Sooze2

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Against. Children love the school - fantastic. Parents not happy with schools communication and addressing of problems, they have the a kind of attitude that that goes like this - If a parent asks for info/advise/assessment I will not do it untill they nag and nag about it and I will then not bother to apporoach the parent for follow ups and results but will fob them off and blame others. For example I will wait untill their child gets a zero in the year 5 sats and then leave it till the end of year parents evening to let them know they have been struggling all year (my freinds child) and can't do any of the work despite the fact that the parent asked for assessments back in year 2 and the child hasn't progressed at all in 3 years! A lot of parents have told me they are very unhappy because of treatment like this. Its communication that is the majour problem -if your face fits you are ok but for the rest of us.......................

There are 2 statemented children in the class - both have 1:1 and both have allocated TA's but neither were there yesterday. One of the children is my son, the other boy had a teacher with him for part of the day and when one TA is not there the other boy has the available TA - both boys have the same diagnoses but very very different and my boy also has ADHD to contend with on top. It wouldn't worry me if this was isolated but one day last week his TA was in another school doing dancing with some of his schools freinds and so he had no support. They have only just decided where he gets help in class but some of the lessons where they say he gets help I know he doesn't. I am not informed, my son tells me at the end of the day. Last week he spent a whole lesson unsuported copying from the white board, I would love to see what he acheived as he has writing and concentration difficulties so very little I assume. Yesterday he said he wrote down 2 answers to questions on the board in the whole maths lesson. Any information I get results from me discussing things with the PSA, after every conversation with PSA I end up getting dirty looks from the SENCO in the playground (I'm not imagining it!). The PSA is the only person who gets things done and the only person who will give me information. I have a meeting with the CHAMS OT on Friday to go over the statement and see where she thinks he needs support, what interventions should have been put in place etc - she asked me if Autism Outreach have returned my call (one last week, one the week before) but I said no. No one seems to want to talk to me and the OT said she has exactly the same problem with DS's school - every time she asks for info or tries to give them info she is met with a brick wall and they won't communicate with her. I will see what the OT says of Friday then will phone the LEA, if they are responsible for the overseeing of support then I will have to go directly to them.

Just a quickie, if both class TA's (1:1's) are off sick should the school put a replacement in a class of 37 childen?

Just wanted to offer some <'> <'> I think some of the key professionals dealing with my son are also in cahoots with each other and I am currently deciding on the best thing to do. Good luck to you and stay strong. It always amazing me that these people who are the figure heads in education are some of the biggest bullies around!

I think his Dad should take him out more often, he could ask him to look in a recipe book and choose something simple for tea, write the shopping list and they could go off together and with his Dad's help your son could find the ingrediance, pay for them them help make the meal. They could go to the post office together too and buy stamps or send a letter, all those little things you do with children - you know the thing - "you go and pay the lady and wait for the change" etc etc then we'll go to the bakery for some doughnuts. Then take the stamps home, write a letter or card to some randome Auntie and he has to walk to the post box to post it, when he gets back he gets to eat the doghnuts. His Dad would be great at this because he is more detatched (as a lot of men are) so less likely to give in and let him enable others to do everything for him. I would make him carry his own bags too, my kids have to carry their own school bags or jumpers when we are out much to their discust but they are their bags and jumpers - I have my own to carry. He could have his own ruck sack to put things he buys in and carry that if youre worried about him losing things. You could ask him to do little things for you in the house like helping to bring the washing in or sorting socks and reward him for it - he may feel empowered by it. Don't forget to do something with your girls when your son is off with his Dad so they get to be carefree kids and have fun, even if it's a fun game on the wii or board game, swimming etc.

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My son the same issues over football,he hated the contact side of it and thought tackling was outrageousely rude! He has learnt to avoid it now because it just winds him up. It took a long time to teach him that some things aren't worth getting wound up over and to walk away and find something else to do, he doesn't always need to do exactly what his freinds are doing to fit in and so he takes cars or something to school with him to occupy himself when he doens't want to join in. He still gets a bit wound up but sometimes he needs to know that not everything has a solutuon and making the other boys change to keep one person happy could alienate them a bit so he's better off making his own entertainment at those times.

