bensmum2

[Hi i really can't advise on the outbursts and legal side, all i can say is that after 5 years trying to get a diagnosis of Aspergers we went private to ********. He is recommended by the NAS and has 30 years experience so everyone you talk to knows of his work and respects it. If you can go privatye you should, It may help you if they do decide to take any action against youat least there will be a diagnosis which might help them understand your son and the things he does. since we got our diagnosis at age 13 my son also now has a statement which he couldnt get before as they said he was too bright, we are fighting for a special school for him where he can be with people like himself and fit in and be happy and not be out of class on his own all the tiem, your boy is entitled to be with his peers maybe if you get a diagnosis and astatement you shoudl seriously think about an alternative type of school where things may be calmer for him, it's hard to say but they should take into account his emotional needs not just his academic ability , go for the diagnosis and good luck x

Thanks nicky , i realise they don't do these all the time and that's prob why i haven't had many replies, , i don't think there is any chance of the lEA backing down ,but i believe that the tribunal wouldn't have offered the phone call if they didn't think i had a good case, and the lEA have refused to bring it forward twice already so they are going to look bad here, even though the lady who is in charge at the lea apologised to em "off the record" for what we had gone through, she is still the one fighting to put my son back into a mainstream school when it is very clear he cant' cope!! My reaosn to bring it forward it clear cut he is going into year 10 has been home chooled for year 9 and is getting no transition help at all even though it is in his statement, if our appeal isnt brought forward he will miss some of year 10 as well, and it is even possible that by the time he goes back to school , his statement will already be due for review!! The longer the lEA delay this, the more money they save as Ben is currently not ocsting them anything !!Thanks for your help x

Hi , you don't have to be up all night at all, like the previous lady said you hav eto be up regularly, does he soil his sheets, do u have to shower him during the night? this sounds ridiculous i know, but they could even say that because you are using nappies in the night that means you don't have to get up so much with him, any excuse to get out of paying you more!! My son went through soiling at about age 7 for a couple of years,both day and night he woudlnt use the loos at school but often his pants were soiled when he came home. We had to go to a poo clinic and throw bean bags into a bin to represent poo going down the toilet!! when he was 11, he suffered severe stomach cramsp so much thta eh was hospitalised twice, they couldn't find anything, so they said it must be cinstipatioan(even though he was very regular and i told them) and there must be poo build up(even though it wasn't on x ray or scan)The put him on movicol and sent him home, the movicol made him worse, he was in excrutiatig pain and it actually made him constipated, it took a couple of months of sever pain to get him right again, i am wondering if the medication could be prolonging your sons problems?? It definately did mine, He was eventually diagnosed with somatic symptoms relating to school anxiety and still has these but not so much , but there was no physical cause and their treatment made him worse!! Now i DO GET FULL CARE DLA for him, the reason i get it is that he wets the bed and has done since age 7 , the soiling stopped but the wetting didn't , He can wet 3 times in a night we have to change his bed and shower or wash him change his clothes etc, all the treatments didnt work, we use nappies when we are away but the enuresis clinic said using them at home stops his bladder training itself, he needs to feel wet to wake up and eventually he will recognise the feeling before he wets and wake up, so far it hasn't worked , and his wetting is definately related to school it's worse in term times . But that's why we get higher rate care. I don't know what the answer is for you , but i would definately look into the possibility that the medication is prolonging this and making it worse, i presuem you have tried rewards for poos in toilets!! we did all that even the psychologist said we should pay him for it!! Good luck x

please please can anyone help i dotn want to mess this up x

if they have actually said there isn't a place in a local special school i would think you have a really good case for finding one yourself even if it is outside the area, as someone else said, even if they are full the lea have the power to make them take another child. keep fighting try IPSEA some of their advice lines open in the evening have a look on their website good luck x

Hi i wrote to sendist to get our appeal date brought forward as the lea wont agree, they have allowed a telephone case management next week, has anyone any experience of this? i really don't kknow what to expect, should i speak for myself or do i need a professional? HELP!!!!

