Mother in Need

I can't find it Kathryn, could you give another clue?

Diagnosed at 11, though problems 'overlooked' for years and thought to be related to his dyslexia and diabetes and that he simply took after his dad.

I had the same problem, my son is also on that register and a member of a special Academy via school, and he seems to behave fine. The questionnaire that gets sent to school is only a small part of the assessment, our psychologist also spent a whole half hour (!!!) watching him at school and despite his good behaviour she did pick up quite a few things from it. Despite school not seeing any problems and only thinking they were dealing with some incompetent and overprotective or whatever mum, he did end up getting his diagnoses of AS and Oppostional Defiant Disorder, even though school did not see that side of him, but CAMHS also asked me loads and loads and loads of questions and did some tests with him.

Yes, he was the most frightened person in the room, and yes he is in mainstram with no help. and yes, he is 12 with a lot of brute force and loads of adrenaline flowing through him, and he has just started puberty. And yes I am desperately trying to get help for him, at school and at home, and for him to learn those lessons that come so naturally for NT children, like identifying feelings, how to act when distressed etc. BUT nobody is helping, I am a single parent of 3 with no family, CAHMS have done nothing other than diagnose and school hasn't got a clue what they're on about. I've had to go around their backs to get the statementing proces started and am working on my parental representation. BUT school doesn't see his aggression nor his desperation, he 'seems' to manage there. I've had to have a lawyer threaten SS with court case to get them to assess our needs which hopefully they'll start on this week, but even if they do admit we need help it'll be a very long time before anything is put in place. But meanwhile..

I have already removed knifes and scissors out of sight for now, but I have to be able to cook, and frankly, my 12 year old AS son often helps me to do so, so he too needs to use those knifes.... I took the knifes of him on both occasions as i preferred to be stabbed than either of my sons (my eldest was getting ready for an untrained karate kick which I think would have really made the whole thing explode and my AS son is stronger than me so....) But now my eldest is pretty scared though he won't admit it. He did ask for a lock on his bedroom door so he won't wake up with a knife stuck in him.... he is so fed up with having his brother with behavioural difficulties, and he also wears the brunt at college where they say to him 'oh, you're the brother of that ****' He won't tell me what those ****s tand for, but he was in tears and he hasn't cried for some time so it is all really hurting him loads. AS son ran away in the middle of a dark forest earlier on in the middle of meltdown and I had to leave my youngest alone in the dark (of which he is afraid) to run after his brother. It is all so unfair and his brothers can only take so much. Begging the psychiatrist for medication is the only way I can see. How do you enforce 0 tolerance for someone who can't control himself and whom I cannot shift physically out of the way to a safe place?

Only too true, Flutter!

My AS son threatened his older brother with a knife twice last night... it was really scary and really serious and either of them could have gotten seriously hurt. How do I deal with this? How do I convince the older one and my youngest that all is fine and they are safe? are they....no... How do I stop this from happening again? How can I ever leave my AS one out of my sight as this happened in front of my nose and I could only barely stop him from using it?

IEP = Individual Education Plan. Zemanski, you're problably the one to explain that one fully? I could use some clarity too there! Like, who writes it, do parents HAVE to be shown it, how much does it really cover (all their needs or only a very few) and who decides which ones, etc etc.

telecommuting? Is that what all those sales people do ringing us from Bombay all the time? Loads of big companies (like high street banks and phone companies and and and) have got those big set-ups in Bombay from where they do both those tele-sales we get all the time and also customer services etc. If that is what you mean, then it has simply moved to where labour is a lot cheaper and the workers have few rights...

That's why I was interested in that link, I used to have lupus as well (yes, I am serious, I really did and now no longer; long story), one son ADHD, one AS, and one with tendencies in both directions, BUT I can also very clearly see the AS and ADHD coming from their dad.

I would think that those AS parents that are on this site are good parents, or at least try to be, as they are obviously accepting of their condition and trying to understand themselves and learn. My ex is pretty similar to Karen's dad and he doesn't care about his kids, only wants to see them when HE has an emotional need to do so, not because he is interested in them. And my boys aren't too bothered about him either, my AS son won't be left alone with him, he has really scared them off. And yes, with what I know now, I would say he too has AS but he would never admit it, could never see that his behaviour could possibly have a negative impact on others, and still doesn't know what it means anyway, despite his son having it... But as Karen says, I 've heard of plenty parents who are worse and do not have any health problems of any kind.

Interesting debate everyone! I cannot quite keep up, but I think having so many different opinins and everyone really appreciating and accepting everyone else's is making it such a good one!!! That's personally very interesting, any more info on that please?? My 12 year old AS son refuses to be seen as disabled or as having problems. To him, 'he has differences, and some of those differences can lead to problems'. I do agree with some of you that his AS is making him thoroughly unhappy and he would be so much better without. Though that would also mean without his briliance of thought, without his pure imagination, without his pure childish joy, etc and hence he would not be himself...The one goes with the other, and they are so inseperable, indeed not a they but all part of the one....am I making sense here? I don't really want to change him, but I do want him to be happy! And yes, I would also like him to be a bit more independent, able to be by himself, need a bit less attention every minute, a few less meltdowns and a few times less hurting others and not be such incredible hard work for me (his mum) and his brothers; somewhat selfish maybe but then there is us to consider too...

At what time is that programme?

