Has anyone ever had help with getting child to school?

[Give me a clue]

Hi

 

I have a son, 8 dx AS/ADHD. Over the last 3 months he has started refusing to go to school. At first I could get him to school and he would just run off within the school grounds and I had to get help from a teacher to get him into the classroom. The school and I have talked to him and there is nothing specific that is bothering him apart from not liking school generally.

 

Last week he ran all the way home from school (just over half a mile) and 2 teachers and myself had to chase after him and then try and get him back by carrying him,whilst he became very agressive and lashed out and kicked us. Today I tried to drive him to school and he tried to jump out of the window as the child lock is always on, as he has tried to jump out of the car before now. My eldest son had to try and restrain him. He managed to jump into the boot of my estate car and then starting throwing things at my head whilst I drove. He threw his shoes out of the window and after stopping several times, we eventually tried to carry him into the school. He lay down in the road and I had a real job getting him up and out of danger of passing traffic.

 

When we got to school he then proceeded to punch me in the stomach and say that I kept hurting him (in front of the teachers/deputy head.) The only time I use force or restraint is when he is danger so you can imagine how I felt!

 

School have not come across behaviour as extreme before and I just wondered has anyone been in similar circumstances? Does anyone know of any instances where transport has been arranged for their child to be collected with some sort of assistance? i.e SAS style help or massive bodyguards LOL.

 

School are trying to get some advice on this but these things take time and I am at the stage where I can no longer manage physically or mentally.

 

Any suggestions would be gratefully received.

 

Michelle

[Blue-Kat]

Hi Michelle

 

SS used to help to take our kids to school/nursery due to my disability - wouldn't recommend it !

 

if my son didn't want to go somewhere that strongly, I wouldn't force him.

 

see http://www.he-special.org.uk/articles/aspergersindex.php

for inof on home education + AS.

 

regards

-

[oracle]

My son was 11 when we started having these kinds of problems with him. You have to find out 'why' he does not want to go to school? My son had basically had enough of trying to fit in and coping. He had a total breakdown and after trying to get him back into school for two years we gave up and home educated, which for us turned out to be the best thing to do. It was also the best thing for my son who has thrived in the last four years.

 

Oracle

[loulou]

Hi Michelle,

 

<'>

 

Reading your post sounds as if it could have been written about my son (7 1/2 ADHD/AS). I agreee with the others that you need to find out WHY he is refusing school so much. Is it a mainstream school?

 

I went through very similar with my son when he was 5 (pre diagnosis). He did the throwing things at my head whilst i was driving, trying to get out of the car, doing a runner as soon as we got to school, kicking and punching me and the teachers and squeezing himself between two filing cabinets and refusing to come out . I tried major bribery to get him into school with no effect.

 

I really feel for you as it was the most traumatic thing that i've ever been through. I also feel for your son, because he's not doing this to be "naughty", he's doing it because he's distressed. It's heartbreaking .

 

My son was eventually excluded and he was at home with me for 18 months before getting a place at a special school. He is now doing great there and goes off happily every day.

 

Maybe as oracle says, your son has just had enough of trying to fit in and cope. I really hope you can get this sorted out. Best wishes,

 

Loulou x

[BusyLizzie100]

I agree that you need to find out why he doesn't want to go to school, and you probably need help with this. Do you have access to any autism outreach, or any other professional involvement for your son? How about whoever diagnosed him?

 

It sounds to me like something that needs to be dealt with swiftly and efficiently, for everyone concerned - primarily your son, you, and your family.

 

Sorry I can't help with specifics, but maybe someone more informed will come along soon. This is the place for help!

 

<'> <'>

[JsMum]

Hi

 

Has your son got a statement. on there statements it asks you about transport, so I would look into this,

all so agree strongly that your child is displaying extreeme distress and he is really displaying very clearly he doesnt want to go to school, to the point where he is putting others at risk!

 

and himself as running away from school to home anything could happen on the way and the school are responsible for him! this could of turned very ugly if he had of been knocked over and hurt or other things.

 

Your son could be struggling at school and I would ask for a full evaluation and observations and recorded assessments to determine where and what kind of school would benefit your son.

 

 

If J was displaying this much aggression and behaviour I wouldnt send him until it was garenteed that his safety was there going to school and coming home.

 

J did show aggression but he was too scared to run home. he wouldnt of made it round the corner, he would of been lost!

 

I found out why J was displaying so much aggression and not wanting to go to school and that was because things where not right in school, they have been sorted out now and he is more settled, he doesnt want to go to school and still is procastinating and stressing but no more kicking and screaming!

