Lyndalou

It's a real shame that members choose to leave but at the same time, everyone has their own reasons for doing so and quite possibly some of them have nothing at all to do with this forum. I see this forum as a melting pot of ideas, views, personalities, experiences and opinions. Inevitably there are going to be disagreements, discord, viewpoints which converge, people who 'gel' together and people who don't, happiness and sadness, stories of difficult experiences and stories of success and triumph and of hopes, despair and faith. I see life is cyclical and this forum is in many ways cyclical. I've been here for just under 2 years and many of the people who were here when I joined are still here now but many no longer are. I have a busy life and although I come on most days, I have a limited amount of time to browse topics and post comments. Most likely, a lot of members are similar to me. I see this forum as part of my life but a small but important part and I am grateful for the advice and the insight that other's give. Others perhaps invest more of themselves in this forum than I do and therefore have a deeper connection with the topics and the posters. Changes in the tone of the forum maybe affect them more because of this. I'm glad of the posts which challenge me and make me question how I think and perceive things. It can be difficult to read some of the threads where there is a lot of argument but again, I think that learning to be able to cope with other's points of view or taking part in disagreement is an important part of life too. I was in a debating team at the age of 12 and do you know? I think it is something that every child with AS should consider doing...to be able to learn to see things from another angle or at least learn to appreciate that others have a different opinion. I wish those who choose to leave the forum the best in their lives. It is their choice and it must be respected.

No. 1. Get your man to put his dirty clothes/used towels in the laundry bin or better still put a load through now and again. Rope him in to tidy away all the baby paraphernalia that builds up over the course of a day. No. 2. Do you need everything you have in the flat or can it be stored elsewhere to be accessed when needed? Can you use a space in a relative's garage or loft? Do you have a landing cupboard or shed? No.3. It is handy to store under your bed (although you probably do that already, lol) and drawers on castors are possibly most practical. No. 4. Throughout the day, pick things up as you go. If something is somewhere it ought not to be, then move it. Pop dishes into the sink into water to soak so when you come to wash them it's not caked on and harder to do. No. 5. Switch to microfibre cloths to wipe down surfaces and mirrors (best thing I ever did - no scrubbing or chemicals involved!). No. 6. You get reasonably sturdy plastic 'drawers' out of somewhere like Argos. They can fit in cupboards and sometimes stack so you don't always have to be moving boxes about. No. 7. Go back to No. 1 - train your partner....

I'll be sorry to see you go. Your posts are always interesting reading and help provide a positive and balanced perspective based on what has obviously been a full, challenging, chequered and inspirational life. I for one have been given a lot to think about by what you say. You prove that we all have great potential, drive and passion within us that can be channeled in a positive direction if we are able to believe in ourselves or or are assisted to do so. All the Best for the future Lynda

I think there will be a lot of stuff going on in the background that we don't know about - it's this way with everything...politics and money rule! No-one is going to stick their heads above the parapet and say publicly if they think they'll lose their credibility and their jobs.

Thanks Robert for your kind thoughts. My mum got over it quickly but my dad was the one who suffered. I'm pretty certain I know which vaccine you are alluding to and my thoughts on that are similar too. I feel that an entirely different health message should be being promoted and not that all their concerns will be alleviated by having an injection. I used to work with older people who were denied medication which had been proven to slow down the progression of dementia. It made me angry that this sector of the population (in Scotland) were being denied a medication that was proven to help an older person have a better quality of life for longer when another sector of the population were having money thrown at them to be given a medication which was not proven to have much (if any)long-term benefit and a young woman died from taking it. Of course, voicing this meant that I was asked 'So, you would put your own daughter at risk by not allowing her to have this?'. It's not that I'm against this vaccine per se, it's because the cause of the problem needs to be addressed, it doesn't just need a medication for people to feel they have carte blanche to treat their own bodies with disrespect.

