"House Rules"

[loulou]

Hi everyone,

 

I've had the house to myself today, so i've devised a set of "House Rules" to try to get Kai's behaviour back on track. I saw my neighbour had a "contract" on her fridge which her (NT) son had signed.

 

I've made the "house rules" for myself and Kai, to make it seem more fair. I read them to him when he came in, and asked him if he could think of any more. Some of the rules he didn't like, but i think he got the jist of it.

 

Here's my "Rules":

 

No shouting

No being rude to each other or answering back

No swearing (this is rude and not nice)

No hitting or kicking (we must not hurt each other)

No throwing things (it is dangerous and things can get broken)

Be nice to each other (then we are both happy)

Respect each other (think about each other's feelings)

Look after our things (it is sad when things get broken)

Help to keep the house tidy (we can find things when we need them)

Always ask before getting something to eat

Look after our cats (they need us to keep them safe)

 

I'm going to stick the list on the centre of the fridge and put clip-arts around the edge, to show the rules more visually. We have to sign to say we will try hard to follow the rules.

 

What does anyone think? Any ideas/experiences? I wondered if it was too much, but we just went to the corner shop for batteries and i picked up a pack of chews and Kai said, "Mummy, put that back you haven't asked yet. It's a RULE." Bless him.

 

Loulou x

[lil_me]

I used positives and negatives together like

 

Speak nicely to each other ------ No Shouting

 

We agreed rules as a family rather than us deciding, quite shocked at what the children wanted as rules for themselves and others.

 

We have agreed penalties and rewards for keeping to and going against house rules. Dad and Mam have both had to go on the 'time out step'. Whats good for one is good for the rest in this house.

 

I also use symbols aswell as text on the list. Little one can't read but knows what they mean and oldest is very visual.

[oracle]

Your rules sound fine but for a child as young as Kai I personally think that there are far too many of them for him to remember them all.

 

I was once advised never to try and enforce more than 3 rules at any one time.

 

Our only rule - which works - is

 

Keep your hands, feet and other objects to yourself at all times!

 

Carole

[jen]

We have set rules such as you eat dinner at the table with everyone. You knock the bedroom doors before entering. You say please, thank you and be polite. Bedtime is 8pm except in holidays. Our son has to try a new vegetable every sunday. These are our rules we have made up.

 

 

If our son is naughty at school he has time out on the stairs and either gives up his playstation or cartoons. If very naughty he give up both. If our son is good at school he gets a reward money or sweets. (These rules were formed by both ourselves and our son, he punishes himself far harder that I would.

 

This works very well for us and helps our child at home and school.

 

Jen

[JsMum]

Hi I think the rules are really good and me and J worked together on the topic respect,

 

we researched it and realised we didnt really know what respect was until we looked into it,

 

we really enjoyed it, for me and J any rules that are to be installed need to be clear and idenifiable,

 

so putting it writing on the wall isnt any good as J can not read,

 

but pictures are good,

 

or even give him a camera and use drama to illistrate the rule so a picture of your son maybe looking like he is kicking someone then print it onto word and add a big red no on top so illistrate no kicking, and print it.

 

add more that are spersific to your rules.

 

 

Also a instant consequence like 5mins time knocked off TV or a playstation game time taken off there.

 

Doing the chart in photos gets him invovled too and adds a great tool for information been recieved in the process of the rules been implented.

 

There might be areas in the house where if mad or angry there is somewhere to kick, like those blow up tykwondo kick bags or a punchbag so they are still getting rid of the frustration.

 

I have a place in the house for J to go to where if he needs to let go he can safely without the consequenced as its very important to learn to let go and get it out with out it hurting anyone, so a red corner for the anger to go to, but supervised and assisitted.

 

You might think i am nuts encouraging J to let go but it has to come out or melt downs are aggrivated by bottoled up emotions.

 

I give J a dictaphone now and he talks or screams, swears in that if he needs to do it where he isnt been rude to others.

 

Looking at feelings and emotions for J has really helped him with the rules in the house and he now has a routine and statagie that works for most of the time and that is why I felt I needed to reply sorry if it all sounds like nonsence and mad.

 

JsMum

[smiley]

Excellent idea

 

I also stick in one or two that arn't a problem - that way ds is already getting praised and being apreciated for what he can do

[rainbow queen]

think thats good i have rules too but never have had them down in writing before or gone through them and got son to sign

 

im going try it though sounds good .i will try anything to see if it works.

[tmf]

Hi

 

They sound fab and i think everyone who has replied has offered some valuable advice.....

 

negatives with positives

picture with tx

only 3 at a time

angry corner to release frustations

 

Like rainbow queen, i have rules but not had them wrote down, so by the replies everyone has given i will certainly give it a go. And by the sounds of it the key is do it together!

 

Hope they work, keep us posted!

 

tmf

x

[JsMum]

Hi I have been thinking about the rules that you have placed and a lot of them are related to been angry and lashing out, throwing things and screaming and shouting, all the things we do when we are angry so Me and J have already done a lot of research on this and wanted to share with you one piece of the research was from the website

 

http://www.standards.dfes.gov.uk/

 

Go into teaacher tv and in the search block at the top and place in ANGER then a list comes up and the first one is called Anger management. Primary.

 

Click that one and it describes the details of the show, if you have broadband you can watch the video and it is very good and recent and we have modified the stratagies for the Home and we did the diagrame where the body reacts to anger.

 

I strongly recommend this website for further information on anger.

 

Hope I havent offended you as I understand that ASD they do get very frustrated but I know with J it was a lack of control with his feelings and emotions and so we did anger therapy.

 

 

Hope you dont mind me sharing with you the research we did.

 

Fun Mum

Edited February 27, 2006 by JsMum

[Tilly]

I think rules are a good thing lets face it, is a way of life.

 

I attended a parent nurturing course at my dd school for 10 weeks and we were taught to make everything appropriate for the child that being the rules, the rewards and the penalties and choices.

 

Dd also likes a star chart so she can see how well she has behaved. At christmas we painted a christmas tree and covered it in the stars or we might have a starry night time sky etc. We were also told that if we have rewarded the child we must never take that reward from them -they earned it .

 

If anyone gets the chance to go on a nurturing course i would recommend it i had a good "me" time and learned some good strategies. Mind you I sometimes find it hard to implement them all the time - but hey we are only human.

 

 

Tilly

[Flora]

I don't have rules as such, but we have a house 'ethos', which is that 'home is a haven for everyone that lives there', and anything that is done that disrupts that haven is breaking the rules. This way we can have flexibility and the children learn as we go along, rather than having a list of do's and don'ts to remember. It works for us.

 

Lauren