philipo

What could be more damaging is the extra strees and anxiety for your family by fighting for custody.The day to day reality is that it would be hard to get custody unless the childs mum turned into a £10 junkie prostitute or started burning the kid with ciggarettes,the Social services are really crisis managment on an ever reducing budget.Its a terrible feeling being a step parent sometimes,being open to being demonised by the children and your partners ex at every turn and if there's still bitterness between any of the parents then you'll probably get a minor dose of power/game playing.I've been there with stepchildren and having to chew on it when an immature parent is doing sabotage ,for some so called parents its more about exercising power over a situation rather than exercising responsibilty.All you can do is keep your family happy and keep going with the positives,over time the child will understand who really has their interests at heart.it might take a few years .The child ,(as the ss call them)can also use the situation to play it both ways and play you all off against each other.Take your time and your positive parental skills will speak for themselves .By developing trust and affection with the child as time goes on you should be able to unravel any 'rackets' both economic and pscyhcological,but remeber its important that you and your partner have a united and constant strategy for dealing with the childs mother and in time that stable approach will count.If there are any issues about regular contact/acess there is a legal thing called a parental responsibility agreement,you dont have to go to court for this.Its important that you don't react to any games and you concentrate on your immediate daily family .The childs behavioural issues are very likley the result of the emotional upheaval and can easily be misinterpreted by school/asd/childcare proffesionals.ONCE AGAIN time and only time will tell.good luck, becoming a step parent shows you've got guts ,love and commitment,keep on trucking!!!

try alternative toothpastes if you hav'nt already.their is strawberry stuff and for adults there herbal/hippy ones that use sage .General toothpaste is really quite a strong sensation.For me i think that theres a hypersensitive skin thing and toothpaste(ie normal stuff) tends to burn the skin on the inside of my mouth and lips.I 've found I would rather wash my face with water and a smidge of soap and have some problems with water temperature ,i.e. too hot (usually) and too cold.

I always feel like I cannot be myself in this world, my life is filled with opposites and the whole world feels incongruous. Its why I understand your feeling towards aspects of society (NHS, capitalism etc) I however was not designed for waging war on anything Now how you feel ,i was'nt designed to wage war but I rather the future was very different for my daughter and hundreds of thousands of others ,who suffer from asd,she's at uni now but thankfully not Salford. When I went to uni I got no help after pleading repeatdly to get help with a basic weekly pattern,Five minutes aweek on monday was all I asked,but as you are aware ,most people are oblivious to asd problems.I used to get 4 buses and 2 train journeys aday to go to uni.For thew first few months I'd turn up on saturdays!I'd get on the train and think to myself'umm a different vibe in the air this morning.' Not the obvious like ' the trains nearly empty and you can acyually get a seat in commuter rush hour!I 'd then go home and lie to my partner about where i'd been so she did'nt think I was any stupider than i was.God we have to laugh at ourselves.I ended up leaving and made a pop video for them called 'Salford Uni is (unspeakable four letter word ,ryhmes with fit)I learnt nothing off them except they are just greedy for money and a degree in most subjects is compareable to an old fashioned o or a level!Remember all your strengths!!!try youtube/ERASMUS320,for understanding my visual world!!! Ps I'm the same with traffic,last month (theoretically 4 weeks ago!) I was told off by a care worker for painting 'Autisim is a daily hell' on the wall next to the main road,i curse emergency sirens and aeroplanes and have many text based urges that i'd like to paint on walls,one I did said 'Go to work,pay your taxes and shut the (word decribing things that go quack) up!',thinking the world could try commuting quietly!I think that many asd'rsunderstand things too literally and should understand that most normal people take it for granted to be shallow and bend the meanings of words,they call it communication 'skills'.I cant stand the low iq of television and have a distinct loathing of fictional culture,like film and novels,I think its a reaction to being unable tto decipher the duplicity of social communication,Keep well and remember your a lot saner than most and there must be millions of us asd types from one extreme to the other.x

