mum22boys Report post Posted January 9, 2006 Hi all, Sorry to have to have a winge again but think i am going through a bad patch. I picked M (age 5) up from school today and was approached by a friend who is also a dinner lady. She mentioned M is not playing again at lunch and is holding their hands instead, has been since going back last Tues. He came out of class and immediately started asking for something to eat, i said we only have to walk to the car and once home he can have something. He started shouting and looking past me which is a sign he is going into a tantrum. i told him to calm down and he wouldn't so i took him back in his class to try to calm him whilst keep an eye on my 2 year old. He shouted abuse at the teacher and learning support and the head turned up. She has never seen m in a tantrum and she tried to calm him down. He shouted at her and everytime anyone went near him he tried to kick them. The head thought she was helping by then trying to occupy my 2 year old. He hates to be looked at and will shout if anyone looks or talks to him then he will try to hit them. She looked at him and he shouted , then he hit her. I felt terrible, if i had been in her shoes i would have taken a look at both my kids and thought it was the way i had brought them up. I'm not sure if the 2 year old acts like this through learned behaviour or not but there are similarities. The head made a swift exit and i was left to deal with it until M came out of it. I can't understand why neither kids like people speaking to them. M has so many other issues i know there is something wrong but R (2 year old) I'm praying he's ok and he has learnt this behaviour from m. I feel in such a muddle with it all. It turned out M is struggling in class with the work. The teacher set him work which he can't do. we told him to tell her if he can't do it but he says she told them they mustn't talk in class and he's taken it literally. He is also bothered that no one wants to play with him. This brought on the tantrum. I hope the head hasn't looked at how both my kids behaved and thinks it is me, the way i've brought them up. Perhaps i'm looking too deep and she doesn't think that at all. Sorry, as i said it's getting on top of me lately and M just gets worse. mum22boys Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
stressedmumto2 Report post Posted January 9, 2006 Do not blame yourself. Younger children will always copy the behaviour that they see their older siblings do. Keep your chin up and keep smiling. Sending you one of these <'> I too know how it feels when you think it's down to you any deep down you know it isn't. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
witsend Report post Posted January 9, 2006 Hi mum22boys, I haven't had chance to post for a while but logged on tonight feeling pretty low to post something so similar to what you have already done thought I'd just join in with this thread instead! I went to pick my 3 yr old up from nursery tonight and was called into office to discuss his 'behaviour' (has been hitting other kids and doesn't respond to discipline!), nursery head says someone will come and assess him at end of month, she was very nice but I had to explain that 3 yr olds behaviour mnay well be copied from 10 (actually now just 11) yr olds and so then had to explain about elder sons AS etc..things is I just felt like crying because I don't know if little ones behaviour is copied or not and I don't know what's worse anymore also I felt like I was a cr*p mum and that all this must be my fault somewhere along the line, and I don't normally feel like that at all!! Anyway I suppose what I'm saying is I know how you feel, you are definately not alone with it and it's actually a relief to log on and find someone in the same boat as myself! Hang in there, take care, Luv Witsend. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mel_jayne Report post Posted January 9, 2006 Don't be sorry,that's what were here for. Don't blame yourself.Like stressedmumto2 said sibling copy there older sibling(ask my 4 year old daugher) I know how hard it is but try and stay positive <'> <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
witsend Report post Posted January 9, 2006 Sorry just realised how recently you joined! Welcome to the forum! Sorry not to have given any advice and to just have moaned instead!! Re your other post - I think lots of us here have been through awful doubts, fights and confusion on the road to diagnosis, it is not easy. Stick with it, there's always someone here to help and listen. Luv Witsend. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mum22boys Report post Posted January 10, 2006 Witsend, I hope you have a better day today. Thanks for your reply it obviously made me realise I am not alone, but sorry you have a simular thing with your 3 year old. I can never be sure what is learned behaviour and what isn't. I have the SEN health visitor calling today about R so will see what she says, she is coming mainly because of his lack of language. I will be back in the school today about M. I think I may as well take up residence there as i'm there so ofter. Hope you are feeling better <'> mum22boys Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