I have worked from home for many years, and when I resigned from my last home-based job I too was wondering 'what now?'. The only way I can work is from home, due to being a single parent of 3 including one with AS, and in the end I started up my own business. It is not making a fortune, as I am not putting enough time into it to really make it work, but it makes me feel a bit more important, adds to my own social contacts and allows me to claim working families tax credit etc which is better than being on income support. And if I do manage to get it going properly, it will make money in the long run and then I could employ my own AS son so he can manage to get a job and feel important too.

That's pretty encouraging everyone, I'm very much in the same situation, though am still writing my report, trying to get it out next week. My GP would not assess for depression as she said that was the job of the psychiatrist but won't see him for another while yet. I am mentioning it in my report though! And the difference in his behaviour during the summer hols and now he's back at school as it is so clear which one is the more distressing. Just hope they'll see it that way too!

is that so? So why have I asked loads of times for therapists (speech, and O/T) and nobody seems to have anything to say, certainly no offer of referring to one? Hwo is in charge in relation to obtaining those therapists' help? in short: HOW CAN I GET ONE FOR MY SON?

Same problem heer, it is really frutrating when you've only got so many minutes to quickly check to see if a specific query has had an answwer, and then you can't get in...

Hang in there Mirry! ~We honestly know how you feel! Strange about the parent partnership, I had my first meeting with them today and the lady was absolutely wonderful. Maybe somehow you came over to them as coping and on top of it? Maybe you could ring them again and say that there seemed to be a misunderstanding and yes please you would like them to come round your place and talk to you and can they please help? You've still got to deal with that school, and from what I've heard from that lady today, that's exactly what they're there for. Oh yes zero empathy. My AS son hit me rather hard on the head the other night with a stick, and while I was seeing stars my first reaction was to say 'ow, that hurt, watch what you're doing' HE was the one that started crying feeling misunderstood and sorry for himself....my youngest though went and got a damp cloth and put it on my head while I tried to comfort the AS one, AND he asked first thing in the morning how my head was. Such opposites! I have found that the tension of school really has a strong effect on my AS son's behaviour, and that lessening his stress levels at school (easier said than done I know) really helps him a lot and hence improves his behaviour. He HAS to have control over somthing in his life, so if it cannot be the important things than at least something little makes him feel better. Hence the arguing I think, his attempt to be in control and have things the way he wants them to be. I give in when it doesn't really matter and only put my foot down over important issues like not jumping out of the upstairs window and having to catch the bus to school. Patience! Patience! Patience! Even when I don't feel like it I try to pretend, as losing it makes it all only so much more difficult.

Great idea! Cheap, and with child care for our children, disabled and normal! My grrrrrr about the NAS is that they refused me a place on their Help! programme (which only takes place once a year within like a 100 miles of my home). 6 sessions over 6 weeks, three of them during school time and three in the evenings. Because I have to care for my son and there is NO-ONE else who can/will have him for any length of time, I am completely stuck outside of school times and therefore can only attend 3 of those sessions. So they refused me a place, as I could not attend all of them................

Phasmid, are you saying that if I manage to get my son's statement to say 'requires 20 hours of TA support a week' the school could still use this funding to get a general TA to help the whole class, instead of really giving my son the support he so desperately needs but is not capable of asking for?

Another related question is, who pays for a statemented child's TA/LSA? The school out of a general budget, the LEA direct, or does the LEA give the school extra money for the school to pay this person? And in that case, might the school not try to use that money/TA/LSA for more children than just the one it is intended for and 'cheat'?

If those kids don't go to school they won't have homework in the first place, so what do they gain by going to school? I sometimes have the impression that schoolwork is only there to add extra teaching time to the children's day without the government having to pay for it... My NT eldest usually has no problems at all with his homework, and just gets on with it, I don't have to remind him or nothing. He likes to asks me questions regarding it, to challenge me not to get help , and we had a great laugh yesterday when he gave me a GCSE sum to do and I finished it before he did My youngest NT needs reminding to do his homework but has established a good routine first thing in the morning before school, once his brothers have gone of to college and I can sit down and spend a quiet time with him. However, this often gets messed up by my AS son, on those days that I can't get him to school in the mornings. But my AS middle son and homework just don't go together.........so muuh so that school has spotted our problems and have partially exempted him from doing homework. Another of his major problems was foreign languages and he is now exempt from them as well. so during those lessons he does the homework that he can, and he doesn't have to do the rest at all! So maybe for all of you who are struggling with this homework, as I was for so long, it might be worth asking for a full or partial exemption from homework.

Well everyone, you're certainly making me laugh , but I don't think I am any the wiser after asking the original question.. Can I ask another one? Can we as parents request or even demand that our children's LSA or TA or whatever they're called today or next year, actually have a certain amount of training in autism and/or any other diagnoses our children have? I do agree with the person who said that having a child like this yourselves gives you much more training than a qualified person will ever have, but it is unlikely one can request that, so at least some knowledge and understanding should be had?

Teaching Assistant - Learning Support Assistant What is the difference between them? Is one specifically attached to a statemented child, and the other a general help, or do they simply call it different things in different areas or does it depend on who funds them, or or or?

I've looked on the web for any real official information but can't find any real stuff, just sales talk really and how good parents find it; which is fine, but not what I need. I have also looked for that leaflet Tez, but can't find any mention on the web.