Flora

Ooooh this game is horrible. A few years ago we were at a friend's house and their older son had this game and my kids played it for about half an hour (with us all watching them) and all they did was go round with the main character beating people up and killing them. I made them stop playing and would never ever let any of them have the game. However, I could see it would be totally addictive to some kids. I think the latest versions are even worse. It's not just shooting etc, they actually kill people with their bare hands. It's quite ugly. Flora

Jsmum I'm that your LEA will come up with something different/useful. Good luck with the next couple of days. Flo'

managed to get him slip on men's shoes. They are quite nice, very bendy and comfortable. With trainers we had to get laces so will have to contrive something. Flora

Gaaaah. Ben has spent the summer trying to learn how to fasten his shoe laces but he just can't do it. He is starting secondary school on Wednesday and they are very strict about uniform so he needs smart shoes without laces in size 8!!!! None of the usual kids shoes seem to do velcro past a certain size, and certainly nobody does proper sports trainers with velcro in size 8 or beyond. I'm trying to think of some ideas. I bought some special toggles that you can put on the laces but they don't work. Does anyone think using strong elastic in place of the laces would be acceptable in secondary school? Anybody else got any good ideas about this? Flo'

Cat, she must have had compelling evidence to prove that the new school couldn't meet her child's needs. Perhaps there were features of the new school that were not compatable with her child's SEN, or they were lacking in something. I'm not saying that if Jsmum doesn't try this school that she won't or can't win; I'm just saying that without evidence of some sort that it will make it difficult for the panel to say it isn't suitable. Even her child refusing to put the uniform on and refusing to leave the house on Tuesday morning will be evidence; after all in order for a placement to succeed you have to be able to get the child through the door of the school. This was one of the things I won my tribunal on; the LEA came up last minute with a local special school, I took Bill to see it and he walked out after 15 minutes and the HT reported that she was very concerned at his reaction. The second time he visited with his dad and he refused to even go in the school. The HT phoned me when they'd left and said that she would not be a great witness for the LEA because she didn't think the placement would work if Bill couldn't tollerate the building (this was the day before the hearing and she was one of the LEA's witnesses). This was crucial evidence for us winning the tribunal, but without the visits there with Bill we wouldn't have had this evidence. Flora

I've spent all week decorating the living room, new curtains, rug, everything (and it looks gorgeous ). Tonight I nipped out for takeaway pizzas for everyone. Called Bill down to have his and he headed off to eat it in the living room I had already explained the new (or rather firmly reinstated) house rule of no eating in the living room. He didn't want to eat it in the kitchen because me, my mum, dd and Ben were eating in there (and why on earth would he want to be in the same room as, let alone eat with, the rest of his family?? ), and nor did he want to eat it in his bedroom because he doesn't want to get crumbs in there (oh the irony ). He was furious!!! He said 'I didn't think it meant me' I sat down with him and explained that it means everyone! He said 'well you can't stop me' Er, I've got news matey boy, I'm more stubborn that you are!!! Exit Bill storming up to bedroom and slamming door. Well we all ate our pizza and adjourned to the lovely living room. I popped up to Bill and told him that the dining room was now empty if he wanted to come down and eat... to which he replies 'I don't give a double flying fudge' (the euphemism is his btw, not a forum nicety) I went back down to watch Tom and Jerry and the next thing I knew I heard the front door slam shut. Looked out to see him walking ever so slowly up the street. So I shouted down to him... 'well I'm not coming after you so you're on your own'. I sat in the chair fidgeting for about 5 minutes and noticed how dark it was and had visions of him being accosted by chavs so eventually drove round the village and found him in the park. He's home now and has had a melatonin but is refusing to eat the pizza. It'll be interesting to see if it's still untouched by morning time... I'm sure he won't be able to resist it Don't you just love teenagers? (in case it doesn't come accross... the 'wub' emoticon was ALL sarcasm!) Flo'

