Mum of 3

Dee, I really feel for you...It's a great Catch 22, isn't it? You have twins (most new mums are shell-shocked with one baby to cope with!), and one (at least!) is very difficult to deal with...this combines to make you feel stressed and anxious...so your son's problems are put down to you having problems 'attaching'!!! I think 'attachment disorder' is just too much of an easy answer. I've come across children born to drug addicts, children born into war-torn countries, whose families have been ripped apart, children whose mothers are exhausted and depressed by having huge families, often against their will (or at least their better judgement!)...these children have had some behaviour problems...been a bit fiesty sometimes...but they displayed nothing like what I've seen my son display. I had a therapist suggest to me a while ago that G had attachment disorder, and I'd never heard of it. When I researched it I was furious that she'd suggested it. I felt she was laying the blame on me with no good evidence or reason. Needless to say, we didn't go back to her. Obviously, I want the correct diagnosis for my DS, so we can get the right help, and if, after a multi-agency assessment, they come back and say it's attachment disorder, I'll take a deep breath, accept it, and get help. Just like I will for any dx. But I do object to people who are supposed to be supporting and helping giving a snap dx which makes us feel even more guilty than we do already! I thought portage was meant to be help and support for you? If it's not supportive, it's not helpful. My advice is to wait for the professionals to give their considered opinion, and try to ignore the snap decisions made by unqualified people. <'>

Oh Pearl, me too!...it really gets me into trouble though, because I just can't stop myself correcting people on this one, and they get really annoyed about it! Especially at work... Especially my 'orrible boss...

Oh, by the way, flax seeds (also known as linseeds) are good for 'getting things moving'. Crush them in a pestle and mortar (otherwise they just come straight through...eventually! ), then soak them in water overnight. In the morning either drink the liquid (in milk or juice?), or pour it over cereal with the milk (to disguise it!), or add the whole lot, seeds and liquid to cereal. Works a treat, I've found...might work for your DS.

Hi Kelly, welcome to the Forum. I can relate to everything you're saying. In fact, my mum and I have both noticed my DS's bad behaviour/needs a poo correlation! Luckily for us, he goes every day, but we often have to tell him to go- and we've noticed the worse the behaviour, the bigger the poo! (sorry to be so graphic!). Feeling very foolish, I mentioned this to G's paed, but he looked at me like I was some kind of crazy woman who kept notes on her son's poos!!! (I don't think he quite realised what I meant when I said a big poo! ) I, however, remain convinced that somehow the toxins build up and he reacts adversly...maybe Mumble's right, and he is in pain or discomfort (he won't let on if he's in pain, I have to 'inspect' him to make sure there's nothing wrong with him!) due to needing a poo and not going in time. G is also violent towards me in the same way you describe, and Time Out has been a night mare for us as well. The Ed Psych told us to try Social Stories, but he puts his fingers in his ears and hums when I try...and Visual Timetables, which he rips off the walls and throws away...I told her what he thinks of her strategies last Monday, and she couldn't believe it! She said she's never met an ASD/AS child who didn't respond to vis timetables and social stories! Well, she has now! No answers whatsoever, but good to know we're not alone...There's safety in numbers!

Don't even get me started on the errant apostrophe!!!

Hi Sheuk, I've replied at length on your other thread. Just want to say you're not alone! <'> Try not to let it get you down, and keep trying till you find something that works for you!

Don't hold back now BD, tell us what you really think!

Hi, We've got this problem as well, but G is still only 5, so I'm keeping my finger's crossed ( although he seems to be getting worse, not better!). For the DLA's information, 'lifting' is not always a good answer. We've been doing this for about 8 months, after a period of wet beds every night for 4-5 months (after a period of mostly dry beds for about a year!!!). Recently, he's been wetting the bed as well as being lifted, so it seems to be making the problem worse, not better! Now, we have the problem of him needing two wees in the night, and how to deal with that! I have quite a complicated system of sheets on the bed, to cut down on washing and time taken to change the beds. I'll try to explain... 1. A very good quality, non-rustly waterproof mattress protector. 2. A cotton fitted sheet...we have 3 of these, as Dixie says. 3. A large, washable, fabric bed mat strategically placed (fantastic product-organic and no plastic, so not sweaty-G has horrendous night sweats as well!!-bought from a web site run by The Lady who sells Nappies, if you know who I mean!). This dries in no time over a radiator or the banister even if there's no heating on! 4. A cot-bed sized sheet turned sideways and tucked in over the top of the bedmat. This is the 'drawsheet'. 5. A fantastic duvet bought for a very good price from a bargain supermarket who's name rhymes with 'fiddles'. Unfortunately, they don't sell them at the moment, but when they do, I'm buying more. It's really soft, thin but warm, with a grey check woven into the cover. This grey thread is made of carbon, and stops smells!! Perfic! This too dries in no time-it's almost dry when you take it out of the washer! Really important for us, as G tucks the duvet in between his legs, then wees into it! Nice! 6. White cotton cover on duvet-no frills, and not ironed...3 of these as well. When G wets the bed, usually the only thing we have to do is strip off the drawsheet and bed mat and bung them in the wash, then replace. On holiday, I take a supply of drawsheets (old cot sheets again, or you could buy some cheap cotton flat sheets and cut them in half and hem them), and the extortionately expensive disposable bedmats. In a hot country, I would not use the hotel duvet, but take a couple of fleece blankets as covers-these wash and dry really quickly and easily. One more tip... 'Fiddles' sells disposable 'changing mats' that are just a bit smaller than the expensive 'bed mats', but just as effective. They sell them with the baby creams and stuff.They are much better quality than the cheaper bed mats made by our favourite high street chemist, which tend to ruche up and go all bitty if used for more than a couple of night and not thrown away (he doesn't wee every night!). For what it's worth, I don't think star charts are the answer, as they wee when they're asleep, so can't control it. If rewards work for thing we can't control, I'd be able to stop my DH snoring by giving him a sausage butty for breakfast every night he didn't wake me up with his sonorous sounds!!! I try to be very matter of fact about wet beds, just treat it as another thing that needs to go in the wash. I do try to involve G in changing the bed, etc, and he will now pull the covers off the wet sheet, take off his PJs and put them all in the middle of the wet sheet ready for stripping. Hope this helps! <'>