I have to admit to being a bit rubbish at cleaning my teeth but it's usually a case that I can't be bothered. I normally only brush once a day, normally at night. I do like the feeling of nice clean teeth and I have to use Sensodyne now that my teeth are quite sensitive but as has been said before, when my mood is low then I'm not so bothered about my nashers. Both my pregnancies loosened my teeth and caused fillings to fall out (and I have a few and mostly mercury ones I got virtually every visit to the dentist when I was a kid). I had to have root canal treatment after both children were born and had to endure toothache until I had stopped breastfeeding as they won't do the treatment incase it affects the baby through the milk. I've eventually got a local NHS dentist and an approachable and honest one at that. Nice!

In November or December 2011 my parents both received their yearly flu vaccinations. They are both advised to have these shots as my dad has serious heart problems and my mum has asthma. After they had their vaccinations they both became very unwell, my dad more so than my mum. He spent much of last January either in bed or stuck in the house. It started with 'flu' symptoms with aching joints and pounding headaches and then the way he described it was that he was 'revisiting' every injury he'd had in his life from sprained wrists to broken toes. He then got the terrible itchy rash he had been having on and off for a year beforehand quite badly and was driven mad by it. He was back and forward to the GP all last year and not until the end of the year was he taken seriously and he was referred to a specialist for tests. It turns out that he has something called Sweet Syndrome and they are currently trying to figure out the 'type' he has. It may be that his medication, vaccinations or a viral infection have contributed to this condition. Although it was never confirmed (there's a surprise!), many people in my parent's town fell seriously ill after their flu vaccinations in Nov or Dec 2011 and there was 'talk' that it was a 'faulty batch' which was withdrawn quickly. It's likely that my dad has had Sweet Syndrome for quite some time but then he has been having these shots for years too! Tell me, what exactly is a 'faulty batch'?.

These are my feelings also. There was a time when I would have said that anyone who was against vaccinations were putting their own children and other children at risk and it wasn't that long ago. Then I had my second child and I had to make a decision; would I vaccinate her or not? More specifically, would I let her have the MMR? It was a difficult decision to make but I based my decision NOT to vaccinate her on an interesting book I read; ''The Truth about Vaccines - How we are used as Guineapigs without knowing it' by Richard Halvorsen as well as the view of two mums I know who do feel that their children were somehow 'vaccine damaged'. This book remains on the market and the author has never been sued for what he is written. He cites information obtained under the Freedom of Information Act about meetings held behind closed doors between polititians, pharmaceutical companies and the World Health Organisation and provides evidence of discussions where various scientists or doctors express concerns about the effectiveness of various vaccinations or lack of long-term studies of health or vaccination benefits. The author remains a practicing doctor who provides single vaccines and provides advice on which vaccines may benefit children on an individual basis dependant on the child's own health history and health history of family members. His view is that a small amount of children MAY be more likely to develop autism (and I stress MAY) if they have asthma, excema or hay-fever or have had recurrent coughs, colds and ear infections or have family members who have diabetes, MS or thyroid disease. He believes that vaccination plays it's part in providing health benefits but that 'herd immunity', especially with certain vaccines is a myth and that 'boosters' have been introduced as some of these vaccines have been found to provide much less vaccination protection than thought when they were initially introduced. Hence, being used as 'Guineapigs' because quite literally, a lot of 'proof' of effectiveness is based on spin and simply getting the general public to believe that spin.

