darkshine

I think it has potential to be a good topic - I just wanted to check whether he thought what he is suggesting anyway (prior to watching the films), or whether the films prompted the thinking that may have been there beforehand, or whether the dvd's are the entire source of the thinking.... Also technically it depends on who "we" refers to - all people or British people... but this sentence suggests UK based "Does anyone else feel we don't like ourselves as a culture very much ?" And although I have not seen The Last Samuri, I have seen the other 2 at some point and they are both based in America (I think - Last of the Mohicans was something I haven't seen in years and years). Also regarding American productions - they are possibly more American focused, and so I wondered whether "we" meant people generally or people in the UK - America has a lot of money in the movie industry - more than we (lol) do, and as such I reckon that they will have a certain slant on what the British culture is like. Just wondering As it happens I do think there are signs that we - as a UK/British culture do have issues with valuing or liking ourselves in certain respects, but I can also think of examples where certain things are valued but on smaller scales and not necessarily national ones - whether that still counts as everyone as a culture or select groups, communities etc is open for debate. Anyway... was just wondering what ignited the thought process as it interested me

Are your musings based on the 3 dvds or is your thinking based on broader thinking that that?

Indeed

I feel that someone should state the blatantly obvious..... The world didn't end.

I have avoided 'the news' for a long time and am thinking of getting a paper one day a week (a compromise position) and I am also interested in specialist magazines or checking out websites a couple of days a week or once month or how ever these things work - I've avoided this area for such a long while that to be honest I don't know where to start. I wondered what people's opinions are with the different things available, because when I have got round to looking at a few different things I can't help feeling that they are all just displayed in one way - I have a mistrust of the media to be honest - but at the same time I would like to see a bit of what goes on in the world. What sorts of things do people read and why are they preferable over other ones, why are they worthwhile and valuable and why are they interesting and what are your opinions on them? I have of course looked around but at this point I'm not really sure what it is I'm looking for - I do know that I'm not overly interested in trash and would like to read something that has some level of value. Also I'm curious as to what sorts of things are around for getting up to date on certain things too and I am open to suggestions about stuff that is in set areas, such as science, politics, medicine/sociology/psychology, global things, technology, art, engineering, conservation - whatever floats your boat really - I've been very isolated from the world (by my own choice) and I am trying to remedy that but as I have said I do not know where to start and there's so much out there that I feel overwhelmed and I feel pretty lost with it all. I've always been the kind of person who likes to hear other people's opinions and then I like to make up my own mind and would appreciate some varied input. I also have a tendency for liking things that are a little unconventional/alternative I would like to reiterate that I'm not interested in trash stuff, or gossip, I do have a sense of humour, and I do like serious stuff and factual stuff, but I'm a bit lost and so I thought I'd throw this out for discussion and see if anyone has anything to say or can point me in any directions. Ideally I would prefer constructive advice or opinions rather than a slating of the news, because I've already wonderfully engaged in such slating for many years and would like to hear about different approaches to such matters. Best Darkshine

First of all I must apologise before I say anything else because this is probably the 3rd time I've taken the ###### in this way - but I have tried to resist and I obviously have no self control whatsoever cuz someone just has to wear this and since you brought up Toy Story I reckon its only fair to suggest this so if you guys ever meet and I am there to witness it I can laugh my ass off sorry - only a bit - sort of - nah, its no use pretending... I just have a really weird sense of humour and I'm not really that sorry at all lol http://www.partydeli...sie-costume.asp I am trying to be remorseful but I'm not doing a good job cuz I'm laughing too much... Maybe this would be better.... http://www.partydeli...rek-costume.asp If anyone has an issue with my strangeness I am blaming insomnia - totally - I'm sleep deprived, have been for days - its totally to blame and an excellent way of trying to field responsibility - not sure its successful - but its a good way of "trying" lol I haven't ever worn fancy dress - I'm open to suggestions if anyone fancies a bit of payback

Ben, I'd just like to say you are welcome and to offer my thanks to you too, you have made me smile this year and have brought a sense of fun and also a level of consideration onto these boards, you've made things interesting and I think we should all value that. I hope you have a good Christmas Thank you, and all the best Darkshine