Hi again , i think the more support the school gives for a special school the more likely you are to get a place there, but i believe (unless it has changed recently), that any school they might name, is related to where you actually live and not to where the child might be looked after or childminded, so even if dad has them every morning that may just be considered a child minding type of arrangement , and as someone has put previously if you gave that as the childs address , it may start off a whole new ball game of new leas and assesments. I wish you loads of luck with this, i myself have been fighting the lEA for over 9 years, finally got a statement last year, will not accept minstream as he has treid for years and it made him ill,and they will not give special school , so my only alternative is to home school my 14 year old son,and continue to appeal for a special place, it's a long hard fight, good luck x

Hi ladies , Thanks everyone, , and Kathryn that is just what i was looking for as they have said he cant have a scribe for maths but it does mention in your quote how a scribe should work in maths so that is interesting. After getting your answers i haveemailed the college and mentione i am not sur eshe is the right person, i dont' want it to be seen as any kind of discrimination nd certainly if she had never mentioned english wasnt her first language i would not hav eknown! it has been a long fight to get a scribe and for this to happen now worris me a lot, i will let you lall know what happends later this week or next x

I totally understand you wanting him in a special school, but if you do this and you get found out he would lose his place i'm sure of it. You will also probably find that getting a statement doesn't mean you definately get a special school,i have been home schooling my 14 year old since september cos he couldnt cope in mainstream , he now has a statement but they have named another mainstream, twice as big and 7 tiems as far away as his previous one!! By the time my appeal comes through and he gets in a school, his statement will be due for review !! dont' give the LEA any ammunition to use against you. x

Hi all, my son had an exam today for which he got a scribe, the lady in question had a lot of difficulty spelling and kept having to ask the invigilator, she explained to my son that English was not her first language, i don't think in that case she should have been scribing for him and i am concerned that she will be scribing for him again in his other exams later in the week. I odn't know what the rules are, has anyone else got any idea please?

Hi again, i always think Sally has some fab advice,but i really feel strongly that children with these type of problem should not be punished the same as others, i think if mum had been given notice of his detention she could have discussed it with him and prepared him maybe with the visual sequencing sally suggests , but to just put him in detention then remove his personal belongings i think is terrible. i still say speak to the school about a different way round if this happens aagin , my son has severe problems with shool so i am having to home school him as Sally knows, but i know anything like this would have just made the situation much worse and by just talking to the teacher involved it can be avoided in the future When my son was in school, every single teacher he had understood , i could not have faulted any one (apart from teh senco who refused to admit he couldnt help Ben), and it still wasn't enough. If your son is usually coping so well, the sooner you sort this out the better before he starts to see school a a bad place.

Well firstly they are legally supposed to give you notice of a detention and can't just keep them behind willy nilly, and secondly children who have problems like Asd should not be given detentions (in my opinion) and the teacher should certainly not have taken his bag away, if that had happened to my son he would have kicked off big style and possibly even hit the teacher and he isn't normally violent !!! It would have been a MAJOR issue for his personal property to be taken away!! I think you need to see this teache rp[ersonally i know i would do. I accept that sometimes they need to be punished , but there are other ways, as you said taking away the xbox and other privelidges at home is a very good one. You haven't actually mentioned what he did to deserve this detention, it may have been sometihng hwich happened becasue of his problems and he shouldn't be punished for that.He is doing so well at school, something like this could set him back a long way!! i would ef speak to the teacher in question and make sure in future they contact you over anything serious, stress to them that you want to work with them and teach him to accept consequences of his actions, but some punishments may not be appropriate because of his asd. That's only my opinion though x

DOES ANYONE KNOW IF YOU CAN GET AN APPEAL DATE BROUGHT FORWARD? i HAVE RECEIVED MY DATE FOR APPEALING PARTS 2,3 AND 4 OF THE STATEMENT AND ITS !5TH OCTOBER!!! He should be in year 10 by then and even after that there will be arrangements for admission to be made so it could be after christmas by the time he actually gets back to school, his statement is due for review in january!!! How stupid is that? Can anyone advise me please? It just goes on and on and on !!

