NobbyNobbs

the ribunal is monday so you're in time. thanks for the advice, i've done 6 copies of the document so everyone can have one to read and will be taking the original so they can check its the real deal, but hopefully not submitting that one cos its the only copy i have on headed paper and i need to hang on to it!

the report arrived today, along with a letter from the tribunal stating my request to have the case adjourned was refused! my mom called them and they say since the report isn't too long or in complex language i can just take it on the day and they'll read it before they call me in. the report is... incredibly depressing, embarassing, horrible and lots of other nasty words, but its also just the thing to win my case so i have to be pleased i suppose. just a bit shocking having every fault and weakness in your life (and there's 6 pages of them!) laid out on a page, including things i didn't even know were wrong with me. it also shows how badly i filled in the DLA form and now i'm not surprised i wasn't awarded what i (and professionals) feel i should get first time round. i'm hoping this makes my case really strong as i'm looking for middle care lower mobility which is a big increase from just lower care

i'm pretty sure my moms done that before, cos i remember asking her why she was keeping dirt and dead things. good luck!

i did it. i also never suggested anywhere that it would be simple. only that it was the only clear alternative to refusal to abide by the schools rules ie move somewhere where the rules are different. private school uniform suppliers have clothes in a wide variety of fabrics and colours including 100% wool, 100% cotton, blends etc. i find it hard to believe that every item of clothes you own is 85% viscose 15% polyamide. perhaps start looking at other fabrics you know you can wear. likewise with the trousers.

well apparently the diagnostic report is in the post tonight. finally got called this morning by the ASD unit who said they'd just recieved it and would send it on. i can only assume they wouldn't return the calls before this because they didn't want to admit they hadn't got it. ive already sent the letter to the DLA tribunal asking them to adjourn it so when the report arrives i'll have to call them and see if a) the tribunal is still going ahead and b ) if it is if they will accept the report as evidence for it.

what the solicitor suggests is irrelevant to the schools rules. you're not a 6th former just because you're 17, you're a 6th former because you take A levels. a 10 year old in year 7 because they are gifted doesn't wear a primary school uniform because age-wise thats where they should be. and they most likely haven't just changed the rulels to spite you, its just a new head who can do what he likes with his school. we had one in yr 10 at my school and suddenly we had a set style of skirt to be worn and weren't allowed to take our blazers off inside. if you're really against uniform why don't you go to a local college and do your GCSEs there? then there is no uniform to worry about.

firstly they dont have to let you do the GCSEs so taking the attitude of 'i can do what i like' isn't very helpful, both to yourself and any other students who might need to do the same in future years as it will make the school think twice before accepting them, and if you're in a GCSE classroom taking GCSEs then you will be held to to the rules for GCSE students irrespective of your age. 6th form have different rules regarding dress codes because they are a different sector of education (further education or higher, can't remember which way round they go) even if they are in the same institution. the jumper rule has (presumably) changed because you have a new headteacher and they have the right to change/review any rule they choose within the boundaries of the law. you dont attend RE and PE because there is no law saying you have to have the education they are giving you, and therefore they are not obliged to stick to the national curriculum. if it were me i'd be slightly worried that they will suggest if you are unable to abide by their rules then perhaps you are not suited to being there at all.

now that i think about it one of the first questions we ask when we're offered a foster placement is 'and what are they called?' purely because we can get some interesting ones and we are generally right in our assumptions from that. sadly i can't share the most unusual as thats going through court but apart from that we've had 2 Chanels, Angel, 2 Caitlin/Kaitlins (in a row too!), Jade, Declan, Chloe, Damien, Kieran, Bailey, Gracie, Leanne, Lewis... a reasonably nice mix and not a silly spelling in sight. ni had a friend in secondary called shardae after the singer sade, but growing up where i did that was about the extent of it... mostly Alex, Hannah and so on.. i did have one class with 5 Alexs, 3 marks and 2 hannahs

its not tyranny, its a school dress code which is one of the basic fundamentals of most schools including special needs schols they're not saying someone with no arms can't wear appropriate clothing, they're saying she needs to get a jumper (which she has already said she already wears in a different colour) in the right colour which are completely different things. most of what you list is completely irrelevant, they're not stopping her using a medical aid (hearing aid, glasses) they are saying that she needs to adhere to at least the basics of the school dress code and find a jumper in the right colour. personally i just accepted that everyone wore the uniform and i needed to put up with it if i wanted to have an education (and don't think i dont have the same problems with fabrics), but i understand other people view things differently. Willow-Tree. perhaps you could take the details of some jumpers in the right fabric to the school and give them a choice. they would see you are willing to compromise, and that your options are limited and then its up to them to choose one of your options of find another one.