clintess Report post Posted January 10, 2006 dont worry my 3yr son copies my 6yr old behaviour to the t but thats all it is and will grow out of it.he doesnt have any problems like my 6 yr old at all thats why i say its coping and not asd.my oldest dd is 13 and no issues except being a teenager lol and my other two children are very plesent and know thier manners when they need to although one of them is adhd but has no behaviour isues.i didnt have a very good pregnancy with 6yr old son and had medical complications so blame that for his condition.dont beat yourself up about it,it isnt your fault and when the terrible twos and fretful threes have passed the copying will cease its just their way of gaining attention. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
sue45 Report post Posted January 10, 2006 Hi mum22boys I can't really give any advice as I haven't had this one to deal with - I've just got the one girl - But I'd just like to say my thoughts are with you and try not to take on board what other people may or may not think about you and yours - you know you do your best under tremendously difficult circumstances and so does everyone here. I've been donw that route of not daring to look people in the eye in school because ifeel ashamed and unfit as a mother and it's a hhiding to nowhere. i just wnated to give you my best wishes really. Good luck. Sue xx Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest hallyscomet Report post Posted January 10, 2006 Hi Just want to send you some of these <'> <'> <'> we all have days like this. I am sure the teachers realise how difficult this is for you and not judge you. I am sure if these were there children they wouldn't have been able to handle it any different than you have. Just remember you are doing a wonderful job and your children love you, whatever happens, you will always handle it. Remember we are always here for you and understand how those days feel. Allow yourself to say it is okay to feel powerless from time to time, you are not superwoman. Take care Regards Hailey <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rainbow queen Report post Posted January 10, 2006 oh my mum 22boys you sound just like me my 4 year old has the probs but my 3 year old also dose that what you said-i thought hed learnt it too off 4 year old but im not sure now im going my gp on mon to ask about if he could have probs too. he bit and headbutted a lady in the que at sainsburys while my 4 year old ran round the shop squeling like a pig------really are at my wits end ----no more will i take them to shop together but as for school as im single mum i have to take both at same time and it very often happens just like you said,the head has seen it to in my case and tryed suggested sticker ###### chart for it Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jill Report post Posted January 10, 2006 (edited) To mum22boys & witsend & everybody else who posts on here. It is NOT your fault that our children sometimes do not conform to what people would have us believe is "normal". You ARE good mums. Yes, children will copy their siblings, after all how do we learn except by copying someone else? However, they will also copy you and other important adults and children in their lives. They will learn behaviour that you want them to, because of the good examples that you set. In my opinion (and I am NEVER wrong ) the parents that post on this site are the BEST parents in the world and DO NOT let anyone else EVER let you think otherwise. Those people that "tut" or "huff" or pass comment - how long to you think THEY would last in your house as the sole adult for the day? Rainbow Queen - sticker charts This is an insidious suggestion creeping into all our homes, generated by the various "I can tell you how to raise your children better than anyone else" shows that are taking over our tv. Someone suggested these as a way to help potty train The Boy. "Give him a sticker then" says I "go on". What does The Boy do? Pull a disgusted face at this revolting object stuck to his fave tshirt, remove it quickly, stick it onto the objectional person that stuck it on him in the first place & kick their shins firmly They didn't offer him another sticker Edited January 10, 2006 by Jill Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
UltraMum Report post Posted January 10, 2006 Mum22boys, Witsend and Rainbow Queen Lots of <'> <'> <'> for you all Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lindy-lou Report post Posted January 10, 2006 ive had days where ive blamed myself,even to the point of being ridiculous like if i had called her a normal name she wouldnt be different,but i know its not true but we all look to ourselves 1st when its our kids,my other 2 kids are ok though and i know that what india has is a genetic condition,and no amount of parenting will ever change that. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
OPooh Report post Posted January 10, 2006 <'> <'> I think we all feel like we are to blame at some point. We're awaiting diagnosis and it'd be easier if it's just something we've done wouldn't it - because it would be easier to fix. <'> <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ceecee Report post Posted January 10, 2006 ive had days where ive blamed myself,even to the point of being ridiculous like if i had called her a normal name she wouldnt be different,but i know its not true but we all look to ourselves 1st when its our kids,my other 2 kids are ok though and i know that what india has is a genetic condition,and no amount of parenting will ever change that. Exactly lindy it is a genetic condition and no one should be blaming themselves or others in the case of an adult with A.S. for having the condition.It is down to genetics and no one can be blamed for them.It is not bad parenting or any other absurd reson.Have some of these all of you <'> <'> <'> <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