Can AS be separate, and if it can, what do you do with it? ........... If AS was a power source that you could disconnect, reconnect and turn the volume up or down, zoom the world in or out, increase or decrease focus, turn on or off, if you could access it or not as you saw fit and if you could see it as separate yet a part of you... Then wouldn't it be possible to do more things? Things that are hard or "impossible" now? If you think about the power available in a meltdown, the sheer energy available there, if it could be controlled or rather, altered and shifted into something else, then couldn't it be used in a whole new way? And if AS could be engaged like a driving gear at set times then couldn't it really assist things rather than prevent them, and technically if it could be eased off on then stuff that feels like a nightmare could be a little easier to cope and function with. With obsessions or special interests, the focus is turned up, this can be really useful at times, the energy levels, the concentration, and if the discipline to turn it up or down was there it could be a tool, if we could throw that into what we need to learn then wouldn't we learn more effectively. In some situations, heightened sensory perception could be a real advantage if it were used right - this is a potentially daft example - but I once got a pack of pencils, 6H through to 6B - it's late - I think there were 14 cuz of 2 HB's - anyway... I wanted to know if I could identify them all without looking, it was a new pack and they all were as close as damn it the 'same' so I spent some time with them, maybe 20 minutes and then I shut my eyes and tried to order them in number by feel, taste, texture, etc, I did pretty well. I'm sure there could be more useful applications with our senses though lol. In terms of my life, if AS wasn't screaming in my head, then eating would be a lot simpler for me.... But it's funny how when I'm obsessed with something I can enter sensory hell, with people, if the pull of the interest is stronger than the AS stuff... And how some of the really small things get blown out of proportion, while things that are massive are just like water off a duck's back - its all mixed up at times. And I've been thinking a lot lately that there's all these things I want to do and its almost like this AS stuff is a separate entity that is a part of me, and I can almost look at it, and I haven't got a clue what to do with it and what I'm looking at aint pretty at times - I mean its ok or interesting or fun when it can do good stuff, or stuff that I don't perceive as 'bad', but when its acting up like a brat its kinda awkward cuz I don't really know what the hell to do to make it shut up screaming and playing up like a little kid, especially when some of the things it screams about are really really stupid dumb ###### things. If it can feel separate (while still being a part of me) then how can I enjoy some parts that are cool for some reason, and yet despise and be ruled by the rest? I don't know if there's exactly any answers, which is why I've posted this in off-topic, but I wondered if anyone felt a similar thing, or if anyone had an opinion or another take on this, or any thoughts.

Hi Lynda, I think that when we reflect on things it becomes clear that the most important person here is yourself, you need to feel happy with who you are and what makes you 'you'. AS is only a part of you, it isn't the defining feature, there's so much more than just AS isn't there? I'd say find a position where you are happy with you, it doesn't matter if anyone else tells you that you do or don't have AS, what matters is that you know who you are and be screwed to anyone else on that score - there's so many other fights in life and some are really not worth it, for example, my family do not accept my diagnosis, but screw them, I know who I am and its a battle that isn't worth having, its tiring, stressful and emotional, and we get on a whole load better if I just leave it be. I think we all seek some level of understanding, I think some of us want to be understood - but we have to understand ourselves and value ourselves - its upsetting when people don't believe us, but we have to believe in ourselves and if we do that, then it doesn't matter so much about some things that other people don't believe. I would seriously consider this situation Lynda, if you are feeling sidelined, is it because you actually are being sidelined (in which case these people are not worth this level of anxiety) and if that is the case you can exchange pleasantries and treat them as neighbours and see them as low level friends. Or are you upset because of your friend and your perceptions of her, are you withdrawing because you feel those old feelings and worries returning, in which case it could be a bit of a self-fulfilling prophecy. I personally find it difficult having a broad social circle, its ok if the level of meaning I place on it is minimal in an "acquaintance" type way - but with "friends" it can get really complicated as there's more feelings involved - as such I keep things simple and minimal because to be honest, I can't be bothered with the hassle. I find my past feelings infringe on the present, but sometimes I do have to look really hard and see if I am doing anything differently, because at first to me it looks like everyone's changing, when in fact a lot of the time they aren't changing, they are reacting to me behaving differently and closing myself off - previously I've gotten really angry and upset that everyone's acting in a certain way - and I think, looking back that a fair amount of the time it was definitely me who changed because i thought something and never got around to checking I was right. An example of this would be a couple of friends I had a long time ago, I got on well with one, and not the other, now they used to go out together without me, and me and the friend I liked used to go and do things. I thought they were best pals and I was the third wheel, turned out, when I actually got around to asking a few years later and after we'd all moved away from home, that the friend didn't like the other person but felt sorry for them. So sometimes things aren't always as they seem, and sometimes it us who make things worse by stressing and then we behave differently and consequently so do other people. No worries, we're all human here, we're all flawed lol, I just wanted to help you take a step back because I could see that you were getting upset, I believed that there was some degree of misunderstanding between people talking here and while everyone's opinions are completely valid, I do think that the lines of the discussion were vague and too open for interpretation which could be why it got to you, as well as your personal circumstances at this time - its difficult when a topic hits a nerve for someone, especially when that topic could be interpreted a number of ways and I think the subject of self-diagnosis has the scope for a fair number of topics, some which would undoubtedly be a lot more emotional than others. Best Darkshine