if his reading age is about 10 then i'd go for older books (date written) as these will be less likely to have the extreme violence/sex etc that need avoiding at his age. coming to mind are famous five etc. adventure rather than horror and pitched at the 8-10 age range i believe. that said with a bit of common sense most things should be fine and it doesn't have to be a story book - our little ones current favorite book is the instruction manual for her car seat which i have to read to her at least once a day and she then goes through and tells me whats happening in each diagram! if he has a more developed understanding of situations it would proabbly be very frustrating to talk to him as his age - i can remember being thoroughly annoyed because when i asked a question i got told the fairies did whatever etc, and i knew that wasn't right and just wanted to know the truth. obviously dont pile responsibility onto him, but i think raising a child is about the child rather than their age. our 3 year old does 100 piece puzzles that say 6+ is starting to read for herself and has incredibly avanced emotional awareness, but also can't do any form of colouring, can't really talk in full sentences and doesn't understand some pretty basic things like swinging on the door will result in getting her foot/fingers shut in it so we really have to work at getting everything balanced at her level. sometimes we forget and pitch at the generic 3 year old and she's either bored senseless or frustrated because she can't understand!

i suspect most people do this with the more unusual names anyway. i know as foster carers we get comments of surprise when we have children with very middle class names, and negative comments when we have a child with a name typically associated with working class families. i think its probably more of a judgement on the parents than the child, but i do have to say percentage-wise we do get rather more kids in care with certain names. i think this is more a class issue than anything else. if you look at the lists the 'bad' list are names more common within working class families, while the 'good' list are names used almost exclusively within the middle and upper classes.

i think that a lot of what you have described is stadard starting new school issues. we have this with all the foster kids as we always miss information days etc as we jump in halfway through the story as it were. i would imagine the same thing happens with reception for everyone. how old is your son? have you missed any meetings or information days? Golden time is a modern strategy for rewarding good class behaviour (not my favorite because it causes problems for chilren without the 'cool' toys or unusual interests) but i would imagine at some point a letter or talk was given detailing it as its not used across the board. perhaps the school would be willing to give him a buddy from his class or the older years to play with him etc at breaks. unfortunately you can't force the other kids to play with him and if he doesn't know how to play properly (through no fault of his own, but still) they aren't going to want to include him without some serious coaching as to why it is important to let him join in and tolerate his behaviour. a home school book is a great idea as it will help you to know what your son has been doing in the day so you can talk about it with him and monitor any specific problems etc. as to the teacher not being willing to talk to you... how would you feel if the teacher had just refused to talk to you without an appointment and then made an exception for another parent? she probably had had other parents wanting to talk to her and had to have a blanket rule or she'd have been there forever.

i can clearly remember having books with genitalia drawn all over it, swear words, pages completely missing... if you're going to pay for a new book ask to keep the old one or they'll be gaining a free book they WILL use again if class numbers increase, in which case it clearly wasn't unusable

i'm probably not the best person to tell you that its easy because in my case it certainly hasn't been. i've been appealing the decision on my DLA ( low care, no mobility) for over a year now and am about to attend my second tribunal. there are a couple of threads on the board that detail what i've been through to get to that point, and one current one about the last little bit that might give you some insight. i think the only thing thats keeping me going on the road now is that if they change the decision i will get over £4000 in back payments and thats hard to give up on. the appeal in itself is not difficult, you simply fill in the form and submit any new evidence you have, then they look at it all again and decide whether to keep the decision the same or change it. you can keep on doing this for a long time, but in my experience if they keep coming back saying no then you're never going to get anywhere and need to make your peace with the decision. after a certain number of appeals you are allowed to go to an indipendant tribunal who will look at all the evidence and make their choices accordingly. hope that helps

dorothy perkins are selling a burgundy v neck 80% viscose 20% polyamide (nylon), could be just the thing! ETA: i dont know what size you want, they are out of stock in some online, but i'm sure if you emailed the company and explained they would find a store with it in stock

congrats! *hides in a corner wondering why the DLA hate her so much*

my mom (she does the flowers, i do the veg) says she puts hers on the windowsil over winter and doesn't do anything else with them. failing that i would try with the cold frame, but keep in mind it might not work. oh and put a lot of bricks in the bottom of the coldframe or it'll blow over. in really strong winds take it inside or it'll go anyway. mine has 4 concrete blocks in the base and its still gone over this week) i dont know about the fuschias, but i would imagine the cold frame is the best bet if theres room

i think the threat of witholding material he needs to access education is slightly illegal but... overall i think the letter was just a teacher 'i expect this to go my way and am letting you know i'm not joking' thing. my aunt (teacher) talks like that all the time, was very scary when i was little. does the head of science teach your son? otherwise why did his class teacher not notice the state of the book in previous lessons/when he handed it back in and deal with it then? i would ask to see your sons book, and at all the other books returned by his class. make sure its not just a sample cos they'll pick the best ones. we had books that were ours all year in year 7 and even me (very careful book obsessive) messed up more than one with a leaking drink/pen. its just part of the result of giving out books to take home. if he's shredded the pages, scribbled obscenities etc then thats different but until they can prove the book is unusable then i wouldn't pay a thing (if it is partially damaged i would pay part of the cost of replacing. it will still be useable as a spare/for a few years)

hopefully the short temper is a result of the sore throat. he might feel a bit of conflict about having fun while he was away and that might be why he wont talk about it. you can always ask if the people looking after him can give you a lot of detail about what he was doing so that you know what was what without pressuring him to tell you. we view respite as like sending a child to stay with their grandparents for a couple of days. thats perfectly normal and respite is the same as that, except youre not related. is it a social services respite carer or private?

