darkshine

Sometimes yeah, I like meaningful music and really cleverly composed pieces, but sometimes I think that music for fun, for some kind of 'feel good factor' is important too - just to lighten up and chill out and in that sense the video you put up is perfect because its simple, trashy, catchy and I quite like it - I almost put it up myself a few days ago

I'm listening to that too, its trashy and catchy

I think its supposed to have immune-boosting properties - but technically that would be inconclusive too, some people I think are highly affected by their beliefs and I think that's a powerful tool we humans can have. I personally have little belief in certain medications (herbal or otherwise) so all I can do is comment on my own experience and whether I feel a thing works for me or not. Having said that, I don't use echinacea and I haven't had a cold in quite a while, and the last one I had that was worthy of mentioning, was last year I think, and I caught it from a housemate but I seemed to suffer milder effects from the cold and it didn't last as long for me. I decided a couple of years ago that I just wasn't interested in colds, a head cold is I grant you quite irritating, but as for the other symptoms, well they aren't the end of the world are they? Now the flu... that, I take seriously I guess echinacea would be nice in a sick room - as a flower - the purple ones are kinda groovy, the echinacea purpurea and augustifolia are interesting, and there's yellow versions that have more spread petals, can't remember the name it might be paradoxa or paradoxia. So my cure for the common cold is that I acknowledge its just a cold, I believe it won't last forever, and I carry on with my life. and as a result, I don't seem to get many - but If I do get a cold worthy enough to mention and I change my mind then I'll amend what I've said here

It depends on where you live, what I did when I wanted to know about AS social groups is I played around on google for a while and found out what was in my area (which was 2 main groups and the occasional smaller ones dotted around in awkward places to get to). What I then did was ring one of the more main groups and email another, the first invited me to meet the guy who ran the group, and the second said "come along any time", I did go and meet the guy from the first one but I actually still haven't been to the group yet (just thought I should make that clear!!). Do you know what is available near where you live?

Transcendent

Wall

Beer

I wouldn't apologise, people can either read this stuff or not, it doesn't matter either way. I think getting up for a bit when I can't sleep helps, sometimes it makes me more tired and then I can sleep, but sometimes I feel like I'm taking control and I feel less stressed because its better to be doing something than laying there getting tense with a racing mind. You ever tried earplugs?

Who are you apologising to?

Don't beat yourself up, try things out and stuff and have a mess around and find out what works for you - I have my things, yours might be different. I'm sitting in the same room as last time and the music is louder and I still hear the road and I won't lie - I'm tense - but I'm human and today I notice it more,and I know why too - I had an appointment and freaked out over a stopwatch - I'm tired mentally from walking home and I'm getting hungry, as I rest, eat and recharge it will get less stressful. Everything I do regarding sleep has come from trying things out, some things work, others don't - I know I a very small part of me doesn't like that I have a dvd on because part of me feels that its childish to want the noise and the flickering light from the picture on the tv - but it doesn't matter, it helps so I don't see the need to suffer unnecessarily, so I have it on cuz sleeping shouldn't be a battle. You know what? I don't have a great sleep pattern, and its slipped this week, but I never have had, even as a kid, and during my 20's I was plagued by insomnia including issues with sounds - and I worked out what helps me, it doesn't work every night, but its so much better. I'd recommend trying the pillow or trying out stuff with music - or whatever else you think of and give things a go, some things work instantly once and then stop working, others seem to not work but over time they start too, so it needs patience, and personally I try not to write things off, if it doesn't work I put the idea to one side and try it again later. Try and relax about sleep stuff - because levels of tension really don't help and it takes time to relax when you are short of sleep, I know it does cuz it took me about 6 years to start to find some degree of it - and its taken a few more to hold it better!! And experiment with stuff that might help!!

