MOSEY

I love DS so much and I am so proud with how well he is coping with his AS. He is a lovely, sociable and caring boy. HOWEVER - I keep wanting to run for the hills when he goes off on one! The simplest request these days is being met with shouting, screaming and real insolence. It's like Kevin the teenager gone mad! For example: We had a fabulous day yesterday. Eldest DS was swimming with his friend. When he got home, we took my youngest and his two pals to the pics to see Ice Age 3. Was brilliant. Made a big fuss of eldest DS as he was a star taking the littler ones to the loo during the film and generally being lovely. Told him how proud I was and we had a snuggle watching the film. Then, we all went to McDonalds for tea. On the way back, younger DS asked me to put on the Take That CD which i did. CUE - EXTREME REACTION from eldest DS!! DS screams 'Get that off - I hate Take That! Lot of rubbish - I'm warning you mum, it's killing my head - you need to put that off NOW!' I tried to play the whole thing down as the other kids who were guests looked shocked. No let up. He was beyond listening to reason. Outrageously badly behaved and I was starting to lose my cool at all the shouting and cheek. I stopped the car at the top of our road and suggested he walk home to cool off (very short road - this usually helps) . He arrived home and started again. I firmly told him I would talk it all through with him once he was calmer and suggsted he went to his room for a think until he was feeling better. He pointed out that my not listening to him was bad parenting! (By this point I'm using every fibre of my being to stop myself from screaming and heading for the hills!!!) Later, once he was calm and we had talked about it, he was totally apologetic and could understand that it was selfish to demand his own way and scream and shout, but at the time, there is no reasoning with him. A similar incident ensued today because we had to walk the dogs. Honestly, I love him so much but there are times when it is SOOO hard!!!!!!!! Sorry - just had to get that off my chest! If anyone was kind enough to read the whole rant, thank you!!!

Hi Dana! Sorry to hear this. I've been through this with my boy. It was dreadful. When he was about seven years old, kids in his class were putting him up to all sorts of things and he was going along with it to win favour but was then thoroughly stressed out by the reactions of the teacher to his behaviour. We were lucky in that the school caught on and contacted us. By coincidence, my son became ill with a nasty blood borne virus which he ended up hospitalised with. With our (and DS's) permission, the teacher used his absence from school to teach his classmates about Aspergers and it's related issues. That has helped him tremendously. Ironically, the little boys who once ridiculed him are now very close friends and extremely respectful of him. Most importantly though, he never felt ashamed to be 'different' after that. Noone seemed to poke fun anymore when he made little noises, repeated things or fidgeted. And the games which he once misunderstood and became stressed by - these kids were then expected to explain them so he could participate. Their parents became much more supportive too and he has been invited to all events since. It doesn't work for everyone, but if your school was willing to work with the other children, it might really help. In any case, sending you a cyber hug cos it's so very hard to see our kids go through this {{{{{{{{{{{{hug}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Beejaysus - I nearly jumped out of my skin!!!!!!!! Haahaahaa!

Since joining the forum I have noticed many members referring to their children being 'statemented'. I wondered if this was the English equivelant of the Scottish Coordinated Support Plan? This plan 'replaced' the 'Record of Needs' system, however it is more difficult to obtain than a record. You have to request a meeting to investigate whether or not your child is eligible and it has to be proven that one or more agencies in addition to education will sustain involvement with your child and will provide a service which will impact upon their schooling. My son has a CSP due to ongoing NHS Speech and Language Therapy input within the school. Does anyone know if this is a similar system? We also have IEPs, PSPs and ASPs, however tese do not carry the same weight as the CSP. Thanks in anticipation of any reponses! Mo

I would write a little note in the jotter politely expressing your concern that your son seems to be struggling copying the words down. Explain that you were confused by the fact that she has marked them correctly - was she expressing approval at his neat handwriting as the spelling was certainly inaccurate? You are quite right to be cross, but you don't want to alienate the teacher - your son needs her to be onside! It sounds like she has been busy and perhaps tired when completing her corrections. Not an excuse, but a frequent problem. She will undoubtedly be mortified when she realises. We have had the same problem with my son's SEN assistant - she simply can't spell and Sam gets so incredibly upset if he gets things wrong. I now habitually write the correct spelling in the margin in order to draw it to the attention of the class teacher. I feel it needs pointed out but I don't want to cause friction as he has a fantastic relationship with his SEN assistant. It's never easy - school can be so frought with problems!!