Hi Donaghs It's perfectly understandable that you are finding this all very new and strange. As it stands, the criteria for Aspergers is that the person will be of average to above average intelligence with 'normal' speech development. I put normal in inverted commas because in fact, people who have an ASD will usually have peculiarities in their speech but develop speech at around the normal time. In fact, some children may speak more quickly and in more complex sentences than their peers at an earlier age. Some children can 'mask' many of the difficulties of an ASD by developing coping strategies and camouflaging techniques from an early age. I was one of them and my son is another. Those difficulties can include understanding and following verbal instructions, specific learning difficulties and sensory sensitivities. Behaviour can however 'give away' the difficulties the person is experiencing and can include aggression, oppositional behaviour and even being extremely well behaved so as to not draw attention to confusion. Some of the behaviour you attribute to ADHD may be in fact related to ASD or be what is classed as a comorbid condition. Being extremely active for instance may indicate hypo-sensitivity to movement or be anxiety related. It can only be a good thing to understand why your child acts and reacts in the way that they do. Even though your son is bright it will probably be very helpful to understand how he learns and how he experiences his world. Good Luck Lynda

Autism is thought to be a mixture of genetics and environmental factors. In some families there may be more of a genetic component and in others there may not be any (or not obvious) genetic component, while other people may be autistic but their autism may be a mixture of genetics and environmental factors. Both my parents have a lot of autistic traits and one or both of them may be on the spectrum - they both did the online 'Aspie Test' and scored highly. My sister and brother may both be on the spectrum but having discussed this with my sister she has said that she has enough problems as it is so doesn't want to know (reverse logic, I know!!). Her daughter is currently tippy-toe walking, sleeps badly, screams a lot, is only interested in Peppa Pig, shows no interest in playing with other children and has a profound fear of men with beards. Another niece is highly anxious, plays 'boy' games, has a huge interest in playing chess, has a severe speech impediment and dyslexia. Hmmm! See a pattern emerging? I get very frustrated when my mum laughs about their 'funny' ways but I just have to keep my mouth shut now. If you put my daughter and my sister's daughter in the same room together, the differences between them are startling. My daughter loves attention, points, pouts, understands simple emotions and I can see the beginnings of manipulation because she knows she can get her own way. My sister's daughter constantly frowns or avoids your gaze, trips over and bangs into the doorframe, whinges if you go near her and wriggles out of your grasp if you cuddle her.

I think documenting incidents is a very good idea. If you think your boss is in some way bullying or harrassing you (and being very picky comes into this category in my book) then if you are able to keep a record of things they say to you or actions they take that you think are unfair and fall outwith what is in your work contract you can at least seek some advice in the first instance. There are many times looking back when I was treated differently to colleagues and in retrospect I realise this was a form of bullying. I was experiencing other forms of bullying at the same time, so often 'pickiness' didn't seem important at the time however, like any form of bullying, it erodes your self confidence and makes you question your abilities. Before it gets to that point, it is probably sensible to be proactive!

I personally can't see what you did wrong. It sounds ike you covered all the bases to me. I think that the only reason you would need to apologise to your colleague would be that your decision caused her some concern. If your manager was off sick, was there someone else you could have told or does she accept calls at home when she is off sick? I can't see too many bosses who would be happy with you doing this. You need to check what the procedure would be next time - it sounds very picky to me.

I wish I could have written that wonderful reply Mannify! My parents have been very involved in my children's lives. From the start, I wanted my children to forge good relationships with their grandparents so there are regular visits to and forth. My parents will visit here and stay over and since my little boy was a baby we have had days and overnights there too (although not so frequently since my daughter was born). I gave permission to my mum to discipline and direct in my absence to ensure consistency - I am lucky in that we have a similar stance on this but my mum and I have also spoken at length about my son's difficulties and needs and the various approaches we use. It is an ongoing partnership to keep them updated about this. I view it in much the same way as my partnership with my son's teacher. My husband's family also have some involvement in my children's life but they live much further away in the South of England. My children's aunt in particular visits during the year and takes a keen interest in doing activities with the children (my son in particular) that I may not have time or the patience to do. She makes cakes and engages him in playing with toys which I can find frustrating to do as he has limited interest. I used to find it hard to see her doing things with him because it made me feel less of a mum but I have come to realise she has different skills which are benefitting both my children. As my son attends school and attends activities with school friends on weekends, I have not followed up getting additional help or respite but this is available locally. An exception to this is that I have a meeting organised with a social worker shortly with the view to him being referred for a twice-monthly special needs children's club (age 5 upwards) which runs 10 - 4 on Saturdays. I know both of the women who are in charge of both groups so feel confident he would be in safe hands. There are all sorts of things that they teach the kids and it is also a form of respite for parents. You are doing a great job. It's difficult being a mum and you have 4 which in itself must be exhausting. Try to get all the help you can - it doesn't make you less of a mum, it makes you a better parent because you are getting the chance to take a step back now and again to recharge your batteries.

