Temper Tantrums

[mum22boys]

Hi all,

 

Although we have only realised something is wrong with M in the last six months or so the signs have been there since he was two , it was starting school that highlighted the problems even more.

Anyway he has always had temper tantrums and i had always joked that we went into the terrible twos and never came out! Well when he was about three and throwing these tantrums over nothing i would tell him off for hitting out and smashing things and send him to his room to think about what he had done. I would go back after a while and ask him and he would say he didn't know what he had done. This continued and as the tantrums became more frequent I started to wonder if he actually remembered the tantrum and the lashing out at all.

As i had posted yesterday M had a major tantrum in tesco and he shouted abuse at a member of staff, however once out of this tantrum we went to the same ladies checkout and he spoke to her as if nothing had happened.

Today his teacher called me in and asked me if he could remember his tantrums and i said I didn't think so. She said she had been thinking about it and she was intrigued that on one of his tantrums when he shouted abuse at her and kicked her once out of it he spoke to her as if nothing had happened.

 

What I wanted to ask you all is, do your children remember their tantrums and what happened? Or are they so almost spaced out when like this they don't remember?

 

Just really interested if your kids seem the same as M.

 

Thanks

 

mum22boys

[ceecee]

The only thing i would say is I am sure i have read and it might even have been on here, that it is fairly common for people with A.S. to have a very poor short term memory but an extremely good long term memory.So it could be that he really doesn't remember.hope this helps.

[linss]

Hi i can totally relate to what you say. It was definately starting school that was the biggest wake up call for us.

My son is also the same with tantrums once they are finished for him they appear over and done with and he can carry on as is nothing just happened. This makes understanding them for other people so hard to work out. School wants to go over and over the incident and in my sons mind he has moved on. I see him trying to think what they want him to say !

If something particularly bad has upset him he will sometimes refer to it at a later time perhaps bedtime or some time in the future. This makes me believe that they don't necesserily forget the information is just put in another place till another time. Does that make any sense ?!!!

[nellie]

Yes, I remember this well. The family would be sitting in tears, tearing our hair out after a tantrum, when he would waltz into the room, perfectly happy and surprised to see us upset!!! My son is now 27 and when he has an incident now he is quite upset afterwards because he has a better understanding of what's going on and can even feel upset for others. Probably something to do with theory of mind.

 

At the time I thought he didn't remember the incident but I now realise he did, but didn't want or know how to talk about it afterwards and probably didn't know it had anything to do with us.

 

Hope that make sense.

 

Nellie xx

[oracle]

I have lost count of the times when David has left me shaking like a leaf for hours while he continues after an outburst as if it never happened. It's not that they do not remember because David and Matthew can both give a graffic acount of their outbursts - if requested - but once it's over for them then it's over.

 

Wish it were that easy for me

 

Carole

[linss]

Oh Nellie thanks , reading that makes me feel there is hope for the future for my 7 year old, and it's nice to hear that our instincts as parents who are closest to them,into how they deal with things may be right! thanks

[linss]

Yep Carole ! thats why we're on here now and they are fast asleep !

[UltraMum]

Yes - we replay the while thing and think what we could have done to avert the tantrum or help them with it - for my son it's all done and dusted and normal service is resumed ...

[LittleRae]

Hi Mum22boys

 

I've just recently discovered that DS (10) often doesn't remember outbursts. I had been questioning him about an incident and as ususl getting no response. It was only when I had said 'what happened at school?' and then a few minutes later 'do you remember what you did?' that he said to me: 'Do you want to know what I remember happening or what I know happened?'

 

I remember being quite shocked at the time that he wouldn't remember, but it has happened several times since. In some cases it's a godsend that he can't remember, because when he does, he becomes very upset and tries to 'punish' himself.

 

A

[Mother in Need]

My son of 12 can often not remember what has happened during a meltdown. The bigger the meltdown, the less likely that he simply cannot remember it. He is such a little baby afterwards, needing lots of hugs and saying/whimpering things like: Mum? What happened? Did I? No I didn't! I didn't do that. Mum, mum..etc.

As he can't remember, he also feels that he didn't actually do it.

[carrieq]

Yep Eoghann seems to go into his own world when he goes no talking or reasoning with him. When he comes out it is as if nothing has happened, I am a gibbering wreck and he is sweetness and light, well almost!! Eoghann says he doesn't remember why he goes or what he has done while he is in his temper which may be just as well!!

Carrie

[jools_71]

Sounds so familiar - my son was diagnosed at 5 but I spotted the signs at 2 when trying to place him in a nursery. After a meltdown when I tried to ask him about why he was so angry he kept saying he didnt know. Even now he never remembers anything about them but I am happy to say that the meltdowns are a lot less frequent.