Slightly off topic- relationships

[stressedmumto2]

My boyfriend and myself have parted today. It was not a decision taken lightly but due to situations within my family my boyfriend felt he couldn't give me I think the support that I need to care for my son.

 

I'm ok about it, it was kind of joint decision but my son has been upset and says he never got to say goodbye. He's been in tears saying he wants to say goodbye, do you think I should ask ex to come back and say goodbye to him?

 

Me and ex will hopefully still be friends, we both love each other very much but really both of us know that I want more than he can give and for someone who's never been involved with children before I take my hat off to him for sharing a very special but hectic 12months with us.

 

He kept me strong through a very difficult 12 months, he gave me the strength to fight and I hope I can continue it.

 

I have now asked the children to do drawings for him and said we will give them to a mutal frind to pass on to him but my son is confused, you know will we see him again etc etc.

 

Any suggestions on what I should do?

[bid]

I think if your ex would see your son so that they can say their goodbyes, that would be a very 'healthy' thing to do...sort of closure?

 

So sorry to hear about the split <'>

 

Bid

[Karen A]

Hi sorry about your split up.I think it would be worth ex coming to say bye to the kids.It will help your son come to terms with what has happened.When Ben was 2 we moved from the house of a close friend-she was like a second mum as our family had lived with her for 5 years.We put a lot of work into explaining the move and encouraged our friend to maintain contact.It was difficult at times and we were helped by our friends comitment-however the boys have maintained an important relationship-we could never have known how valuable it would be as we could never have anticipated Ben's Dx asd and could not have anticipated how difficult life would become for him.I am rambleing-but want to say if your ex is supportive and could help in explaining-or is able to have a gradual withdrawl of contact or find a positive way to stay in touch then try and negotiate.I don't know if son has ASD-if he has ASD it is especially important to encourage ex to offer support. <'> <'> Karen

[helenl53]

Hi SMT2 - must be something in the water round here!

 

Off to the caravan for a few days - I just need to chill for a while.

 

See you n Monday.

 

I take my hat off to T..y as well - he could not have found it easy. I think that the kids do need to have closure and it would help if T said his ta ra's to the kids.

 

Speak soon - but I am not up to chatting at the mo - sorry!

 

HelenL

[lisann]

hi sorry to hear of the split hope you are ok?You will be fine fighting on we find the inner strength for our kids.i think as everyone has said if your ex would come back to say goodbye it would be good for the kids.

 

Stay strong

 

lisa x

[caren]

I think if your ex would see your son so that they can say their goodbyes, that would be a very 'healthy' thing to do...sort of closure?

 

So sorry to hear about the split <'>

 

Bid

 

 

Yea think i'd do same too

 

 

<'> so sorry to hear you've split but hope you can continue to keep fighting too

[Richt]

Makes it hard to move on when two adults seperate if there is no "goodbye" or promise to be there for the child.

 

Sometimes it is right to be clinical and cut all ties, othertimes it is better (and harder) to allow the Adult / child relationship to carry on.

 

From the child's point of view, it's better for the main carer not to be the bad news bod. Let your ex maintain the relationship as long as he can, if he lets your child down, deal with it together. The important relationship is between the child and the "other significant adult". Not the Adult / Adult relationship.

 

I'm not saying don't move on, just think it's better for your child to make judgements about the absent partner in his own time.

 

R