i'm going to write letters to the diagnostic centre and NHS PALS tonight as well as the tribunal and have them sent recored delivery tomorrow, the diagnostic one guaranteed delivered monday morning. i struggle to write letters so the pointers are really helpful even if they send me the stuff now its too late, it had to be posted by tomorrow as i have to send it in at least 7 working days before tribunal. i was only given 3 weeks notice of when the tribunal was, the first week i asked my key worker to find the report (before he left), then phoned the office when he didn't get back to me. now we're out of time but thats just the way things go. you never know, the tribunal might change the DLA decision based on the fact that i do have a diagnosis, along with the other new evidence they gathered. i'm feeling more optomistic now.

well the GP doesn't have the report either. tried calling the ASD unit 5 times, but noone is ever there. my mother gave the poor receptionist an earful and all we've learned from that is that at the moment he's spending next to no time in his office and they dont know what he's doing. she said we should write to them asking for the report and hopefully he'll respond to that but i dont have time for snail mail. PALS no longer have a phone contact for my PCT so they're no good either. so my mom called the tribunal to ask them what to do and i have to write to them stating what the evidence is/what iv'e done to try and get it and they will go from there but realistically the tribunal is on the 21st so it looks like i'll be going there hoping to waste everyones time and have it adjourned until i can get the evidence. otherwise it looks like they'll say they can't change the DLAs decision and i've wasted a year of everyones time.

ooh, some good ideas there. i wonder if my GP already has the report as they might have been sent it directly after it was written... worth a go! they're certainly treating me differently these days (as in no longer telling me i'm making it all up) so fingers crossed i can't reach the diagnosis team because they only work one day a month, and i just get put through to the missing person who isn't picking up his messages, but i think my mom is going to phone them tomorrow and pretty much refuse to hang up until someone either finds the report or the man who's meant to answer the phone.

i can understand some of what your daughter is going through because i went through something similar but at 15. i also refused to do my work, mostly because i was being lazy (but noone noticed, my parents evidently had other things on their mind at the time). i wasn't given any out of school support. the WHEN and THEN comment bid made a while back is a really good one. everyone needs a little incentive, especially when you're feeling down and out of control. make the THEN bigger than the WHEN at first to get her doing the things you want - ie , when you do 5 minutes of maths work, then you can watch the twilight dvd without me nagging at you (make sure you've taken the dvd first!). then gradually build up the when and later decrease the then. the comment about english is something i can really relate to. i can't get my words out of my brain into written form, but i didn't know this until someone talked to me about it, i couldn't work out why it just wasn't working. i'm very bright, and have a pretty good grasp of english (both lit and lang) but i can't write things down. i found that talking rather than writing worked. you couldl get her a digital voice recorder so that she could talk her book report etc rather than writing it, then at first you couldl type it for her, then get her to do some building up to her doing it all (its going to be a long process). refusing to see visitors? perhaps use a when and then for that... reward her heavily for just staying in the room, then increase your expectations gradually. i know it all sounds a bit childish for a teenager but the simple things often work the best. we do a lot of this work with the foster kids (of all ages) as they always come in with absolutely no self confidence or self control and have to learn that doing things is better than not doing them. you could also be cunning about getting her education in by involving her intrest(s). i dont know how able she is academically but i know twilight pretty well ( i alo constantly reread the books) so some of these might be of use. they're obviously narrow in topic but at first at least the point is to get her doing anything rather than nothing art is easy - draw scenery/characters from the book/design promo posters for the new film. history she can research the bio of stephenie meyer, the cast of the film/history of vampires etc. geography... Forks (where its set) is a real town, she could learn about that, perhaps produce a tourist leaflet. maths and science are more tricky, can't really think what to do with them. if shes really obsessed by it she might be able to do multi-part tasks such as an entire project on forks producing a tourist leaflet, researching facts /getting photos etc. if shes into more detail you can do things like researching mental institutions at the time when alice was human, researching the souths history in the time of jasper... i know it sounds like its encouraging the obsession but if its already there then its just widening it really have you tried rescue remedy? i swear by it, and now everyone in my family uses it (the orange sweets are the best for me as they dont really taste of much) it works really well to calml you down and reduce the stress response

sorry. very worried i upset you then. when i was in the early stages of trying to get the diagnosis i got a lot of 'i think my son has AS and you're nothing like him so you can't have it'. good to see people are starting to look into us females and our own personal brand of different. interesting about the comments that social training for girls is much stronger so we learn how to manage the issues. i was always very passive because my sister had (and still has) a really foul temper and i was taught that being like that was bad and everything should be done to avoid it. as a result i became so passive and mild i was completely compliant and my mother can't remember me having a tantrum - not normal but far more socially acceptable

oops, AS wires crossed there. i wasn't suggesting i was offended, i was joking that i am the same and may have picked the wrong smiley. sorry!