Kinda

I'm not good at remembering names which is because I get a bit tense when I first meet people. How I do it is to think of the name and relate it to someone I know with that name so when I see him/her he's a Kevin or a Christine etc.

I agree this is a difficult question and for me its whether you believe the trust you place in your friend will be reciprocated and in that they do not pass this information on unless you want them to. I think as well by placing your trust in them you are also allowing AS to become a topic of discussion with your friend which means that the chances are you will be able to discuss with them and share your frustrations. I know its easy to say that if telling your friend affects your relationship then of course the friendship has not been a friendship but then your AS may then be in the public domain. As I said I see it as a difficult call.

Hi SG That's good news and should help with the stress?

Hi SG You are not alone, I suffered from stress and likewise my son. He used to get so stressed he was unbearable and our way of dealing with it was to tell him it was affecting his health and the course was not that important to allow that to happen. He then would calm down because he didn't want to not do the course and he would be OK for a while. He struggled with it but I think the thought of failing the course was a greater stress level than suffering the exams etc. I used to complain to the tutors about the pressures that the course used to put the students under and they said its what the employers want but of there is no evidence of this and for me life is stressful enough later on without adding to it unecessarily at university. In the end he managed to survive it and getting the degrees has changed his life in terms of his self esteem etc. Hang in if you can but then taking a break is also acceptable and don't go beating yourelf up. When I did my own course I had to give up half way through a module but eventually went back to it and passed. You are on a journey (of life) and you are just now waiting at the bus stop for the next bus. Take care of yourself! Kinda

Hi Pookie 170 Thanks for your posting and its good to hear the positive aspects of schooling, staff and special needs. When my son was at school and attending a special unit it never entered our heads that the school and its staff were anything but very helpful and we were never in conflict. Its only when he went mainstream and to university that the conflict arose. I guess it was a combination of us becoming more aware, the problems becoming more difficult to identify and more external pressure coming to bare on them. And now I've lost a lot of confidence with the authorities and guess it quite simply is due to their total lack of understanding of AS or autism and how it affects the students. If I was to have to identify one change for them to make that would have a dramatic affect to how they treat AS students I would say it was simply this. Its almost like we should have an awareness campaign to educate them!!! PS Kathryn ...... still reading the book, don't think it will make it into the top 10 best sellers!

Hi SG Good to hear all OK, if you get some time and you explain what the green glasses are all about? I haven't a clue. Thanks

Hi I was just wondering if anyone from the forum has arranged or has thought of providing more help to people with AS and autism. I realise the Autistic Society covers this in someway but do they specialise in AS which raises the question of whether the Autistic Society already adequately covers this help? I just feel that there are so many people out there who need help and people on the forum have so much experience that they can give and if money could be generated then could/would it be possible to extend the help in some way. I have experience of negotiating with higher education establishments on behalf of my son and I'm currently reading the Disablity Discrimination Act (link kindly provided by Kathryn) but when I have this knowledge what do I do with it. Does anyone else out there feel the same way or am I being too ambitious? I also feel I don't know enough about AS or the other societies and the forum to say whether its a stupid idea or not. I was thinking of something as simple as a telephone help line or possibly someone to act on behalf of someone if there was sufficient help or is this all just too much? I would be interested to know how others feel and whether I'm out of step in the thinking of others?

Hi Kathryn Thanks for the link and reading it right now. You didn't tell me its 306 pages long!!!!

Jon79 While I sympathise with your views I can't agree, for me the "result" is an end to bullying, retribution and justice are secondary issues. I realise this is not everyones view and I understand that.

Chicken 55 Welcome to a lovely site and I look forward to reading your posts which no doubt will be very helpful following your life experiences.

Hi Alexandra Our son when he was younger always had meltdowns when we took him to the shops, throwing himself on the floor and headbutting shop windows etc etc an of course we had comments about being poor parents. Happy days.

