Imposter

Time

I am 28, unemployed. Have a potted employment history, got formal dx 17 months ago, aged 26. I live with my mother and dog (my dad died 2.5 years ago). I have 3 brothers (2 older, 1 younger). I also have dyspraxia, mild dysgraphia, psoriasis and psoriatic arthritis. After spending much of my twenties getting wasted I've pretty much had to give up drinking (it doesn't go well with my arthritis medication), but I'm currently feeling like I've emerged from a chrysalis and want to get on with life so much, it's unbelievable! What I'm interested in, and what are actually do are quite different. I'm interested in doing just about anything, going to the cinema (all sorts of film interest me from Hollywood to Art House), going to the theatre, bowling, art galleries, comedy clubs, open mic/poetry nights, playing sports (as much as I can), going to gigs. I'm up for giving anything a go. What I actually do, is. 1) Read - again wide tastes but sci-fi/sci-fi comedy, Russian literature and 20th century American literature feature highly. 2) Watch TV - particularly drama's - medical and cop ones, quiz shows (the brainier ones preferably), sport (particularly football), DR and comedy - Family Guy, Simpsons, Chaser's War on Everything etc... 3) Listen to music - particularly punk, ska and oi, but also some more weird/funny indie (They Might Be Giants, Weird Al Yankovic etc..) 4) Watch Stockport County F.C. 5) Walk the dog. I'd also like relationship, a boyfriend. But I have no idea on how to approach people - and have no concept of "gaydar". I basically so much want to be in the world and to experience it all, and not hide away from it, or blot it out by getting bladdered it is unreal.

Why was only his hand raised in a Chicago orphanage? Where was the rest of him raised? Oh and "Crime and Punishment" again - one of my all-time favourites.

vineyard

My tuppence: I thought it was well done all in all. Part of me would have liked seeing it as a two or three parter to see how things developed. A few things did stand out from the way the families treated the boys/men featured. Firstly Tom, very busy household which must make it hard - but I couldn't help thinking a little more explanation would have helped. As for taking the card from his room, without even telling him - that was well out of order. Reading it in the first place is bad enough, but hiding it away. Surely if you've it would have been easy just to confront him about it. Explain you don't want him to go to Peterborough, perhaps suggests he looks closer to home, or if he must go, tell him you'll take him. Just taking it without saying anything was low. But given the household and the stress perhaps understandable to a degree. But the big one was Alex, why was his Mum everywhere? She was even at the date! If my mum came on a date with me, I'd probably shoot her. I know we're all different and Alex may have wanted it. But isn't part of a parent's gig to try and make sure their child gets to grips with the world; including at times facing things that are unfamiliar or daunting or make us apprehensive? She seemed to be holding on a bit too much, and the guy did seem really quite intelligent enough. But I suppose we're all different. Something's were very familiar as well on a personal level. Like Tom saying that drinking made him less anxious in social situations and Alex hiding away behind his glasses (I hide behind my cd player). But pretty good.

I'll say! Alex's Mum: "You don't have to have a girlfriend" Alex: "Well I'm not having a boyfriend!" Me: "Damn!"

I want to know who you're going to see now! I've not been to a gig in ages, for various reasons. I fancy going to see Sham 69 when they play Manchester Students Union. And I hear a rumour Peter and The Test Tube Babies are coming to play at Stockport again in the autumn... so that'll be good. Oh and hi by the way!

I do this sometimes. Although I more tend to get stuck on certain bands for a while. At the moment it's The Misfits (luckily I have the coffin box-set), I must have listened to Astro Zombies and Night Of The Living Dead about 200 times in the last fortnight!