What I did was to draft a points to be raised leaflet and bullet point everything I wanted included in the Statement that wasn't. I read though every single peice of paperwork I have received and picked out points from letters and inluded those in the points I wanted raised - highlighting the paragraphs on the letters that they related to so they couldn't question it - all the paparwork should be in with the draft statement that they sent you so you will both have knowledge of these items etc. If you think something has not been included in the paperwork (mine was a report from the CHAMS OT) then you can ask them to see about that so it is included if you think it will help your cause.Then at the meating with the LEA we discussed every point fully and she told us what the school had to do and when. Please don't worry too much, I was nearly sick as I got out of the car and DH thought I was going a bit ga ga but the lady was very very nice. She told me that the time allowed (15 days) was a guide and they only apply that for the parents who don't bother to reply to the letter or be involved in the process, if they don't reply after 15 days they go with the Draft statement so something is put in place but if you phone and ask for more time to get reports then I'm sure they would be ok with that. If when they send you an ammended statement (you get another 15 days to approve that) you are still not happy you can ask for more changes and another draft made out and it should carry on until you are happy. That is how are lady explained it to us anyway, not sure if it is like that everywhere though. The school is our problem so that is why I had to make sure everything that they (LEA) told me should be done was written down in the statement.

She was at another school all day with some of our school pupils doing dance! She should have spent at least 3.5 hours with him in class. DS told me about it this evening. DH wants to go the the head and find out what is going on, I just want to got straight to the LEA and find out what is going on OR run away to a mad house and stay there until DS leaves school I thought we had it cracked, Parent Partnership sorted out the time table showing when the TA was with DS (the one the SENCO laughingly said she and the LEA knew nothing about!) - I got that yeasterday and told her the bits that needed re arranging. Apparently he has settled well and is fine in class. Need a meeting with teacher to find out what he is acheiving in class due to him telling me that he spent a whole topic lesson copying from the white board, this means he probably did nothing. Still don't know what his individual literacy program is, apparently the IEP's are going out soon so perhaps I find out then. Sorry just random ramblings again. I was trying not to think about this because first of all I have a terrible cold and secondly since things are moving in the right direction I thought I could stop thinking about and let.

I would do what Jb suggested too, write it all down. You could make numbered list. Give the list to the optition and say this is what is going on or say I'm so nervous that I can't speek, or read this and shove the list at him/her. Don't worry what they think, they don't know you and you don't know them and you probably won't see them for another 4 years - if ever so you could even do the can can in front of them and it will make do difference in the long run. I had a very important meeting recently to do with my son and I was so scared I would waffle on about unrelated things or get stuck on one small point that I wrote a bullet pointed list and just gave it to the lady involved and told her I would probably forget what I was supposed to be saying so please read this and ask me questions. I was fine with this prop and actually felt confident and didn't forget what I was there for which is rare, it was almost as if writing it down meant I had already told her what I wanted to say - does that sound odd? Hope this helps

My son has been doing homework this evening where he needed to draw and colour a picture. He had to keep stopping because he said the drawing kept doubling and joining up and crossing over itself, that is the only way I can discribe what he said. I told him to look and the picture on the wall in front of him for a while to re-focus which helped a bit but it still kept happening. Hubby says he has always had the same thing when reading get so that is why he doesn't read, DS's reading is great but writing etc poor. He had an eye test a few months ago and the optition said that the muscle in one of his eyes is a bit weak, could this cause what I discribed or is it something else? We are still sure he is dylexic but the school said not a couple of years ago. Not sure what to do about this, he said he gets this at school but I suppose he could have just been tired eh. Any advise would be appreciated xx

My husband remembers nothing from his childhood apart from a few basic details. Its wierd because when I talk about things or when freinds get together and remeniss he remembers nothing at all apart from the odd telling off from teachers and getting the cane etc. I aften wonder why it is and we wonder if he has blocked it out for some reason.

My friend has just phoned me and I have been telling her all about various things that I have been talking to the school about, probably loudly with a few swear words and what a silly person thrown in. When I put the phone down I realised that not only were the patio doors open but I could hear one of the teachers in the school next to my garden talking very very clearly - my children's school. Oops! Must remember to close those doors, paranioa is well and truly setting in.

Don't worry I didn't take it as that. Its a case of my midnight ramblings taking off and going off on a tangent! I'm sure I must have been born at night. xx

Just a thought, this letter may have gone out to all the year 7 parents and they may do it every year so they get all the year 8 books for free! I have a suspicious mind

That was my son, he does it to my books too!

