more years like this

[hev]

i feel like ive been rowing with steven for 13 years,i expect theres many more years to come of this constant arguing,i just cant see any light at end of tunnel,hes been back from mums since yesterday,im a effing this,effing that,no reason,i know hes got AS,i know he cant help it but my god its all so wearing,pussyfooting round him all the time,scared to have visitors in case steve starts,i cant understand why if hes getting his own way all is good in here.

 

im in the worst years with him,puberty i think,i looked at him just now and i thought why dont he just get out of my sight and stop insulting me,i missed him when he was at mums,couldnt wait to have him home,i love him so much but i get so tired of his behaviour,i aim every day to be positive,there are people much more worse off than me but sometimes this house aint a home,its a hellhole with non stop screaming

[kinky j]

hev,

 

no advice to offer but sending some <'> <'> <'> <'>

 

i'm dreading when c hits that age, he can be like a mini teenager sometimes already!

 

kinky j

[purplegail]

Keep up the positive thoughts - vodka helps sometimes but I try not to go down that road more than a couple of times a week!!!!

 

Laura is 14 and, like you, I feel worn out with all the rows but what hurts most are the personal insults. I've been an 'effing most things' for years now but this holiday I've been promoted to a slut!!!!! for wearing a sun top with no bra! (I'm in france trying to get a tan!)

 

I think her worst was just before we came away. My 16 yr old son had a mate round. They were hungry so I shoved a pizza in the oven. The 'perverted ###### who fancies 16 year olds' insults are only just wearing out!!!! - just because I fed him!!!

 

Thinking of you

 

Gail

[jannyk]

i feel so worn out with james hes just 15 over the last few years its been none stop arguing and shouting at each other but i feel like ive given up and dont have the energy to fight any more he swears at me all the time even calls me a ###### and for some reason im just taking it the last couple of months have been a nightmare.i know hes got asd but things are getting worse, im on edge all the time with a nervous stomach waiting for him to kick off all the time and if i dare speak up its" ok just leave it i said leave it."if we go any where he swears and spits all the time it is embaressing.he is at a friends now but when he comes home all hell will let loose and i will give in to him with the tv and computer etc just to keep him quiet. i was going to say keep him happy but he never is.

[baddad]

Hi all -

 

I think the teenage years are difficult with any kid, and ours have all sorts of other tensions bubbling to the surface too...

Having said that, I think it's really damaging to accept stuff like that as part of 'AS/ASD', because it's behaviour that almost ANY teen will practice if they aren't stopped from doing so... tune in to 'Killing the kids' or any of those progs and you'll see plenty of examples of NT kids doing the same (and/or worse) and starting even younger.

No easy answers, and i'm certainly not making any 'judgements' or comparisons to the situations on that type of prog, but i do think we have to be careful about accepting this sort of thing as par for the (ASD) course, and if our kids grow up thinking it's OK to treat others in that way they're going to find their social options even more compromised...

 

L&P (and <'> to anyone going through the wars right now)

 

BD (no stranger to 'the tactical withdrawl' himself!)

[hev]

jannyk i know exactly what you mean when you write you have a nervous stomach,my nerves are shot the whole time,you know the picture of a family night in on a saturday night is the family sitting in having a takeaway,well ive just tried to be that family,failed again,im eating my food with steve insulting me in my ear,im a loser,a fat cow,i know what i would like to be and thats a million miles away from here,think im having one of them days,roll on bed time,hoping sunday will be better

ive just reread my post and i know where im going wrong is where i say roll on bed time,bedtime should have been when ive been called the names,i find it so hard,thankgod ive got my little krism haven

[lorryw]

You beat me to it Baddad!

Every child is different but its important to try to seperate the child from the disability and set the same boundaries as you would for any child. My son is now 21 and we had some really rocky times over the years. Our only way of coping has been to make him aware that no matter what, we are in charge and set the boundaries in our home. Its not easy but we would never have survived otherwise.

