cardiff_mum

its never too late, if thats what you want. get yourself a new gp (one that is more understanding and that you can talk to) and if diagnosis is what you want then go for it and dont give up. my 6 yr old son has aspergers and it not only gives you the answers to why things may have happened in the past, but can also make things different for the future. i wish you luck xx

i wish u n glen all the very best n really hope this makes a difference for him. i know as a parent how hard it is to let ur child go n its so gd that u c the bigger picture n realise its for the best, it sounds as if glen really needs it. also it will give u n hubby sum time (although i know u will b worrying about glen) i hope this is the chance that glen needs to get sum help n feel happier. all the very best to you big hugs

hi there, i jus wanted to say that most ppl do not understand the "flip outs" and ive found most friends and family memebers cant deal with my sons flip outs. letting down a child with as is about the worst u can do, i get so infuriated when ppl do it to my son, say theyll be there n then theyre not, things like that, ive learnt now who i n my son can depend on n who we cant. jus wanted to let u know really that ur not on ur own, n u quickly learn who will be there when it matters n who wont. n ppl that wont b arent worth bothering with big hugs

hi there. my son is nearly 5 and he hurts me the way your son hurts you. often over trivial things. i have recently read tony attwoods book aspergers syndrome a guide for parents and proffesionals. this book is excellant! it actually gives u ways of overcoming these common difficulties. im not sayin itll change everything but it might be worth a go? i wish u n ur son all the best, it sounds as if u have a rough yr ahead with the changes uve said that will b happening. please dont give up, i have been there myself at those points where you jus dont think u can give any more but u and ur son will get there in the end big hugs ps my son has split my lip, blacked his nanas eye, punched n kicked every1 including his head master! but this book has helped (in a small way but still helped!) in helpin him understand y he cant do this

another thing i do when my son is being clingy is give him 1 of my hoodys (that sounds really chav lol) sumtimes it works and hes happy to cwtch with it all night, sumtimes it doesnt and i end up cramped up in his lil bed with him worth a try, i bet ur at the stage where ull try anything!! if you do find that your sons still clingy, jus make sure that when ever you can, you take sum time to relax n unwind (i find a hot bath and mp3 player gd 4 this)

hi there, you can get information about this from your local LEA, or at least they will guide you to some1 who can help! also, go to your gp and see if they can offer any advice on where you go next gd luck xx

all the very best to you and your son at wot sounds like a very difficult time for you both. my son also has these problems when he's ill, until recently when i discovered the magic that is 'the lava lamp'. now even when my boys ill he wants to go to bed and if he wakes hes happy to stay in bed as long as im with him. jus a thought. also, with the diazepam, it sounds drastic but pls, go with the docs, because you also need a rest. its important for us as parents to rememebr that sometimes we CANT cope, and if we dont look after ourselves how can we look after the kids? i wish u all the best and your son a speedy recovery. make hubby sleep on the settee 2nite xxx

to any parent who wants a statement for their child - you do not have to wait for school/gp/any other 'doc' to do this on the national autistic society website they have a standard letter for you to copy and send to the LEA yourself. you can request the statement without the schools support hope this helps

i totally understand the situation u face, i have had this problem for nearly 2 yrs with my sons school. when he was in nursery, he got sent home nearly every day for punching/kicking/hitting teachers. what the schools need to understand is that its part of the condition they have. punishment DOES NOT work. when my son was being sent home (befor we had any idea that it was part of AS) i tried every punishment known to man (and even made some new 1s up!). not 1 worked. does your son have a statement? as without 1, a special school cant be introduced. also, i dont know wot area your from, but in cardiff we have a service called SNAP who offer advice on law and all that stuff to do with SN. if you have 1 of these services in your area get in touch, they can come to school meetings and stuff and they really help. i wish u all the best as i know how frustrating and cruching it is to have this happen xxx

sorry had to ask, what did he do? you see, ive been told that the schools are not allowed to punish a aspie for aspie typical behaviour! this is a row i have had with my sons school time and time again, and the phrase i used to them was "would you punich a child in a wheelchair for not running a race at sports day???"

