potty/ toilet training

[kinky j]

c's now 3 and a quarter and my hv has told me i should be "putting the preasure on" when it comes to potty training as although he's diagnosed asd he's hit all the milestones (except language and social, which is still delayed but improving) at the right times and seems capable of being able to do it.

 

the problem is he's still not showing any interest, i've tried him on the potty, on the toilet, tried treats (bribery) i've even invested in a certain frog-badged brand of wipes and hand wash (which he's very fond of) and all to no avail. he knows when he needs the toilet and is capable of vocalising it but just refuses to go. we've even sat there for over half an hour reading stories with the tap going.

 

if i put him in pants, he thinks its a nappy and leaves little puddles about the house, and if i try to leave him without anything he becomes distressed and insists on having a nappy put on.

 

the most success we've had is he forced a drip out in exchange for a sweet but i don't want to get him toilet trained at the price of his teeth, and he gives me the distinct impression that he's genuinely not inclined to learn yet.

 

i know he's got no trouble going as he says it doesn't hurt it's just harder (presumably cos he has to think what he's doing)

 

should i tell my hv to back off a bit cos he's still not ready and wait till he's a bit more inclined? or am i being too soft?

[lollypocket]

I had problems with my Son with this. I moved about 2 years ago and wanted to change his Nursery but the new one wouldn't take him unless he was toilet trained. He was 3 and a bit at that time. He had a few successful goes on the potty or toilet, but would always revert to nappies.

 

In the end the Nursery he was at started suggesting sending him in without a nappy on. He had a few accidents but he got the hang of it. He was taken to the toilet when the other kids went, even if he said he didn't need to. I think they took him every hour for a few days and then made the gaps larger.

 

I think he was kind of ready but needed a little assistance. I had tried a few times before, but just don't think it was the right time for him. I tried stickers rather than sweets for bribery. Maybe you could try that if the sweets worked they may too.

 

I was also told by someone to put things down the toilet for him to pee at (cheerios to make a game of it) or the other was food colouring as it changed with the pee (blue I think, changing to green). As for poo, I personally think it best to not make a big issue of it as that is when they can start holding on to it and it will be painful (I was one of those kids )

 

Tell the HV to stuff it if you think he is not ready

 

Good Luck

 

KW

[baddad]

Hi KinkyJ -

 

Very, very common problem for our kids (and for many adults with AS too) - recognising and interpreting the signals that indicate the need to go... Even when the 'concept' and recognition are fully developed, there can still be big problems when other imperatives are competing for attention.

The stuff in the bowl is a good technique (cheerios? ) - ping pong balls 'bob' nicely... I made the analogy a couple of years ago about blokes chasing ciggie butts down the length of urinals: It works for adults too!! Star charts can help too, but until the impulse is recognised/interpreted you can only really reward the child for 'helping' with a timed toileting regime (nowt wrong with that, though!).

Generally, with regard to making a toileting routine i think the earlier the better, but very low key and without pressure for the reasons already highlighted. Through that sort of rote learning, the impulses can begin to be recognised more effectively, and the routine can be relaxed for more natural responses...

 

L&P and best of luck!

 

BD

[forbsay]

Hi

 

I eventually got my son toilet trained this year when he was 5.5 years old. I never put any pressure on him re this. I put him into boxer shorts and everytime he did something - i would then take him up to the toilet. I would also sing him some songs and also used bribes. Not sure what made him click but it has now. He will even go to unfamiliar toilets...........

 

We have still to get him out of nappies during the night - but i will be doing this when i think he is ready!

 

If you need any ideas/chat on this, please feel free to pm me!

 

 

Forbsay

[kinky j]

thankyou everone, it great to know i'm not handling this alone!

 

tried making little paper boats for him to sink, which he seemed to respond well to (daren't try the cherios or he'll be forever putting all my cereal down the toilet ) and he even came downstairs "sans pants" and sat on his potty straining in the hopes of another reward

 

am gonna have a full on day of it tommorow, no pressure just encouragement and games to make it fun, just praying for sunshine now so we can go in the garden to save the carpets

 

thanks again

 

kj

[katkin]

Hi Kinky, tell the HV to back off a bit. Though as has been posted it can take ASD children longer to "get" the concept and if it's not taught may not be just "picked up." Guaranteed that pressure=non compliance. Carry on doing what you are doing - relaxed. Nothing like a motivational incentive reward (bribery) I can understand you don't want to dole out sweets for every go but is there something else he likes, 5mins on a game, story with mum, or something? Star charts tend not to have such effect at young age as takes too long to get the reward - instant is better.

 

As for nursery not taking if not toilet trained, this is ILLEGAL, and certainly unacceptable for you to be discriminated against. If a nursery says this contact the area senco and dob the nursery in it. I have put some info on here on a thread which contains guidelines for all preschools about this, print this off and wave it in their faces. It's called "school refusing child because he's in nappies??? some useful information" (Sorry can't do those linky bit thingys.) Sorry about rant but I feel very strongly about this.

 

Hope it all goes well for you, love Kat

[sadmum]

just wanted to say my daughter 9 this year, she still wear pads, she poos and wee, keep at it

[westie]

My eldest son was just over 3 when he came out of nappies in the day (a little older when he came out of them at night too). I did not pressure him. BUT ever since then he has had problems poohing in the toilet - he holds it in and then the "soft stuff" escapes out - he used to soil all the time but went some time without - he always has to be prompted to go, he can go days and recently now he is 9 and it has become an issue again, so he has been prescribed movicol.