Work out what your priorities are and then stick to them, no matter what. Sometimes things may fall crashing around your ears but stick to your guns and see it through.

Good luck and stay strong, believe me things will get better.

love Lorainexxx

[baddad]

ive just reread my post and i know where im going wrong is where i say roll on bed time,bedtime should have been when ive been called the names,

 

 

 

L&P

 

BD <'>

[hev]

baddad,thankyou your post has given me the only smile i have had all day

 

thanks for that <'> <'> hev xx

[baddad]

always a pleasure-never a wotsname!

 

[Kazzen161]

I agree with baddad - my NT teen is the worst of the three (all teens - two have AS) at the moment.

He is going to be fined ?5 if he uses one particular crude word again!

 

Karen

[spectrumlady]

I agree with baddad, ASD is not an excuse for bad behaviour, although we have to take all the aspects of the disability into account. I think we need to have boundaries like you would any other NT youngster. consistency is crucial - and if that doesn't work, try a large G and T !!!!!!!!

[Guest hallyscomet]

Hi Hev and any others going through this.

 

I agree with setting boundaries 'no matter what'

 

My boy towers over me now hes over 6'1 and he just like your sons tries to carry on like that, BUT I have learned to hit him where it hurts and its working.

 

I have a list in my mind of things he wants money for favourite meals he cherishes, certain things he loves me to do for him, and I simply rattle off QUOTE: Well, B.... you can talk like that but if you continue I will flatly refuse to make your breakfast in the mornings.... or cook your dinner,..... or that money you want for this..... forget it. Then I walk away from the hostilities and leave him to think about it, and 10 times out of 10 he has come to me 5 - 15 minutes later and apologised.

 

I have said to both my kids that swearing is the most revolting and immature thing you could do. Try not to swear at all costs and have a look around you at people who swear all the time, how bad it is, and how it is soul destroying.

 

I have threatened to take pocket money away from them if they swear, they used to think the swearing was cool. They both especially my daughter are realising how unattractive it is.

 

I try to emphasise to my son how if he has any friends they will get to a stage where they no longer want to be your friend as they will find swearing immature okay my kids are 16 & 19 and it is important for them to realise how they will be viewed with swearing. I try to also say how it shows a lack of maturity and you will be a very lonely person if you treat others like this.

 

There are many courses around to communicate with teens, and how to set boundaries, you need to draw the line and say enough is enough ASD or no ASD, I am a single mum, but I have made it, I have earned respect from both my kids and it was a lot of hard work. I am at peace because all the above is washing over them.

 

Especially my son, I know random things just come out and he just cant help it, but I catch him right there and then I will stop doing XYZ if you talk to me like that. I am doing this for you as if you continue to treat me like this you will do it to your friends and you will find one day you have absolutely NO Friends, and that will be the reason why.!!! It has sunk in, with a lot of effort. Dont let them see you hurt, or teary, then they have won. Be strong, brave, bold. You can do it. If I can do it, so can you

 

H. Stand up for yourself, expect good it will happen

[lil_me]

Hev he has AS but he can help it, I'm almost sure of that.

 

There has to be boundries AS or not, and part of what you are describing I think is more 'teenage' behaviour than AS. It's hard to be strong when they are battering you down but I'd say it's the right time to put your foot down. He may be a little shocked at first but no child ASD/AS or not should treat you like that and get away with it. Life shouldn't be lived on his terms only and there is no reason for him to need his own way all the time just so you can have a happy home.

 

People often say to me I am harsh with my son as he has a disability but I have seen parents who let thm get away with it struggle daily with defiant children and those who are firm but fair with children who are so much nicer to be around. Making the whole family better.

 

Stay strong, we're all here for you, it might get worse before it gets better <'>

Edited August 13, 2006 by lil_me

[Livelife]

This is an old thread but reminds me of my life with my parents while in my teenage years which was difficult and I can now see the problems I presented to my parents and my family today. Ive grown in someways but in others I haven't moved anywhere and am the same as I always have been which I do see as a problem that I can do nothing about for myself or others around me.