Flora

Hi Sooze, I think I was one of the few people I know this didn't happen to. When my boys were dx (within a short time of each other as they were assessed at the same time) the consultant was lovely and we had about 3 follow up appointments (including one specifically for after I'd told Bill about his dx). I think there would have even been more but then I relocated down south. When I moved I asked for referral to CAMHS expecting more of the same, but after the first appointment (which we waited a long time for) they basically told me unless meds were needed they wouldn't remain involved. I was horrified but when I joined this forum it became apparent that this is quite common. Flora

Hi, Nobbynobs, bill is the only boy who travels in this taxi. Traffic shouldn't be a huge problem on Friday because he finishes school at 2pm. It's only a twice a week journey because he is weekly residential at his school. (Bill is considered as extremely vulnerable... something that I'm sure the taxi driver has been made aware of to some extent). He didn't have his head in a bag of sick, the driver disposed of that one, but he made him keep his face down in a clean bag, which bill found unpleasant anyway. Bill was offered an escort to go with him when he first started (which we turned down because we didn't think it would be necessary) and I think I'm going to ask for this to be put in place (at least it will be someone who can tell me exactly what is happening). I would take him myself but I have an 11 year old and 16 yo at home too. Flora

If the parents are actively seeking a diagnosis then the asd outreach can still be involved. I'm not sure where I picked up this little snippet... maybe another parent... but apparently this is the case. If there are difficulties at school that could be related to asd, and the parents are seeking assessment, then outreach can still be brought in. Flora

I've just been up to say goodnight to Bill and there is more. Apparently the driver was saying to him, and it's not the first time he's said it: 'How come you're always last out? I've been waiting ages. I'm going to lose my job if you carry on making me late'. I like to think that in most circumstances I'm a reasonable person, but am I right in thinking that for the taxi driver to be coming out with stuff like this is unreasonable? I've asked Bill about what makes him late and he isn't sure what it is. He reckons today he was extra late (15 minutes) due to waiting for one of the care staff to give him his meds, but he doesn't think he's usually that late. What's wrong with the taxi driver asking one of the staff in reception to pass a message on about timing? I will speak to the school myself, but I'm irritated to be having to make adjustments because the taxi driver's had a tantrum Also, Bill reckons he wasn't sick on the car interior, he said it all went in the bag and the worst part of the journey was being made to keep his head in a plastic bag the rest of the way (about an hour at least), and every time he lifted his face out of the bag the taxi driver shouted at him to put it back again Flora

I pay my gas and electric by direct debit. Tbh I don't normally read the quarterly statements they send me.... as far as I'm concerned it's paid and that's that. Today I decided to read them and was amazed to find that I was in credit with both of these accounts and not only a little bit either! I'm talking a very welcome and timely (Christmas is coming) substantial windfall. The note on the statement said 'we will carry your credit forward to your next bill'... I thought 'NO YOU WONT!', and I rang them to ask 'for my money please', then read them the meters over the phone (the bill was an estimate) to find that they'd over estimated my usage and in fact owed me rather a lot more than was on the statement. I'm now waiting for all this lovely money to plop into my account via bacs. Flozxxxx

Jools, Reading between the lines it sounds like you work hard with your son to help him achieve. You're not asking for special treatment and you've allowed the detentions to go ahead (even though at least one of them was unfair... the school tie one!). Tbh, I think you need to stick the statement under their nose and wave it around... perhaps even clip 'em over the head with it! It's early days in the transition... surely all the kids are taking time to adjust and get used to a more disciplined arena, but particularly a young lad who, by the sounds of it, is trying his best to fit in. A little bit of understanding (on their part) would go a long way here. Good luck. Flora