 

There is defo support for transport in these situations, its fighting for it and gettting all the evidence together and I think from your post you have more than enough.

 

You need to meet with the senco for the statement so it can be included in that.

 

or contact your local EWD educational welfare department, and explain the dangers that your son is in and I would let your son have a short term break from school so things can be sorted out because if they do offer home to school transport is he likely to behave like this with the transport?

 

It sounds like he really has a school phobic.

 

and this will need lots more than just transport.

 

 

 

JsMum

[Give me a clue]

Hi,

 

Thanks for you all your replies and support.

 

Unfortunately my son was declined for a statutory assessment! I was awaiting several replies from his Occupational Therapy assessment and from CAMHS in order to appeal against their decision but these arrived after the deadline. I am due to re-apply at the end of July and I am currently having some help from the Parent Partnership.

 

School have asked an Asperger's Specialist to go into the school and they have been in touch with the Education Welfare Officer so I will see what they have to say.

 

Some days, he will go into school with no problems and others days are absolutely awful. There appears to be no pattern and he is not mentioning anything specific. He just seems to wake up in a different frame of mind some days. It could be, like others have said, that he is generally unable to cope with school life. It has become worse since he started Junior school last September.

 

I also agree that it is the most stressful thing I have been through with him and it is very distressing for all concerned. I have said to school that I am not prepared to risk anyones safety and if that means he does not attend when he is in this frame of mind then so be it.

 

I just take each day at a time and hope it is a passing phase.

 

Thank everyone

Michelle

[Zemanski]

the Educational welfare officer may be worth contacting, they can be very supportive of children if they are aware of difficulties but their main job is to get children into school and keep them there and they can pull strings with things like transport.

 

However, I'm pretty certain LEA transport would not make much difference to the difficulty of getting him into school - first you have to get him into the taxi or bus!

 

I agree with most on this thread, your son's anxiety is too high for him to cope; if you want him to go happily something has to change, either the school or the way this school is meeting his needs

 

Zemanski

[Kazzen161]

Any transport/escort woudl not be allowed to physically force him in to the taxi, but sometimes the change of routine can work. T's escorts were very good, adn woudl sort of distract him and get him in to the taxi (well most days!).

 

What used to work sometimes with T, was if the LSA came to meet him and had a job that she needed help with - this would distract him.

 

Karen

[stressedmumto2]

The same thing happened with my son as you described. The school felt it was very much he didn't want to seperate from me but I feel that something was making him feel insecure and not wanting to go to school. He then started to get exclueded. He's nowout of schooland not returning to that school.

 

Answer to your question, help with getting him there social services and the LEA funded for 2 family support workers to come into my home from 8.30 in the morning with the idea of taking him to school at 9.00 and staying with him in school untill 11.30 in order to helpthe school untill anxieties decreased. This never worked and in 3 weeks they manegd to get him into school on 2 occasions, in some ways at least whilst they were trying I was able to go out to get some time outbut it was becauseof this that I realised the prob's wern't so much from seperating from me but from having to go to school.

 

How I got it ? It wasa combination of having every agency involved telling me it was a attachment problem but lots and lots of pestering and having to admit that I felt very unable to cope. A caseof he who shouts loudest and informs everyone of difficulties (because almost every agency were trying to brush it under carpet). You can getthe help but you need to find out the root of the problem, my thoughtis thatsomething must be making him uncomfortable at school and at the mo' he needs adults to be understanding and sympathetic towards him. Try and arrange a meeting with school, LEA, social services and all involved and ask for help.

 

Good luck and if you need to chat ever just give me pm

[jb1964]

Hi Michelle,

 

Sorry can't offer any advice - my daughter has always had long periods of not going to school and even now only attends mornings about 25% of term-time. I've tried and completely failed to force my daughter to school (she's nearly 13 now) - when her anxiety/distress levels are that high there is nothing I can do to get her there - if I did somehow manage it - she'd probably have a complete meltdown.

 

Her school is 5 miles away and we have to take her by car as she cannot cope with the school bus - there is a special needs mini bus that picks kids up but she wouldn't go on that either. I can remember when she was younger at primary I did on many occasions force her to go and would have to leave her screaming and crying (this was before we knew she had AS - as she's only recently been diagnosed) and usually we'd have a phone call later to pick her up. When she went through her assessment at CAHMS the CPN told me that by forcing them makes the situation worse as there is obviously some distress or anxiety leading up to the school refusal - although getting to the root of the reason is very difficult when they don't let you know and can't explain why they feel like it (my daughter even now does not know why she feels like she does) - this made me feel awful for all those times.