I only push him to do his best, I was a failed student and never measured up - passed the 11 plus because by some fluke I was having a good day but then spent my whole Secondary School time getting mostly D's and E's (o'level - I'm old!) I shouldn't have been in that school. I was the same at Primary. I was reading my school reports and every single comment from every teacher said I lacked concentration, was dissapointing, didn't listen and a nice one kept saying I tried but couldn't retain the information. Last week I told the teacher his maths homework was far to hard and he just didn't understand it and we have had a similar sheet sent home again - the poor boy was in bits tonight because he hasn't retained what I taught him on Monday when we did the last sheet - can you see a pattern? He's said that its not even what they are learning in class. There is no way I will force him do be what he is not, I know what that feels like but I will also not give up helping him to try unlike my parents who just gave up and left me to get on with it on my own usually in tears and not give me a chance to understand. I would then fake my mums signature on the homework each time so she wouldn't see how little I had done and how wrong my answers were. Although reading what you have said I do know that in the past when everyone said "he's fine" I then said to him out of frustration "everyone says youre fine so why can't you do it" both of us frustrated and him in tears! I'm not proud of it at all I have heard my parents words come out of my mouth which really upsets me so now we do a bit at a time and then have a break from each other because we are very similar it seems. What I'm saying (admitting) is that I may be thinking that if I get this help or that help he will be able to do it but I may have to accept that he can't - perhaps I do actually find that hard without realising it. Am I still on the subject or should I have actually posted this waffle on another thread

Hum, I see the other side now. I read between the lines to hear what I thought it meant but really when I read what you have written I should have just listened without trying to analyse. I was only looking at it from a parents perspective I suppose and I see my son as an average kid who I treat the same as my other children, same rules same everything really which is why I have pushed to get him understanding at school because I feel he has the same rights as everyone else to a decent education and to acheive his full potential just like everyone else. The trouble, I find is that now that he is "diagnosed" teachers and other professionals blame everything on Autism, I think he is dyslexic - no he's Autistic and that is why he finds writing hard etc etc which seems to almost let them have an excuse for not helping him overcome his literacy difficulties he is an amazing story teller and has an amazing knowledge of the world but can't write it down but its ok!! I don't want him to say its ok if I don't want to do this or that because I'm Autistic - because he'll learn that anything he finds hard he can give up on and think he always has a valid excuse - he hasn't he has obsticles to overcome. Rambling again......

Thats how it came across to me too. Although I had to make myself watch the first half because it was so negative and did hit a raw nerve, once the parts with the families came on what I felt it was saying came across well and made me understand why I keep perserviering to make sure he gets what he needs especially now that he is medicated so seen as easier and less demanding. xx

I don't know about speech and language, he had speech therapy in school in Reception and year 1 but they wrote to me to say they had discharged him. On his IEP it says he has on going support from the speech and language team which I questioned last time but she wasn't sure! I don't know what his language levels are in terms of percentile, they say he has pedantic speech but does't nescisarily understand what is being said to him which is true, he gets mixed up. Before the holidays CHAMS said she would see if speech and language had any ideas but ive heard nothing, she gave me the number too but I left a message and heard nothing back. Oh I mentioned his SATs levels to the SENCO and PSO and they said they would check but they must be right, his writing is at 2.8. Its not that he can't do the work as such but he has the concentration span of a gnat and can't remember what he's supposed to be doing a millisecond after he's been told and by the time he's lost his pencil, smelt his paper and forgatten how to write his name he really doesn't know what he's supposed to be doing When the Child Development Centre assessed him when he was 7 they said that his understanding was at age 10 and what he was producing was at age 6 so although he was only a year behind on paper he was very frustrated because his intelegence was 4 years ahead. Seem to have now lost all my confidence and want to stop hassling and let them do what they want now. I will try to get hold of speech and language again and give a copy of the statement to the TA - perhaps I will see her when she is on crossing patrol. Pardon my spelling I can't get the spell check to work and I seem to have forgotten how to spell!!