Thanks everyone - I appreciate your comments. I'm going to wait until we meet with the educational psychologist before I give any more time or thought to my youngest son and a possible dx. I think I'm still in denial/misbelief about my youngest which is why I wanted to dip our toe in the water by tentatively testing. I think it could just confuse me further - I will wait and see what the professionals say when they see him. I think the school are seeing a little boy who is a bit of a character and quite outgoing who has an elder brother with AS and jumping to conclusions. It seems that anyone who strays from the norm nowadays has to be checked out and categorised. Why can't we all just be ourselves and enabled to express our individuality? To be allowed to feel things differently and see the world in our own ways without being told we have a problem? Equally, I know he needs to know if he does have an ASD. There - rant over - I feel better for that! Sorry to burden

Bloomin 'eck! I'm nearly in tears just reading that now! What an emotionally intelligent wee boy you have there. I'm glad that the school rewarded his hard work - they must have been blown away when they read that! Mo

Beckyjen, apologies I mispelt your name in my previous post! Won't forget again - promise!!

Hi Beckyanne! nice to meet you. Like you, so many times I have endured judgemental and insensitive comments from others about my boy/s. It can be very hard and exhausting feeling like you have to explain the responses of your kid to others - I often feel that way, but really, when I look at what's going on, it's all based on someone elses perception of what's normal behaviour and really, what right do they have to dictate what is ok and what is not? What might be ok for their kids might be totally impossible for ours. When I'm really feeling bad about things, I take myself off with my boy and cuddle up and read a book with him. That always reminds me of how lovely he is and how blessed I am to be his mum.

I realise that Cat. Thanks

I hope things work out for you, Sarah. It's so frustrating having to battle for basic rights for our kids. Teachers opinions should only be taken into account, never seen as the be all and end all of things which is why you have a right to see your ed psych who will be far better placed to suggest an assessment. Best of luck to you! Mo

Thanks folks - I appreciate your responses. I'll have a wee look at your suggested web tests for my wee boy. Cat, thanks for sharing your thoughts about your sons with me. I appreciate it! I think the reason we were quite bemused by the school's recent suggestion is that it has sprung from nowhere and we ourselves had no concerns, whereas with my eldest son, we have been aware of quite noticeable traits from day 1 and so were never in any doubt regarding assessments for him. It also occurs to me, though, that as parents, we are sometimes so close to our children that we cannot see things as others do! I'm glad you shared your sons' story with me Cat.

We recently took the following autism quotient test on the web, just out of curiosity, as our eldest son has AS and we wondered if perhaps, we had characteristics: http://www.glennrowe.net/BaronCohen/Autism...umQuotient.aspx Just wondered if anyone knows if there is a similar test which can be taken online for kids? My youngest son is quite eccentric and very individual. We love him to bits - he is fabulous company and great fun to be around. The school want to test him for AS but we are not convinced. They feel he struggles socially at times - I think he is just a bit unusual in his interests, for example, he loves street dancing. He does not display any of the anxiety/obsessions/ pedantics/processing delays of my eldest son who has a dx of AS. He is also sailing through his school work whereas my eldest son has struggled, even although he is very bright, because of processing delays due to his AS. I think they are being influenced by my elder son's dx, however, I don't want to ignore their concerns as I think it is imperative that he should know if he has AS in order to live a happy, fulfilled life. I wondered if there was a test we could do online to guage whether or not he was typical of the autistic spectrum? Any advice would be received most gratefully and honesty would be most appreciated!! Thanks, Mo

Hi Danr! I'm new too but very pleased to find this forum. Good luck with your forthcoming assessments! Mo

Sorry to see how frustrated you are feeling. School is such a battle for our kids and requires us to be so forthright! I cannot comment on how your education authorities work as I am from Scotland and our systems are a little different, but you should have rights under the parents act and should feel free to exercise them. As a teacher of kids with ASD as well as a parent though, I'd suggest that next time you write, try to be a little bit less emotional and more factual, outlining your actual reservations in bullet points rather than personalising them. That tends to get a better response as it seems less critical of the teacher, who is probably trying to help with limited resources and/or knowledge. It's hard when you are a teacher who genuinely cares but feel like a lone voice in the wilderness of the system and it is then a blow when parents seem disappointed. As a parent, I empathise fully - have been there often. School has been a hellish time for my boy and I believe that comparatively, we have been lucky with our school. It's just not easy to be 'different' in mainstream education unfortunately! Wish I could offer further advice, but don't feel knowledgable enough of educational procedures in your area. Best of luck with your response and I hope that your letter generates a positive response for Michael!