What do you think that would add?

That's my philosophy this year - I'm less patient though so it seems to take forever!!

http://www.facebook.com/spondonbakery

Lynda, I would like to offer some words here and you are completely free to take them or leave them. The subject of self diagnosis is clearly a very emotional one for you, you've had negative experiences with people who don't or haven't taken you or your issues seriously, regarding both you and your son. I recall you describing your experience of trying to go through the diagnostic tests and that you didn't feel you were fairly understood and that was some times ago, but some of what you said here jogged my memory. Autism is a developmental condition and I hope that in 8 years time when I reach your age that I will have put in so much work at my own development to achieve things that I want to achieve, and that my life will look very different, will this take away my AS? No, but I could well not fit the profile so obviously as I do now, because it is a developmental disorder. If you can take a pretty big step back from how this subject is making you feel Lynda, and I really do appreciate that this is an emotive topic area for you - there is some truth in there being some issues around self-diagnosis - of anything and not just an ASD - it doesn't mean that it all applies to you or your life at all, but we have all seen certain posts in meet and greet especially last year and there have been some rather dubious posts there from time to time. You already know my position, I'm not really worried or unduly concerned about labels, and as far as my feelings go on this, if someone tells me they truly believe that they have AS or are on the spectrum then I am perfectly ok with accepting that, I have spoken to a number of people via PM who have not had a diagnosis for a whole host of reasons ranging from age, finances, available resources, being content at understanding oneself, worry about perceptions and careers - to name but a few of the reasons. In my opinion someone doesn't have to have a diagnostic badge for me to speak with them - as I said earlier about rockets and asses - I'm pretty easy going. I try to put myself in some of these people's position, which is difficult since I have the diagnosis (which I didn't even want) and I struggle because on one level I see that a degree of personal understanding could be a really good thing, but I don't think I'd like it if people thought I was a liar or didn't listen to me because for whatever reason I did not have a label. What I would say is that everyone has an opinion, and mine is this: Lynda, you believe you have AS then in my view that is fine by me, I do not think you are a liar, I also think you have a whole wealth of experiences to offer. If other people choose not to listen then that is their choice, as it is your choice to share your thoughts, opinions and knowledge. If I walk into my families home at xmas and say I have AS, they will all tell me I do not, every single member of my family - and yes, I could technically go armed with a diagnostic report - and you know what? It doesn't matter, because there are people out there in the world who will accept me for who I am and possibly even like me, and I'd really rather concentrate on them. As for the people who have beliefs that conflict with my own - well that is fair enough too, we are all entitled to believe what we wish and we all have choices here, and although we may disagree on some things, I think there are other topics where we can all offer a great deal to each other on a different subject. I think that when people are saying their opinions here Lynda, and those opinions are close to you and make you feel angry or upset or like you are being ostracised - it really is ok because although those opinions are aimed at a group of people that just happens to include you, it doesn't mean that anyone is personally attacking you - its just that their feelings and opinions and their experience has led them to their opinions, just as yours have led you to where you are now. Now I cannot speak for everyone here, and I'm not in the best position to do so because I'm alright with people having different opinions to me, even about things that are actually very emotive to me at times - but I can say that there are people on here who are not judging you or thinking ill of you because you don't have a diagnosis, because I am one of them and the big question is, is that good enough? It might only be "some" people or a "few" people - and I guess if that's good enough then it might not matter so much if "some" people or even a "few" people do have issues for whatever reasons about self-diagnosis. Just a few more thoughts Darkshine

