anewman

Background. Been working at current place for just over a year. Separated from ex girlfriend about 4 months ago. I have no friends and not sure how to make any. The social isolation bothers me. There is a woman who works in the same room within my office. I find her immensely attractive, an illogical emotion as logically I shouldn't be interested, particularly as she is very early 20's and I'm nearly mid 30's. I'm just drawn to her, due to a combination of her physical appearance and her behaviour. Logically I know she wouldn't be interested and there's no hope of anything along the lines of a romantic relationship. We both go to a language class at work for 2 hours each week, though she has not been for 3 previous weeks as she had more important work-related training courses. She came this week and sat next to me and tried engaging me in small talk on the walk back to the office. The reason I am thinking of telling her is that I think people see me as difficult to engage socially. Most give up quite quickly, and she has put more effort in than most in engaging me - though this would not have happened without the coincidence of attending the language class together. I hope that if I provide an explanation for my unusual social presentation that she might be more forgiving and this might facilitate the development of some superficial friendship as a colleague. I also hope that if she knows, it might help in other ways, for example in the language class. There is a small chance she already knows as my line manager knows and is a "social butterfly" around the office. I get the impression my line manager would not mention it unless it was necessary to do so, though I did once learn on one occasion that someone else within the office is diagnosed with Asperger's. Though this was not directly referenced as Asperger's but a "condition" that creates social difficulty, and the diagnosis would seem to fit to that individual. But even if she already knows, and is interested, at least I could try and put my spin on how it affects me than leave it as just the name of a diagnosis. Anyone have any thoughts? Many thanks

In terms of the scientific understanding of the condition, it makes sense. However, the needs of those with Aspergers and Autism as we know them now, are quite different. I feel the distinct labels help understanding of the conditions to some degree. Besides, when will Neurotypical Disorder be included in the DSM? Don't suppose there is any word on an ICD11 from the World Health Organisation?

For Anxiety (low doses) and Schizophrenia (higher doses) it may help. Remember one of the side effects of this medication can be Akathisia http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Akathisia which in itself is a state of anxiety and may cause more problems. I was misdiagnosed with Schizophrenia and prescribed Risperidone, with doses being increased further and further (above recommended levels). The Akathisia (I did not know it was this at the time) was particularly unsettling - at the time I attributed it to being on a psychiatric ward and just being "distressed" without realising it was a side-effect. Some of the other side effects were also particularly unpleasant, but I think the main reason they happened were being prescribed over the recommended dosage. If a small dose works, increasing the dose is not necessarily the way forward.

It is no doubt just an extension of bullying that goes on elsewhere like school? There is of course this story http://www.telegraph.co.uk/technology/facebook/7912731/Law-student-wins-10000-after-being-branded-a-paedophile-on-Facebook.html It would be tempting to just delete the comments, make the account viewable by friends only, and remove those responsible for the comments so they cannot do it again. But I can't help feeling there may be something to gain in leaving the comments there and letting them continue to post such negative comments. Perhaps it is possible to rise above it and show the bullying for what it is. Perhaps he or some of his friends could reply in a mature manner to a select few of the comments, and you could give some input on this? Of course entirely without the aim of bullying them or fighting back, but just to try make them regret ever posting the comment and keeping that comment there so they can continue to regret it. In the real world once something is said it's been said, but a comment on a facebook wall *could* stay forever (unless the poster deletes it) - and there will be a point at which they regret it, or it could be shown to their parents. These are just some thoughts as I am not sure how much distress this causes J or the nature of the comments.

I think it is part routine and familiarity. I remember being little, maybe 7, wanting to watch some kids TV programme - that was gender inappropriate to me, and my Dad looking in the TV guide and showing me it was not on and I cried, lol.