hi there one of the reasons i felt i had to reply is my son who is 4 used to suffer hyper activity fits and although i havent stopped them altogether, ive reduced them damatically by reducing the amount of sugar he has. on average kids should have about 70g per day, i find with J anything over 40-50g can cause the hyperactivity. now he drinks flavoured water- watch these, some contain additives, jus have a good look on the label of anyting your child eats. one of the main issues ihave with my son is his rigid eating and now i make my own cakes and biscuits (these are 2 of the 5 things he eats) and substitute and sugar for splenda-again, be careful, splenda is the only sugar substitute that doesnt contain additives and is pure. also,the attention seeking IS perfectly normal with a child with AS. ADHD is quite common in kids with AS. and displaying symptoms of it is very usual. talk to one of the many docs im sure youll be seeing in the next coming months! lastly, enjoy every minute of your child affection i wish u luck and i hope that maybe this is some help to you xx

hi n welcome

really really good well done to your boy and keep up the gd work is nice to hear the positives and makes us c that there are highs as well as lows really really chuffed for you xxx

hi steph i have been gping through this process for nearly 2 yrs, but we have only actually gone down the road of diagnosis and a statement of SEN since my son started full time school in september. firstly, get a app with the senco at your sons school. dont be afraid to be pushy, if theres summin u dont understand or dont know, ask her. secondly, call your LEA and find out about help groups in your area that can help answer a lot of questions, i know for the vale of glamorgan its SNAP. i have so far had 2 apps with MAM with a third expected anytime before xmas. this isnt a short process. im not gonna lie n tell u after 1 app they wil diagnose, and quite rightly as you need to make sure every aspect of your sons behaviour and his difficulties r considered. if you feel something is overlooked, tell the doc, tell the SENCO in fact tell any that will listen its hard, infact, its a nightmare, but the way of staying on top is understanding, read as much as you can, make sure you know exactly whats happening. remember, jus cos theyre docstors doent mean their always right. u know your son better than any1 else and u have to make sure your heard. an educational psychologist shud be brought into the school to devise a individual education plan (iep) for your son, this will highlight areas of difficulty and try to set steps at making them manageable (reward charts n such). have you seen the ed psych? if not, again ask your SENCO about this. if your not being listened to by the SENCO contact the head teacher, and if that fails go to the LEA. above all, dont b afraid, i know thats easier said than done, im terrified every time we have a meeting! i wish u lots n lots of luck xxx

jus a quickie, i was wondering if any1 knew the best place to find information to give to my parents and my boyfriend about all of this, not jus Js needs and ways of dealing with him, but also what we as parents go through at this difficult time? jus wondered if theres any1 in the same boat and the best way of dealing with this xxx

another bad day and more issues at school grrrrr i have to say tho, the behavioural support team that supply my sons LSA have been brill 2day, they r requesting a emerg meeting with camhs on our behalf. thank you all so much for you replies, it makes me see things in perspective instead of getting bogged down underneath it all. i hope every1 is well and have had a better day than me! thanks again xxx

i always get told to keep the school on side, as they can make things v difficult, but that doesnt mean u cant voice yur concerns. another thing that you might find useful is a diary, most of us keep them about our childs behaviour, but its worth having 1 about the school and their actions 2. i hope that the school start listenoing to you and taking your concerns on board. the most important thing to remember is that although the statement/diagnosis process is hard, the sooner its sorted the better for putting steps in place that will benefit u and your child in the end. gd luck xxx

hi carly i think uve come to the right place, i only joined a few days ago and i wish id been a memeber since the start of this because every1 is great here xxx