That's probably a good thing

I was thinking of something like this:

Everyone is leaping on Justine here, and I don't think that is right because it feels like she's saying one thing and some of you are responding as though she personally attacked you, which she didn't, she made a valid point. Justine is entitled to her opinions and views and that's her choice, it doesn't mean they are set in stone, and we all have a choice here - we can read what people say or not, we can all choose how we respond to each other, we have the freedom to decide what advice or comments we take on board and the choice of what to listen to or accept or discuss. I don't really understand what the hoped achievement is here, I tend to find that when I disagree with someone it doesn't help ramming info down their throat or leaping on bandwagons. Seriously, we all have a right to our own views, and I personally don't think that the way people are responding is really doing anything to improve matters, and some of this isn't 'discussion' its 'ranting' and achieves very little. As for the original question, it doesn't matter to me if someone is young or old, male or female, it doesn't matter about their religion, sexuality or culture, it doesn't matter where they are from. I don't care if a person has labels or not, AS, ASD, OCD, BPD, ADHD etc etc, and it doesn't matter to me whether someone has an 'NT' label either. I'd listen to someone flying from Uranus propelled only by a rocket up their ass if they had something worthwhile, considerate, interesting or thoughtful to say, or if they shared their experiences or advice. Just a few thoughts Darkshine

You're welcome

Have you thrown your heels away and hung up your evening dress then LancsLad?

I think this is an interesting question, I've blamed my parents on here before at times, more so last year than this. When I was 19 I decided to build bridges with them, its taken a very very long time and a lot of effort - at that time AS wasn't anything we'd heard of, and so I was angry at them for not noticing my depression, self-harm or declining mental health.... Later, when I was diagnosed with AS (without seeking a diagnosis) I felt angry again, I felt as though here was some sort of confirmation that they really didn't have a clue. The thing is, in many ways my parents do not have a clue - but - they are my parents and not everyone else's, I don't think all parents are like mine, I don't think every person is the same either. I've spent many many years trying to understand, forgive and accept my parents and I'm not fully there yet, I'm a lot closer than before - for one key reason - many years ago I started to understand they are people too, they made mistakes, they have their flaws, they aren't perfect, but slowly, slowly I find that I feel a little easier about them in some ways - certainly more so than how I felt 5, 10 or 15 years ago. But then I'm stubborn and I refused to just walk away, my relationship with my parents is not perfect, but its sort of ok, its a work in progress in some ways, but in others it is good enough as some sort of relationship exists. As for adults feeling hard done by, I can only speak for myself and I don't think we need the sob story lol. The funny thing is that nothing has changed, I could write the sob story and it all happened to me, all of it, and a lot of the time nobody helped - but I needed to go through that, I needed to be in the position I am today where I could start to look and take responsibility, find some degree of self-awareness, reflection, consideration, understanding of myself and the world. In some ways I've barely started, but it is this change in mindset and the beginnings of these things that are changing how I perceive things out there in the world. I think its all very well for people to stand and shout "help me" but I do also think that we all have to take responsibility, and in the past I did notice that people are a lot more inclined to help, when you show you are willing to help yourself too. And I suspect that when people get angry, bitter, resentful, it is often easier to divert blame onto someone else Justine, and parents are an easy target! Best Darkshine

Sometimes when I don't feel right or I have some ache or pain I feel the need to hurt myself harder and when the additional pain subsides it makes me feel better and the original ache, pain, or even sensation feels easier to handle.

I have a habit for not using things I am given, sometimes because I don't want to ruin something, but other times because the gifts were unwanted in the first place, this year I am being really annoying (in other people's opinions) because I'm listing affordable options of things I actually want or need (like a spare battery for my camera which a couple of people can chip into) rather than people spending the same amount (or more!!) on a load of stuff that clutters the place and takes forever for me to try to find useful ways of disposal. That's what you get for dropping it that far and it landing in water - after bending the truth you were lucky to get the 50 quid voucher I don't think I'd do that with my camera but you never know, there are moments where such things get forgotten....