My first encounter with an idiotic passerby.

[Tylers-mum]

Was in the bus station with T, walking to the bus that takes us to the hospital, as we approached the bus, T squealled and this stupid b***h turned around from infront of us and looked at him through squinted eyes and put her finger to her mouth and said 'Sush!'. Well, i weren't in the best of moods anyway as T has been on one since I collected him early from school, very wound up, disobediant, arguementative, tearful etc etc etc. Well, as she did, I looked at her and she had the nerve to look at me in the eyes and smiled. Who does she think she is????

I lost it then and yelled at her not to tell MY son to be quiet and then I, ummm, kinda lost me rag and uttered under breath but loud enough for her to hear a non printable 2 word sentnce (no, I didn't swear!).

 

Where on earth do people get off telling other people's kids off?? Geez!!! It just boiled my blood!!

Edited January 16, 2006 by Tylers-mum

[ceecee]

She is probably a rather sad individual with nothing better to think about and nothing in her life.

[madmooch]

Good on you

 

 

 

Now have a nice Vodka & orange or 2

And chill infront of the telly

 

 

Clare

[hev]

hello tm,yeah things like that really annoy me especially when im having an off day!!steve accidently spilt some milk on a bus once and even though it was nowhere near this woman she was really tutting and raising her eyebrows to other passengers,i know i shouldnt have done it but i stuck my fingers up at her(very very naughty of me!!) i forgot all about it but when i went to my mums a few months later the woman was sitting in my mums house,she was her old school friend!!i wanted to die,neither of us mentioned it,i never told my mum,she would have been mortified!!

[Tylers-mum]

Vodka?? Nope, i soo need a ciggy right now but today is day one of quitting and done well so far, now the shops are shut, I can't get any and I soooo need one. T has been having a meltdown near enough all day long and I've just sent him to bed with me screaming at him! Why is he soooo arguementative?? My stress levels are in the roof!

[OPooh]

Well done for still not smoking through this. (((hugs)))

[Gordie]

She's probably not even a parent, let alone a parent of an autistic child.

 

It sounds like the sort of thing I'd be tempted to do, but wouldn't actually do (coz I'm an Aspie, and we just don't do stuff like that! ).

 

James

[IAmNotPrinceHamlet]

She's probably not even a parent, let alone a parent of an autistic child.

 

It sounds like the sort of thing I'd be tempted to do, but wouldn't actually do (coz I'm an Aspie, and we just don't do stuff like that! ).

 

James

 

 

I've got to admit that I would have done the same in that situation - and I am an Aspie! In fact, I've found myself losing my temper a lot more lately, especially with total strangers who have done something to annoy me. I'm a rare breed, though. I'm a female Aspie with an Aspie son. I am extremely over-protective when it comes to my son, as I am well aware of the problems he faces as he gets older (having experienced them myself). That maternal instinct I had massive problems with when my son was younger seems to have started showing itself.

 

I should stop typing now, as I'm feeling in a rather negative mood.

[lainey]

i totally agree with you i normally find my self being quite fiery with people who do that and iam not normally like that but as i think if they disrespect me and my child then they deserve what they get so good on you

[ceecee]

IAmNotPrinceHamlet

 

I would have done it too and i am an aspie.I haven't the patience to keep quiet and am very protective of my kids.

 

3 aspies in one house bet there's never a dull moment

 

Welcome to the forum

[adamsmum]

Yes i would have been the same. the trouble is i have no probelem saying whot i think so have embarased nigele plenty when defending my boys Still someones got to do it. good on you have a <'>

[Gordie]

I may have confused you all with my comment. I was referring to what the "idiotic passerby" did, not what Tylers-mum did.

 

James

[ceecee]

I do this all the time Gordie

 

Me thinks there are too many aspies on one thread

[adamsmum]

you could be right

[Guest hallyscomet]

Here you go <'> <'> <'> sounds like you need a fesw of these.

Having one of those days, there are cards you can get from the Autism Association so if this ever happens again you can pull one out and give it to them. A lot of us here can really empathise with you <'> <'>

 

 

hello tm,yeah things like that really annoy me especially when im having an off day!!steve accidently spilt some milk on a bus once and even though it was nowhere near this woman she was really tutting and raising her eyebrows to other passengers,i know i shouldnt have done it but i stuck my fingers up at her(very very naughty of me!!) i forgot all about it but when i went to my mums a few months later the woman was sitting in my mums house,she was her old school friend!!i wanted to die,neither of us mentioned it,i never told my mum,she would have been mortified!!

