connieruff

Hi, My older NT sons have always been addicted to Playstation and PCs etc, and they are now both going to Uni. I used to hide the PS and take it my mums etc and I would get really upset if they played in the summer holidays - this is when I would take it away from them. My youngest aspie son has just discovered Xbox and he plays on one game the whole time, driving cars around - he is addicted and if I have to take him off he bangs his head on the door, flaps his hands and crys. If I give him notice ie say to him you have 20 more minutes and then keep counting down, to 5 minutes then he is better than if I say to him right thats it, and just pull him off it. I'm hoping that he will get bored playing the same game - but... it does seem to relax him and he really enjoys it, so I wont stop him altogether but get him into the routine of only having so long on it. When you take your son off it, then have something else for him to do that he enjoys, maybe take him out in the car or divert his attention with a DVD and a nice hot chocolate or something he likes. You have to be careful also that they dont get Xbox hand, my son couldn't grasp a pencil because he had been on the Xbox for too long. Good luck, C

It sounds as if the teacher needs training on SEN, I would complain to the governers - its her fault if she does not know how to deal with SEN children. Go to the head as well and let them know that you are not happy with the amount of training the teacher has. If mainstream schools take on children with SEN then they should know how to deal with them.

Considering all of the trouble and serious issues my son has had since the last year and that he is a year behind his peers - and I have been told that he will really struggle during the SATS (he is 7) do you think they should have talked him and me through what to expect when he goes back after this break? I am going to send the teacher a message tomorrow, to ask what she has done to prepare him. What is the experience of others and other school dealing with this problem? I would keep him away while the SATs are in progress but think as he is going to really struggle it will help towards a statement.

Take notes! Or get someone to take notes for you. Make sure that when the minutes are distributed they cover all that was said and don't think this meeting s being done out of the goodness of their hearts, they are just ticking boxes to show that they are doing all they can. If one of them says something out of order then repeat it back to them and write it down. This is the mistake I made. It is vital as this will be helpful if you want a statement. If they decide on an IEP, then take your time to review it and get some expert help. the one I had was not worth the paper it was written on. Google the SEN toolkit and read it. Good luck.

Hi all, Just thought I would get others thoughts on this - and let off steam! I have often invited all of my 7 year old sons class to a party, just so no-one would be left out. But time and again my son is not invited to parties, I think only 3 parents invite my son to their party every year. Today I had to stand and listen to the parents at the schoolgate discuss times and directions today, within earshot of my son. To be honest he used to get upset, but now I have an idea the teacher just hides the invites in the school bags so the two special needs boys don't get upset. What annoys me is that two or three 'normal' children are really rude and swear, but they get invited because they are 'normal' my son is quite well behaved in comparison. And its not that I dont get on with the other parents - I do, so are they just ignorant? How do other people cope?

Thank you for the replies and information. I have just dug out my sons IEP, dated Oct 2008 it goes like this: Pupil target: I will carry out my tasks and then choose my reward. Task is written on G's reward sheet - he chooses task to do as a reward. English/Maths Targets I can retell a story using the main characters I can put capital letters at the beginning of a sentence and a full stop at the end. I can add numbers when solving problems up to 10. Action: One to one support from TAs and volunteer support and then it names 3 TAs and the teacher. Own workstation if required Reward sheet. I asked my son where his workstation was and he did not know what I meant. I asked about his reward sheet and I got a blank look. I obviously have trusted the school too much, I thought they would be professional etc but now it looks like I have got to the point that a lot of parents get to - they are lied to and fobbed off so much they get as cross as hell and get into litigation mode. Which is where I am. I was told at the beginning by the outreach lady to 'work with the school' but this has got my son nowhere. Also where does Ofsted come into all of this? Any thoughts about the IEP welcome! Thank you all once again for this infomation, its so nice to be able to 'talk' this over with people who are or have been in the same position. I'm definately going for a statement, just need to gather all of the ammo. C

That's interesting... so if the school gets wind of me going for a statement, they may bend the SATs results a bit so that it will look like he is OK after all so that they don't have to pay out for extra help. So it would be best to start the statement process after the SATS? Is this how it works? Or am I being cynical? .