Hi, firstly you have got a referral thats a good start. My own son got all 4's in his sats at year 6, although he wasnt diagnosed with Aspergers at the time, they took him with other children for extra visits to secondary school, and he went all summer to a transition group at Camhs, he could not have had a better transition even thought he wasnt' diagnosed at the time. and it seems school are listening to some of what you are saying. I was told by a private psychiatrist that my son could not have Aspergers' as he had empathy!!! He also has a great sense of humour himself but does not always understand others, and takes things literally at face value, if he sees something he believes it is always like that, for example until last year when he was 13 he believed all cats were female and dogs were the male equivalent , we had no idea but when we realised we thought about it and it was because he had only ever known female cats and male dogs, even last week at 14 1/2 he made a comment about my hair turning grey and said i would soon be like all the other grey haired women, mad about handbags!! when we spoke to him about what he meant , he really meant blondes and he thought grey and blonde were the same , hadn't even thought about grey hair meaning old age, he had just associated it with young blonde ladies who love handbags !! your daughter sounds quite similar , i would definately send the GP letter in to school, and if you feel yourself she could have ASd then you should take it as far as you can. It's not an easy road, my so nis now diagnosed with aspergers and has a statement and i am still fighting for the right school. He also has fine and gross motor skills problems but he is diagnosed with Dyspraxia which can exist alongside Aspergers. good luck with everything x

Hi Purple haze, i ahve rung a couple of SEN schools, they say its the decision of the LEA, the lEA say he can acess mainstream , they blame the old school saying it was the wrong school, which is funny because last year they wouldn't provide an alternative becasue it was "the best school for him" , We have several docotrs letters saying he is too ill to go to school, one from a consultant (who has since left) saying he ahs oer 2 years history of school refusal and one from a psychologist , saying he is so anxious he would not be able to cope with travelling to and from school on public transport plus a full day in school and he is diagnosed with somatic symptoms, we have 5 years evidence of bed wetting in term time!! BUT as i have said before, last year when i took him out of school, after 5 months the education welfare got involved, they asked me for doctors notes and said they would help find an alternative place for him, instead when i got the notes, they rang the doctors involved and told them i was being investigated for child protection and that if they didnt cancel the notes they could end up in court. Even though the doctor stood by his note at first they contacted his senior partner and he withdrew it after they mentioned child protection!!! I later found out that they told him my son had lots of help at school and he was fine when he was in and also they led him to beieve my son already had a statement!! which at that time they were still refusing to assess!!! So the point about my proof is that the LEA do not accept it because of what they did although i still have the letters, they have a letter from the senior doctor saying that the doctor who wrote them was not fully aware of the situation(which i take to mean he didnt know we were being accused of child abuse1!!) but the LEA interpret them differntly. Sally, i don't know that they will say he has to go to mainstream, but i am pretty sure he wont get the school i want, it costs over £36, 000 a year and i have no evidence he needs it i have been emailing and writing since january for support letters and have still received nothing , plus going to tribunal is going to delay him going back to school and it could be 2011 before he gets back in, plus the fact that the LGO ruled against me recently means the lEA can use thta as evidence as well!! I really dotn know whcihw as to turn anymore but will carry on fighting becasue i have to x

Hi Sally, it's so hard isn't it? But you have to keep going, we were even accused of being the cause of our sons anxiety to the point where they were threatening child protection proceedings, then miraculously, once he was diagnosed the social services assessed us and said we were such good parents we fully met all his complex needs and therefore didn't even qualify for any help!! That was all withing 4 weeks!! i have had a complaint in wiht the LGO since last May when he couldn't got o school and they refused to provide any alternative, i thought , at least this will prove they acted illegally, but, NO, i heard this week that i lost and the LGO found in favour of the LEA, actually stating that they were right in questioning our parenting and believing we could be causing his anxiety!!! Even after all this time and all the evidence and the fact that the statementing process took from may till march to complete!! I have wanted to give up many times, and you have got me through it, as well as many others on this forum, and i hope you will also be able to take strength from the support on here like i have done over and over, we as parents know our children best and we have to keep on fighting, i know the way things are at the moment i will never win my appeal for the school i want, noone is listening and my boy is 14 he only has 2 years left to make up for what he has missed out on, but i refuse to put him through the hell of mainstream again and so i will fight and fight, and so will you , you seem to know a lot about the processes and help loads of people on here, be strong and take a couple of days off from fighting, then get back to it with renewed vigour!!! Have you spoken to ACE or IPsea they can write letters and stuff i'm sure you know that. Keep up the fight and good luck x