Cat, it's true you don't have to show that you have 'appeased' a LEA in order to win a tribunal. However you do have to be able to prove that every local resource has been explored (and failed or proven to be unsuitable) before they will name an independent school (which I think jsmum is asking for). The panel will also look for evidence that you have cooperated with what's been on offer. It may well be that Jsmum has enough evidence from last term for the panel to order the LEA to at least offer a local alternative. On the other hand, if there are unanswered questions and/or un-tapped resources within the present situation (ie a higher level of support in mainstream etc) then it's possible that the panel may go with the LEA's choice or order an adjournment while the alternatives are thoroughly investigated. However, if jsmum can prove that she can't even get him through the door and/or if he does get through the door that he is absconding then at least she's covered some of the un-answered questions. But without even paying lip service to taking him to that school (even if it's just a case of trying to get him to leave the house and ringing the school to let them hear the results of that!) then there is a risk of adjournment or the LEA winning on a technicality. I'm not condoning this at all mind.... I know as well as anybody how far the LEA are willing to push a child to the limits before they even agree there's a problem in the first place! But I also know how pedantic the tribunal panels are. They have to make all their decisions based on the COP and they really do leave no stone unturned, especially when they are potentially making a decision that could cost the LEA over �100,000 a year if they decide in the parent's favour. Flora

Hi Alisonatt Your child does not need a diagnosis to receive dla. To qualify for the care component you need to be giving care over and above what a child of the same age would normally require. A diagnosis of ASD does not automatically entitle you to DLA anyway, especially when the child is young and is of an age when most children need lots of supervision. If you believe you are providing care and supervision over and above that normally required then you can apply without having to wait for a diagnosis. Flora

Reminds me of a few years ago at my friend's house, we were amazed at how compliant the pet rat was to her 7 yo pretending it was driving a Barbie car.... but on closer inspection we discovered the rat was actually in a coma Harmony..... any news on the guinea pig? Really hope he's ok Flora X

Well think yourself lucky it wasn't a recycled card (unlike the wrapping paper )

I've grown quite fond of Spongebob being forced to watch it a few times it's actually very funny! Ben loves Ed, Edd and Eddie and that's another one I am happy to sit and watch (lots of the characters remind me of kids on the spectrum). Edd with his insistance on neatness and he has to wear a sock on his head, there's clearly something up with the other Ed and Eddie is a hyperactive handful Flo'

Hiya loulou, really lovely to see you again Sorry to hear that things are still difficult with Kai, really hope that the respite helps, at least to help give you and the little one some peace. Congratulations about the new little one in February, although I can imagine you're feeling rather overwhelmed at the thought. Just a little word of reassurance; I found it much less of a struggle coping when my 3rd child was born than I did when my second child was born. I'd like to say 'try and get some rest' but that would be silly given the circumstances, but do try to look after yourself. Flora <'>

Well done Esther. It's not easy is it? Flo'

That's a good point Tally. The whole point of DLA is when for some reason the living expenses are higher and/or that person is unable to earn the same as if they didn't have the disability (or in the case of the parents they can't earn as much because of all the extra care they are providing etc. ) Flora

I'm no expert but it sounds very like a lactose intolerance. When Bill was a baby right up until about aged 4 he had a lactose intolerance. He was on a completely dairy free diet until about 18 months when we introduced ordinary dairy back into his diet. He seemed ok at first but after about 2 months he developed diarrohea which stayed right until he was past his third birthday. During that time we took him back to the paediatrician who advised we cut out lactose again and this seemed to work but we didn't stick to it rigidly and now at the age of 14 he drinks milk with no (apparent) problems. You could try cutting all lactose from his diet and see what happens. It'll seem difficult at first because lactose is present in so many products... so you'd have to read all the labels etc. If you find that his problems clear up then it would be worth going to the GP and getting a referral to a paediatrican and/or a nutrionist(can't remember the name of the person we saw but it was something like a nutrionist or dietician)... and if they agree that it's the lactose you should be able to get quite a few of the things on prescription. From what you've said it does sound very much like a lactose problem. My son used to want to drink milk all the time and apparently this is one of the indicators. He also used to get eczema patches if the milk touched his skin... this is another indicator you could look for. Good luck Flora

Darn it!!! I must be losing my touch

oh my goodness you must feel absolutely dreadful <'> It sounds like over zealous cuddling rather than anything else... either that or it's jumped out of her arms and landed on it's back maybe? Hope the owners are understanding and don't give you a hard time over it. Hope the guinea pig makes a full recovery Flo' X

