Jannih

We know nothing about Flying Ladybird. she may work, she might not. Also, we don't know her age. I am a working woman in my late 50s but many married women in that age group were not expected to work. Their priority was the home ie. making sure hubby had a meal to come home to when he finished work and that the children were ready for bed ! A 40yr old successful career woman, I know, gave up teaching as her husband was insistent that she should create a secure environment for their son and manage the their large house, where ever it was, as his work took him all around the world. When she was 58, on return to England, he dumped her for a younger woman. Naturally she went for everything she could get and she got it. Just because a woman stays at home it does not mean she stops work ! She is proabably preventing her child from becoming another statistic in delinquency ! The work of a houewife/mother is, sadly, very undermined in this day and age.

So much for the marriage vows. Didn't he say, " all my worldly goods, I thee endow." Then he signed a register. He made a promise before you, witnesses and God ( if you believe, that is) and then he breaks it. I would have thought that amounted to a verbal contract ! I would have also thought that a verbal contract is legally binding. It is with employment law so why not marital law.

Thanks lifeVoyager et Al. I am so glad I have done it and got it out of the way. Here's hoping the rest will be a doddle, but I don't think so, judging others' expereinces.

Hi Vanna Sorry to hear you feel isolated. It must be difficult for you being in a country where you have no real friends and family. Some times, us girlies need more than a hubby and a cat. My cat hated cuddles and could be very aloof and antisocial. Maybe she was on the spectrum as well. LOL. As for the hubby, never had one ! Look out for the occasional "London Meet" on this forum. I think there will be one in the New Year. At least you will recognise some of the names. We are all in the same boat and have similar problems, so you won't feel out of place ! Look under "Christmassy Meet" which never happened as people had too many commitments, but they are considering another one for next year. Jannih

I thought that, but had a look in the Autism directory last night, and it looks like I can be referrred by a GP after all. I spoke on the phone to someone from the Maudsley Clinic about a year ago. They said that they were in process of getting more funding which would greatly reduce their waiting list. Perhaps they are now able to relax the referral criteria as a result.

I saw my G.P. this evening. She was fairly sympathetic when I explained everything to her. I forgot to consult my notes and rabbited on a bit but I feel that I got across the important bits. I mentioned The Maudsley Hospital to her as I know this is the only hospital which takes NHS adult referrals from around the country. I thought I would have to be referred by a GP, then onto a clinical Psychologist and then to the Maudsley. She seems to think I can be referred directly by a GP . Does anyone know who is right ?

[ If you feel they don't take you seriously or don't understand the situation then look on the Autism Directory (http://www.autismdirectory.org.uk) and find a specialist that's reasonably close to you (I had to travel 3 hours to the closest that deals with adults). You may be able to get a referral; I paid because I could not wait, it cost me £480 but was money well spent. Good luck. I looked in the autism directory and could only see the Lorna Wing Centre offering services to adults. I didn't see any oHter diagnosticians listed. Can you let me know of any. You might have to send a message to me privately .

I have been posting on here for nearly 18 months now, and at last I have decided to go for a diagnosis. It has taken me all this time to pluck up courage to see my GP. After all it's not like going in saying "my foot hurts, have a look, please" What made me get off my backside, was a letter I received saying that my GP was retiring at the end of the month and was going to be replaced by someone with a very Arabic sounding name. I know this Doctor may speak perfect English but on the other hand, maybe not. So I thought I better get in quick, as I do respect my present GP. She is very thorough, and hopefully won't fob me off. I was chatting to an old friend, who is a manager of a care home for people with learning disabilities, today. For several years she kept hinting that I had a learning disability, but I was in denial and used to ignore her comments. She says she observed that I had a lot of autisitic traits and that as there was a family history, the doctor should take it seriously. She was very helpful today and gave me lots of tips and advice about how to approach the subject. So wish me luck for tomorrow evening, everyone.

Hi Kieran Welcome. When I was your age, I did not have a clue about what I wanted to do. You seem to have more of an idea than most. Good luck with what are doing. People will always need to eat and look & feel good Jannih

I think that being misunderstood can lead to frustration and depending on the person's natural temperament can result in cetain forms of violence. This could apply equally to any autistic or neurotypical person. We have to acknowledge that those with ASD do have more difficulty with being understood and tolerated by society as a whole. Also we have to consider the co- morbid conditions which sometimes go along with ASD eg ADHD, OCD etc. As for "controlling behaviour" I'm going to stick my neck on the block and say I agree with this one ! I have a sister who is very autistic and wants to control everything and everyone within the family, ranging from conversations i.e butting in and correcting us. She will insist that we use a saucer (that does not fit) with our mugs even if we use a coaster mat. she will " go into one, if we don't). That is a small example. I personally feel the need to control my working environment. I like everything in its place such as a very tidy desk and I do not like it when someone uses my chair. I do not like it if someone wants me to work in a different way. After all my way works best for me ! Having a well structured environment gives anyone a sense of security, which is a good thing. I think that there is a greater need for this for people with ASD. For flying Ladybird - You do not have to put up with your partner's controlling behaviour especially if it's affectiong you emotionally, socially materially and in every aspect of your life. You have needs too. If he cannot compromise or refuses help to change, then you should not feel guilty if you decide enough is enough.

