diary, and for each piece of homework not copmpleted I wrote to the subject teacher explaining exactly what the difficulties were and asking them to sort the matter out. At one stage A was so up tight about it all that I wrote to the school and said that under my instructions A would not be doing any homework for the next month and if they had a problem with this they should discuss it with me and not A.

 

Slowly, the dripping tap paid off, it's really important to put it all in writing, and I got the adjustments that I wanted. In my experience you have to build your case. The Tony Attwood article is a good article to get them thinking about how his reluctance relates to his dx.

 

Whatever you decide to do - good luck, I know just how difficult this can make family life and the stress that it causes for the child.

[sarahjane]

Hi

 

I also face the dreaded homework fight every night with my son and he is only 7, I dread to think what it will be like when he is and secondary school! What annoys me most as it ruins every evening except fri and sats for us and H learns virtually nothing as I end up "doing " most of it for him! Our time would be better spend doing something based around his favorite topic . However when I have treid to discuss it with school just get - well lots of childen are difficult about doing there homework especially boys He will just have to get used to it! Anyway I'm afraid I have no good advice to give just joining the moan!

[LKS]

Sent a note to my son's maths teacher just to gently remind her that maths homework should not be set on Mondays. My son said she spoke to him really harshly and said that note was not a valid exscuse the homework was to finish what had been set last Wednesday. Which was the b****y stuff we spent all of Sunday evening doing I asked my son why he hadn't handed it in and he said he realised it was wrong and he felt humiliated The teacher and L.S.A were just launching into him about pulling the wool over my eyes when who should walk into the class but my older son who is in the 6th form He confirmed that they were having a go at son and when the teacher noticed older son she said Oh thats good timing isn't it!! My older son was very good and tried to explain the trouble his brother was having and said I thought someone was supposed to make sure he had all homework written down correctly. This lesson followed on from geography where the teacher made AS son write slower as she wanted him to work on his handwriting consequently he got really behind and has to catch up at home. He spent most of the evening curled up in a ball on the floor. He says he feels depressed and wished he could go to sleep for a long time!!His statement and I.E.P at the moment mean absolutely nothing

[phasmid]

A letter to the senco might help (complete with Tony Attwood quotes in it if needs be) reminding them of your sons difficulties and that under the terms of the CoP 'reasonable adjustments' should be being made. Point out that the manner in which the maths teacher dealt with things is unacceptable - and this was witnessed by his older brother. See what the response is.

[Hectorshouse]

We have and do have the same problems with homework, this was brought up in T's AR yesterday. The lady from the Autism Team wanted the school to allocate a time during the school week/day for T to do his homework, but the SENCO insisted that it wasn't such a huge issue, T didn't have to write his homework I could scribe for him and that 20 mins was enough even if it wasn't complete ... not completed ... T has to finish things .... arrrggghhhh and I could write a note on the homework explaining etc ... only if this continues to be a problem would they then go for plan B, homework during school time.

 

I let it go, homework is something that I don't stress about, I have made it clear that any major projects have to be done at school, or else T will become obsessed at home with them, I will where possible help him, considering I work a lot of evenings that will be interesting and partner is about as much use as a chocolate teapot with homework. I'm giving it a few more weeks and then I am going to push again for homework to be completed in school time and get it written into the statement when I get the new draft.

 

We all have enough stress to deal with let alone another meltdown over completely (more often than not) irrelevant homework, T needs a break when he gets home, to get through the day without a major meltdown is success enough for me, and if he has managed to work well during the day then that is a bonus.

 

T had a sleepless night last night over Art homework (he has Art today) but his home/school book clearly states that it doesn't have to be in until the 12th ... T was calmer about it this morn, and knows exactly where the dates are written in his book for when he goes to his lesson first period (it doesn't help that there is a clash between him and this teacher). At the end of the day, I will not fall out with T about something like this, I have too little time with him now, and to spend it battling wills with homework just seems pointless.

 

Good luck LKS, you know your child best, do what you feel is appropriate.