I took Bill to Karate for a while thinking it would help his coordination, confidence and give him some much needed exercise. As far as enthusiasm was concerned he was fully on board. Unfortunately his inability to multi-task (which is quite a severe problem for him) went against him.... He didn't just give up...he really really tried but rather than bolster his confidence it began to erode it. He went twice a week for about 6 weeks before he stopped. However, our experience shouldn't put anyone off trying because I do know that for some people it really is a fantastic help in lots of ways (fitness, coordination, confidence to name just a few). Good luck SG. Flora

I read somewhere that Kate Moss and similar types use pile ointment before photo shoots to get rid of any bags under their eyes.... it apparently contracts the blood vessels close to the skin (hence why it's good for piles ) and reduces swelling!!! vitamin E, C etc are added to many face creams so I once thought it was a good idea to snip open a capsule (the kind you're supposed to swallow) and put the contents straight onto my skin (some of the capsules have oil in them with the vitamins in high concentration). I can't remember if it had any effect or not but I was only about 22 at the time and any wrinkles in those days were a figurement of my imagination You know somehow I'm not sure I should be typing this.... I've got a feeling that the spirit of Jeremy Beadle (disguised as Bill Oddy ) is going to leap out any minute yelling 'you've been framed' Floz

it's taken me a while to control my convulsions (laughter) to be able to type. Can't offer advice from personal experience because as yet I haven't suffered the trauma of finding a wrinkle yet . Although my 'character' lines are a little more characterful but I don't put that down to age... I'm just a later developer Botox or resterline (spelled wrong) are the best treatements but would leave deep wrinkles in your bank balance and as such may CAUSE more lines due to stress and anxiety than they actually get rid of... and you have to have it done every 6 months I think bid's suggestion of a high 'pony' ( think Vicky Pollard) combined with a 'plumping' effect moisturiser would do it. Suze... baddad's hair is the kind that most girls wish they had (especially those of us with naturally curly hair who have to spend hours with the straighteners) Floz

Good luck for all of you <'> Flo'

No surely not (you're not scared of me are you warren??? ) Sorry steve I got side tracked there. If your g/f is a mental health nurse then she may be able to spot the signs but she's not qualified to know for sure or to make a diagnosis. However, if she works within your local PCT (primary care trust) she is quite well placed to advise you on where to start. If she is that certain you should be assessed she may be willing to come with you to see your GP if you are happy for her to do that. Flora

<'> Everything here crossed that it all goes smooth as a baby's knee cap (babies knee caps are very very smooth btw !!!!!) ....edit to add that I know babies don't actually have knee caps... I was talking about the bit where their knee caps will be) Flo' x

Donna I know exactly what you mean and how you feel <'> I've got a daughter who is just about to go into year 11 and I've really had to make a concious effort to give her my time. She never complains about anything or makes a fuss so it's been far too easy, during my struggles to sort things out for Bill and Ben, for her needs to be inadvertenly overlooked. She's just turned 16 so we can enjoy the same dvd's and shopping etc. When I've got the boys settled at night I always sit down with her now and we watch a dvd or something on the telly together or just natter about things that are happening at school etc. I sometimes take her out to lunch, or she helps me prepare food (things she enjoys). I think I've been very lucky with my dd because she could have really kicked against the fact that the boys have taken up the lion's share of the attention for years, but instead she's been very supportive and is really patient and kind with her brothers and is such a lovely girl. It's good that you've realised that your attention needs to be shared; it is so easy to get caught up in day to day life and 'forget' that there's someone else there needing a bit of your time. Flora

Totally agree with that Darky. I passed on the message to Bill and that's all I'll say about it until the last couple of days before he goes back... which thankfully isn't until the 8th for him. Ben goes back next Wednesday and I will make sure he has a fun packed long weekend before I start preparing him otherwise he'll get all weepy and that will set me off! Refreshingly my dd can't wait to go back! She loves the start of new terms because it gives her the excuse to go and buy new stationery She's starting year 11 so it's her final year of compulsory ed and that feels a bit weird for both of us. Flo'