 

 

I had one of those crawl under the carpet and hide experiences too lol you reminded me of something that happened to me just before I was married I was doing a theological course for a year and finally became a Catholic as my parents forgot about me so I did it myself when I was 23. Well, my red faced moment was when I was having one of those days, we all know those, it was late after work I was trying to get out of this carpark and this car tooted at me (angrily I gave them the bird) as I had right of way, ohh ###### it turned out to be a friend in my theological course just tooting to say hi, well, she looked at me her eyes almost popping out of her head and very disgusted. Ohh ######, I thought well God, you didnt do a very good job of me one week out and I do the bird to someone but someone I should never have done this too (red faced) I drove off, pretending I didnt recognise her as I was so embarrassed and had to get outof there in a hurry. I decided it might be better to change churches than face her again. lol

 

Regards

Hailey

[phasmid]

The NAS do cards like those you describe HC, at least for Aspergers. I always have some in my wallet. Never had to hand one out yet - shame really cos I'd love to see the receipients face as I told 'em to 'Eat this!'

[Guest hallyscomet]

I could just imagine their faces PHasmid when you gave them a card and said EAT THIS

 

Hailey

[elaine1]

good god, dont people think life is difficult enough with extra 'helpful' comments like that.

[Strange girl]

I wish I had the guts to have said something to this old man on the bus once. My son had got on the bus in the days when I had him lying on the floor melting down in shops.. I had just got him out of a shop avoiding a major melt down but he was still making a bit of a whingy noise.. Compared to what it could have been I thought we got off lightly. But then this man turned around to my son and shouted Shut up! at him! So my son had a melt down anyway and we had to get off the bus to find a safe place for him to thrash it out.. I couldn't believe this man would do that. or that I didn't say anything to him- I just glared at him in shock while trying to get my son off the bus without kicking any innocent bystanders. My biggest regret is not giving him a mouthful. Its been years and it still bothers me.. You were right to react.

[lynyona]

I havent had the comments but by heck ive had the looks.It was kierans payday today and we go into town so off me him and his younger brother went and we looked around the usual shops as we do every fortnight the same shops same order.Now i am sure we are not alone here after perusing the said shops we buy only two magazines,they have nothing he wants so we proceed back to the car then he goes in a full tyrannical rage,im not going home without buying anything(adding a few f words in as well)Where do you want to go said i nowhere was his reply all the xxx shops are cxxxxp my youngest as had enough of this now everbody looking as kiers getting louder and louder,now i am all the xxxxxx bxxxxxxxs under the sun and i queitly ask him to calm down and then again the younger pipes in for him to be quiet which doesnt help but j makes no exceptions for kier rages here,then he is all the xxxxxxx bxxxxxxxxs as well this carried on for what seemed like alife tim till we rached the car.Then he gets in and starts kicking th back off the seat.He s quiete all the way home and when we get back we ve got slamming the door and verbal abuse and after he as calmed down he then decides what he should have bought.Given that town is 11 miles from us i was not going back but dh as to go to work later and he goes into town so he has one with a list and money for the things he should have bought while we were there.So my stress levels are on overload at the minute and if dh doesnt mange to get what he wants wewill have all this again later,well ive decide that i cannot go on with all this on my own any longer and are going to get back to the clinical psych or social services there as got to be some help i can get somewhere any ideas folks.

 

lynn

[IAmNotPrinceHamlet]

Lynn,

I know exactly how you feel. As stated in my first post on the introductions thread, my entire household (3 of us - two adults and a 10 year old) are Aspies. This can lead to some very embarrassing moments. My DH has a tendency to lose his temper in the middle of the supermarket over the smallest, irrelevant thing. When this happens, I pray for the ground to open up and swallow me. My son doesn't even do this. I then stand there silently raging.

 

I get angry too, but normally there's a good reason (i.e. some idiot has annoyed the cr*p out of me). In fact, it happened to me last week. I was driving up a narrow road and the right of way was mine. A bloke driving towards me in his BMW decided he wasn't going to give way to me, only finally stopping when he could see I wasn't going to be intimidated. He left me the tiniest of gaps to get past him. When I got past him, he bibbed at me! I slammed my brakes on and got out of the car in order to have a go at him for that one. He said my problem was that I was a woman. I replied "No, my problem is that I have to share the road with prats like you who can't drive!" I almost asked him to get out of the car! It's bad, really. I'm a 5'4" tall woman and I almost picked a fight with a much larger bloke. Fear didn't even enter my mind. I was right, he was wrong.