Thank you all for your replies, they are very helpful because otherwise I think I would go mad. I went in to see the SENCO after school yesterday and told her my concerns about DS not getting the support he's supposed to. She said that it takes a while for THEM to get it organised and SHE is a new teacher so she will take time to settle in and SHE will sort out where she thinks TA is needed. The TA is also needed elsewhere in the school when she isn't doing her .7 with DS, fair enough. I thought the SENCO coodinates the SEN department and told the teacher and TA's what to do with annoying folk like me and my child. I told her about the TA not being in class during Literacy and Numeracy and she didn't know anything about it and she didn't think he needed it in numeracy - the Ed Phyc report that was done in April (after he started meds for ADHD and had calmed down a lot) said that he needs one to one adult support to stay on task in order to produce any work! Went to see Parent Support today (she works in the school) and showed her his class timetable and the fact that once you take off assemblies and break times the remaining hours are a little over 18 hours by the look of it so his TA should be with him for those times. She looked a bit sheepish at that because she knows the TA isn't there all the time. She came up with an idea to solve the problem of her not being there at the end of the day to sort out homework, organise him and speek to me which was giving him a tray that he goes to to collect everything he needs to bring home. She said the teacher is new so will take a while to get sorted out and the SENCO is also a class teacher so has a lot to do. As asked her about the file that I was given when I went on an ASD training course that I gave to the SENCO for her to copy and give to the new teacher and she knew nothing of it. She was lovely but basically said what the senco said - nice but non commital. All in all they both said it will take a while for things to settle down so they can see where he needs the help, the IEP will be written soon etc etc. I thought the Statement told them where he needs the help, all they have to do is get the TA to be with him and help him - am I being a bit thick? Basically things are going to be the same as they were last year before he had a statement, he had more 1:1 then as he says she's not with him as much now but hopefully now the TA will be in the class room with him rather than next door helping someone elses class with literacy and numeracy. That wouldn't have happened if I hadn't forced the teachers hand over it! I darent ask about the individual literacy progam, the teaching staff who understand his diagnosis rather than just telling him to be more organised and to stop fiddling so much (reading the file I gave them) and why they keep going on about whether or not he needs his TA for break and lunch times when he clearly doesn't and it only says that if he needs to have a bit of quiet time he should be allowed to go inside somewhere quiet. To be honest I am now confused and stressed. I feel like a silly little girl who is making a fuss about nothing. Ignore me if I am actually annoying and silly.

Can you tell me about Executive Functions etc so I am clear on how to ask if this is being considered and allowed for at school, a lot of the things that are spoken about on here have never been explained to me or spoken about re DS. I think his understanding has been totally left behind and his peers are way way ahead of him now despite him seeming like he is fine and coping, the consultant did warn me that this may happen because his ADHD was masking his autism a wee bit.

Exactly Sally, yes these difficulties are mentioned on the Statement because I asked the CHAMS OT the write to the LEA after I received the first draft because there was no report there from her (she wasn't contacted much to her discust) and she put everything in a report from his lack of understanding, concentration, lack of eye contact, lack of asking for help, expecting nothing less than perfection from himself, sensory difficulties, hating team sports and not understanding team games and the need for give and take etc etc etc. Its all in there. The statement says he needs his TA to check he has understood instructions and needs redirecting to task regularly. The Ed Phyc report that was written in April after observing him in class (a few months after he started meds) stated that he doesn't achieve anything unless he has 1:1 support. How much clearer do these things need to be - nearly swore then! Is the TA being trained? She knows him really well but I don't know about training (she is lovely) and the other TA has been in the same class as him for 5 years! Like I say I went on a course for parents of children with ASD and they gave us all these great printouts about it all. I gave my whole folder to the SENCO in July for her to photo copy and train the staff with if she needed to but the teacher hasn't seen it. She has told me he needs to learn to organise himself and that is when I asked if she had seen the ASD folder! Hey ho, LEA phoning me tomorrow. I will try and see SENCO tonight if she is around. Off to see how many adults are in outside PE in a mo. Feel like a spy! xx

Sending you huge <'> <'> Your son sounds very much like my boy. Bringing all the frustrations of life home to you every day. Can't offer any advise as my frustration levels are running high when it comes to school but all I can say is that you should hold you head high and keep plodding on. Who says its unlikely he will get a Statement (or equivelent)? my son's school said the same and he has been awarded a high level of 1:1 by the LEA. Trying to make sure he gets it is something else. Go with your gut instincts, if you think he should have it then keep pushing, you will doubt yourself but your first instinct is ALWAYS the way to go. When the LEA ask for your thoughts disregard the tiny boxes they give you to write in and type out how things actually are on a separate sheet, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks you know best. DS's ed psyc refused to refer him to CHAMS saying that star charts should be enough to control him, I sat in the room with her for nearly an hour before she would refer so once she realised I wasn't going to budge she gave in. CHAMS diagnosed straight away and the information they gave the LEA helped enormousely - plus he is now calmer due to the Ritalin.