Really scary thing, take Alan's glasses off and you've got the spitting image of my Little Boy3!!!!!

Jeanne, I know you've sorted this out, and I'm so glad, but I've only just read all this, and I'm amazed! No-one has asked how her wage compares to your's , or how much it costs to run your house! In my opinion, that's a major factor. She's paying 4% of her income for living expenses. Does it cost you and your DH 4% of your income to run the house? If so, she's paying a fair wage...if not, you need to do some sums! You don't go to an estate agent and get your pick of any house on the books for a fixed price, you pay rent that matches the costs to the landlord/lady of that house. Your DD earns 40% of my DH and my combined income. Between us, we pay all the mortgage, bills, food for a family of 5, run two cars, pay for any 'extras' such as clothes, shoes, dental bills, holidays, days out, etc...Not to mention the childcare so we can go out to work! As two adults in professional jobs we've had to work out a strict budget that cuts out ALL treats (we've got a grand total of £100 a YEAR to spend on days out for the family, and that includes petrol and ice cream, not just entrance fees! We're spending alot of time at the park this year!). We each have £20 a week 'spending money' to pay for non-essentials such as newspapers, magazines, coffee at work, etc. (and I often 'save' mine to spend on the children, so they can have a comic or a playmobil toy!). We came to this budget by doing a thorough audit on the money website that I'm probably not allowed to mention. It went through every single household expense you could possibly find, and all our income, then did the maths and told us if we were in the red or the green! My advice to you is to sit down and do the same sort of audit for your household. Work out EXACTLY how much it costs to run your house, including repairs, decoration,etc... all those things we somehow find the cash for from somewhere, that make your house so appealing to your daughter! Then, share this information with her. It's very likely that she's never thought of real life in such stark and gory detail before. Then look at the incomes for each ADULT that shares the house, and work out an amount for each to pay based on the proportion that each earns, so for instance if your DH earns twice as much as you, he will pay twice as much towards the bills, and the same for your daughter. Anything left over to each person is their's to spend or save. Your DD may not like this, as it's a big bite of reality. However, at 21, it's time she had that bite, and realised it can taste a bit bitter!!!! I know I sound harsh, but I really feel you're doing your DD no favours by shielding her from the reality of life in this way. She has to learn to be independent and responsible for herself.

Hi Hamish, nice to have you back <'> This might help on the sock thing, (but not if it's the actual socks that are the problem!). If it's that they're not put on right, you could try doing 'sock pockets', where you turn the sock inside out, then bring the toe back through the sock , holding the heel. You then have a kind of half-way inside out pocket to put the foot into. The child slides his foot into the pocket, and you can smooth it around his heel, make sure the seam is exactly matched to the toes, etc, before finally pulling the rest of the sock over the ankle and up. If it's the feel of the socks, I think it's probably just a case of finding the softest, most 'natural' cotton ones you can. Maybe organic might help? If it's any comfort, I have to buy the same kind of underpants each time. Last time, I got a set of 7 pairs, and G will wear them all except the green pair, which he's really against- he screams at me when I put them out!!!!!!

tree

cream

night

That's the spirit! You could be any one of my poor Mum's daughters!!!