 

Hope you get some help soon.

Take care,

Jb

[phasmid]

Find a quiet time and ask him if he can tell you (or show you by drawing) what makes him feel this way. I know this won't be easy but, there is 'something' behind this. Until you can find out what it is you are on a loser. Contact the school and ask them about anything, and I mean ANYTHING, that may have changed over recent weeks or months. Find the trigger and then you all have something to work on. Until then I think for everyone's safety and peace of mind you are going to have to get him signed off sick. Someone (oracle I think) mentions getting in touch with the EWO, that is a very good idea. Hope this helps.

[Give me a clue]

Hi,

 

Thanks for all the replies. It really has made me feel better, as I was feeling so low about it all yesterday. I was a gibbering wreck.

 

Today, C has gone to school without too much fuss. I sat and talked to him last night and it appears that he does find numeracy a big struggle and feels that he can't really keep up or understand things like the rest of his class. I think he is generally unhappy with the move to Junior school and he wishes he were back at Infants school, where we never had problems with him refusing to go in.

 

I am due to go into school and will discuss these things with them. I can't see it getting much easier though, as the older the child, the more seems to be expected of them, with regard to concentration, organisation and independance. C struggles with all of these issues so I will keep fighting for a statement, though school think that because he is coping with most of his work it may be harder to get one.

 

Anyway many thanks, it helps knowing others are in/ have been in the same boat.

 

Michelle <'>

[gladysmay]

hello, that is exactly what my son was doing at that age. He clearly was being damaged by being forced physically through the door and since they could not tie him to a chair he was 'escaping' continually and was at risk alone in the street. You just need to be covered by a sick note from your gp if they are sympathetic to cover you. Education Welfare decided I was keeping him off school and this was truanting and I received a lot of very upsetting letters from them, take advice from somewhere like IPSEA and they can get involved and write a letter also. now that he is much older he is able to say what that all felt like (not good)!

 

best wishes.

[JsMum]

Hi,

 

Thanks for all the replies. It really has made me feel better, as I was feeling so low about it all yesterday. I was a gibbering wreck.

 

Today, C has gone to school without too much fuss. I sat and talked to him last night and it appears that he does find numeracy a big struggle and feels that he can't really keep up or understand things like the rest of his class. I think he is generally unhappy with the move to Junior school and he wishes he were back at Infants school, where we never had problems with him refusing to go in.

 

I am due to go into school and will discuss these things with them. I can't see it getting much easier though, as the older the child, the more seems to be expected of them, with regard to concentration, organisation and independance. C struggles with all of these issues so I will keep fighting for a statement, though school think that because he is coping with most of his work it may be harder to get one.

 

Anyway many thanks, it helps knowing others are in/ have been in the same boat.

 

Michelle <'>

 

Hi I am so touched by your post, and so pleased that your son opened up and shared with you that he is indeed struggling with numeracy, this is the first step to ensuring he gets support, and the fact he feels inadequate against his peers will leave him feeling like he is failing causing his self esteem to erode and decay he has done so well telling you so much already, bless him i bet he breathed a sigh of reliefe when he realised you where listening, and believing him.

 

The thing about school saying he wont get any help isnt up to them to make them kind of remarks, the assessment is carried out by everyone involved in your sons case, and that is brought together to determine what kind of band and how many hours he is intitled, for when it comes up for possible statementing, and from what you have said with the ADHD and AS this should be enough to get him on a learning and behavioural and emotional banding.

 

so dont take no notice of the school, they are saving there own pots of money but your son is obvously not coping or keeping up and he is struggling and that is having a massive effect on his emotional well being.

 

So I would apply again and I dont understand why you have to wait until the end of july when they break up from school, I would telephone the SEN in the LEA and talk to the manager and ask for some advice as your child is really not coping and you would like an emergency assessment as his mental health is at risk,

 

I would also request for an assessment by a ed psychologist so ring direct to the department and share with them your previous situations and why his behaviour has got so aggressive, basically because he is struggling and you would like someone to observe him and advise the school.

 

I am very pleased though that your son has been the bravest kid today and admit he is struggling, he has blown me away with his bravery and honesty.

 

Good luck to getting the support your son so deserves because he sounds like a great shiny star and tonight i am going to look up at the dark sky and try and find one that lets me say to your son you did great.

 

Any further support or someone to talk to please just ask.

 

see you soon

 

JsMum