how do your families deal with the rages?

[Guest flutter]

How do you know when you are leaving someone out, or making them felel less loved?

How do you dicipline a child and does dicipline work??

Is this my life now when they gets told no she lashes out and hurt herself me and ohters?

i am at a complete loss just now

[Guest hallyscomet]

Hi Flutter

 

How old is your child, and what was the diagnosis, did they prescribe any meds, and is she taking meds all this information will help you get some broader feedback.

 

Regards

Hailey

[Paula]

When my son was younger and i was less experianced in dealing with his rages i used to stupidly try to reason with him in the middle of the rage.

 

This just made him explode even more.

 

 

Hes know 12 and still is prone to outbursts and rages if things dont go accoring to his plans.But now adays the outburst only last at the most 10 minutes.I just refuse to get into it with him,i dont speak to him and i let him work it out of his system.He also normally stopmps about to his room and punches the bed.It gets it out of his system.I dont intervene unless hes in danger or is hitting someone else.

 

When its all simmered down i normally give him a hug if hell allow this and ask if hes ok and what was the problem.If hes able hell explaine but 99% of the time he cant.I then have learnt from bitter experiance never to mention the incident againe or else it all kicks of againe.

 

Sometimes and it can be up to 2 weeks after an outburst hell out of the blue say im sorry and ill say wehat for and hell referare back to something id forgotten all about hell then say his mind went fuzzy and he got confused.

 

Thats how we deal with the rages.

[jb1964]

Hi Flutter,

 

Feel for you having such a tough time. I don't know how old your daughter is and can only relate to my experiences. When my daughter was younger I could contain/control ? her aggression easier than I can now (she's 12) - her outbursts have got worse and worse (although she is 12 and going through puberty - so that has some bearing I know).

 

When she was little she saw a Psych. for behaviour problems (way before she was diagnosed AS) and they told me to hold her in a certain way - i.e. sit on the floor with her back to your front - wrap your arms and legs round her tightly so that she couldn't flay her arms around and rock her (I used to sing her favourite song which was Baby mine out of the Dumbo film). Obviously the older she got this was harder to do and I wouldn't even attempt it now!!

 

She also spoke to my daughter about a 'worry box' - and we had to make a sealed box with a slit in the top which she was to write down anything that was worrying her on a piece of paper and put it in the box and the box would take care of the worry. This didn't always work but it did sometimes.

 

(Obviously we'd then open it and read it to see if we could help with anything in the meantime and re-seal it back up).

 

Take care,

Jb

Edited May 3, 2006 by jb1964

[Bagpuss]

Hi,

 

We found staying calm was the key. Not easy I know. We also found removing her from the room (if we were home) and placing her elsewhere until the screaming subsided helped. Any sign of agitation from us increased the screaming. Discipline didn't seem to help, although some threats did....ie. writing in home/school diary, informing teacher, etc etc...but we usually ended up feeling sooo guilty afterwards, so stopped. In public its tougher. If we can just take her home, we do.

 

Sorry I couldn't be of more help and good luck!

 

Take care,

 

Debs

[Guest flutter]

thanks for replies

i cant help wondering if some of this is puberty (she 11) and pmt at the best of times is a b**ch so with asd too ?

but she is bigger than me and if we have a rage it is scary,

x

[Paula]

Teenage girls are scarey i know ive got one.

 

My daughter is 14 and NT.And she went into terrible rages when she hit puberty at around 11/12 years of age.She was just full of anger and anything would set her of on a rant that left both her and me exhausted.We went through a year of utter hell on earth with her,i used to have to phone parentline just to have a listening ear and in between all this shed have to go and stay at her grandmas because i just couldnt take it.She was alos very violent and would think nothing of punching me.At one stage i wanted to put her into care thats how bad it got.

 

Now combine all that as in youre case with ASD and my case with my AS son and puberty and its gonna be a rocky ride to put it mildley.

 

My daughter did come through it all though and is now a resonable member of society.The secret is staying calm unfortunalty were only human not angels.

[call me jaded]

Difficult, flutter. The techniques I've got are for younger children - something akin to the naughty step which still works with my nearly 12 y/o. Actually what bagpuss has just written.

 

No TV? computer? I think not showing that you're annoyed is possibly the most effective. And going straight home if you're out. You have to be seen to mean it.

[DaisyProudfoot]

Mine's still young enough to be removed from a situation (he's 9) but invariably I remove the source of the rage if I can. We all try to remain calm and often ignore the rage (unless it involves hurting himself or another person) and wait for it to pass. Then we don't mention it again, usually because he's so exhausted mentally and physically when he comes out of it, as are we of course.

 

However, I must admit that since attending the NAS Help! course about how to speak to your child and Martin's own therapy meetings with his psychologist the rages are fewer. Unfortunately teen years are just around the corner, and I've got two of those already, they're tough enough and they're NT!

 

Oh, yippee skip!

[patrick w]

My son is 13/14 and his raging has defiantly decreased in severity and duration...(they used to last for hours before).... Now, i dont get into it with him ..absoulutely no point..... i dont punish him either for breaking stuff by withdrawing anything..i used to and it made things far worse........ i always let him get it out somewhere away from me..... try encourage him not to break too much stuff,and tear bthe newspaper up..but even normally saying anything isent a graet idea... He always comes out of it . and recently, in 10 mins or so....