Well philtfa,stuff like heightened perception ,pattern analysis,magical mimickery,hyperawareness of the enviroment around us,the ability to diagnose mechanical problems by intuitive use of the ear,the ability to be impervious to most types of operant conditioning.The ability to visualise and synchronise sound and visual motion,the ability to hold a whole essay in your head at any one time,to understand the phsycological effects of lunar gravity and see its influence on mental thinking,the ability to connect non verbally with animals i could go on ,and on .....nature knows what its doing..even if the nhs are mostly rubbish..jsut don't give in the low expectations of the proffesionals and live their projections of how asd'rs of ALL abilitys should behave.Where did our mathematicians and computer coders come from?and the rest in technical and creative subjects.look at the lives of early technological and intellectual pioneers and nystics and reformers,they mostly were obsessive,worked alone and followed their own crazy little beleifs and studies.problem is thesedays that technological and creative subjects are 'taught'...i.e. institutionalised.With great irony university trys to 'teach' things rather than encourage individual potential,make the best of it,have confidence in your own individual universe,IN SHORT the ability to be a creator and perceiver instead of a consumer replicant.

And where were the social workers and educationalist and human right lawyers?Just a small thought but it seems once again they draw their wages and pensions and wriggle out of any responsibity for their actions ,or lack of them.Once again the 'educated' ,priveledged and unaccountable ruling classes and their aspiring underlings get off 'scot free'.If it was a father who did it I reckon he would of got off lighter as our expectations and projections of biological roles once again show less forgiveness or understanding for mothers.As for a jury of peers,please note that the legal system is rapidly doing away with 'mere' juries.Most law is about property rights ,as one judge said 'we must be carefull that we don't value our baubles more than our citizens'.

Music ,like people is unlimited in its variety.one thing that our bodies do is 'synchronise' with thw beat.As baddad says..on beats.As a sound engineer I have observed differnt trends over time.When I hear 1970's 'mixes' the focus is more on mid and treble sounds.In the early 80's a shift took place where popular music began focussing more on the bass sound.What science can tell us is that low frequency bass notes correspond with the higher brain frequencys called 'alpha waves'.I was always amazed when 'rave' came along that people would enjoy dancing to what was generally souless' music ,ie it was music marked by no clear vocal message and ehibited very little traditional musical skills that we attribute to actually playing instruments.This occured ata time when digital synthesisers appeared ,making music more a technological creation than a traditional creative hands on art. I have very eccletic tastes but with a marked distaste of commercial music as I know its far more about money and production values using standardised software and hardware than talent or origionality,after spending 6 hours sound mixing at music venues I used to go home in the early hours and sit in silence until the birds started singing.I love music with a message and think that most of the musical genres are just played out archaic forms,now fossilised into commercial product.the 'single type music ' fixation may be applicable for many asd'rs.One of my brothers was fixated by Eric Clapton all his life and rarely played anything else.I've met many muso's who pin their flag to one type of music and while they are great within their chosen genre they are more replicants than musicians in that they play everybody elses songs and never write their own.There's a big sociopathic thing with music/identity and we praise our musicians for being able to express emotions and feelings that we feel in our selves but have difficulty expressing,like art and tv soaps and film storylines/characters.One thing that many people find offputting is a musical technique called 'Compression'.When the adverts come on telly the sound levels can be very annoying.This is because of 'compression'.Basically its a method where the difference between the loudest notes and the quietest notes is heavily reduced,I'm sure this is far more annoying to asd'rs who have problems with noise although some might prefer it as the ear just has to match one decibel level and not strain or adjust for the quieter sounds.My fave music at the mo is called 'Architecture of Helsinki'.