Yeah its really difficult to eat with your hands held over your ears And yep, I was thinking of imaginative yet potentially calming ways of coping with the snoring rather than homicidal options, and you never know, if you can relax, you might find yourself feeling like you can go to sleep. My suggestion is technically a distraction, but I'm just trying to get you to think about what you could do to lessen the stress and anxiety you are feeling because in my opinion that seems worse than the snoring itself. The road I live next to is really ###### to live next to, its one of the main routes for emergency vehicles, the traffic noise continues all day and then less frequently at night, although at night it sounds louder and you never know when a lorry or car will go past. And I know from experience that if I obsess and focus on it more, it winds me up and my mental health deteriorates, I can't make the road go away, so I have to live with it, and the best way of doing so is finding methods to reduce the negative emotions and feelings it provokes in me. Like now, I'm sitting here with music on a little louder than I'd have the tv on, and every car that goes past seems almost as loud as the music - In fact I have a rubbishy decibel meter on my phone, I wouldn't trust it too much but I've just messed with it and it says 50-55 dB for the music and for the traffic - which is light right now (no emergency vehicles or lorries or motorbikes) it peaks at 74 dB and for the slow cars is around 66 dB. And snoring I did take a reading from that once and that was about 76 and it was loud snoring and the sample taken at close range lol, and opening a packet of crisps was 80 something, but just cuz a sound is loud, doesn't mean that you need something louder to beat it. Its part of why I have a dvd on at night, because the mumble of voices is a constant thing that makes the traffic noise seem a lot less invasive when for instance some dickhead on a limited 50cc scooter goes past - which sounds like a super loud hairdrier at the best of times but really annoying at night, and there's also someone who skateboards past some nights at about 2 am. The dvd makes that invasion of sound less invasive because it isn't coming out of silence, and the noise of the dvd returns afterwards - by noise I mean both the volume of the tv - which is really low - but also the whirring of the dvd player spinning the disk, its constant and familiar to me and even if I can't hear what people are saying on the tv, I can hear the disk spin. In all honesty the road I live next to is like having a constant grinding on my nerves whenever I'm home, which is a lot, and because I am aware of it all the time, the only thing that beats it is music at full blast but I can't do that permanently, the traffic noise shatters my thoughts and it gives me little peace, and you can hear it everywhere in the house and garden, the only escape is loud music or walking into the countryside, so like I said, I try to cope, and part of that is an acceptance and then finding a sort of relaxed element to that, and then I find I can think of things that allow me some minimal respite so that although I can hear the traffic, I can have some degree of sanity to do things. It's difficult, I won't deny it, because my instinctive and reactive response is a feeling of intense frustration and anger - but you know what? The traffic don't care. So I might as well not bother cuz it only makes life hell, takes away the quality of my sleep, makes me on edge and anxious, and I find that even though I really do hate the noise of that road, I can live with it, at a cost yeah, but I can live and through spending time coming up with stuff to help me cope I find I can function. Just a few thoughts

You ever tried making music in your head out of sounds you can hear? So like at night there's breathing for example that can provide the beat as its steady and regular enough. Someone else snoring can be part of the tune. If you make a noise with your hands (this can be soft noises cuz at night you can hear it) as a bass line And then what I do is add an accompaniment in my head. It doesn't exactly make the noises go away, but it can lighten the stress sometimes by adding humour or a focus to my thought patterns. Cuz the sounds aren't going to go away, so maybe you can find a way of playing with them instead of them driving you insane. Just a thought that might prod your imagination a little Darkshine

Fair enough

Fair enough, whatever floats your boat If this is your big fat life journal, what would you say about the move? Like what it was like and how you coped and what you hope to get out of it, why its good for you and what reasons were behind it in terms of your life and you. I ask because I reckon there's a lot of stuff tied in to that, and there's stress that comes as part of moving and change etc, but that doesn't necessarily mean the stress is bad in the long run when other things balanced against the stress are worth much more - such as potential benefits vs stress - then the potential benefits could be worth so much more and the stress is kinda worth going through... So it really is just a suggestion, or rather I guess I'm seeing if you've thought about it, cuz I reckon there's a lot of other life stuff that relates to and is involved in that process and a lot of meaning involved for you.