HI firsly i didnt have a problem with his mainstream school they were great with him, t was he who couldnt cope, my problem came when all they did was take him out of lessons and send him home, they told the lea he was fine, it was the nearest and the smallest school in hte area and he couldnt cope,he had somatic symtpoms vomiting stomach paind bed wetting severe anxiety he even started to get agressive in school which he never had been before. It is well documented that mainstream made him ill. all other schools in the area have at least twice th e amount of pupils his old one had and 6 are merging and becoming "super schools" or academies, he would never cope. I dont have a social worker for him becasue again we kept getting refused as he didnt ahve a diagnosis till laat year and since then i have been concentrating on home schooling and fighting for a statement. It isn't possible for me to continue home schooling i am quite ill most of the time and have a lot of appointments and it has been very very hard to ekep up this year even though i know he has done well at home. the lea say he could go part time to college but they want him in full time mainstream first. the distance to the school they name would be difficult enough for him as it is even with transport, but then if he had to go some days there and some to college that would certainly overwhelm him . he needs one place at a special school with smaller classes. The lea are now blaming his old school saying it wasnt the right place but it was the best of a bad bunch. Even camhs say he should be in mainstream but they are not here every day when he is ill. becasue he has learned to catch the bus since he ahs been at home and is much less anxious they are saying he will be fine now and i know he wont. he will be in year 10 in spetember this is his last chance to get it right

Hi all, it is becoming clear that although i have appealed i am not going to win, i have no supporting evidence and i can't afford to pay out for private reports. i have aske dthe lea to consider a local special school and they refuse, the "panel" say he can manage in mainstream, the "panel" should be here when he is having excrutiating stomach pains and vomiting and wetting the bed!! I WILL NOT let him go back to mainstream he can't cope. ad the lEa will not let him go to a special school. college will accept him but he needs to be registered at a school so the lea will pay for his course, but the lea refused this as well. Has anyone got any ideas on alternative education , i am home schooling at present but find this very hard and i wouldn't be able to take him to exam level.. When i lose the appeal i will need to come up with something, a "plan B"i am expecting it to be abourt november by the time we even get to appeal and i want him back in school before summer but it isn't going to happen.I will still appeal but being realistic i wont win, i did get one private report and it agreed with the LEA so what's the point of me paying out for others when noone is listening. Any ideas will be most gratefully received, thanks x

Hi , i think you are being very optimistic that it will go that smoothly that he will be statemented by summer and in a new school by september, my own son has been suffering severe illness at school for over 2 years they still refused to statement even when he got an aspergers diagnosis, the statmenting process took 11 months when they finally agreed and now they say he will be fine in a mainstream school cos he has been awared 15 hours help a week. I applied 4 times for him to be placed in a special school during the statementing process cos he couldn't cope, they refused each time, eventually i had to deregister and home school, i think that this has made them drag their feet even more , he should eb in year 10 in spetember and i know our appeal won't even have been heard by then. I do hope things go more smoothly for you, but you need a plan B , just in case. Good luck x

Brilliant news, well done i have gone through similar and found the people on here to be a fantastic source of support. I am slightly worried at the fact that you say taking the lEA to tribunal has cost you £18,000 as i have just submitted my own appeal as they are trying to send him back to mainstream and i am appealing for a special independent school.I thought the tribunal was free and the ionly expense woudl eb the private reports if you needed to get them, am i wrong? i am so glad you have won though and i'm sure your son will go on to be happy and do really well x