 

NOW my question.....

 

My youngest is 3 in April and is still in nappies. He shows no interest in the toilet,does not appear to recognise when he needs to wee (if left in pants he just wees on floor). If I sit him on toilet and read to him he sits for about a minute and then is trying to put his hands down the toilet or constantly trying to flush. I have let him watch his dad/ brother wee in toilet but he is not interested in copying.

So should I make more of an effort by say putting him in pants each day and making him go to toilet all time or leave it until he recognises need to go and then start? The thing I am worried about is him having the same trouble with bowel movements as eldest so if anyone has any advice I would appreciate it

 

Thanks

Westie

[keepingmesane]

hi, we have only just (last week) got my son potty trained he is nearly 4 1/2 and i just left it til i felt he was ready. luckily for us the nursery and the hv were behind us and happy to wait. his twin sister who is also asd potty trained herself last year and even then she was later than most. try not to worry too much about daft hv, take teh cue from your child and that way it should avoid the extra stress that they and you dont need

[forbsay]

Hi

 

I would wait until he was ready.

 

We got my son who is now 7.5 years old out of night time nappies last year.

[westie]

Thanks for replies. I was thinking along those lines but some people keep making comments like "isnt it about time he was out of nappies" and the like..

[baileyj]

Hi, I agree with all the others, wait until ready.

 

What we did was in the Summer holidays before Max (now 7) started school, just before he was 5, was let him run round the garden with nothing on the bottom half, so he could have accidents to his hearts content, from that he learned to know when he needed a wee, because he could see it. Then we had a potty and moved it to every room he was in, and kept saying "do you need wee?", and when he said yes, sat him on the potty, with big but quiet (so not too noisy) cheers and rewards when he did good, and also the same if he didn't go, so he felt sitting on potty was a good thing. Also while he was still in nappies, made sure all the changing was done in the bathroom, so he learnt to associate the bathroom with wees and poos. Honestly we must have looked barmy singing all the happy songs in the loo, but hey.

 

The second half of the problem was not just learning when he needed to go, but to get him away from nappies, he loved his nappies it had been a constant all his life. Once we knew he had some control, we just had to go cold turkey with the nappies. He begged us for them, but after an afternoon of us saying "no your a big boy now", he gave up. It then took a long time to move away from the potty, we were forever emptying it. But over time, we moved it to the bathroom, so he got used to going to the bathroom for it. When he was about 6, we went on holiday and didn't take the potty. When we got home he asked for it, and we said it was gone. He again, kept asking but after an afternoon of it, stopped and has used the toilet ever since.

 

Night nappies, different thing. We got Max out of them just last December when he was 7. We waited until we felt he was ready, then got a special bed sheet for accidents. We made him a story about going to bed in pants, and put that on his bedroom wall and read it every night, and stuck ridgedly to it. Cut down drinks before bed, going for a wee, then sleep. We did put a potty in his room for the first few weeks, more for reassurance for him to be honest. He was more than happy to let it go last month. So apart from a few accidents, he's been dry at night for 3 months now.

 

Hope some of this may help you. its not set in stone, its just what we did.

 

Most important thing is, take you time, and don't stress if it doesn't happen. It takes as long as it takes.

 

Jo

 

p.s. Max's nursery tried to do the no nappy thing, when he was 3, I told them it was disability discrimination, and they soon backed off, He wore pull-ups all the way through nursery.

[julie1]

hi my youngest child is just three years old and she will not allow herself to be toilet trained im sure she has bladder cotrol as she can hold her pee for a good 18 hours or more. she just will not pee in the toliet/potty we have tryed every thing we can, she has been dry at night for a good 6 months now and it is very frustrating. she will not wear nickers and likes to wear her nappy. and strongly dislikes change. please help if you can.

[peaches]

I have just potty trained our youngest and she was easier and earlier to train than her brother. We used stickers and jelly tots for rewards and really went overboard with the praise.

 

We also went GRADUALLY from nappies to pants. Started at first training with nappies on, then pull ups, then the towelling lined pants then real pants, over a period of time.

A couple of my own daft ideas that might help:

 

She enjoyed this little song to the tune of twinkle twinkle little star

Tinkle Tinkle Freya's botty,

Pull down your pants and put it on the potty.

 

Also I pinched the social stories idea, took some digital photos and made Freyas potty book and laminated it. Basically a story or script with visual cues about needing to wee, going to the potty, pulling down pants, sitting down, listening (which she enjoyed) and pulling your pants up.

 

We also had a potty in each downstairs room and one in the bathroom. Hope this helps.

Edited March 30, 2008 by peaches

[sadie]

Hi, my dd's 13 now. Had tremendous probs with toilet training now largely resolved, but still on medication for enuresis (posh word for bed wetting ). Mainstream Nursery school sent her home wet every day so decided on special education (didn't want dd to be made fun of). In pull ups at night till about 8 (?), then started medication after lots of hospital appts to discover whether anything else wrong. Wasn't. Medication means dd can go on school holidays and the like but praps time to try weaning her off but school hols looming in couple of weeks and then guide camp so sometime in August maybe. Keep trying everybody and good luck.