 

There's a huge problem for Aspies where temper is concerned. I spent a long time suffering from serious depression due to being forced to bottle up my anger. I almost got expelled from school for almost strangling someone - I'd been bullied all day ( a regular thing) and this girl said the wrong thing to me. I exploded. I was told that if I ever got into another fight again, I would be expelled. This caused me to bottle up my temper, as being expelled from school was the worst thing they could threaten me with at that point in my life. I wasn't given any help with anger management. I wasn't told how to redirect my anger. It was just bottled up. Now I'm no longer depressed (we're talking 15 years of depression!). My temper is back, but not as bad. I think I've managed to get it under control to a certain extent (well, I'm not hitting people anymore!).

 

I can't offer any advice here, as it's something I don't know how to deal with myself (from both an Aspie's point of view and someone who lives with an Aspie who does the same thing). Hope you get things sorted out.

[ceecee]

IAmNOTPRINCEHAMLET

 

Life must be rather difficult for you, three aspies in one house.There is only one in our house and dh would say that's enough

 

I think people with a.s can find it difficult to control emotions e.g. anger happiness sadness etc.This is why you tend to get these bursts of anger that they are seemingly unable to control over the smallest of things.They can also be extremely emotional o r completely unemotional and not always at the right times or when society would expect them to be.

 

I too have learnt to control my temper to a certain extent and to try to keep calm, after all i guess i cant throw myself on the floor and scream at 37

 

You do get the very few people with a.s who are very passive but it is more likely they are prone to outbursts of completely irrational anger.

 

I think it is all part of having problems with emotions.Hope this helps

 

Best wishes

[IAmNotPrinceHamlet]

IAmNOTPRINCEHAMLET

 

Life must be rather difficult for you, three aspies in one house.There is only one in our house and dh would say that's enough

 

I think people with a.s can find it difficult to control emotions e.g. anger happiness sadness etc.This is why you tend to get these bursts of anger that they are seemingly unable to control over the smallest of things.They can also be extremely emotional o r completely unemotional and not always at the right times or when society would expect them to be.

 

I too have learnt to control my temper to a certain extent and to try to keep calm, after all i guess i cant throw myself on the floor and scream at 37

 

You do get the very few people with a.s who are very passive but it is more likely they are prone to outbursts of completely irrational anger.

 

I think it is all part of having problems with emotions.Hope this helps

 

Best wishes

 

 

Thanks for that, Ceecee. You know how it is, though... DH loses temper for what seems to me to be a really stupid reason. This then annoys me. Me being the Aspie that I am then finds it really hard to not blurt out how irritating his tantrum was, especially when I consider the cause of the outburst to be so petty. I'm working on it, though. Silent raging seems to be ok for those situations. DH has told me that I should just ignore his tantrums. If I ignore them and let him rant, he will calm down just as quickly as he erupted. I am biting my tongue, but it's really, really hard for me.

 

One of the things that really makes me lose my temper is when I feel wronged in some way. For example, if someone is rude or does something to me that I consider to be wrong (blocking my car in, for example), I will confront them about it. If they then don't apologise, I will lose my temper. Unfortunately (or fortunately?), I have a very vicious mouth (no, not vulgar). I have this horrible ability to rip most people to shreds verbally. I rarely lose an argument (I know - sounds arrogant, but it is true). I have an amazing memory for conversations, and normally am able to tie people in knots with their own words (contradictions). My temper doesn't show itself with violence now. I don't even need to shout a lot of the time. Basically, whatever is said to me will be remembered (I have a tape recorder in my head!) and used against the person who said it should they annoy me, then contradict themselves. There was a reason why I studied Law at Uni.

 

I have a very rigid sense of right and wrong (like most Aspies). Rules are there to be followed, even the unwritten ones that have taken me a lifetime to learn. I'm still learning, but I expect NTs to follow those rules that I am aware of. I have learnt that people aren't logical, rational or reasonable and choose to ignore the rules when it suits them, however. This realisation made it easier for me to stop trying to fit in. Now I don't care what people think of me. I am who I am and if people don't like it, they aren't worth my time.