I will try and reply from something that may approach your son's position/POV. I am 27. Still live with my mother. Got diagnosed as AS 13 months ago. Having previously had dx of Dyspraxia and mild dysgraphia at age 12. The only people aside from family (and subsequently their partners and occassionally friends) I could say that I have known in a social (outside work or university) setting for a sustained period are the people surrounding the lower league football team I support. Typically AS, I got interested in football via statistics and numbers from the league tables, match results and the vidiprinter - and THEN actually decided to go and see a game! The people I see game in game out, at the pub I go in, game in game (and have done for the past 5 or 6 years). That in itself may be unusual for an AS person, but then I have had time to get used to it - and we are so "cliquey" in a way that we have our own room within the pub, so it's a bit like going to somewhere's front room. Or the people I sit with (well stand with mostly) or the group of people I tend to travel to away games with/see at away games. And that's it. But I am only able to do that and sustain it because a) where and when we meet is regular and we obviously have a shared interest that can help conversations. I've never really been able to extend it sustainably beyond this, not at school or university or in my adult life. I've rarely if ever done anything else with the people I see at football for example. And the reasons. I am not great at small talk - take me away from talking about the match and into a situation where it's a night out - and it's some friends and their friends and not everyone's into football or don't want to talk about it - and I struggle. I don't know what to say often. I worry when I talk if I'm boring people. I worry when I don't talk if people think I'm being anti-social. And I also worry when communicating and keeping up with friends, am I being pushy? or clingy? How often should I speak to them? If I don't get replies to emails or texts or calls, am I pestering them if I call them again?.... Were they just being polite when they were with me last, do they actually find me a bit of a bore/annoying/don't like me? And it is annoying and frustrating. Part of me accepts this and respects it - and would be happy to just have friends connected with my hobbies or interests. Although if that is the case I could do with getting 1 or 2 more of those maybe. But part of me also just wants to have friends who are just "friends" not people you particularly do certain things with ie. not a mate you go to the match with, or a mate you play chess with - just a friend you do anything with - just talking or shopping, or "hanging around" with. And one of the big things that is annoying about it, is that having such a narrow circle of acquaintances - and being so restricted in when, how we meet, what we talk about etc... it would I guess lessen my chances of finding or developing a romantic relationship. That is probably one of the hardest things about it. I do try and keep positive about things anyway. I'm the sort of person who when told they will be going to hell when they die turns around and says "oh well. At least it'll be nice and warm"! But still it is hard and lonely at times. I don't know if this helps or describes your son. But it maybe it helps explain some of the situation?

Right, this is my method and I get rave reviews. 1) Get big potatoes that are recommended to use for mashing. 2) Peel the potatoes. 3) Throw away (recycle) the peelings and clean the dirty water out of the bowl. 4) Cut the potatoes into small segments (about 1/2 - 1 inch (1-2 centimetres thick) and put them in the bowl. 5) Cover and wash in hot water (as hot as you can stand). 6) Take potatoes out. 7) Wash bowl out with cold water. 8) Put potatoes in again and rinse with cold water. 9) Take potatoes out of cold water and put into a broad-bottomed saucepan. Try not to squeeze them into a smaller saucepan. 10) cover in cold water, add salt and boil. 11) When the potatoes are soft enough that they start gently disintegrating slighty take off the boil. 12) Drain the water away. 13) Put back on the hob to dry the potatoes/any excess water. Shake them about to avoid burning them. 14) Put the saucepan on the worktop - then take masher number 1) (I use 2 mashers - this one just has vertical lines down it so not much get mashed - and mash the potatoes. 15) When the potatoes have been mashed some - add butter - anything from 2 to 6 or 7 knobs depending how much you are making. 16) Mash the butter into the potatoes firmly. 17) Take a fork and mash down in patterns - left to right, right to left, front to back, back to front etc... remembering to fold in the edges of the mash to make sure it gets properly "fork-mashed" 18) Take masher number 2) this being a more traditional cross-section "portcullis" type masher - and thoroughly mash up the potato again. 19) Take a large kitchen spoon and thoroughly whisk the mash round. 20) Serve. It sounds complicated particularly all the washing and drying and things - but that is I'm afraid crucial - you need to make sure you avoid any excess starch - especially the gooey mess that you get if bits of potatoe disintegrate into the water. And you don't have to use two separate mashers. Using one is fine. But the fork and then the spoon is essential. In summary: 1) Wash the potatoes thoroughly beforehand and dry before mashing. 2) Mash once before adding butter then mash again. 3) After mashing finish off by fine tuning the mashing with a fork then beating/whisking with a spoon. Damn you've made me want mashed potato now - and I already had some last night! lol.

banging!

