Mandapanda

At the moment we don't know any details about what hospital or treatment. She said it's not a crisis situation as it's been going on for a while, so they won't be admitting him 'tomorrow'. She said they would be the baddies and would make it clear that they were the ones making him go to hospital. She said they have dealt with other children like him.

When we explained to Mj about what had happened and what the plan for Aw is, he said "I don't want him to get too much help, I want him to do it because he wants to" - ah bless!!

Psych came and is really taking things seriously. Writing it down and talking it through has made us acknowledge just how bad things are. Hospital is a last resort but I think we're prepared for it if it comes to that. He didn't see the Psych even though I begged him in tears. After she went he stayed up till 8.30pm, tried some cod, and got his own cake - I'm hoping he'll start doing stuff now to avoid hospital.

Well she came. Aw had gone to bed and was asleep so I'd tried to wake him before she came. She came up to his room and I tried to get him up but he just pulled the quilt over him and crossly shouted 'I don't want to, that's final' and kept telling me to leave him alone. In the evening when he came down he didn't even mention it, so I'm not sure if he was properly awake and even remembers it. I'll try and talk to him this morning. I feel really sick and ill. She talked about hospital admission although said they 'probably' wouldn't do it forcefully. I believe he would want to kill himself and would never trust me again if he got taken to hospital. I don't know how they would keep him there or keep him safe. They are much more bothered about his OCD symptoms that I expected, although when I wrote it all down I could see much more of a pattern that I was aware of. I'm really scared things will go out of my control and it could make things much worse. Mj came down and talked to her about Aw (although he was very defensive when I first mentioned it - think he thought I was trying to get 'help' for him too!). My husband is getting time off to come when the Psychiatrist comes next week as I know I'm not strong enough to cope with it all.

Hi My eldest son went through a phase of sounding angry, shouting etc. We found telling him off or questioning him escalated things. We took the approach of responding to him as if he had responded nicely, in other words ignoring the way he responded but listening to what he was saying. After a period of time, he began responding less crossly and now is mostly very polite. My son wasn't aware of what he was doing or why it was wrong - he wouldn't listen to explanations as he didn't feel he was being 'like that'. I think that's why responding nicely worked - he learned to respond in that way back to us. Obviously if he was doing it to cause an argument it would probably have escalated his behaviour in order to get a reaction from us.

This appears to me to be abuse, so I don't understand why the article doesn't even mention police involvement.

Hi Have they said they will do the referral now, or are they saying that a referral was never even mentioned? Are you due to have a follow up appointment with the CMHT or have they discharged you? If you are not getting anywhere I agree you should contact PALS (the CMHT should be able to give you the contact details for their PALS dept). PALS will liaise with the CMHT and help you complain if appropriate. I don't know where you live but in our area (Hampshire) the CMHTs are undergoing a major restructuring and are extremely stressed, overwork and understaffed at the moment.

Hi I think there are quite a few people who feel like this. Can you make a plan for next time you're off - trips to museums or places you want to visit etc, or plan to sort out stuff at home (sock drawer?!), or book all your optician, dentist appointments for then. When you don't have to get up for something, it can be hard to get going. I can be hopeless on my day off, end up on the computer and not getting anything done round the house, and putting off going shopping till it's too late! Work does provide a structure to people's lives. You maybe need to create a structure of sorts for your time off.

We went to CAMHS and actually the lady was really nice and seemed to be taking it all much more seriously. We were better prepared this time as I had typed out everything about his eating, going out, washing (or not ) etc. She's coming out to our house next week and has talked about getting the Intensive Therapy Team involved to possibly do CBT. Sounds promising. He actually completed the questionnaire they'd sent which we didn't expect, and had admitted to having anxieties and fears, so that was great to give to her. I had told him the doctor wanted it completed as he hadn't seen anyone for ages. I've told him today that as a follow-up to the questionnaire he did the doctor has asked a nurse to come to our house next week and ask him a few questions. I've left it at that as don't want to make a big deal of it. I suspect in a few days he'll ask me when the person is coming. Here's hoping

That really is good news Sally. It's an extra fun time to be at school before Christmas too! I hope things continue to improve for you both.

Hi all We have an appointment with CAMHS next week but they won't come to the house. She said they don't offer therapy for young people at home. I said what would you do if someone had agoraphobia and she said 'if they wanted help they'd come to the clinic'. I know other people who have had home visits from the same CAMHS Team so don't know what to do. It's so frustrating.

I wonder how many people are in this situation in this country? It's very sad, and obviously a hidden problem.