Edited January 17, 2006 by IAmNotPrinceHamlet

[kirstie]

Oh TM , i know what you mean about those awful people who just HAVE to interfere on buses and anywhere else for that matter. At first i used to be so stressed with Lewis's behaviour i wouldn't say a word, sometimes i'd get off the bus half way home in the pouring rain because i couldn't take it, or i've just sat there and let the tears roll down my face. Now though, i am fiercely protective of my son that i will give anyone a mouthful who has got something to say. Aswell as being chucked off a bus i had another driver tell me to"Control your child" to which i replied "You control my child and i'll drive your bus" He shut his trap after that but what surprised me was that everyone on the bus was practically cheering for me! Hey thats a first!

I have to admit i really giggled when i heard about the fingers being stuck up and Hailey giving the bird, hilarious! Easily amused you see!

<'> <'> <'> These are for you TM. Stuff 'em they are all saddos with nothing better to do!

[Guest hallyscomet]

Hi,

 

There's a huge problem for Aspies where temper is concerned. I spent a long time suffering from serious depression due to being forced to bottle up my anger. I almost got expelled from school for almost strangling someone - I'd been bullied all day ( a regular thing) and this girl said the wrong thing to me. I exploded. I was told that if I ever got into another fight again, I would be expelled. This caused me to bottle up my temper, as being expelled from school was the worst thing they could threaten me with at that point in my life. I wasn't given any help with anger management. I wasn't told how to redirect my anger. It was just bottled up. Now I'm no longer depressed (we're talking 15 years of depression!). My temper is back, but not as bad. I think I've managed to get it under control to a certain extent (well, I'm not hitting people anymore!).

 

 

This reminds me of a Personal Development course I went to years ago. Bottling up anger is very harmful to your health, it can come out of your body in all sorts of illness.

 

In their anger management, stress management part of the course we learned a whole lot of strategies to release anger, there were probably 25 people in the course lol one by one we had to get a tennis racket and smash this pillow that was on a mattress, and scream out all our frustrations and hit this pillow until we fell in a heap, they put us in two groups then they take you to the side and someone gave you a massage. The People presenting the course gave us an example, and boy we thought this guy could scream, he did it so loud, that none of us even if we tried could scream as loud as this guy, and he said I want you to get it all out.

 

At the end of it they said anger is our friend and we need to treat this emotion in ways that will not harm us. We need to learn and find ways to express it safely. Man I had some huge issues with my sister I was bottling up for most of my life, so boy did I let it out. I was exhausted but for the first time in my life I felt, that I am no longer under my sisters thumb- she was such a control freak. Treats me like I am her daughter and she is only 5 years older than me.

 

So after this Personal development course they made us write a list of safe ways to express anger,-

 

- play tennis - but try to avoid hitting the opponent

- go to the thrift shop and buy a box full of cheap crockery & go to the tip and throw and smash it like the Greeks love to do.

- do anything physical, wash the car, windows,

- go swimming.

 

 

Anything but bottle it up, then try and treat yourself to a massage even if its only once every few months.

 

So any of you hanging onto anger look after yourself it can be cancer causing

 

so go get it out <'> <'> <'>

 

Regards

Hailey

[ceecee]

IAMNOTPRINCEHAMLET

 

I can relate to much of what you said.My husband calls me the walking memory bank.I too can remember everything people have said but I do tend to edit out the good bits at times and focus on the bad.

 

Out of interest do you have any problems with your short term memory as i know a lot of aspies do.

 

I don't my short term memory is as good as my long term memory but i think that is not necessarily the norm.

 

At school I was good at any subject that involved remembering large chunks of texts and quotes etc e.g. english lit, religious education, history etc.

 

I think there are many aspies that wood make good lawyers.they certainly will argue until they are blue in the face.

 

They also love rules and havea very vivd sense of what is right and wrong I agree with you there.I do feel though that many people with a.s. struggle to know what is right and what is wrong.

 

Best wishes.By the way i try to deal with my anger in a constructive way but sometimes it's hard isn't!t?Take care

[ceecee]

Just to add a bit of useless info.i can remember sitting in my pram as a baby and where pieces of furniture were ina house i lived in when i was three years old.My hubbie says it's not normal and scary.

 

That's the aspie super memory for you.

[IAmNotPrinceHamlet]

IAMNOTPRINCEHAMLET

 

I can relate to much of what you said.My husband calls me the walking memory bank.I too can remember everything people have said but I do tend to edit out the good bits at times and focus on the bad.