You should be ok if you declare your asd.The examiner will only be concerned if a particular aspect of your disability is a danger to yourself or other road users and the only way to know that is to do the test.I had problems with the braking distance counting.3 years ago I went on a specialised advance motorcycle course.At the end of it,when filling in the 'pass' form, the examiner asked me my date of birth ,so I gave it.Then he asked me how old I was .I stood there and froze,then quickly started counting from from my birth date on my fingers.he watched me then decided to fail me on the last of the 4 parts of the course.I was'nt that botherd as I got a lot out of the course,my only regeret was I was looking forward to 12% off my insuarance premium for doing the course. If you can pass the test then thats enogh for the examiner.good luck .x

Dont wast anytime talking about the teacher with the educational psycho ,spend that time on discussing you and your child.Its hard 24/7 work all ready for you and we (certainly me) can be too hard on those who have little or no experience dealing with asd's.Yeah its normal to feel burnt out and helpless but remember that your child is work in progress and nothing is really 'set' by a diagnosis or definition of asd.Many parents are ignorant of their childrens needs while many others are so attentive (especially if aware of their kids more special needs) that they burn themselves out and forget about their own needs.Give yourself a pat on the back for coming this far and make sure you give yourself one evening a week to relax and pamper your needs.Onward ever onward. x

Having a great fathers day ,first time for many years that i'm not being botherd by my kids as they've left home!!I'll just enjoy the peace until the grandkids come along! Thanks Jax!x

Hi Coolbreeze,welcome to the site,remember we are all special and keep your eye on the ball and keep reminding yourself of all the fantastic stuff that comes with ASD's,

Hi Ollie,welcom to the site .I'm 48 from Manchester,this site is a great place to be,welcome.

it made seem cheap to say and a small comfort but all these experiences are making you stronger and more understanding ,not just of your kids behaviour.Youll look back in ten years and realsie this.Its ok the be human and vunerable.The sun rises new everyday.i noticed with my daughter that just when I was getting at my wits end with her behaviour ,it changed.it was as if the trying times were an indicator of her ending one small learning phase and moving on to another.Problem is by the time i realised that she'd left school and went to colledge! That teacher seems to get upset by her own silly expectations more than your kids behaviour.

Just be wary and do your research when taking herbal cures.Valerian can cause problems,like many herbs its a mixture of chemicals.For sleeping chamomile tea (two bags if using teabags)is great at helping with sleep.made with the raw flowers it can be really effective and a great aid at getting asd'rs with insomnia back into a normal sleep routine.i think there's a common effect on asd'rs with sound problems.When it gets later in the evening the ears calm down then start reacting to the quiet sounds (as opposed to the noisy day sounds)which increases the near constant anxiety levels upwards and the asd sufferers seem to find their 'second breath' and then stay up being imsoniacal. ps if using chamomile make sure its not GERMAN chamomile as this is far more of an irritant to some peoples tums. I tried rescue remedy in 1987 ,using walnut,it had a very slight effect but I think a good shot of brandy or brown rum would be more effective,

the National Autistic Society do a bumper help pack.In it is a small peice designed to give your Gp ,it mught help if the Gp has'nt heard of it before. And remember although it might feel like its futile nothing or very little will be done unless we hassle our GP's,as they are even more in the dark than many sufferers.Be determined you've already strted unravelling asd and have come a long way already!Good on you .

You could try it for a week or two just enough to destress him a bit .i used it for two weeks then stopped because i felt drunk and wobbled when i walked,the main benefit for me was to get back into a regular sleep pattern after months of stress.Its used for a wide variety of asd/mental health conditions.

If you have been sectioned under the mental health act they can generally do what they want.Whats stark is that if under a section,even without a clear diagnosis they can force you to have drugs which are so dangerous that they need to take blood every day to make sure they are'nt poisoning you.This is standard procedure in many NHS hostpitals.If you think that the medication is inappropiate you can obviously talk to them ,but if your mental health history is a long one then it may be helpfull to work with your family and a mental health solicitor so they'd be more wary about messing up.The key legal argument is that they can say that you are not in your right mind to make any decision about medication because you are ill so the state(nhs) act for your wellbeing to take that decision for you.For now you could just take care of your stomach,eat well,no ciggies or coffee or alchohol or fizzy drinks ,this should help ease the side effects of your meds.Keep happy.