Hi Bluesbreaker Welcome back! You've certainly sorted your way through some problems. Well done. No doubt more will crop up, just remember communication is important. Keep taking the tablets - I do (who says the drugs don't work )

Hi all Thanks for your replies. We have received an appointment, but of course it is for us to go there, even though we told the doctor we rarely can get him to leave the house. They sent questionairres for us and him to complete, I'm not sure he'll even do that. I feel sick, I don't know how to broach the subject with him. We want him to have help for his future but don't know if he is 'ready' for it yet.

Thank you Sally, you always give very constructive suggestions. My friend's husband is coming to sort out our internet soon. We have wanted Aw to meet him - he also originally wanted to be an Astrophysicist and is a different sort of scientist now. I am hoping that because it will benefit Aw that he will meet and interact with him in order to get his internet connection sorted. Thank you for the link to ncil - I hadn't heard of them. We went to the GP because I didn't think it was right to just carry on in our little house with no-one else knowing what is going on. We were referred to SS before but they said they couldn't offer anything... We actually had 4 bereavements in 5 years - the first being my sister (leaving Aw's cousins without their mum, which played on his mind as he already had separation anxiety with me), and this all had a huge impact on him. He was having a home tutor when my mother-in-law passed away (the closest adult to him after me and his dad) and he couldn't face it at all after that. People said "life has to carry on, you still go to work so he should still do his lessons" but it simply was not possible. I don't know how we can claim any benefits when we have no professionals to back us up. Our family doctor is very dismissive - we saw a different doctor this week. I do picture him in a tiny flat, living on his own, internet shopping (or getting me to bring shopping ) However we have seen and heard success stories of young people overcoming similar problems

Hi Kathryn If only. He will only eat freshly prepared food - he has Weetabix with butter on for breakfast which would keep perfectly well wrapped in foil in the fridge, but he refuses to try it. I think he worries about food going off - he's obsessed with sell-by dates etc. He doesn't eat bread or fruit. He has cheese on crackers for lunch. Our neighbours would keep an eye from a distance, but he wouldn't see them - he would probably blockade his door if he knew someone else was coming in. We haven't been on holiday for about 4 years. My in-laws who he was close to have passed away, but he would never even go and stay with them anyway. My husband and I have managed a night away on a couple of occasions (fairly local), leaving big brother in charge, which has been good for us.

Hi kerrie CAMHS = Child and Adolescent Mental Health Service. This is a link to an explanation of the tiers they should be working to: http://webarchive.nationalarchives.gov.uk/20100202100434/dcsf.gov.uk/everychildmatters/healthandwellbeing/mentalhealthissues/camhs/fourtierstrategicframework/fourtierstrategicframework/ Being armed with a knowledge of what they should be doing, but going in with an open and friendly attitude is what I would suggest. Hopefully you will find them understanding and supportive and they will provide whatever help and support you need as a family. CAMHS services are sadly only as good as the people working in them. Our local one has been no use at all to many people, and apparently the Consultant Psychiatrist there is being sued by 4 families for allegedly misdiagnosing their children who are all in severe need of help. Many of the staff have changed in the past couple of years so we are going to try again for our youngest son. Good luck.

Hi Thanks for your thoughts Lindy and Sally. My son is 15. We have been through CAMHS before but didn't really get the help he needed. They did help me understand him better which was very useful. He wouldn't take medication, it's hard enough for him to eat and drink anything new/different. He had really bad hayfever at one time and did take Piriton liquid for a while. Then they gave him a different one and he wouldn't take that and then wouldn't take the Piriton either When we saw a Consultant my son said he would take tiny tablets - as soon as we came out of the room he said there was no way he was taking them. He doesn't like to admit that he's 'scared' of taking/doing things, but that's basically what it is - it's anxiety. I think he does need medication to get him started on the road to recovery but don't think that's likely to happen in the near future. I'm on antidepressants myself, and wish I could have had them when I was a teenager. We had a long chat with the doctor. She listened carefully. She said she couldn't guarantee that CAMHS would be more responsive this time, but I know that many of the staff have changed there since we last went, and friends have had a better time there with their young people. Also they would be focussing on helping him cope with life rather than anything to do with school due to his age (the Home Education Inspector pointed that out, we hadn't thought of it). There is absolutely no question of him ever going back to school. I felt much stronger and more able to explain properly what is going on and why, and my husband came with me and agreed and backed me up etc. We do think he is still depressed although not as overtly as before. We have recently met a young man who has overcome similar difficulties, and when he was at his lowest he didn't want people watching him eat and didn't want to be with people etc - so maybe that isn't a fixed feature of my son's problems but a symptom of depression - I do hope so (IYSWIM!). The problem with going out is that he has to want to go enough to overcome his anxieties. Most things we suggest he says he's 'not interested in that sort of thing anymore' - convenient We occasionally get him to the cinema (why did Harry Potter have to finish ). He has said he's worried about being bored, but again I think that's his clever brain coming up with a 'reasonable' excuse for not doing things. We went to the Science Museum (and had to stand all the way on the crowded train) - a huge effort for him, and it was a complete let down to all of us, which only confirms to him that it's not worth the effort. Sally it's sad that your son is having these problems, but you are amazing at working out the procedures and fighting for what he needs. It's just a huge shame that what is 'supposed to happen' in schools often doesn't, and it's also a shame that every single person has to go through that fight. No one is able to blaze a trail, or open doors for people that follow them. The schools treat everybody completely separately and differently, mainly as a way of controlling their budgets, I believe. If parents could group together and confront a school it would have much more impact.