Well, on Monday I sent Bill to school in his taxi. He had a beaker full of ice and a straw, plus I gave him some travel sickness medication half an hour before the taxi arrived. He wasn't sick, and while it wasn't perfect (still slightly queezy) it was an improvement. This afternoon Bill came in from the taxi. He wasn't upset but was a bit worried that the driver was upset with him. First of all he was 15 minutes late going out for his taxi because he was waiting for the staff to give him his travel medication. Apparently the taxi driver went mad at him for keeping him waiting. Then on the way home he became car sick again and threw up in a plastic bag the taxi driver had given him. The driver had to pull into a service station to throw it away and get him a clean one, and was apparently shouting at bill all the way home to keep his head in the bag in case he was sick again. I rang the driver to find out if there was any damage to his car interior and to see if it needed valeting. I never got a chance to ask him because he ranted on about how it was absolutely rediculous that 'the education services would send him to a school so far a way when he has this problem', and told me that he'd rang them already and told them that! I was furious... I fought for years to get Bill this placement.. I rang the SEN transport people and they'd gone home; so I took a deep breath and rang our named officer to see what she thought, she wasn't there (thankfully) but I got to speak to someone else who was really lovely. She was comfortingly outraged at the attitude of the dirver, and she told me not to offer him money to clean his car because he'd be getting money for that from the county. I've really thought about this and I've decided that the driver was way out of order. He's getting paid the equivalent working 8 hours a week to what some people earn working 3 times as many hours, plus extra for up keep of his car etc. He knew when he took on the contract that he would be transporting kids with SEN, and he's quite lucky really because Bill is so gentle and polite but just happens to suffer the misfortune of severe motion sickness. I'm all stressed now. Any thoughts on this from anyone? Flora

Definitely yes, (in my experience). I've noticed with my oldest son (14) his feelings of 'missing out' lessened when he got a bit older, but I think this was more a defense response than him not being upset. My youngest son is very sensitive to things like this... he is more hurt than upset though, IYKWIM. Although I can also see him building walls of 'bravado' over this sort of thing. Flora

Very best of luck Karen. Will you find out today, or do they have to go away and analyse the results? Hope it all goes well. Flora

Are you sure it's that the placement is failing? When Bill first started at his resi school I was getting these regular heart rending phone calls off him... they would start at about 4.30pm and go on all evening on and off. At first I was sympathetic and stayed on the phone, but I started to get really fed up and frustrated with the situation. It got increasingly worse over a period of a few weeks and in the end I tackled him head on. I knew the school was right for him, the school knew it was the right placement for him... the only person who really had a problem was Bill! It became apparent that the problem was one of attitude. I used scare tactics on him.... ie... after this there really is no where to go. I also pointed out that he had to take some steps to meet people part way. I got him to identify areas that COULD easily be dealt with... ie, problems that could be solved easily in a practical way. He also wrote down why he was feeling so negative (I posted it all in a thread so it will be still here... in education sectionssometime around April/May time. I shared this with the school and asked them to work with me on this by trying to distract him from making these negative calls home. I then made a stand to him about the calls; if he rang for a chat and was friendly Iwas happy to talk to him, but if he rang in one of his 'woe is me' moods I told him to go and chill out and ring me when he was less stressed! These solutions might be totally inappropriate for your son, but it's just something to consider. Ask yourself if you believe the placement is the right one. If the answer is yes then you need to get the school to work with you on changing your son's attitude, and to do this before they decide to throw in the towel. Some kids just don't want to be at school, any school... even the one's that are geared up for them and if they think they can get out of it by pushing a few emotional buttons, they will! (I'm not saying this is the case with your son...I'm saying it was with mine... and how I dealt with it) Just to finish off... Bill is now really settled and amazingly happy at school now; and believe me, nothing could be worse than the reaction he had.. it was trully awful... but just a bit of reverse psychology and tough love can often bring amazing results very quickly. Flora

Loulou <'> I don't normally get emotional when posting.... but I wanted to say that I think you are incredibally brave. You have recognised that you are out of your depth and have taken steps to protect and get help for your whole family... that must have been one of the hardest decisions you've ever made. You will always be there for Kai, this isn't you washing your hands of him, this is you taking the first very hard steps to stabalising your family and getting help for kai at the same time. There's no point in me saying don't blame yourself or feel guilty, because parents always feel guilty about the hard decisions. Try to see it as a postive step and a necessary temporary solution. Best wishes Flora <'>