Thank you pearl!!

I'm new here - hope you don't mind me posting. Just to say how sorry I am to read about your wee girl. You must be so stressed out wondering how she'll progress. Thinking of you and sending you very good wishes! Mo

I'm imagining that you are from England which means my advice might not be as applicable as it would in Scotland where I live and teach, but this is what I'd do in your situation. I'd request a meeting with the head reponsible for your child's welfare. I'd then go on to ask for a meeting to be arranged with the educational psychologist linked to your school for an exploratory assessment. You should then be invited to a meeting where you can outline all of your concerns and allow them to assess whether further investigation be necessary. This is a separate service to your GP and will involve the school - you can pursue the issue based on how it is imacting upon dd's sleep, anxiety, behaviours which in turn, may affect how she feels about an performs in school, even if it is not immediately apparent in the classroom. Some of your DD's behaviour could also be associated with attachment issues stemming from her early years which often present similarly to ASD, although I'm sure you'll know this already, so please forgive me if I sound patronising. A good educational psychologist should be able to assess what further investigations should be pursued. They may then decide to refer you on for further clinical assessment and their referral should carry more weight than a self referral. I'd also pursue support from the social workers involved in the adoption process for your child/ren to request information about the l;ikelihood of early attachment disorders. I teach a lovely but difficult kid at school who was presented for assessment for ASD and his issues have now been formally identified as attachment issues stemming from his babyhood. Help is now in place for him and he is coping really well now - his parents feel much more positive. I hope this helps and doesn't confuse more due to differences in regional approaches!

Thank you, Kathryn and szxsmum! Nice to meet you!

Hi! New here, but wanted to say well done! Nice to see someone happy

Hi Lifevoyager! I'm new here too - my son has AS. I just wanted to say how incredibly brave I thought your post was and to wish you all the very best on this journey of self exploration which you are undertaking. I hope you find answers which will help you to make sense of where you want to go in your life now!

Hi! I'm Mo. I am married and am blessed with two lovely sons, the eldest having AS. He is eleven years old, handsome, sporty, fun loving, pedantic and always right (especially when he's wrong ). He moves up to high school after the hols which is being met with both great excitement and trepidation. Primary school has been an ongoing struggle from day 1, but he has finally settled really well this year and is blossoming - and now it's time for him to move!! My youngest son is full of beans and incredibly funny, however, we are about to have him tested for AS too as the school have expressed a few concerns about his social ability (which we don't share, but we don't want to ignore their concerns). We are also about to start weekend respite fostering for a little boy, which the whole family feels excited about. We meet him in two weeks time! We have had a rollercoaster ride as parents and nothing has gone the way we had planned in our romantic notion when we woke up and said naively 'Lets have kids - it'll be lovely!!', but you know, I wouldn't change my boys for all the money in the world. They are just lovely and very interesting wee characters, despite the constant chaos! I'm so happy to have found this site - I have found the experience of being a parent with a boy with AS very lonely at times. My friends are competitive about their kids grades, hobbies and creating good impressions etc. We, on the otherhand, burst with pride when our son copes well socially, gets a joke quickly, enjoys going somewhere new, sleeps well without a fuss and manages a day without experiencing trauma or frustration. There's no point in discussing this with them - we just get on with it on our own - its easier than trying to explain what's really going on! I also teach in a school with a base for kids with ASD and I am the mainstream pastoral care link for the kids in our base. I love that aspect of my job as I feel I can understand a little of the anxiety their mums and dads are feeling about the specific issues surrounding their kids' education and happiness. It has also enabled me to train whenever courses on ASD come up which helps the kids at school and at my own kids at home. I've really enjoyed reading some of the posts on here immensely and I'm really looking forward to getting to know you all and sharing our experiences!!!