Another link http://www.bullyoffline.org/schoolbully/school.htm (if you get a chance read the site as there are some interesting articles) not sure I agree with all of it though. and this is a little bit about my own case of being bullied http://www.bullyoffline.org/cases/case56.htm This was about 7 years ago and I was under treatment for 2 years and what amazed me was that I thought the treatment from work colleagues I was getting twas because I was rubbish at my job when in fact I was good at my job and that was part of the reason for the treatment. At the second company I uncovered a lot of financial wrong doing but I did get a financial settlement in the end after being off work for 6 months and told at one stage I would not work again. Now I have a good job and I've been told by my boss that I have a unique talent!!!!! which explains to me why the treatment I got went on. I think the amazing thing for me was that I didn't realise it was bullying, especially when people couldn't be seen talking to me and you end up believing the criticism. I do think it has had a long term affect on me which means I'm easily stressed.

I also agree with everything KarenT has suggested.

Purpleangel This is difficult because you are dammed if you do and dammed if you don't. Firstly the behaviour is not acceptable and I know there are specific web sites that deal with this and will give you best advice and this is were I would start. Try this link http://www.bullying.co.uk/?gclid=CNiF1tf32ZICFQhE1AodxTVL-g For me I would go to the school on my own (not telling your son) and explain what is happening and your fears regarding your son's retaliation, then this is a school problem since you have advised them. I would also explain (probably over a number of sessions) to your son that the behaviour while not acceptable is not physical and therefore his proposed retaliation would be seen as worse than the bullies. Also since it is non-violent then any retaliation may escalate the problem and this should be explained to your son, for me its a question of whether you son can ignore it and put up with it or if this is not acceptable to him then alternative actions need to be taken. When lobbying the school I would tell them that the matter is not being resolved and this is not fair to your son and that their tactics need to change. I do think the bullying web sites would have more specific information for you. PS I was bullied at work for some 3 years and I didn't realise at the time that it was bullying I just thought I was rubbish at my job and it was only when I went on a bullying web site I realised what was going on. I now know I'm actually very good at my job but it has been a long journey.

Hi The Toaster I think there are a number of issues you raise and I think the important thing for you is to get a diagnosis which will help you get the help you so rightly deserve. I think your parents/relations are going to be shocked when you initially discuss with them your concerns and they may not accept what you say initially but I think if you do your research and explain to them how you feel and how the AS affects your life and wellbeing then I believe they will accept what you say. I think the initial main problem you have is your own mental wellbeing and to manage your stress and depression and this means you need to discuss with someone how you feel and seek the help you deserve. Like others have recommended I would start researching the topic, try the Autistic Society and use this forum to help understand why you behave the way you do and develop your own strategies to cope. I think you are about to set off on a journey where you don't know what is at the end of it but if you feel the way you do then it has to be better than just doing nothing. Not sure why you feel your parents will react the way you suspect but I would try them first and discuss your concerns and why you believe you do have AS and perhaps they could read about AS from the forum. I don't think there is any need for you to be on your own, help is out there its just about tapping into the areas of help and other members are better suited about getting your doctor to help you seek a diagnosis. I do know the Autistic Society can help advise on this aspect, I rang them for help and found them very good but the forum has been very useful to help me understand my son better and there are just so many people here who are willing and able to help you, there is no need for you to feel you are on your own now.

Can anyone point me in the right direction, I'm interested in knowing what the actual law states and how the colleges and universities seem to be interpreting it? I've just picked up a prospectus for our local college and it simply says, "????? s therefore committed to ensuring that people with disabilities including those with learning difficulties are treated fairly. All reasonable adjustments to .provision will be made to ensure that students and other people with disabilities are not substantially disadvantaged." I've italicised the words myself because these seem to provide a relaxation for the establishments. I had my own battles with universities but they never escalated into full formal complaints nor did we go any legal route. Any thoughts/experience anyone?

HI SG Good luck.

Hi All Thanks for the education and I fully accept Mumbles comments regarding the reference to slight autistic issues. One of the reasons for coming to the forum was to learn about AS and autism. Thanks to all the other posters on this topic who equally educated me and makes me realise how much there is to learn and how little I really know about it!!!