To be honest I doubt you can get more benefit from meeting a clinician, than you can working through this book http://www.amazon.co.uk/Overcoming-Social-Anxiety-Shyness-Gillian/dp/1849010005/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1299197450&sr=8-1

Notwithstanding the fact, of course, that for people with Aspergers getting a job in itself is often a monumental challenge. Funny how your difficulties can so readily preclude you from employment, but not enable you to get benefits intended for people with such difficulties.

While this description has a lot against it, I feel it is probably one of the best ways to describe the condition to NT's, as it emphasises that while you have difficulties interacting - you are not completely mute or sat rocking in a chair all day not interacting with the world at all. I think other ways of trying to describe it would tend to go straight over most NT's heads. NT's are somewhat thick when it comes to understanding that people may be socially different to themselves, and some even tend to interpret people with AS are mentally retarded, when all of us here know this is not the case. The other thing that seems to pop up with very NT NT's is the idea that you should get some treatment or some drug (when none exists and never will). There's a lot said against describing AS as mild autism, but sadly no better alternative appears to be offered here. So... Is it better to describe Aspergers as an autistic spectrum condition characterised by significant difficulties in social interaction, with restricted and repetitive patterns of behaviour and interests - which differs from Autism in that language and cognitive development are normal (description based on Wikipedia). Or as a mild form of autism?

May I suggest trying Mike Oldfield - Tubular bells (original recording) second side? Just the beginning bit of it (although it is rather melancholic).

Music which is really really repetitive often irritates me. I do like Mike Oldfield though and his style is somewhat repetitive. I suspect after reading his autobiography he is an Aspie and does not realise it.

I did not intend to offend in any way. But I suppose it depends on your perspective. From my perspective, these jobs are ##### because... a] They pay minimum wage, yet expect the world of you (minimum wage minimum effort and all that). b] They are repetitive, boring, easy, and fairly predictable (which I suppose is good for some Aspies). c] They offer no mental challenge whatsoever. d] I can't even get one of them, and I *WOULD* want one of them because it is better than nothing. Not working in one of those jobs and employers not wanting to give me one of them entitles me to say they're #####. I do not claim any benefits because I can't as my partner works. Personally I find it offensive the world feels it of great importance that I not be offered a job of any kind, but there's not a great deal I can do about that. I would be enthralled to work for minimum wage doing what I see as a ##### job, it would be my first ever job. It's good you feel able to actually *GET* such a job. I would too but sadly I can not due to my difficulties (Aspergers). We'll have to see if we can implement some of Michiou Kaku's ideas from his book Parallel worlds. That way we could create Aspie Planet.

Sadly I suspect nearly all Aspies are bullied at school, and I think it is disgusting they try suggest she is not academically able or should go into lower level classes to please them. I agree the school should do more to prevent the bullies bullying. The best approach would probably be for the school to send letters to the parents of all children telling them one student in particular is being bullied and if any further bullying happens sanctions will be made (although not sure what these sanctions could be as I doubt they can kick them out of school - perhaps detention?) Then the onus is on the parents to make sure it does not happen and your daughter can tell whoever is appropriate who has bullied her and they can be punished as appropriate. Once some have been punished sufficiently, then the others will stop bullying and the problems should all tail off (I would hope). Schools always like to see the minority as the problem because dealing with a majority problem is more difficult. If I were a parent I would be going into that school and probably be bordering on having them call the Police on to me. I would make demands and not take no for an answer and stay there until they accept my reasonable proposal. Are GCSE's at college not a possibility, even if she has to travel? When I went to college, one where adults also studied, I found it a much nicer place than school. And I eventually went on to University. I would suggest though to start thinking soon about what type of job she would like to do and whether it is feasible, so she can select her studies based on that. I studied Psychology at University and got a first, but I now feel I would have been better off had I studied computing as I think employers in that sector do not mind a bit of Aspie type behaviour.