Humour is humour,dark or light.When we look at the lives of many comedians they are turbulant.I've been called 'trigger' by some of my family and freinds because one behaviour I have is being unable to understand simple jokes,when i do understand the punch lines its usually 30 secs later.i'm good at 'dark' humour.Humour is a neccesary function.We make stars of people who are prepared to stand on stage and say things we'd never dare say due to the social rules.as a child I learnt that people laugh when they are scared and when we hear outragous jokes that are sexist or racist ,or just simply outragous ,we mostly laugh.This is a psychological release.i have found some freinds be offended when I tell dyslexic jokes,like 'Did you hear about the dyslexic satanist who sold his soul to santa?' etc etc or the dyslexic insomniac atheist who stayed up all night wondering if there really was a dog?' etcc.Some people reply 'your not supposed to say that'.it seems with the stalinisation of social language we are ever more limited about what we can joke about.I was reading a book about a surviver of the warsaw ghetto,in it he explained that as the horror got worse people were more inclined to use humour to protect themselves.Simply ,I think asd'rs are probably more dark in their humour as there seems to be a dislike of the superfical.We'll laugh at chubby Brown but be all to ready to critise our freinds if they came out with the same stuff . A great thing about humour and comedians is they make us be aware of subjects that we have unresolved issues,sex,racisim ,politics,religion etc..There was a joke on the net the other day,the Dhali Lhamma goes into pizza hut and says 'can I have one with everything.'It caused a lot of trouble,just words......

Whoa slow down,its more alarming for everyone else than him.he's just reached a new stage of his body awareness albeit a little out of phase with 'normal' development,obviously hes alittle behind on the self knowledge and appropiateness of his behaviour .Cmuir makes alot of sense .When children start expressing inappropiate sexual behaviour it can be an indication of abuse but while children and adults with 'learning difficulties' can be at higher risk to abuse of many sorts you should study the litereture of asd and observe that its very probably just developmental slowness ,he's discoverd somthing and he 's proud as its a magic sensation and he may want to share his new found awareness with everybody else. How niave BUT trusting he is to his fellow pupils and teachers.Obviously it very much depends on what 'collection' of asd impairments he has and by examining the severity of the symptoms will help you understand his awareness and self knowledge of his behaviour.BUT FIRSTLY understand that his level of personal responsibilty for this behaviour is probably is very low. many years ago a freind of mine was extremly concerned about his 5 year old daughter who on a few occasions was showing inappropiate sexual behaviour to visitors.he was recently seperated (bitterly)from the mother and brought down the might of the social services on his ex partner and her new boyfreind,in the end his reaction to the behaviour was far more damaging than the behaviour itself,the social services explained to him that the child,at a time of extreme stress through the seperation was just pulling out all the stops for attention because she was worried about losing the connection with her father and family freinds because her whole world had been turned upside down BY THE SEPERATION.The problem went away very quickly when the seperated parents started behaving like responsible adults,like regualar access and contact as well as not slagging each other off every time they met in front of the child.Obviously you are alarmed just don't overreact too much and ask the school to do the same as its important to not throw the baby out with the bathwater and withdraw him from a prime source of socialisation and belonging.And remeber Adults are far more F))))d up about sex than children as we completly load the subject with sophisticated social and power game meanings.