:thumbs:

Hi Karen We had a meal in Georgi...... last Wednesday and I watch the football there in the bar on the square. I like to eat at the lake as well. In fact we stay at Kefelas, not sure if you know it but its a village up on the cliff above Georgi. We are going out again in June and then in October. Its beautiful now because the wild orchids etc are out. We went into Rethmynon and I decided to actually go into the mandolin shop there and talk to the man that makes mandolins etc, what a treat.

I've just finished watching the movie "After Thomas" having also just read the book and I was disappointed. I didn't understand why and then I realised it wasn't faithful to the book but also I guess I watched it to try and understand more about autism. This for me has really been left out and I feel the film is just telling a story rather than an insight into autism.

Hi Mumble Interesting post and had me thinking. I have a son but due to the issues he had we never went for any more children due to difficulty coping with one and thinking we were bad parents and not suitable to bring another child into the world. I guess this sounds pretty dramatic but when so many are telling you are bad parents you believe them, how else would we know whether we were good parents or not. The reason for my posting is that just recently I asked if AS is hereditary and its had me thinking, I have relationship issues at work and find I don't seem to fit in with the others. I'm accused of being direct with my communication and I seem to be out of step regarding not being in the "club". I also feel that most of them are uncaring about others and they also do not seem to care about what is right but rather what suits the "club". This means I'm somewhat isolated Anyway not sure if this answers your question but I guess I was linking myself as having some slight/possible AS traits with my son. I do realise that relationship issues alone does not mean I have AS traits but there are other areas that touch slightly on AS but they are so slight but it would explain a lot, but then perhaps we all have slight traits to a lesser or greater degree which may fall in line with Baddad's posting.

Hi SG We are harder on ourselves than others are towards us. My son is similar and despite numerous attempts to help him organise himself it doesn't seem to work for him. What I tend to do is have a set place for my keys, shoes etc so not sure if this would work for you? But even then I sometimes forget where my mobile is or something else. Perhaps the difference is that you suffer more stress due to the issues you have?

Hi Karen A We go to Crete a lot and stay just outside Vamos and we are off again in June. Where do you stay?

Hi Lisa35 Nothing wrong in crying when talking about your child and the issues they face, happens to me all the time. I think it would help if you could engage with the school that its a problem that you both share, them as being responsible for his education and you as parents. Both parties have his best interest at heart but this sometimes gets lost when behavioural issues are present. I think if you state that these are only a side issue, this is not detracting from their seriousness but rather they are not the root cause of the problem. Your fear is that should the root issues not be dealt with then the problem may get worse before it gets better. I wouldn't mention that you both work etc as the school sometimes then see themselves as child carers rather than teachers. Maybe if you try to get them to deal with the real issues regarding help then this is the ONLY way forward for everyone. I would also mention that you would love your child to be a model student but until help that meets his needs is provided this is not going to happen. Explain that you feel that we (include yourself in this so as to appease the school and recognise your own frustrations trying to get him help and the guilt that parents carry with this) have failed him and exclusion is not solving the problem but leaving it at your door when you have struggled to prevent the situation that has occurred from arising in the first place by seeking the help he needs. Try and take the emotional and behavioural issues out of the discussion in the first instance so as not to detract from causes and when a plan for that is agreed then deal with the behavioural and in the instance perhaps include your son in the negotiations (if not face to face but include him in any agreements so he knows exactly the consequences of his actions. I realise this maybe difficult depending on the extent of his difficulties but explain he is not a nasty child just one that is terribly frustrated). Go armed with some information on behaviour and his specific needs which you believe he needs so that the school can understand the problem. A parent with knowledge and of course an emotional involvement in their child is a very powerful combination and if its done in a spirit of co-operation and as something the school can help in a positive way then you are on your way to help. Perhaps the school could appoint someone to mentor your child, when he's stressed/confused the mentor could help him to sort the problem he is having out, anyway just a few thoughts. Empathise with them on the behavioural issues but explain these are born out of frustration etc etc. Hope I haven't gone on too much but I've written it as it came to me in my head.