Hi We are off to the doctors this morning to let them know how things are with our youngest. Don't know that they can do much, it would depend on him wanting to get help. He won't see anybody, even family or friends, and rarely goes out. Before when we went to CAMHS they wouldn't come out to see him, even though the School Nurse and Advocacy asked them to. His sleeping is very erratic and doesn't stay in a routine for long. His eating is very rigid and limited, although he knows he should eat heathily and wants to try. He won't shower or wash his hair, but washes his hands obsessively at times. He doesn't even get dressed during the day (when he's awake!). He knows he should exercise but doesn't even want to go for walks, he worries about getting hot and insects. He paces up and down in his room to get some exercise and goes up and down the stairs a lot. He no longer watches TV with us, he'll watch stuff on his computer, or that we've recorded when we're out. He won't eat in the same room as us. He's not suicidal these days, and is much more reasonable about noise most of the time. I'm probably going to have to work 10 miles away soon, so won't be able to pop back at lunchtime to feed him. He won't make his own food so will just eat crisps, biscuits etc if I'm not there. He worries about germs a lot.

Hi matzoball I think many people at the moment are having to face many changes in their work. The NHS Trust I work for is being completely reorganised. We don't know what is happening from one week to the next. It is very unsettling for most of us. Some people are saying "don't worry about it till it happens", but MOST people aren't able to think like that. I should have a job at the end of it, but it may be 10 miles away from home and where I work now, which will have an impact on my son who is at home all the time due to his asd, which will cause me stress too. I don't know if I am right, but it sounds like you are adding more stress to what there is anyway, by worrying about worrying. Sally has given some clear and sensible advice, if you can present your concerns as concerns for the business they may be received and answered better. It is sadly ironic that you are not feeling supported in that sort of a company

"In 2009 the New York Times reported that officials in the Minnesota Health Department in the US had agreed on a startling fact - that there are higher rates of autism in young Somali children in the state. While stressing that this was a small sample, they stated that Somali children were two to seven times more likely to suffer from the condition than people from other ethnic backgrounds. There is also data from Sweden and elsewhere in the US that seems to support this." This is fascinating - perhaps it could lead to new areas of research, or confirm or dispute existing ones.

Hi Bluesbreaker Is there something going on in your life that's making you feel like you are not in control of what is happening to you? Perhaps whatever it is reminds you of when you are ill and have no control. It may just mean you want to change your job but feel unable to do so for some reason (money/poor job market). We are having a major reorganisation at work and if I end up with a job it will be in a different town. I had a dream recently where I have a trouser suit on and thought I looked pretty smart, but when I looked down the suit was old and worn, and the hems on both legs had come unstitched and were just hanging down! I took that to mean I do not feel prepared for the changes ahead.

Hi In my experience some teachers can be very biased and unprofessional. I have experience of a teacher who took an instant dislike to my son, yet loved a child who was a thug and a bully. That teacher ended up bullying my son and the headteacher stood up for her, so I had to move him to a different school. Just occasionally you may get a teacher who isn't lying but is just misinterpreting what is going on, or your child may be misinterpreting what is going on. Clear communication can be very difficult sometimes. My eldest was adamant he hadn't 'thrown' a protractor across the room. It turned out he was spinning it and it spun off the desk. All the teacher saw was the protractor flying towards him onto the floor. No lying - just misunderstanding and misinterpretation on both sides. If other children are telling you a different story to the teacher, in my experience they may be more reliable. You need to sit down with the teacher and talk about things calmly without making any accusations, you are trying to clarify what is going on and why stories don't match up.

Hi I think there are several aspects here. As SpecialTalent says it can be due to hypersensitive hearing. Also they don't like unexpected things, and they may not know how to tell if it's a drill or real. My youngest is at home all the time and I worry about what would happen if there was a fire, but I can't talk to him about what he would do in that situation as he worries big time over anything like that anyway, and might end up not wanting to ever be alone in the house! With my son his specific phobias are the result of severe generalised anxiety - he even worries about worrying! So not sure aiming at a specific phobia would really help. Sorry can't give any advice.

This is what my son did until he simply could not cope any more. Strictness did not work, he would fight for his life not to go to school.