Interesting documentary on TV tonight. Filmmaker Michel Orion Scott captures a magical journey into a little-known world, in a documentary which chronicles Rupert Isaacson and Kristin Neff's personal odyssey to make sense of their child's autism, and find healing for him and themselves in the unlikeliest of places. http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b00p26x7

And then there were two. I think we should cancel it and arrange an other, more suitable time. Whose idea was it, to meet up on the 28th ? Come on Kathryn own up ! LOL

I'm still on for it, but I feel there are people who want to go but cannot make it on that day. Would another day be better.

Be very careful. To deliberately sabotage an interview, can be classed as "Refusal of employment" and could lead to suspension of your JSA. Check your Job Seekers Agreement as this is a legally binding contract which outlines the minimum steps you have agreed to look for work. As a person with a disability you can agrree to work as little as 16 hours per week but if it says 40 hours then you have signed it and agreed that you would work full time. You can ask for your hours to be reduced on health grounds. Likewise if you have agreed on the length of time for travelling to and from the job then that is also legally binding if you refuse a job for those reasons. As Tally says , it might better if you explain to the JC adviser that you find his/her presence off- putting and explain why. Can you not get someone to act as an advocate for you ?

Hi Case Sensitive, There is so much going on here, I think you you need to get in touch with the NAS and see if they can recommend or provide you with a welfare rights/advocacy worker. Failing that, as someone has said the CAB will offer help and advice but it would be better if the person you use, has a knowledge of ASD. As someone else has also said it appears to be a "Work Trial" that they wish to send you on. This is a VOLUNTARY scheme which enables a JC customer to prove their ability to an employer before being offered permanent work. It also benefits the employer as they do not pay the person or go through all the HR procedures until they are sure that the person is fit for the job. If, at any time during the work trial period, you wish to leave as it is not suitable, you can. This is one of the few times a person can refuse, without their benefit being affected. Work Trials are about giving someone a "taster" of work. Because anyone who has health, disability and long term unemployment issues, will naturally be very lacking in confidence. The "work trial" can sometimes provide a boost of confidence. In regard to full time education, you would have to come off JSA as you would no longer be considered available for work. Re. DLA . If you are going to complete the forms, get help from someone who knows what they are doing and can read between the lines of a question. CAB are good to use. You can ask about ADF ( adviser discretion fund) I am surprised that your Jobcentre has not offered it to you, if they have told you to get a suit for interviews, jobs etc . It is discretionary, as the name implies and so if you are refused, then try applying for a budgeting Loan ( must be on benefits for 6 months plus) or crisis loan for "Items only." Best of luck Jannih

Hi Bruce Hello and welcome ! Jannih

Hi Tally Thanks for the links. Jannih

Be careful that you don't overdose him. Best not to give him anymore and take him back to the vet. I know this might sound hard but would you consider having him put to sleep. He is 17 years old, which is pretty old for a cat. It's just that he is going to be on medication for the rest of his life and maybe forcing tablets down him is proving to be a bit traumatic for the poor thing. It's just a thought. Discuss it with your vet.

I noticed on a recent topic that Tally had mentioned something called " inertia" in regard to ASD. I have never heard of it, but can really relate to it as it probably explains certain behaviours of mine. 1. Needing to get the gardening done but having difficulty motivating myself. Once I get out there I don't stop until it's dark. 2. Opening a packet of biscuits. I eat one, then another....then another.... then another.... then another. I keep going until the pack is empty. 3. At work I find it difficult to switch over from one task to another. If I start a job I have to finish it, even if it means staying behind after 5.00pm. This has caused problems with my colleagues. 4. I might stop dead in my tracks and I just stand there for a minute or so, for no particular reason ( I do this when I am alone - not in the presence of others ) 5. I have a sewing machine and although I am not a particulary good dress maker, once I get started I really enjoy it and will not stop even for food. Everyone who knows me would know that I love my food, it is my "vice". They would be very surprised at me saying this, and would probably not believe that I pass food by ! 6. I go out with the sole intention of buying a birthday card for someone but come back without it . That really upsets nearest and dearest. They will get one but it is often very late. 7. I am sitting at my computer, knowing that I have umpteen jobs to do. LOL. Do others identify with this ? Jannih

I'm really pleased for your son and for your family. I hope everything goes like clockwork for him. He has a supportive family, who he can fall back on, and he couldn't ask for more.

Sorry to hear about Poorly Puss. Has the vet discussed all options with you. Would they consider a thyroidectomy ? It might be better than having to grapple with a cat every day. They would leave some thyroid in the cat, so he gets some thyroxine. It might be cheaper in the long term as well. It was bad enough giving my cat her 3 monthly worming tablet ! Then she would hate me for a few days.

Hmmmm !!! Fecal tart. Reminds me of my nursing days. I ain't kidding, when I say that that there were various descriptive names for stools : Typhoid patients pass pea soup stools Cholera - rice water stools intussusception - redcurrant jelly stools and those who have stomach ulcers produce Coffee grounds vomit ! You would have thought that someone somewhere could have found names that weren't associated with food.

Do you think he is one of us. LOL

I quite agree. Any disadvantaged group benefits from having good role models. Black people need good role models. A Jamaican friend who is a nurse was greatly inspired by the work of Mary Seacole - a black "Florence Nightingale". I, as a woman need good female role models i.e those that break into male dominated industry, politics etc etc. Asnewb has just been diagnosed as having an ASD and he is looking for good role models in the autistic community. What is wrong with that ?

We all need good role models. OK we can't all be famous but we can all make a worthwhile contribution to society ,whether it be in a big or small way.