Sometime later..not after he has immediately calmed down or it could start up again... i try and talk to him..always by first apologising for upsetting him (even though 99% of time i have done almost nothing), he says why he got cross, and often apologises , which is just amazing.. I say we will get it right oneday and not to worry too much about it as i know it gets him down...He has told me how much he hates getting in rage, and so i always try and focus on what was positive about how he dealt with it..not breaking anything and just hitting the pillow or door..... It's pretty hard , but it does work well for me . I hate seeing him like that.

Edited May 14, 2006 by patrick w

[jb1964]

Mine's still young enough to be removed from a situation (he's 9) but invariably I remove the source of the rage if I can. We all try to remain calm and often ignore the rage (unless it involves hurting himself or another person) and wait for it to pass. Then we don't mention it again, usually because he's so exhausted mentally and physically when he comes out of it, as are we of course.

 

Often with my daughter its impossible to remove the source of the rage as usually she can't communicate what it is thats upset her or if she can its because she can't understand a question or an action - for instance all today has been one constant on off rage - she is terribly sad, depressed, wants to die, no-one loves her - this has all started since yesterday when she had a report in school to complete and it gave her attendance which had 47 unauthorised absences (and 100+ authorised absences) - she's completely got in a state and is worried we are going to be put into prison - even though the EWO/LEA have agreed for her to be part-time (mornings only) and she has home tuition now 3 x afternoons - she can't understand how she has so many unauthorised absences and there's been nothing I can do to help her because I can't answer her questions (and haven't been able to speak to anyone in school) - we have her review meeting tomorrow so will be able to sort it out then - but since last night it's been one continuous hell.

 

Sometime later..not after he has immediately calmed down or it could start up again... i try and talk to him..always by first apologising for upsetting him (even though 99% of time i have done almost nothing), he says why he got cross,

 

I find myself apologising all the time - and although 99% of the time it's not my fault - I am starting to understand that it's my daughters interpretation of what I've said that's caused it. My daughter will also usually apologise some time afterwards - she gets very frightened during these outbursts and you can see the fear in her face, she doesn't like to be left alone and if you try to leave because she's being physically aggressive she will follow you around the house and eventually start to headbang/pull hair or scram her face - afterwards she remembers very little about what has happened and is exhausted - both mentally and physically - but knows that she's been upset.

 

It's so difficult to try to help them - I'd do anything to try and make her confusion less - but don't have any answers.

 

Take care,

Jb

[Guest flutter]

<'> <'>

jb hope it goes ok today and you get some peace and she can have to absences explained to her satisfaction and understanding

we are a bit like that here jb, we find out after wards what has put the pressure on to cause the behaviour cos i said "no"

bout time someone really noticed what our lives are like

tc X

[patrick w]

My son used to follow me around the house, head-banging, spitting, smacking himself in the face, making weird gutteral noises...It has not been so extreme recently , (actually, for quite a while)..i put that down to he has lessened the stress of his daily life situation.. But it is very hard to predict... his stress levels could be rising over a period of days and then an outburst that seems to catch me unawares could occur.. The stresses are hard to see sometimes as they start small but accumulate to him...could start as something as small as the tv remote is slow..i may not even notice him worrying about it...but 5 or 6 small , but similar things and it could lead to overlaod.. Sometimes, i can see that something is worrying or confusing him...The recent mistaken release of a 1000 dangerous criminals has really stuck with him..he kept asking how it could have happend..he doesent get the actual working of it..to him in his lieteral mind, he cant see how they jsut opened the prison doors and letf it happen... This could mean, that in a few days,if a few more inputs, he could have an episode... I try and make sure i explain each sitaution i think might confuse him before it happens..like going into a particular shop ..why, for how long and what he can get or not get.. he still hates it when i go around tescoes and disapppear..he wants to shadow me..but on good days he is ok wandering.. ithink it reminds him of all that confusion he experienced in the playground at school,,when he didint know what was going on and couldnt find anyone to play with....

I do hope things are a bit easier today jb.. i really do.. she sounds like you is finding it hard to understand the situation.... She sounds pretty similar to my son..he is 13 and a half

Edited May 14, 2006 by patrick w

[jb1964]

Thanks Flutter/PatrickW.

 

I hope it goes ok too (the review is at 11am).

 

I think what you have said Patrick is exactly the situation we have at the moment - about a culmination of things that have reached overload. We have over the past 3 weeks or so had a few major incidents that she's become anxious over and haven't really been put to rest (if you know what I mean) then the final one is what breaks the camels back (so to speak).

 

She was awake until the small hours crying about how sad everything is making her feel and she just can't cope and will it get any better because she thinks her feelings are suicidal and theres just no point in living like this anymore. It breaks your heart because you cannot do a damn thing to make her feel better.

 

Take care,

Jb

[Guest hallyscomet]

Hi Flutter,

 

I suggest you have a read of the links on Risperdal in Medications section of the forum.

 

A lot of parents agree, this medication supports our ASD to cope with the symptoms of ASD my sons Paediatrician put my son on this at the age of 12 and it turned his life around. Have a look at mine toward the end, so I am not repeating myself.

 

http://www.asd-forum.org.uk/forum/index.php?showtopic=638

 

Saying a prayer for you Flutter have faith that it is a good decision if you go down this path.

 

I trust my sons Paediatrician 100% he is the best.

 

Hailey

[Guest flutter]

hailey we have a script for it have had since january,

but is such a big decision, espec the weight gain issue, cos daughter dopes obsessivly eat anyhow

we shall see

C x

[Sallya]

Flutter

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xxx