Yay Flora

Hiya suze, He's fine today. The injury is horrible... covers quite a large area (big deeply grazed area and a split about inches long) with lots of bruising. He is sticking to his story... which is that he saw some older boys with a great big iron hoop, he went to see what it was and then started to walk away back to where he'd been before and the hoop rolled towards him and hit him on the head... This is why it doesn't make sense because going by his story it should have hit him on the back of the head! I still haven't heard back from the school if anyone else has come forward with a different story. I don't think he's hiding anything sinister though. anyway, he's fine and the injury is healing nicely... even if it does look horrid... thankfully it's covered by his hair so won't be visible if there's a scar. Floz xx

Bill's is detailed in part 2. If your son has a statement due to difficulties related to ASD, then I can't understand why it is written into part 5... because it is an educational need surely? Doesn't make sense does it? Flora

Hi Karen I can totally empathise with your post. Sometimes we have to give a little to get something in return, and you've decided to draw a line in order to work contstructively with the school. I did this with my youngest son a couple of years back. If I'd rocked the boat to get him support in other areas it would have detracted from all the positives. Hope the school continue to work with you and that the winner in all of this is your son. Flora

Bill used to have one when he was in mainstream secondary school. It was very useful and used regularly. It was extremely useful for the tribunal and made up a vital part of the evidence. Flora

I was called to pick Ben up early from school because he'd split his head open. The story he tells makes absolutely no sense (won't go into details would take too long to type). All the teachers know is that he was brought in from outside to the office by a bunch of other kids with blood pouring out of 2 gashes at the front/side of his head. The school rang me later to say that they are getting all the kids who were there to write an account of what they saw, because the teachers couldn't get anything out of Ben, and the story he told me has changed 3 times and sounds like he's making it up! He's quite happy, doesn't seem distressed and is fine apart from the two ugly gashes on the side of his head. Because of where they are it's impossible to dress them so I'm keeping him off tomorrow until a proper scab forms. What a worry! Flo'

Hi magnolia Welcome to the forum Flora

That must really sting <'> florax

Hi loulou <'> I think you've done exactly the right thing. First of all it means you (as a family) will get more help and support; and secondly Kai needs to learn that he can't keep doing this. When it's explained to him that he can't come home on Friday the person doing the explaining needs to make sure that he understands exactly why, reiterating that you love him but that it's unacceptable for him to violent. Best wishes <'> Flora

Yep, as others have said, it's not a case of saying 'you must be responsible', many kids (and this includes the NT one's) have to be TAUGHT how to organise themselves, but this is particularly true with ASD. I can remember coming home at the end of term once with about 4 layers of clothes on (including about 4 hats!), because the teachers had been through the lost property box and most of it was mine! I've found with my boys that constant reminding eventually gets through. However the school do have to play some part in this! Flora

Actually 8-10 months isn't that bad in comparison to some areas. I've heard people on here say they've had to wait years. Good luck when it finally comes through. Flora

Kathryn That is very frustrating, and of course you're not a bad mum, it would take a saint not to blow over two lost pe kits in that short a time. Ben left his on the bus last week, and that was bad enough. I'm finding the transition really hard.... although Ben isn't! It's the homework. He's got an average of 3 pieces of homework a night and some of it really big projects, and because of his learning difficulties it's really homework for me not him! Flora

lisa Just a thought. If your son is not doing lessons, and everyone is in agreement that it's the wrong placement for him (which I'm assuming they are because he is potentially moving for specialist provision) then maybe it would be an appropriate idea to have him signed off with a home tutor until an alternative placement is found. This might not be appropriate or your son, but it's maybe something you could consider. Flora

Very best of luck Theresa. I'm sad to see you go, but I'm guessing the time eventually comes for everybody when they feel their life has sort of outgrown the need for the forum. Best wishes to you and your son Flora