I've just finished reading The Phone Book. To be honest it was a bit long-winded, there are too many characters, and for some reason all these Polish people turn up at the end! Seriously though I have just finished re-reading "American Scream" - the biography of Bill Hicks, for about the fifth time. I've just started reading "The Da-Da-De-Da-Da Code" by Robert Rankin

People who wait until they've got to the front of the queue, had all their shopping scanned and bagged and then realise they're going to have to pay and spend five minutes rooting around in their wallet/purse/bag/handbag for money or cards! Police who treat all football fans like vermin and hound them and frogmarch them into pubs and grounds willy nilly like they're an armed militia, when most are mild-mannered and polite and are as about as likely to cause trouble as the queen is to graffiti an alleyway in brixton! Shops that give things unneccessarily large amounts of packaging - my four apples don't need a plastic box, cardboard lip and four metres of cling film! People who stand at the front of the bus and won't move down the bus, thus causing a ruddy great obstruction and who then have the temerity to whinge at you when you knock them/stand on their feet as you battle to get on/off. Move down the **�%$^� bus then and we won't have that problem! The hideous overuse of garlic - why is it in recipes in magazines and newspapers, garlic seems to turn up every darn time? why? what's so great about it? People who say "ONvelope" instead of "ENvelope" Ramones T Shirts and Che Guevera T-Shirts. Ties. Reality TV. The huge parade of people that walks merrily past without acknowledging you, when you only held the door open for the elderly woman/bloke on crutches/woman with a pushchair. DIY Milton Keynes. That will do for starters.

Aye, come from's the Romany/Traveller word for child and got adopted in the Kent area, as child, and then later to mean "jack the lad" or "scallwag" or "cheeky chappie" that sort of thing... was used in that context by Sham 69 in their song "Hersham Boys"... and later that became corrupted a bit more to mean less cheeky chappie and more "selfish, ignorant, annoying, *rudeword-I-can't-use-on-this-board*"

Liver ChickenButt hmmm....

I would like to say that whilst he's coping now.. the older he gets, the more he will need to make choices, decisions - what to do with his time? what job to do? - the more he will need social skills - friends, neighbours, colleagues - the more organised he will need to be - especially if living alone, households chores, washing, clothes washing, buying clothes, ironing, food shopping, cooking, cleaning, insurance, tax, dealing with correspondence etc... etc.... He sounds not dissimilar to me... at 17... I could catch a bus to 6th form, do my 6th form work, had a part-time job in a local pub (I only collected glasses and it was too busy to stand nattering for any great social skills to be required) etc... But like I say... I went away to university and fell apart.... Tread very carefully as I'm 1000000% sure you will... but at some point Tom will move out, whether to go to university, or just to move to his own place - and that's when he may well be hit hard by his possible ASD.

Whilst I appreciate what Tally says about a lack of diagnosis helping to encourage self-reliance which is not neccessarily a bad thing. I also got a diagnosis as an adult - last year at the age of 26 - and similarly had developed many "coping" mechanisms. However I would say by age 17.. your son should have developed the majority of coping mechanisms he is likely to need. So my advice from my own experience is: GET A DIAGNOSIS NOW - If you haven't already (which from reading your post it sounds like you haven't). Tom may be able to cope with life at the moment, living with parents... But what might happen when he reaches 18 or 19 and goes to university... or maybe older and gets to an age where he wants to move out.... I went to university at 18 - (and it was actually only a few months after my birthday)... completely unprepared for it and ended up having what can only be described as protracted meltdown.. I couldn't - socially, organising myself... knowing what to do with the free time... etc... Towards the end of the year I was also worried about moving out of halls into shared "digs" with people.... I could barely live with my family let alone other people! It was an absolute disaster... after a year in which I was back home at least every other weekend... and for the holidays - I bolted home - and transferred to a local university. But I remain convinced had I had a diagnosis I could have got more support in settling into university, in organising myself, in getting help socialising. Perhaps financial support after the first year to help meet the extra costs of remaining in halls or renting alone... etc.... And even after university my employment history has been somewhat sketchy... largely because I've never had something to pin my "differences"/"problems" on. Having got I now feel I can legitimately explain things to people, and only seek jobs that I know I can do - so jobs with lots of teamwork and groupwork etc... are out.... I've often thought since my DX if I had been diagnosed earlier when would I want it to have happened. And the older I get the more I would have wanted to have been diagnosed by. But the one point that stands out is the point when I was doing A-Levels/Applying to University/Going to University - had I been diagnosed roundabout then, or before then I think it would have helped tremendously. So I would advise you to go and get the diagnosis, personally.