you can apply for eden to be assessed for a ststement of educational needs yourself, without the school or doctors backup. my suggestion would be to get CAMHS involved, either by a referal from a doc or school as they r the only ppl who can give diagnosis. do not listen to the ed psych, my sons ed psych didnt pick up his aspergers after seeing him for over a yr!!! if you think there is a prob, shout, scream, do wot eva it takes to b heard. i dont know if its a catholic school thing, i believe its jus a ignorance thing. im v lucky, my sons head teacher used to work with kids with behavoural probs so he picked up on Js behaviour quite quickly and got us the referal to CAMHS. i dont know what part of the counrty u r, in cardiff there is a group called SNAP who give you all the information u need, look for your local group, contact your LEA and above all, reemebr, u know yur child better than any1 else. oh, and autism traits arent brought on by 'not bonding at birth ' and to even suggest such a thing must have been devastating, there is research that suggests a lot of children with asd's had traumatic births, my son was 1 of them, 6 weeks early, 4 days in labour, lots of drugs to try and help him like steroids for his lungs, he was born at 7pm and me n dad werent allowed to see him in the special care unit until nearly 3am. i know of parents who have sufered post natal depression, and there children dont display signs of a asd, so do not take notice of the stupid ed psych. good luck xxx

my son is in the same situation, school from 9am til midday, the school do not have to give any support unless a statement has been issued. does your child have any LSA support? talk to the headteaher, my J has the behavoural support team involved and they provide his LSA for the mornings. the problem is, without a statement, the school dont have funding/appropriate teaching staff to offer full time placements. if your child hasnt been statemented, get on to ur LEA, they will help you do this, also, i dont know what area your from, but in cardiff there is a group called SNAP who are brilliant at telling you what you need to do and how to do it. my J is halfway through the statement process. it taked 6 months so the quicker its started the better. once a statement is issued, make sure if fully explains the help your child needs, if you have a statement that says your child needs 1:1 LSA all the time, then the school have to provide it. go back to the school, talk to the head and the SENCO. its rough, i know, my son has been excluded numerous times, and by law the school have to send me a letter every time, stating why hes been excluded, and gettin a letter saying your 4 yr old "assults" pupils and staff is so distressin. i wish u lots of luck, and make sure you dont get fobbed off by the school.

ty every1, ur kind words n support really do mean a lot. i am fortunate to have gd family around me but its gd to talk 2 ppl who have been through this, as a parent, because i know u understand wot im feeling right now. i feel very fortunate to have stumbled across this site and i am so glad i had the courage 2 talk to u guys ty all xxxxx

ty, for taking the time to reply to me, knowing that im not the 1st mum to go through this helps me immensly xxx

im sorry im jus having a really bad day, i really am questioning wheather i can cope. i cant stop crying, feel so negative, i dont know if tomorrow will b better,and im scared incase its not i have the question always in my head, y my child? i know its wrong, but i cant help it. im so scared of any one thinking i cant cope, im Js mum, i have to b strong, deal with everything, but i cant, n i cant tell any1. i dont sleep, i dont eat, i dont think i go 1 minute without something to do with this in my head. i cant stop it, stupid questions like will he ever get married (he's 4!!!!) will he get invited to the birthday party i know his classmate is having (highly doubtful, J's only been invited to 2 parties in nearly 2 yrs of school) and a million other questions, and things jus in there and i cant stop them! im sorry for sounding so negative, im normally such a positive person, but this, this has changed everything. i feel like im grieveing for the life my boy should have had. is this wrong? i dont know, im so confused

hi there, im not sure i can help but i jus wanted you to know that i feel for you, and i pray my son is never faced with the task that you are. i hope someone has the answers to your questions xx

thank you all so much for your replies, its a relief to hear from other mums who know wot im going through. to JsMum, ty so much for all your advice, its good to hear the tried and tested methods that work! major meltdown today about eating (always a battle) half a hr of screaming shouting crying and hitting. its the worst, when they come out of nowhere, and once J had finally calmed down, he very quickly turned back into happy laughing J. i find im always havin to tell people how to deal with him. one very helpful suggestion today was that i throw his new playdough in the bin. yeah right. cos that helps. whilst J was in nursery i tried every punishment tequnique that is known to man (an few i made up!) because i kept being told he was a naughty little boy. i could never work out at the time why he kept repeating his bad behaviour when he knew he would punished. now i know why, and i feel so guilty, every day, for not recognising there was a bigger issue earlier on. on a happier note, J told me today that i didnt need to put make up because im beautiful already im still trying to work out if he meant it, or if it was just a ploy to get me to play ratatouille with him anyways, thanks again for reading and responding xxx