Thank you all so much for the replies. I now will start the statement ball rolling. One question: should I get an ed phychologist in first or not? Do I have to employ one? Also he is sitting his Key Stage 1 SATS soon, and I know that this will be very stressful for him and demotivate him even more. I've had a look at the sample papers and no way is he going to be able to do this. Are the schools supposed to make special provision for him as he has Aspergers? Also can I take him out of school altogther while this is going on? Is there a legal obligation for him to participate in the SATS? Are the SATS papars marked by his teacher? Sorry for the amount of questions here. Cheers, C

My son is 7 and has Aspergers When he was in reception/class 1 it looked promising, he did well and the teachers were very good with him. When he went to Class 2 everything nosedived, he became depressed, would cry in the classroom, was bullied and as a result he wont or cant work properly, his work has really suffered. I was told in the last meeting we had with the school that he is getting a lot of 1 to 1 with a classroom assistant but that he is nearly a year behind. They told me that when he gets to Class 3 in September there are no classroom assistants and he will really struggle. I said then in that case we should get him statemented. The teachers said that this was not going to help as they don?t have the resources, and they said that there is already a child who is supposed to be getting so much help and they cannot provide it. So what am I supposed to do? Sit back and watch the school fail him again? What is the point of a statement if the school cannot fulfil their obligation? Can anyone tell me if it is worth getting him statemented? Is it also worth getting an educational psychologist to see him? Any help gratefully received.

Hi, Having a pig of a day as usual. I am a single mum who works full time and have three children - youngest has Aspergers. My ex will not look after them much - just a couple of hours on a Friday evening or Thursday - whichever day suits him and his new wife. Do you think he should be helping out more? Can you force them? His wife is awful and very hard on the kids. She thinks my son just needs discipline she doesnt understand Aspergers. How do I go about getting help? I just want my youngest to be looked after and happy while I have time out, at the moment all I do is work work work and try to cope with my sons behaviour. I dont go out at all, I have no leisure time at all. I swear all this has shortened my life!

My son went through a stage of doing this, it made my ears ring and I think he did permanent damage to them. Supermarkets are bad places for Aspergers children because of the lights and background noise, my son would try to drown out the noise by making his louder noises. In fact he would run riot and many a time I've walked out in tears leaving the trolley in an aisle. Can you get tesco on line? Its a Godsend for me, the amount of time, stress and money it saves me it is worth its weight in gold. If anyone says anything nasty to me about my son I say 'well he'll be quiet later - but you'll always be ugly!' Also it seems to be just a stage they go through as my son did it all through the summer but has now stopped and so hopefully your child may just stop one day.

I did this when I was very young (I used to lick the brick dust from walls) (I know weird! ) and it turned out I had a mineral deficiency and aniemia (sorry cant spell it) also when I was preganant I did it again, or I felt like doing it, I was just lacking something in my diet, although a doctor would probably say I was talking rubbish. My son (Aspergers) occasionally licks my arm, maybe its the the salt?

One way round this is to pal up with the mothers of these kids and go out with them, and invite them back to your house etc. If the bullies see you gettiing on with their mums they may be less inclined to bully your son. You could aways 'borrow' some cool looking teenagers/older kids and let your son go out with them, and be seen with them. Get them to pick your son up from school sometimes, and get them to speak to the bullies in a nice friendly way.Hope you find a solution..... C XX

Yes, two professionals have told me this, in their experience Aspergers children are good looking. One of them said it was Natures way of compensating and to ensure other people treated them favourably. All I know that of the three boys (mine included) I know with Aspergers they are very nice looking children.

M son is 6 and has Aspergers. The school and I have noticed a nosedive since he started in class2 . The school have asked the school doctor and the lovely outreach SENCO lady to attend a coulple of meetings to discuss him, and how best we can help him. They are almost giving him one to one as best they can and trying to understand why his behaviour is so difficult at the moment. The next meetig will be in two weeks time and they are asking an educational pychologist along. They seem to be doing all they can but should I be asking for a statuary assessment? Will this help or do you think I should let the school take the lead? Also is there any reason why schools I read about on here drag their feet so much when it comes to statementing and seem to put up so much of a battle with parents? Does it all boil down the them having to find extra resource/money?Thanks C

