Need advice please

[smallworld]

Hi,

as usual I am saving what's really bothering me until the wee small hours !

My 6 yr old son's latest thing to shout is 'SHUT UP, YOU FAT PIG', this is something he heard in an argument between his older siblings over a month ago. Since then he is shouting this everytime he doesn't get his own way or is asked to do something he doesn't want to do.

I have tried, not always with success, to ignore this and give him no attention when he's saying it.

I have also tried to give him something less objectionable to shout.

I have tried rewarding him for only using 'good' words rather than 'naughty words'

I have finally resorted to 'NO nanan & grandad's'

I have to admit I've tried the smacked bum method but he thinks this is hilarious and enjoys it

Nothing is working, any ideas ?

He's now doing this at school (mainstream) which is causing me, and them, major worries, how long's it going to be before a parent complains ? ( I do have my answer ready to their complaints ! )

 

thanks,

wac

[Paula]

Oh heck.

 

All i can say is my As son goes through phases of using phrases hes heard either of the tv or from his elder Nt sister and then useing them when a similar situation crops up.

 

We try not to react but its not easy.

 

Yer know what id just let him get on with it.I bet hell get fed up and start shouting something else with any luck.

 

If parents complaine then explaine to them why hes doing it.

 

I tell yer Nt kids shout a lot worse than shut up yer fat pig as parents who pass aschool playground or a senior school know only too well.

 

 

Think of all the stuff he could be shouting useing far worse words than fat pig.

[phasmid]

This is never easy. You can ignore it and see if that helps, agreeing with the insult can also work. The other thing that may work is removal of his favourite activity/toy etc. It is finding what bothers him the most and using it to control behaviour. Whether any of that will work I don't know, they have and they haven't in my house at times.

 

HTH

[smallworld]

Thanks Paula and Phasmid,

I got called in to see Senco when we arrived at school, I was expecting to hear that a parent had complained but she just wanted to ask me if I could suggest any other strategies to deal with this shouting out cos his class teacher is finding it really wearing too.

As is my style for the mo, I ended up

This has been the first thing that has really got me feeling totally defeated, or deflated

Strangely, yesterday my sister told me that my grandmother would not allow 'fat pig' to be used in her house, it was the one thing she went totally mad about and she once chased my uncle down the street with a broom after he dared say it

Good job I don't possess a broom !

Anyway, I did tell senco that we had run out of ideas to deal with this latest behaviour, and my last ( and barmiest !) idea was that maybe we should allow him to say it at home in return for not saying it at school ?

If we can get him out of saying it at school I think I will becomes less stressed and more able to ignore this particular phrase and hopefully he'll get bored when there's no reaction and it will gradually disappear.

What do you think ?

thanks for reading my ramble,

 

wac

[cmuir]

Hi

 

My son does exactly the same sort of thing. Have to say, I'm really think that it's best to ignore. For instance, when someone (familiar or unfamiliar) is talking to me or my son, he'll growl at them and shout at them not to speak to him accompanied by a barage of abuse as well. It's not easy, and can be embarassing (not sure if that's quite the best description), but I've found that things calm down much quicker by ignoring it. Obviously, if it someone that doesn't know my son, then they can be quite shocked. They tend to pick up on the fact that I ignore what's being said and keep talking as normal. He actually becomes much worse when attention is drawn to the fact that he shouldn't say the words that he uses.

 

Not a lot of help I know and it's not easy, but I've found I've had better results by ignoring his rants!

 

Caroline.

[smallworld]

Thanks Caroline,

I think ignoring it is really the best option, but now it seems to have turned into a really big deal and my son son is certainly enjoying the reaction he is getting

I forgot to mention that the senco said she will be asking for an early review if this carries on, now sat at home, I'm thinking 'to what end ?'

Does the school think they are no longer able to cope ? She was also asking me if I'd thought about which junior school yet?

That's another thing to worry about then

Might be ringing for the support worker to come back again

 

wac

Edited February 24, 2006 by waccoe

[loulou]

Hi,

 

Kai (7) does this too. It's really awful, i know. Thankfully he is in a special school, so they totally ignore it when he shouts out. It was a nightmare for me when he was in mainstream, so i know how you feel.

 

All i can suggest is TOTALLY ignoring it. I've tried all options, as you have , but none of them worked. Kai seems to go through phases of this, and i now completely ignore him (even in public, stuff what they think!). Ignoring is the ONLY thing that works for us. Saying that, it is not an instant cure. You just have to stick with it and ride it out.

 

I have just been called an old hag by Kai in ASDA tonight, as i stopped to talk to a friend. He shouted it really loudly and everyone was looking. I just blanked him. I'm sure they were all thinking, "Ooh, look at her, she just got called an old hag by her son and she didn't say anything."

 

Good luck,

 

Loulou x

[rainbow queen]

lol at lou lou

 

i know its not funny at time sorry its the way i saw it in my head as i also do this with my son ignore it

and folk most likly think fancy not saying anything.

[CarerQuie]

I go the 'ignore' route,too.Rh is into swearing at a loud volume.my teens overreact but don't realise that it's them he's imitating!!!

 

The difference is,they have the social skills to know where and when to use those words (ie. not in adult company;he doesn't!)

 

As for what others think,I know what is going on with him and they don't.xx

[kirstie]

This is hard i know, Lewis has been calling me weirdo this week! We were on the bus the other day and i asked him to sit down and stop jumping about to which he replied (after a pause) "Weirdo!" at the top of his voice! I ignored him. But could feel the stares burning into me from everyone else on the bus! I think Caroline is right, the more reaction they get to these things the more they will do it. Having said that at one point Lewis was so bad using the f word every time he was angry which was a lot of the time that i had to implement a strategy of putting him in his time out chair. It was so successful in other ways i thought it has to be done, it was getting too much. I did it at home when he swore, the nursery did it and even his swimming teacher took him out of the pool and sat him at the side if he did it. I told him if he swears he goes in the time out chair. It seemed to work because he is a lot better. I'm not saying the odd swear word doesn't slip out but it's rare now. Now he will say he hates all these humans, instead of swearing and screaming at them (especially on buses if someone sits on one of his imaginary friends!!! )

[carrieq]

Ds goes through phases of calling out. He will do it everyday in the house and every so often outside but this has escalated since he has been on both Straterra and Ritalin. He used to call out words "ogre" was a favourite but he has taken to barking and making silly sounds. He also calls me names in public and don't you just wish people would keep their busy body expressions to themselves and accept that the parent of the child knows what they are doing!!

Carrie

[stressedmumto2]

My son too goes through this. The very bad saying I wont say butthe otherday he said "I hope you die a horrible death", I just ignored it. I later heard it on "Drop dead Fred" and we both looked at each other.

 

If weare out in public I willmostly ask him notto say these thing's as it's not nice, at home I just ignore.

 

I think often and in my case I am more worried about other people's reactions so know I just try not to look at anyone and focus on him, trying to change the subject.

 

It is a difficult one and maybe in a bit of time he probably wont be saying it anymore.

 

Good luck