 

Out of interest do you have any problems with your short term memory as i know a lot of aspies do.

 

I don't my short term memory is as good as my long term memory but i think that is not necessarily the norm.

 

At school I was good at any subject that involved remembering large chunks of texts and quotes etc e.g. english lit, religious education, history etc.

 

I think there are many aspies that wood make good lawyers.they certainly will argue until they are blue in the face.

 

They also love rules and havea very vivd sense of what is right and wrong I agree with you there.I do feel though that many people with a.s. struggle to know what is right and what is wrong.

 

Best wishes.By the way i try to deal with my anger in a constructive way but sometimes it's hard isn't!t?Take care

 

My short term memory is ok at times. It all depends on how stressed I get. If my stress levels increases, my short term memory goes. Law's a great subject. I thoroughly enjoyed studying it at Uni (although I hated being at Uni and had huge social problems there - obviously). Aspies should be good at Law considering it's about rules. Not only that, the amount of detail you can immerse yourself in is wonderful. I used to be surprised when people would tell me that Law's a hard subject because it wasn't for me. Saying that, I used to have a problem understanding why people found anything hard when I found it easy.

 

 

I remember sitting in an English Lit. A'Level lesson, half asleep. The class were discussing Webster's "The Duchess of Malfi". The teacher spent the entire lesson trying to get something out of them, but they were all missing it. Right at the end of the lesson, I finally put my hand up and answered her correctly. I hadn't said a word the whole lesson up until that point. It wasn't a big class, either. I passed my English Lit. A'Level without every having read one of the set texts ("Great Expectations" by Dickens - a terribly boring book. I couldn't get past the first chapter). When I was asked how I managed it, I explained that it was down to me listening to the class discussing the book. I didn't have to read it because I listened to them talking about it. That was enough for me. The A'Level essay I wrote was on Dickens' use of comedy in "Great Expectations", comparing and contrasting it to other works by Dickens. I was also very good at History. Subjects that didn't interest me in the slightest caused me problems because I could not force myself to concentrate on them. The information would not stay in my mind. I only remember that which interests me. I did my A'Level Law in one year by going to both the first and second year classes - and I passed (I had to change from Chemistry A'Level because it really didn't go with my other two subjects). Government and Political Studies A'Level was also a doddle for me, as Politics was one of my major obsessions from an early age. I canvassed for the Tories from the age of 7! I'm not a Tory now, though.

 

 

Sorry if this is boring....I know I waffle on a bit!

 

Take care.

Edited January 18, 2006 by IAmNotPrinceHamlet

[Strange girl]

Just to add a bit of useless info.i can remember sitting in my pram as a baby and where pieces of furniture were ina house i lived in when i was three years old.My hubbie says it's not normal and scary.

 

That's the aspie super memory for you.

 

I remember being in my pushchair barefoot and the feel of the footrest- I can see it like it was yesterday. I remember the smell of the spring breeze and my stomach tickling as it rose and we went over a dip in the pavement. I also remember furniture and precise details of colour, odour and feel of material and design from my nan's kitchen from when I was 2. spooky not normal aspie memory here too my son only has to listen to a song and later he'll just sing it in its entirety, with all the words I hadn't even noticed were in the song in the first place. the mind boggles.

[ceecee]

Strange girl

 

You would be surprised at how normal it is for aspies to have the super memory you describe.Many can remember colours of carpets and curtains from when they were very young just as you can.

 

I had to remember for a police officer a couple of years ago where a teachers desk was in relation to the door.This was from when i was just ten years old.I remembered it perfectly for her, also where the blackboard was where the windows were, where the outside door was and where other children sat in the class. Twenty five years had passed!!!

 

She couldn't believe what she was hearing.It all helped the case she was investigating though.Her face was a picture

 

So yes definately an aspie thing to be able to remeber such detail from so young.

 

Aspies love detail.I ask so many questions in a row so I get all the details that my poor daughter and hubby run off with their hands over their ears

 

I don't mean to though I don't realise until after .

[Bullet]

I can remember my dad bringing in the coal to the house when I was about 18 months. I was looking at him smiling but not feeling anything about it. I knew he was my dad and that it meant he was an important part of my life, but I felt no affection towards him. That did change though

I also remember a dream I had when I was about two and a half.