thanks for your hard work digging that statement out Kiermeran.To me It just reinforces what probation and mental health workers have know for years which is as long as the sufferer is not causing any social problems for the normal people then they really could'nt be bothererd if the sufferers and their families endure more discrimination .It does reinforce a veiw that its a biological war and that very little will be done unless asd'rs (mostly undiagnosed) start going postal in shopping malls.It may seem a bit extreme and as a parent I fully agree that the young should have priority , but after 30 years of this c)))p my patience is sorely tried and I don't think anything will realistically be done.I've been waiting for 6 months for an appointment with a congnitive shrink ,everytime my care worker rings the nhs they come out with extra bull about why its going to take an extra month.I wonder how many undiagnosed asd'rs have commited suicide?The nhs would say none,they all were suffering from extreme depression and 'suicidal mania',just to keep their pr and statistics machines going . I'm giving the great 'society' till christmas 2012 then i will disappear off the face of the map .last year as a result of a motorbike accident where i received spinal and head injuries and a crushed left lung (thank you Dr Porter you are the main actor in your own experiment!)(as well as dumping my intellectually challenged ex) I ended up killing fish and rabbits and living in the woods for three months to survive without money ,sleeping bag or a basic daily diet,and all because i can't understand forms with boxes or days of the week.i lived out again most of the last winter in sub zero temperatures because i had to stay away from the vampirish junkies at the 'homless 'hostel' and was treated as a suspect junkie/alkie by the health service ,who concluded since i was homeless i must be asking for medication for a drug habit.i did'nt recive my planned physio or mri scan ,despite what is obviously damage to the brachius nerves in my neck .LUCKILY asd'rs diagnosed or otherwise are capable of enduring extreme physically and mental pain and when push comes to shove are capable of hunting and killing and stalking using their excellent low light skills and extreme sensitivity to sound to great advantage.I am still suffering svere pain in my neck and breathing difficulties but am obviously completly untrusting of the nhs even though I've been ambalaunced to hospital twice with breathing problems in the last 6 months.Learning to be pragmatic I have been burying stockpiling food and materials for my future survival since november last year so whatever happens I'll be able to live for at least three months without getting too thin.Whats more is I LOVE IT,living in the woods on my own not talking to no one for weeks setting snares and traps ,stalking and using a throwing stick and homade bow and arrow to clobber big fat wood pigeons.Is this whats called co morbidity? or is it just the result of a biological war against asd'rs .Anyway lets wait for the nhs jobsworths .I think the queen should give me a gong for being so patient and not killing a doctor. The future is pretty much like the past and unless asd'rs create a massive stink then we'll all be sat here next year stuck in the nearly same position and thw widespread holocaust of asd will continue.Come next year I will introducing some policy initives of my own if I get no practical help.But until then I must be positive as I am basically a very nice talented and loving warm person and now I understand I have asd I'm a hundred times more deadlyer than I ever was,shame about understanding time and days of the week and reading text with boxes in it!I have even less need for these skills thesedays.But above all this terrible time for me I'm so glad and gratefull for this website and will continue to put my penneth of experience on the pile as long as it helps others.For the literary minded compare the NHS paperwork machine with the 'norm setters' in the russian Soldyanitzens 'Gualg Archeopelo'.

Hi you've done very well at understanding your asd and can really reap the beautifull rewards.I 'm glad your gp was understanding and up to date with his/her understanding of asd,unfortunatly most NHS trusts are in the dark ages are far more inclined to treat undiagnosed asd as anxiety/depressive/inferioty complex style disorders.I only found out and realised my asd last autumn at 48 years ,depite repeatly complaining about the strong symptoms to my gp for thirty odd years,but I do live in the crapualnt north where the best place for help seems to be sheffeild,certainly not Manchester,Rochdale or West Yorkshire,its not even a postcode lottery for diagnosis its all about how much a local NHS trust(sick)is prepared to spend,at least in a postcode lottery you could get a winning ticket after 30 years.Congratulations to you getting help and to your gp for showing such perception and insight and welcome to this amazing site that is the pinnacle of progrees in the subject of asd's.Well done and don't be afraid of anymore big challenges in your life. p.s.dont wait around for others to contact you(a typical apathetic response after years of being dismissed by the so called proffesional)if you want to ask anything ask it on this site,its the best!!!good luck.