There are alot of stories on here about children being bullied, maybe if I tell you my story you might change the way you deal with it. My eldest son was bullied as soon as he got into Grammar school. he had bruises all over his legs where he was kicked and his clothes were torn and his school bag went into a skip. The headmistress ignored my phone calls, so I called the police, on the advice of my boss, as he put it, if you as an adult are attacked and abused at work or in the street then the police would more than likely be called, so why are children treated differently? Are they second class citizens who do not deserve the protection of the police? The police were astounded when I called them and they wanted me to let the school deal with it. But I said to them ''Are you saying you are refusing to deal with this? If so can you put it in writing so I can send it to the Chief Constable? '' They did deal with it and the bullying stopped. The Police were good actually. So I would say if the school can't or won't stop it then hand the matter over to the Police, and if they wont deal with it properly then write to the Chief Constable. Sorry if I sound a bit militant here but I'm sick of hearing of kids being bullied. Makes me ANGRY!!!!!

Hello, My son has Aspergers and is in Class 2. He is very disturbed and upset at the moment and the school had called for a meeting with a SEN outside teacher and the SEN teacher from the school. I have a poor memory and I expected to see a written account of the meeting, but have nothing. I have just learned that my son should have a Individual Education Plan? Is this correct., should ALL children have one? If this is correct can I ask to see it? The school are quite vague about how much extra help he is getting - he definately needs one to one sometimes. We have another meeting coming up and the school doctor is going to be there, I'm not sure who else will be there. Should this meeting be followed up by a letter about what was discussed and the action plan? Thanks, C

Hi, Hope someone can help me. My son is 7 and is getting worse, he has Aspergers and has just started class 2. He has started to swear, be disruptive, take his trousers off, delibrately ruin things, like throw cereal on the floor, wee on his hands and on the loo seat and generally make my life unbearable. He used to sleep well, but now he has started to stay awake until 10pm. he laughs when I tell him off or he hits himself. He used to write beautifully but now he just scribbles. His new teacher knows of his condition but she keeps saying 'he's been particularly bad today or 'we had to take him out of the classroom today' well what can I do about it? What do the teachers expect us to do? I cant take him into Tescos any more because he throws items into my trolley and runs about so I have to keep chasing around the store to find him. He has started to sit in the road if he doesnt get his own way. Do Aspergers children get worse around this age? What is he going to be like when he gets to be a teenager? He seems to have lost his fear, or should I say respect ,of teachers and authority. Any thoughts or advice please??! Thanks,

Please don't go down the medication route: they are trying to make life easier for themselves.

Hi, I have been told today that as my son is classed as having Aspergers I can receive more help in the way of benefits etc as he is classed as having a disablity. Has anyone any knowledge of this? I also need to work from home more or be more flexibly does any one have any advice on this? What can I reasonably ask for? Any advice greatly appreciated! Connie

can't you ask to keep him at home for another year? He doesnt sound ready for school yet.

My son has Aspergers and I have found that he has completely lost the plot as regards maths, he just switches off in the classroom. He is 6. I know from my own experience that once this happens there is no catching up - if you miss one lesson then you cannot really go on to the next stage. So I have decided to support him at home more, we went on the BBC Bitesize and I made sure he only did the ones that he found easy, its really important not to go beyond that if you want to get their confidence back. And stop while you are ahead. I have also found a wonderful website with lots of maths toys etc. If your child finds maths difficult (or any other subject come to that) then you need to go right back to basics again. Its http://www.worldwideshoppingmall.co.uk/toy...ng-numeracy.asp It's brilliant.

Hi, Yes I'm on my own, and it's really hard. Hard on the children and hard on you. I have two older teenagers and they are great, but my youngest who is 8 has Aspergers, and I struggle with him every day. I have to work full time and this means I cant devote enough time to my children. I get no help from the father, I guess I would get more help but he isnt 'allowed' to spend too much time with them. He is allowed by his wife to see them Thur or Fri after work for about 3 hours and it is always with his wife and they hate her as she does nothing but nag, and this is making his Aspergers worse. He is never on his own without his wife, its as if she is glued to his side. She doesnt like the children anyway so I'm not sure why she insists on beng there on his visits. Well vicbee, you must reach out to the school, friends, family and anyone you can to help you. And Enid - I found drinking made everything worse, so I dont go near wine at all now, I keep well away. Very tempting tho isnt it? Best wishes and keep strong.