jen Report post Posted August 5, 2006 While on holiday in Spain we meet up with some old friends and went out to dinner with them. I was telling them about our son and describing how ASD affected him. Later when we were alone my husband said to me "but our son hasn't really got Autism!!!!!" I said of course hes ASD. He gets upset and frustated (several times myself or my husband have had to go into school to settle him down) even though he has a full time LSA in a mainstream school. He knows he attends weekly OT. He has spoken to the ASD advisor on lots of occasions. He knows our son can not attend a normal play scheme because he gets too upset. Hes seem him in meltdowns. Our son was diagnosed 4 years ago. I knew it had taken him a long time to accept the diagnosis but I thought he had accepted it by now. What can you do with a partner like this? Jen Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
justamom Report post Posted August 5, 2006 Its taken my hubby a very long tme about 1.5yrs to get his head around the dx. He still cannot say the "A" word.... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Flora Report post Posted August 5, 2006 my (now ex) husband, after 3 years, still hasn't accepted the dx of either of out boys. He thinks firm discipline and making them join in with things will make them 'normal'. Lauren Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
summertime Report post Posted August 5, 2006 A parent of one of my pupils wont accept the dx even after 5 years, he still says he's just a boy and he was the same at that age Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lil_me Report post Posted August 5, 2006 (edited) A parent of one of my pupils wont accept the dx even after 5 years, he still says he's just a boy and he was the same at that age I think that' what scares some, they see too much of the child with the dx in themselves, my DP was the same but now knows that's why, but it's took a hell of a long time for him to stop with the denial, and after lengthy discussions I don't think we doubt he has AS. Edited August 5, 2006 by lil_me Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jlp Report post Posted August 5, 2006 Only last night dp said 'but G hasn't got autism, he has aspergers' and I had to explain that AS is autism and that G has actually a diagnosis of AS / high functioning autism. He's gradually coming round - but is strange as he accepts he does have AS but doesn't do any reading, doesn't want to hear any stories from here and doesn't really make the relevant adjustments (na dis forever saying I'm just too soft. So on the surface the diagnosis is accepted but deep down I think there's a way to go. I've probably mentioned this already but G bit him last week and it was somewhat satisfying - it's usually me getting hit then dp says something like 'he never hits me'! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Siadwell Report post Posted August 6, 2006 Strange creatures us men, my son was diagnosed 2.5 years ago and I still find it VERY difficult to understand why he does what he does. I suppose we look at our lads as being a little me, must be a testosterone thing? I get jealous when I see other dads with boys the same age and they are chatting like old mates, in school parents complain that they have to take so and so to Karate or football training and get up early on a wet weekend to take him to football, I just think " If only ", instead he sits in his own world playing computer games. Sometimes I think I've got a handle on this and then BANG something just crops up out of the blue and back to square one. At the moment I am the house husband and main carer so I just say I have to be the grown up and get on with it, this is the card I've been dealt. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
KarenT Report post Posted August 6, 2006 On the surface DH is great with J's dx, accepts the problem, is comfortable with describing him as Autistic or Aspergers, understands that he will need help and support in school etc. Yet in a practical situation it all falls apart, he cannot understand why J behaves in certain ways and hasn't a clue how to manage him unless he's given precise instructions from me. He even forgets basics like counting 1-2-3 or threatening to remove tokens, and I don't think he's ever given one for good behaviour either. In short, although he knows J isn't normal he still expects that he will be, so that's how he treats him. There's a long way to go, but a year ago he was only just accepting that there was any kind of problem, so we've made massive progress and I do think he'll get it in the end. I do think it's a man thing though, harder for them to accept that their little one is different from the other kids (especially for dads with boys). Karen x Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smiley Report post Posted August 6, 2006 Hi Jen Hmmmm - with you on this one My ex (M's dad) has never accepted the dx. Well, he understands M has AS - but doesn't really do much 'reading up' on it. Therefore, each time he has M - something happens and i have to explain how AS affects M (again! ). I have given books, leaflets - shoved him in the direction of consultant pediatrician... and speech therapist..... given him copies of everything 'medical'... - all fallen on deaf ears. If i'm honest, i'd love for M not to see him. But i strongly believe that should be a decision made by M - not me. Whilst he's happy going - i'll put up with the backlash. Dp's not much better either - but that's a whole other rant!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
oracle Report post Posted August 6, 2006 My hubby has accepted the dx of our son from day one. But then my hubby was probably the one who found the answer to the unanswered question of what it was that was giving my ( but not his ) middle son so many problems.Having spent ten years trying to find the answer he brought in a book on Aspergers from the University where he was studying for a Communications Degree. He has never once made me feel as if he would wish for Matthew to be just like every other 9 year old boy and he stills sees him as his 'perfect' son because to him he is He accepts Matthew warts and all and if he does ever have any down days he never shows it. He has a huge enthusiasm to teach Matthew as much as he can and be as inventive as he can to stretch Matthew and motivate him. The other side of the coin is that my ex has never even tried to understand his son and what makes him tic. Now aged 19 David knows this himself and accepts that his father probably never will understand or accept the fact that he has AS If he wants something that he knows his dad will never understand he now choses to ask Terry and not his dad The difference in the two men and their attitudes was on display last week when I tried to explain to my ex why David will not go down for his Tea before 5.30pm. He now wears contact lenses and he needs to have them in for two hours before he will go out in them and he needs to have been bathed and hair washed prior to this. My ex replied that 'I' needed to have a good talk with David and sort him out Terry (for the first time ever) chipped in and said to my ex 'that were it but that simple then we would have tried that years ago'. I could see the steam coming from this ears Oracle Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
smiley Report post Posted August 6, 2006 he stills sees him as his 'perfect' son because to him he is He accepts Matthew warts and all and if he does ever have any down days he never shows it. He has a huge enthusiasm to teach Matthew as much as he can and be as inventive as he can to stretch Matthew and motivate him. Oracle Awww Oracle - that's lovely <'> Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