Have anyone noticed any correlation with ginger traits and freckles and blue and green eyes amongst asd'rs.?????

Your in the best place on this site to understand asd.As you may be coming aware you probably know more about it than the so called specialist.It may also be helpfull if you consider your biological family history and consider if you and/or partner exhibit any of the symptoms of asd, Anyway hello and welcome to the saviour of sanity for thousands of forum users.Don't be saddened by the diagnosis,that diagnosis may change as your kid gets older.There are so many beautifull things about asd its just that since the medical establishment is only at the very beggining of understanding asd its mostly perceived as a 'problem',generally a problem for the 'normal' worlrd of boring undynamic brainwashed personalities that make up a hypothetical entity called 'society'..There's some fantastic benefits particulary in the feild of human perception and creativity.I'd put my neck out and say that without the asd jobs our culture and technological advancement would be retarded and that most of historys technical inventors and creative people exhibit asd symptoms.Be happy you have a special child, a one in 166 according to some statistics .x

It seems to me that a very overlooked area with asd is PHYSICAL EXERCISE.ASD or not when we get some exercise our bodies produce happy hormones,we get a positive buzz out of it.I've only recently discoverd my asd at 48 years and am coming on in leaps and bounds at understanding my condition with the benefit of hindsight,or old age as we sometimes call it.Looking back through my earlier life i realised that I would have periods of depression/anxiety with an overload of mental energy.These short periods would end or clear up after i had done some obssesive walking or exercise.I have noticed that my asd got worse after 3 to 6 days of no exercise and I began feeling more and more uncordinated with my body and noticed that my muscle tone quickly disappeared unless I did at least a few hours exercise a week,This loss of muscle tone(particulary the ability to walk without wobbling) was accompanied by an eire feeling of what i can only describe as be misaligned with my body,feeling not quite 'IN' my body,followed by increasing anxiety and overload of mental energy and audio/visual thinking. With any kids exercise is great ,taking them to the park and tiring them out.Its great after givinmg the kids their tea and seeing them go to bed without any messing about.I'd reccommend you maintain some kind of regular 'tiring them out' exercise.This will work for you as a parent as you'll get more sleep and peace in the evening.Its extremely hard to decipher what is asd behaviour and whats just kiddy behaviour.As I now have a good awareness of my asd I had to contemplate the biological inheritence of my children.My daughter now20,has some very clear signs of asd,she's at uni now.When she was a baby the health visitor was explaining how now she was on solids she'd have afternoon naps after growing out of the four hour little baby feed/sleep routine,but she did'nt .Most of the time she'd stay awake so I'd always keep her occupied by talking her out for walks and playing her music.When she was 2 yrs upward I'd tire her out with plenty of physical activity and then have no problems getting some peace in the evening.A key component of the asd stuff is a near constant demand for sensory stimulation.With myself I look back and realised that I used mechanics/electrics/music/obssesive book reading to keep some sort of focus and so stop falling into what shrinks may call disassociation,where I would sink into my head and spend hours lost in my mind staring at the wall.I'm firmly convinced that people with High Functioning Autisim if left to themselves would prefer not to speak and exhibit many of the charactaristics of non verbal autisim.This dissacociation causes alot of internal mental energy to build up to create anxiety and anger and fustration.Tire the little one out and he should feel less displaced in his body and benefit from the happy hormones of exercise.Ps be very wary of drug treatment as this is about controlling behaviour ,not understanding behaviour.

one of the problems with asd is that if you have whats called high functioning autisim its very easy to get labelled by the unknowing gps as a depression/anxiety case.The usual routine is they start prescribing poison like seroxat(cheap nasty low quality prozac)or amytripteline and start treatind you as a depression/anxiety disorder.Them pills are a short term help but are used to control symptoms,not to treat you.Many gps mean well when prescribinmg these drugs for apparent anxiety/depression but are handicapped by a near complete ignorance of asd,particulary High functioning type.