I've just received all the leaflets from BIBIc after someone on here told me about it, and i must admit , it seems a good money making scheme for someone, it's free but you pay £50 for "admin" each time, then you pay to see each person you see, it all sounds a bit iffy to me, sorry and no disrespect to anyone meant x

I would say "enjoys group work " and phrases like that are so common they are pre-programmed into the teachers computer and just added randomely to make teachers lives easier without them realising whose report they are working on. This happened to my son on several occassions at primary school, once when my friend was so pleased with her sons report she rang me and read it out, and i read the exact same stuff back to her from my sons report, and another when despite my son not being able to take part in day trips, the teacher put" He really enjoyed our day trip to Chester" !!! He never even went to Chester!! When i challenged the report she said o sorry they are already pre programmed and we just pick out the ones we want for each pupil but i made a mistake !! That was when i stopped believing a word they said at school!!

Hi Sharon, in my opinion, the answer to this is ABSOLUTELY DEFINATELY POSITIVELY YES!!! I have never really thought about it , but i know my son( who is 14 and only diagnosed aspergers last year), prefers the company of children who are similar to himself. He had one friend for a while in his last year at primary and and we took him on holiday with us for the weekend once, OMG!! He was just like a mirror image of our son and we had never seen any problems just having him round for a couple of hours, but after the holiday we told his mum about our sons problems and she said o yes i think he has got the same problem, only he had never been diagnosed and she wasn't pursuing it. When we go on holiday, if he gets chatting to someone , their parents always say they never usually get on with others because of their strange ways but our son gets on with them. I home school at the moment and he used to go out nearly every night sports or clubs, but he didnt like the mainstream ones and now only goes to three but they are all asd ones. He says he wants to be with others who understand him and although their is cinfrontation sometimes between them, they all understand each other. My first experience of this was when he joined the local asd resource base after school club before he was diagnosed, it was like walking into a room full of him , not much talking but lots of "getting on " , it's odd really but they were getting on with each other but not speaking much, that is his favourite place in the whole world. He now wants to go to school with people like himself and has just finally got a statement , but they are trying to force him back into mainstream where he can't cope, but i intend to0 fight for him to be with people he can make friends with, he also is partially sighted and loves going to the clubs for ps and blind children , because he doesn't stand out and they all understand each other and i also think he finds it less challenging, especially the asd clubs , he isn't forced into anything he doesn't want to do. Of course camhs and other people say it's not good for him to always be around disabled people" but i dissagree, i think that will make him a more understanding and caring person in the long run, and if that also makes him happier in the meantime, that's fine by me !!!

[Hi Justine, just posting on here and getting such supportive replies really does help. 2 days ago i posted that i was ready to give up my appeal as i felt so down and didn't think i had a chance of winning, The supportive comments really got me over that glitch and i finished all my paperwork and posted my appeal this afternoon, i still don't think it's a really strong case, promised camhs letters still haven't arrived , but i have at least registered my appeal now and hopefully can get some supportive letters or reports whilst i am waiting for the appeal date. iT really helps to know you are not alone and others are there with support and hlpful suggestions when you need them most, Take care and good luck x

Hi , i dont want to make you feel any worse, i am going through a low point myself at the moment, but i actually applied for my sons statement in April 2009 and it took a full 12 months before i had a finalised statment. I am now having to appeal as he was so ill at mainstream school i had to deregister him and home school at the moment, but even after a statement they are trying to send him back to mainstream, they say now he will be getting help to cope he will be ok and he is going in year 10 in september and i still dont know if he will have a suitable school by then. The actual assessments for my son were done in just over 11 weeks in the end, but thejn they have so long to send the proposed statement then if you ask for changes they send another proposed ,then a final statement , and they are allowed so many weeks in between each stage. I have today at last sent my appeal to SEND they send it to the LEA who then have a number of weeks to respond again and so on. I hope it goes well for you i really do, just be prepared if they delay as much as they can, i even tried complaining about the length my sons took, but they said it doesnt count from when i first asked them as they refused to assess, it only counts from when they agreed to assess which was 6 months later!!