I used to carry all sorts of cr4p around with me as a teenager and I mean 'all sorts' cuz it could get pretty weird (to other people - it made sense to me) and then I got so I couldn't be bothered with it any more, and now I'm not sure - although the comedy side of my brain can think of some amusing (to me) options in going completely over the top - I might check it out on Youtube if I get a decent amount of wireless signal at some point later as its really bottoming out right now and as such pretty tedious loading pages. I think some of the car stuff makes sense - I say 'some' because it would depend on an individual's mechanical knowledge and ability, and also where you were going and when and what time of year, so driving in high hills or mountains at night in winter would require different things to driving to the beach in summer (for a clichéd example) but I guess its debatable. A knife can be a really practical thing to carry around (I've owned many in my life), also tools can be useful to have... it all depends doesn't it? On who you are, what you do, what comforts you, what could have a use, and what a person can be bothered to carry around. It's an individual choice, so what may be really weird to one person, makes complete sense to another. One thing I plan to start doing again is carry a notebook and pencil/pen, cuz there's so many ideas and things that I just forget and don't write down (I stopped carrying those things around due to negative thoughts and beliefs) but I want to see what its like now.

What do you walk 45 mins to Butlins for?

Who's anti-social? Everyone or just some people? Or if I speculate..... is it cuz maybe you might think that people are just not taking the opportunity to talk to each other and so there's less flow to a conversation or less interest shown (whether serious or a laugh or whatever) or something else? How was the move then? Cuz I see your little info box don't say Brighton no more.

No poodles though

I dunno what thread it was in but there was something from me about the Brighton wheel and karaoke, but I think other people said other stuff. It was AGES ago lol

You could doodle a noodle

I'd just like to highlight this cuz I have and have had similar problems (like SmileyK - although some are different problems), I used to do what she does when I was younger, and even now I still have problems with eating and I want to exercise more, I want to be fit and healthy, I want to do things and I want to do them in a way that is right for me and my life and whatever I want to get out of it. As such, I have a bit of a battle on my hands because my AS head says "go on" and my issues in my head related to various other things says "go screw yourself, starve yourself, it feels so good" and then the AS part comes back in rubbing its hands together and says "control control control" And you know what? I aint letting it because I want to be healthy, I also want to be fit, but healthy has to come first, it has to. And I have a choice and so does everyone else. I do not know what I weigh, and for now I don't need to, I know what size clothes I wear but that doesn't matter either. What matters is healthy, which is not what my life is now, I do not have an ideal weight or size in my mind, I just want healthy, in my thoughts, in my eating habits, in my behaviour, and to be honest I have a long haul ahead of me and I don't care, I don't mind, yeah I might at some points along the journey, but I'm committed to learning and making changes, because there's a lot I don't know about this stuff, so I'm learning because the exercise I do now is limited by my other behaviours, not just eating either, sleeping. beliefs, thoughts, emotions, habits, some AS stuff, control and stuff, but its restricting me, there's things I want to do and I can't right now because I haven't got certain things to a level that is good enough, and my first priority is food and not exercise because I need the food to exercise, and then when I do exercise I don't need to overdo things and harm myself further, I can push myself, but by being self aware my body tells me when its had enough, my body and not just my mind. I want to be healthy for a whole host of reasons and its important to me because if I don't change I am going to seriously harm my body, not necessarily where I can see the harm, but inside me, internally and in my head too cuz some of my thought processes are really skewed and distorted and I have to be aware of those too, because the self harm levels apparent in my own situation are blo0dy harmful. I can't force anyone else to do anything, I just want to say that I've read the stuff LancsLad has written, not just today, but other times, and I have read what Ben (aka AS Warrior) has said at other times in other posts and I want to understand stuff better, they share information and I just want them to know that there's someone who is paying attention, I am struggling, but I am committed and I think that everyone has to make their own choice, including SmileyK. That is all I have to say - other than to offer a nod of appreciation, thanks and respect to the guys I mentioned. Regards Darkshine

1. Google 2. I don't know, I just needed to know there was somewhere and I didn't like the bigger forums, and I joined and then forgot about the forum for about 3 months, it was only cuz I was checking history or bookmarks for something else and I remembered joining, I was still really screwed up over the dx at that point and I wanted to understand and learn. 3. Impact? Immeasurable at this point because the impact has been very varied throughout the last year and a half and I can't be ars3d to write about it

Yeah Don't you think doodle is a funny word? I kinda do.

Do you think there's a difference between planning for realistic things, like having a first aid kit. or putting sensible things in the car for emergencies, or having a stove on hand if the leccy goes - and other types of prepping for things that have a minute chance of happening? Like how far is too far? And if you wanted to have a portable prep kit for walking around with - what would you have in it and why?