 

HHxx

[LKS]

Thanks again everyone <'> Phas the senco is usually very supportive but it seems the teachers are not following the I.E.P and/or ignoring her advice. (it seems to me anyway) I will write again as I think it will be important at the annual review to document the stress this is causing. Thanks Tez and HH for your advice as you have both obviously been there HH I think you are so right it takes a great deal for my son to get through the day and when he comes home he really needs to switch off. Apparently there is a homework club at school where pupils can go at lunch times or break times but it has been observed that son really needs to get outside for a break at these times just to work off some excess energy and refocus. I am not going to fall out with him over homework issues. I'm really proud with how he has managed the transition and is coping so far at secondary school

[Hectorshouse]

the senco is usually very supportive but it seems the teachers are not following the I.E.P and/or ignoring her advice. (it seems to me anyway)

 

You need to write to the SENCO about this, that will document your concerns, and you can ask her to advise you how she will go about ensuring that all teaching stafff directly involved with your son are aware of his IEP.

 

I will write again as I think it will be important at the annual review to document the stress this is causing.

Definitely put this in your AR report, and get it raised and minuted at the meeting.

 

I am not going to fall out with him over homework issues. I'm really proud with how he has managed the transition and is coping so far at secondary school

 

Spot on ... we spend so much of our time fighting and battling one thing or another for our children, enjoying them and their achievements sometimes gets overlooked. Well done to him for coping with his transition, and well done you for being behind him all the way.

 

HHxx

[Helen]

Apparently there is a homework club at school where pupils can go at lunch times or break times but it has been observed that son really needs to get outside for a break at these times just to work off some excess energy and refocus.

My son's school doesn't have a homework club but there is the odd teacher who is prepared to give up their break in order to help any pupil who has difficulty with their schoolwork/homework. The Senco made me aware of this during my son's annual review. I explained to her that even if all the teachers in the school gave up their morning break/their lunch hour break to assist pupils it wouldn't have any effect on my son because my son firmly believes that the morning break is a morning break and that the lunch hour break is a lunch hour break - he is very rigid when it comes to things like this.

[LKS]

exactly Helen! Had a good conversation with the specialist teacher for autism who used to be involved with son at primary. She was a bit peed off at attitudes of teachers and is going in on my behalf to have a word. She will also offer strategies and suggestions to teachers. She said that saying that they haven't got time to write out homework is not mine or my sons problem. She said that the difficulties he has with handwriting and copying puts him at a distinct disadvantage to other pupils, oral instructions are likely to be worse. So at least on record now there will be something from an outside agency and then I will be able to keep tabs on how the suggestions are being used and how successful they are HH thanks as ever for your understanding and for reminding me that my son has achieved so much <'>

[pumpkinpie]

Isnt it a shame though it is often us as parents who have to watch and find solutions even though teacher s are paid for doing this. Ive lost count of the number of times I have been told to trust school and when I do the sh*t hits the pan.

[Hectorshouse]

T's not long come in and we were just about to do the dreaded Art homework, when he lets me in on the latest events ... He is now doing reading recovery Monday, Wednesday, Thursday 1/2 hour each day, and Wednesdays one is during what would be his art lesson ... so no more worry there and no need to do the dreaded homework also he wil have the option of the 1/2 hour left of each 1 hour lesson to do homework ... so YIPPEE it looks like they have definitely taken on board mine and Autism lady's request.

 

T is soooo happy ing around with relief ... it can be done, it taken a while but this means hardly anymore homework meltdowns ... just need to make sure it gets written the statement.

 

LKS hang in there, if I can get this resolved I know that you can as well. It is the schools responsibility to ensure that your son has a differentiated access to his education, this applies to his homework and how it is supplied to him.

 

HHxx

[LKS]

Great news HH he must be one happy boy. When you think of a way of getting it in his statment please let me know Pumpkin pie yes it is a great shame that it is often left to parents to come up with solutions. Once when querying something mentioned in my son's statement with my special needs officer at the LEA she uttered the immortal line " you should let the school get on with educating your children"

[phasmid]

Once when querying something mentioned in my son's statement with my special needs officer at the LEA she uttered the immortal line " you should let the school get on with educating your children

 

To which my response would be "When they can get it right I will do, until then they need all the help they can get"

 

Seriously though, they do get it wrong. At a very recent meeting with new senco at phas jr's school the senco was asked about his IEP and was told "Oh...he doesn't need one because..." She got no further! Mrs P promptly made it very, very clear what should be happening spouting edu-speak glibly as she went. For some reason the SENCO changed her mind very quickly...can't think why.