I only hate it because I went to University and achieved a first class degree and a masters, which should enable me to get a job paying over £20k a year, and I have the ability to do. Instead I am 30 years old and have never had any kind of job and cannot get any kind of job because I do so poorly in interviews. Not even ###### jobs like ones in supermarkets or cleaning toilets. Employers always get the wrong impression of me and worse having had no job is further reason for employers to not give me a job. In fact if I were to commit suicide for any reason, this and the resulting financial issues would be it. If I had a job my primary concerns would probably be more like those above regarding making friends and so on.

I was misdiagnosed Schizophrenic when I had AS. There were a few reasons this happened. My mother had just been diagnosed with Schizophrenia (family history), and she brought home a fellow patient she barely knew as a partner to move in. He was rather troubled and abused me mentally, so I became more withdrawn and depressed, and when I told professionals what he was doing and he and my mother denied it then it looked like I was paranoid when I wasn't. For any doubters eventually I moved back home and he was still there and things went bad again, but that time I managed to catch him on tape. My mother was the sort of person who would probably have had Peter Sutcliffe as a partner and so long as he showed her some interest she wouldn't have been bothered (no disrespect intended to her, tell it as it is etc). I suspect if someone has both diagnoses and they know they never had the positive symptoms of Schizophrenia that the clinician is wrong and covering their back by continuing to say the person does have Schizophrenia to help prevent being sued. They also cannot justify stopping anti-psychotic medication because a) they would be sued if doing so made Schizophrenia recurr, and B ) they could not justify stopping the medication while hospitalising the patient to evaluate them. What is called the negative symptoms of AS look very much like AS. See http://www.schizophrenia.com/diag.php (quoted below). That plus the social difficulties an Aspie has may mean they talk about things or other people in a manner which may make a professional suspect Schizophrenia. I think Schizophrenia as a condition does exist (even though I was diagnosed with it and knew I did not have it). Paranoia is clearly a survival mechanism, second-guessing other people and the world around has an advantage. I think a certain amount of paranoia is normal and healthy, even though most people would never admit it openly - or probably even recognise such paranoia within themselves. A high amount and expressing the paranoia verbally is Schizophrenia. R. D. Laing http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R._D._Laing had some interesting thoughts on Schizophrenia which are not far removed from the question you ask. Sadly his ideas have become largely discredited, but I think there is a great deal of sense in what he says. Also see: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vNRJXX0xYIg http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BV9UCXZG0Pk

Interesting. I guess it can also be argued many of the features humans have evolved are not required in today's world. For example we still have an appendix but we no longer eat leaves. But I do think some of our behaviour is ingrained in our DNA and inherited from our ancestors. I am sure most young males experience intense feelings starting in adolescence which are part of that. While we might desire something we have to obey a range of social nuances. In the caves we might have seen someone we thought was "fit" and just had our way with them, and while we might have the same urges in the present day (something people use today to make money, "sex sells"), do the same as we did back in the caves and you'll go to jail (rightly so). I wonder if Asperger's is something that has evolved through evolution and natural selection once we began to develop language and social skills. What I am getting at is that very NT people are more likely to get along with and subsequently mate with people who are also very NT. (NT's tend to shun Aspies which is much of the problem of being an Aspie). Aspies are more likely to mate with Aspies or NT's not "NT enough" to get a very NT partner. I know it's not as black and white as that but you see what I'm getting at. In this manner I think perhaps the population is dividing into two sub-groups with NT's becoming more NT and Aspies becoming more Aspie. One thing's for certain is the internet can break down social barriers quite quickly. I regret to say that once I had begun to get over my first long-term GF dumping me I found it was quite easy to find girls interested in just a bit of action on the internet, which would just never have happened had I met them face-to-face due to my difficulties there. The majority aren't interested in that sort of thing though and a lack of subtlety gets you added to many block lists, lol + just over 50% who say they are interested never turn up to meet you. I'm not really sure why I went that route at that time. I guess I maybe wanted to prove to myself that I could do it. Possibly to try take my mind off my ex. I know I felt rather confused at the time and wondered if I could ever keep a long-term partner, so perhaps that was part of it too.