Hi, I used to be the child protection officer for a primary school. If I had to report concerns to SS, I would always have to speak to the parent if their child had made an allegation against them, but as far as I know, as a concerned neighbour, or parent at the school, you could go straight to SS yourself. I really don't know if you could make allegations anonomously, because if you could, the system would be open to abuse by people making false accusations out of spite. I think you would have to give your details to SS, and they might keep those details secret from the accused father, but I can't be certain (you could always ring and ask that before you give any information). Alternatively, you could ask to speak in confidence with the Head teacher, and tell him/her your concerns. It would then be up to them to do what they felt best with the information, but child protection rules are very stringent (despite what the press might have us believe! ), and they will know what to do. You can bet that, if you have concerns, others will have as well, and the HT will probably be building an evidence base, which your information will feed into. If it were me, I would go to the Head Teacher.

. That's a very good letter. JCMJ. I'm looking forward to readig the NAS response.

Good idea to get your removal men to put the chairs in your car on removal day-the tip might charge a 'trade' van, but won't charge you in your car. If both chairs won't go in at once, you could be making trips to the tip whilst they get on with the rest- they'll probably be glad to have you out of the way! We have a really bad parking problem where we live...too many cars, not enough road! Sometimes, we end up parking quite a long way away from our house (and carrying 3 sleepy boys and a week's worth of shopping, like as not! ), but it's not too bad...Is it possible for you to park away from your parent's house when you move in, then it won't be a problem. If you could think of a possible place, and tell your parents you intend to park there regularly, they might not be so worried about storing the stuff! I wish you lived nearer to us...my DS has wanted a drum kit since he was 3! (mind you, we'd have to put it in my Mum's garage!... ).

Thanks, -A-. Clear as mud then

Tally, it sounds as if your mum might be feeling a bit worried about all the things you have to do, and is just wishing you were able to handle it all easily. It's coming out as if she's being hard on you, but your dad sounds like he understands and will support you. Is it possible that they'd been talking about it bofore the phone call, and your dad was saying no, then when he heard her talking to you he changed his mind 'cos he didn't want you to be upset? I'm sure they'll sort it out between them before you get home! My Mum's always been the same about us storing things in her garage...I'm 40, with my own house and 3 kids, and I've still got stuff stored there! (so has my DH, my BIL, Mum's handyman, Darren, another sister...). It's just the price she has to pay for being a mum and having a huge garage!!! About the stuff you can't sell and don't want...is it possible to put a sticker on the items you want to be tipped, and ask the removals men to put those things on the van last, then take them to the tip on the way to your new address.

Can someone explain what ados means? Also, what is the difference between autistic spectrum and autism spectrum in this test? I thought the two words were from the same root, as in...'I am autistic/I have autism'... Sometimes I feel as though, just when I feel that I've got my head round this stuff, more stuff comes along I've never heard of!

Pesto made with pine nuts is a good idea (very fattening, they are...I can attest to that!). What about other seeds, sunflower, pumpkin, flax, sesame (although she might be allergic to that as well...). Can she tollerate any nuts at all? If so, cashew nut butter and hazelnut butter are both delish . They are especially delish spread on bread with chocolit spread (or a carob spread???)....Rice puddin, semolina (or, 'smells of Nina', as it's known in our house!) and porridge are all fabby made with soya milk (with lashings of honey on top)...I'll keep thinking about other high calory treats I like and get back to you! Oh, by the way, give her plenty of marmite for the B vits... very good for all kinds of things!

Well done that boy!

Hi Skye, Just wanted to agree with Karen really. I read your latest post earlier this evening and I've been thinking about it ever since. It seems as if school is meeting you halfway and giving you the opportunity to 'practice' homeschooling before making the decision. Unfortunately, I have several concerns: 1. The school has a legal obligation to provide full time education for all pupils of school age. 2. If your DD is away from school for partof the week, the school will not have to deal with her difficulties full-time. This may seem like a good idea for them (and of course, it sounds good to you-your DD isn't going to be under stress at school for that time!), but in reality they are just putting off the inevitable-that it must be dealt with. 3. You are legally oblidged to ensure your child attends school full time. Without having it in writing that the school has asked you to take her out, they could blame her poor attendence on you in the future. Schools are 'judged' on their attendance figures, so unless they are intending to lie, and say she's attending school when she's at home with you, this will make a huge dint in their figures. 4. I think you need to think very hard about the message you're sending out to DD. Are you sure she won't just take this to mean that her biting has got her what she wants? 5. Will she cope with being at home for part of the week and at school some of the time? will her behaviour at school become so bad that they can't cope with her at all? will they then say she has to be excluded? 6. will she get confused about where she's going each morning? Will this make her more anxious and bring on more challenging behaviour? In any case, I think I'd be inclined to make no decision until I'd taken advice, and had everything in writing from the school. Have you considered just keeping her off 'sick' until after the half term holiday? It would give you both some breathing space. I would really strongly advise you to contact the Local Authority and speak to someone from the inclusion team. I have a name somewhere if you want to PM me tomorrow (going to bed now!). Good luck Skye. Hang in there. xxx <'> <'>

On Jules Holland, BBC2, NOW! ...The Pretenders singing 'Don't Cut Your Hair'...Chrissie can still strut that stuff!!!