I was brought up a Catholic and went to Catholic schools. I didn't/don't really believe in God. However I also don't disbelieve. I can't prove either way whether he/she/it exists - and neither can anyone else until they die - and possibly not even then. I don't like organised religion especially Catholicism and can count on my two hands the number of times I've been to church in the last 10 or 11 years. Until the age of about 13/14 we had to go to Church with our parents - and not wanting to cause arguments I just kept quiet. Waste of my time, but I'll just sit there and play games in my head - everyone else can get on with the God-bothering. About 13/14 - we stopped having to go with our parents and me, my brother and our friend who had similarly devout Catholic parents used to pretend to go to Mass. One of us would nip in the church just as the service was starting to get a couple of the newsletters, and have a look at which priest was saying the Mass (those were vital things we'd be questioned on) - we'd then walk round to the chip shops, buy some chips to share, walk back eating them - and we'd get back to the church just around the time, Communion was done and we'd go home pretending we'd left mass after communion! After doing this for a year or so, I got fed up with getting wet walking the streets - and just decided to go to the mass anyway. I didn't really pay any attention - just used it as a quiet time - I was about about 16/17 with a full time 6th form, a busy weekend job etc... it was good just to sit in quiet. But then about 17/18 - I stopped going altogether. Since then I've only been back for funerals, weddings, christenings. I don't believe but for the big things I'll go and go through all the motions, going up, having the bread/wine - I mean really making a fuss of it just brings lots of questions/arguments/tension/stress I can't be dealing with. That's my take on it.

Variously.... Anti-Social - Lars Frederiksen & The Bas*"child born out of wedlock"*s I Hate People - the Anti-Nowhere League Headbangin! - The Dead Pets Ape Drape - The Vandals East Side One - The Godawfuls Out of Control - Channel 3 Fear of Life - Channel 3 Angels With Dirty Faces - Sham 69 Borstal Breakout - Sham 69 Smash - The Offspring Teenage Angst - Placebo Burger Queen - Placebo Say Something - James Underdog World Strike - Gogol Bordello Out of Control - The Exploited Adam's Song - Blink 182 Something From Nothing - The Offspring Do Nothing - The Specials And when it's about being happy and proud and camarderie and one for all, all for one, and all that jazz... then... Sing Loud Sing Proud - Dropkick Murphys We're Coming Back - ###### Sparrer/The Dead Pets Revenge of the Village Idiots - The Dead Pets East End Kids - The Ejected Subterranean - Lars Frederiksen & The B..... Theme From A NOFX Album - NOFX that'll do for starters... there are loads and loads....

Wouldn't "China In Your Hand" by T'Pau be more fitting?

Happy birthday! It's also my birthday today! Busy week in my family this week. Wednesday my brother's birthday. Thursday - same brother's graduation. Today my birthday. Tommorrow my niece's 1st birthday. Sunday my niece's christening !!! Get anything nice? So far I have a Scrabble Dictionary (I play Scrabble a fair bit! lol), a dressing-gown that will have to be taken back as it doesn't fit, and a mug with a picture/diagram of the periodic table on it (I have no special interest in the periodic table, but it will come in handy when watching University Challenge or doing crosswords! ) I have to wait for most of the presents for Sunday as we're having a big bash then. It's also the birthday of Craig Charles, Robert the Bruce, Tony Cottee, John Kettley, Andy Pandy, Looby Lou and Teddy Bear - and it's also the feast day of St Benedict (also my middle name!) Patron Saint of Europe! See that... me and Nikki don't get a poxy country to be patron saint of... oh no.. .we get the entirety of Europe!!!

Good luck! Let me know if anything works. I also have this problem. Not much helped by the fact I'm gay. ("Gaydar? Erm... I don't do "subtlety"!!!")

Okay... here's a musical one... What's got nine arms and sucks? Def Leppard

A bloke's got into a bit of an "tiff" with his wife one evening... His wife goes, ""Romantic"... you'd have to buy a dictionary to look that up!" "What?" he goes, "You never take me anywhere expensive, you never buy me any flowers... romanticism is dead in this marriage!!" He thinks over it and all the next day at work he thinks about, getting more and more annoyed. Eventually he gets home somewhat annoyed. His rushes upstairs and puts his best, smartest suit on... Goes downstairs, pours a couple of glasses of wine and sits leisurely waiting for his wife to come home... As soon as she gets through the door, he leaps up and rushes to the door, almost sweeping her off her feet... "Wooah" she says suprised... "Come on" he says, "We're off out somewhere expensive" "Oooh" she says excited, "where are we going?" He replies.... ...... ....... ...... ....... ...... ........ .......... ....... "The petrol station"