jealousy? or something more

[asereht]

My daughter ( NT) 17 yrs old has been a right pain lately. One day she is normal the next she is moaning at or about AS son amongst other things ,there's a long list. She doesn't seem depressed and can turn the mood on and off depending on how much attention she is getting.

She has started copying my younger As sons rude behaviour ,he is even rolling his eyes and calling her childish.

She has always been a little jealous of him and watches what everyone gets and throws a fit if she thinks she's missed out ,she never is left out,but has always been a bit demanding.Hubby thinks she is spoiled and so does older son.I would like to think different but now I worry that in trying to make up for all the time given to AS son I have turned into her slave/money tree.

 

I know she doesn't have a lot of confidence,doesn't think she is pretty enough etc. she can get very stroppy when she doesn't get her own way but is all over me when I am doing what she wants.I love her to bits but worry if there is something wrong.She is doing very well in college and I have told her how pleased I am. Now I feel I have totally ruined her. She is rude and abusive to me today but would be ever so nice tomorrow if she needed to be brought somewhere/collected/wanted money/a cup of tea/her dinner you name it.

 

Thing is I thought we got on great went places together and were like sisters,but hubby says she is only like that when I am giving her all the attention. She would moan at me to go somewhere with her ,even if we'd been out all day and sulk if I couldn't go,but if a friend calls then she goes off without a second thought about me.( which is good ,she should be with friends) hubby thinks this is being selfish.He also thinks I am at her beck and call and should stop doing so much for her.When I said I feel guilty about spending so much time with AS son,hubby said she knows this and is just pressing all the right buttons with me.

 

Just want to add this same girl often buys me little presents for no reason. As she is not working I give her pocket money but after she was very rude to me this evening I told her it stops until I get an apology.

 

Am I being to hard?

 

By the way things going great with my AS son at the moment. BEAM ME UP SCOTTY!!!

[Flora]

Hi Theresa

 

I don't think I'm really qualified to comment give advice on older teenagers... (but I will anyway )

 

JMOFWIW I think you are absolutely right to stand your ground regarding the money. Whatever the background, even if you DO spend the lions share of time and attention on AS son, she should not be allowed to get away with being rude to you. I don't have a great deal of rules, and I'm well aware that I probably spoil all my 3 children but one rule I do have is that nobody is allowed to be rude or abusive to each other. This is based on the ethos that home is a haven for EVERYBODY that lives there, parents and children alike. No matter how old they are or what their problem might be.

 

So you stick to your guns, show her that yes you love her and sometimes you show that love by spoiling her but that does not give her a free for all on being rude to the family she lives with.

 

Lauren

[Two naughty children!]

i've got a 15 year old NT girl who lives with me. She can be so vile sometimes and then the next minute absolutely lovely, especially if she wants something. I am now having to get really firm and harsh with her as even I can see she is taking advantage, and has worked out there is nothing that will hurt me more than saying I love my ASD child more and give her more, my younger son says she is a spoilt brat, "out of the mouth of babes".

 

I feel really bad when I have to be hard on her, but I know it will make her a stronger person in the long run.

 

I think all girls are manipulative, I know I can be with my husband when I want something, but I would never admit that to him or the kids, so don't tell anyone!!

 

Just stay firm and things will get better, I can see a light at the end of the tunnel, but it's been hard.

[asereht]

Thankyou both ,Lauren I will stick to my guns.

 

TNC ,my daughter does this also ,you know the you love/give/do more for him than me.

I'll have to keep coming back to read these posts when I feel myself crumbling..Must not give in. Thanks again.

[CarerQuie]

There is something about teenage daughters of a certain age....xx

[Paula]

My Nt daughter is 14 and sounds exactly like youre 17 year old.

 

Im the bees knees when dishing out the cash.Which i do often becausaee i feel guilty for the time our as son takes up.She also knows how to push the buttons.

 

She does sod all round the house doesnt help at all.Shes a paine in the bloomeing backside.

 

But we all know this is teenagers and teenage girls lets face it are i think better at being paines than boys.Coz theyve had us mums to teach them how to get what they want.

 

My daughters at her best when i just leave her to it and let her do what ever she wants with in reason.I learnt long ago and after many a arguemnt some things arent worth the hassle.So what her rooms a mess,she doesnt hang her clothes up but she doesnt do drugs,drink or fags and never hangs round the streets.

 

Ill be glad when shes buggerd of though and left home. Did i say that !!!!!!!!!

[justamom]

My NT dd is 11 going on 15 and she is the same, very lazy around the house and mouthy.... She has a tough time with her brother and i do the same end up compensating for feeling guilty about all the time is spent on her brother.

 

My dd is very jealous of her brother and has often said that she wished that she had As then she could gets some attention. If i could split myself in 2 it would make life easier but i try to do the right thing and be equal and its hard when one child requires most of your attention.

 

I too have to be hard on her but love her all the same....

 

Justamom