hev Report post Posted August 3, 2006 had such high hopes for the holidays,had all sort of day trips planned but have decided cannot take s and k out together again,i keep trying but maybe its not steves AS maybe its the age difference,steve is 10 years older,my nerves are in tatters by the time i get home,got a trip to zoo next week and just going to take s now and leave k with mum but then i feel guilty cos k would love it but it just dont work,am going on holiday this year to greece while steve on holiday with the school,all sorts of guilt going on there then again on the train yesterday lots of people were stressed with their kids so i know its not just me,roll on back to school Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lisann Report post Posted August 3, 2006 Hi Hev you aren't alone on this one Char won't go anywhere unless it is to the field to ride his bike or fly the kite.On the other hand Bet wants to go to the zoo,pic',shopping it would be nice to do stuff as a family sadly doesn't happen here. Love Lisa x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hev Report post Posted August 3, 2006 i think thats what upsets me not being able to do things as a family,if i do take them to the zoo next week i might be tempted to leave them there!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mossgrove Report post Posted August 3, 2006 There is hope. We have always had a stressful time when taking our 4 out together, (Two Autistic, two not) but recently we have found it has got a little easier. The two eldest boys (8, AS and 6, ASD) have just finished their first year at Special School, and the reduction in theor overall stress levels has helped immenslety and made it a little easier to prepare them throroghly for whatever we are about to do. On the last few weeks we have managed family trips to Chester Zoo, the Blue pLANET Aquarium, Pizza Hut, Liverpool Museum, Gulliver's world a weekend at my parents house and a trip on the trains without major incident. An unremarable achievement for many families, but a major achievement for us. Simon Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Paula Report post Posted August 3, 2006 (edited) <'> <'> <'> Hang in there Hev.A ten year age gap is big so no wonder it kicks of at times regardless of steves As status. Theres only 2 years between my As son and his ssiter but its a ###### nightmare at times taking them out together.I could smash there skulls in with a shovel at times. Not that i condone violence in any shape or form. But sometimes it does come together and they get on well. Every where yer go in the school hols there mums stressed,kids yelling folks threatening alsorts of terrible stuff mainly involveing violence.Its life its the school holidays !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thing is theres no ###### men around oh no its us women taking all the agro.Whilst the men have it easy away from the home at work. I tell yer im ready to kill when my hubby comes home dareing to ask "had a good day" has he a death wish. Well have a count down the last week of the school hols Hev and then break out the champagne and choccies safe in the knowledge the kids wont scoff the lot. me overdraft is sky high as well coz there bleeding me dry. Edited August 3, 2006 by Paula Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mossgrove Report post Posted August 3, 2006 <'> <'> <'> Every where yer go in the school hols there mums stressed,kids yelling folks threatening alsorts of terrible stuff mainly involveing violence.Its life its the school holidays !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thing is theres no ###### men around oh no its us women taking all the agro. I knew you couldn't cope without us....... Simon Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Paula Report post Posted August 3, 2006 (edited) I didnt mean we couldnt cope without men mossgrove i meant its typical that in 2006 the child care is still lets face it down to the female.Whilst men sling there hooks.Nowts changed realy not when yer analize it .Women still cook,clean and change bnappies men make mess moan for cups of tea and trapes of to work.We just try to kid ousleves weve got it different than our grandmas and mums.We aint not realy. Edited August 3, 2006 by Paula Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hev Report post Posted August 3, 2006 paula you are so right about men!!steve is going to a shopping centre near us to buy some birthday bits,its 6 minutes away from us on the bus,i casually asked nick if he was taking k when he takes steve,the look he gave me was priceless funny though when i got back from my day trip yesterday he asked why i was so stressed out Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Kathryn Report post Posted August 3, 2006 Hi hev, It was great to meet your two at Herne Bay - if only briefly! We have a similar problem, two childeren who differ in all kinds of ways, one with AS, different genders and an 8 year age gap, so we've always had problems trying to do things all together. (I don't know which factor is the most important - perhaps a combination of all three). Sometimes we find they like the same films, which is great, we can go to the cinema as a family but more often than not, we have to split and do things separately. As you saw at HB, I was only there with my youngest, very rare I can take the two of them on an outing together. K x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jlp Report post Posted August 3, 2006 I'm having the same problem - we haven't been very far at all. Soft play - someone pinched G's ball so he decided to grab them, the library - we asked about Starwars books the lady said yes they had them but he couldn't get them out as they were in the adult section so lots of shouting (I've lost my ticket and had no ID to get another). We were supposed to be going to a special needs fun day today - I got up early feeling really brave (the thought of taking the 2 of them by myself, and driving as I've not long passed my test and am not the best driver) but G ended up having such a big meltdown I really couldn't take him as the likelyhood would be someone getting thumped at the fun day. Sigh. We're going horseriding with Karen T next week but will be leaving the little one with Grandma (note to self - tell Grandma!) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bagpuss Report post Posted August 3, 2006 We spent years trying to make family days out work....ds 12, dd 8, dd 5 (ASD). Left many a day out early, due to meltdowns etc., with the entire family totally stressed out, sometimes all 3 kids in tears, dh and i nerves shattered and hardly able to say to civil words to each other. We have eventually found that by doing things seperately works well for us. If we go out dh will take either our youngest or the two eldest or i will, and we go off and do what THEY want to do, then everyone gets to have fun. We also do things with them one by one, ie dh will take ds out bowling and for something to eat, and the next week I'll take our eldest dd to the piccies and then to Macdonalds. While one of us is out with one , the other one of us will ensure our youngest doesn't miss out, and we'll take her to local park, which our eldest finds totally uncool and boring. It is so hard isn't it. Not only to work around meltdowns, but also find something all 3 like doing...near impossibility Took me a long, long time to admit going out as a family unit wasn't working....I wanted to be like everyone else but life is so much easier now, and at least we travel together , and I've got to admit youngest dd is getting more and more tolerant, so heres hoping eh Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smallworld Report post Posted August 4, 2006 Hi Hev, we have much the same problem, not so much days out ( I try to keep those to 2 out of the 3 kids ) but with holidays. We might go away next week bit middle child refuses to go if eldest does, and vice versa. I'd feel really guilty leaving one of them at home with my grandparents, but know from last few holidays that we end up swearing that we are never taking all 3 together ever again I'd spend the whole week worrying about the one who stayed behind, and feel guilty too ! The ideal solution would be to leave the two eldest at home altogether and avoid the constant 'I'm bored, hot 'etc. and the fighting. thinking about it, it's just easier to stay put wac Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BusyLizzie100 Report post Posted August 4, 2006 This is all so familiar! The added problem we have is that DS1 gets extremely anxious if ever we DO split up and try to do things separately, and has a total meltdown. The consequence is we all have to be joined at the hip, so we have to do everything together and no one gets to do what they want to do. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh! My solution is to have a flock of other adults on hand to look after the kids, and another couple to look after me and DH and attend to our needs. No grandparents to hand (none that would commit, anyway), so looks like we'll be joined at the hip again this summer hols! Lizzie Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hev Report post Posted August 14, 2006 well im going to hastings on thursday with just steven,went to the zoo last week with just steve and we had a lovely day,no meltdowns,i can take k places when steve is back at school,felt awful before leaving one behind but ive realised now none of us have good time when both of them are together,i come back nearly having a breakdown,complete waste of a day,hastings here we come,my good old mum,i would be lost without her Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dooday24 Report post Posted August 15, 2006 i know the feeling well and my two r only 14 months apart but by the time i get home i need a stiff drink always need 2 be astep ahead of reece to minimise meltdown and kickoffs so mentally taxed when i get home. no wonder i am going grey at 31 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hev Report post Posted August 15, 2006 i went grey at 30 dooday,beat ya its definately day trips what done it,maybe now im not taking them together my hair will go back to its vibrant mousey brown Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
rainbow queen Report post Posted August 16, 2006 i too have always had this trouble and more of it to come. my sons are 5 and 4 in nov- 5 year old has sensory probs and processing probs and my 3 and half year old is under hospital for suspected adhd.[he cant stop chattering and whirling about the room like a ball-humming and prancing on your feet ect.......loads more]-its no wonder it sends my 5 year old into a meltdown-my nerves are in tatters alone without having problems cause of the noise ect...... doing stuff seperate i have found is the only way to get your moneys worth -lol---u know what i mean-lol. i know about the feeling guilty but its better than tearing your hair out and screaming in public places-because thats the level i get too when i have them both together. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