Your best bet is to speak to your HV. This isn't something that is freely advertised. The form is a long one (up here anyway - aren't they always!) and part of the process is to have the child physically examined. Just a word of warning and hopefully it isn't the case where you are....!! up here, they deliberately offer smaller sizes than a child of 4/5 would wear or adult sizes only and no pull ups - very helpful, hmmm? but obviously designed to put people off applying. A mum I know used to take a binbag full of free nappies which didn't fit her child every month to a car boot sale to make money to buy the size she actually needed. If Jack is a similar size to my son he was in size 6's from 3 yrs old. They can be up to all the tricks so good luck!! I also know someone who has been able to get nappies from the States for their 6 yr old and by all accounts they get the costs reimbursed so there are other ways and means. I have predominantly used night-time trainers (age 4-7) for my son for around a year as size 6's were almost cutting off the circulation!

I feel for you - that is hard! My son is 5 and not fully toilet trained. He was fully out of nappies during the day for wees at around 4 1/2 but he still wears nappies in the evening because he refuses to do a poo in the toilet. It was very tough and very upsetting towards the end of 2011 and last year we eased off and he became interested in peeing standing up with consistent (but frustrating) prompting. It was such a relief when finally he could go to the toilet to pee but he has not got a very good idea of when he needs to go until he is quite desperate sometimes! This fluctuates and he can have little awareness when he is quite focused on other activities. He can be jiggling around for ages before he is persuaded to go. The same applies to pooing too. He won't go at any other time but in the evening (sometimes in the morning but not during the day) so he can really act up when he is needing through the day if he didn't 'go' the night before. I don't think he recognises the 'signs' that he is needing but he has not lost control in the bath because I think he has good bladder and sphincter control. It may be that your wee boy doesn't. It might be worth getting him physically checked out because there may be a physical reason that he is going in the bath and doesn't realise he is going to. It might also be worth asking about free nappies if you haven't already. In Scotland (or at least in our area) you can apply for free nappies through the NHS. I did fill in the paperwork but now we are down to the maximum of 2 nappies per day (one in the evening and one during the night) we didn't proceed. You can also get toileting advice. My son refuses to sit on the toilet, sitting forward with his feet on a step so he falls backwards down the loo and he gets stressed out following direction to hold onto the heater and the bath which would give him good balance. His bum is too big for all the trainer seats and has been for a long time! I really don't know how we proceed.... However, there normally comes a time when there is a 'window of opportunity' to do things and this will likely happen with your lad and mine but continuous prompting is still needed!

I have to say that these are my thoughts exactly. I find it exasperating that I am trying to teach my son good manners and to be well-behaved and in the minds of those not on the spectrum, they do not equate politeness and good behaviour with autism. Early intervention is the byword in teaching autistic children and I and other adults I have spoken to have said that they had strict upbringings with clear rules and boundaries - this I think was our 'early intervention'. I believe strongly in the plasticity of the brain and that the more it is 'exercised', just like any other muscle, the more the person learns from a very early age and I think this is the philosophy behind 'early intervention'. I can never get my head around the fact that professionals/others cannot contemplate that this type of learning cannot have the same or similar results by being 'informal', within the context of the family rather than something that is in the domain of the 'experts'. I think this is why us adults are just not really taken seriously because how can we learn our own strategies and ways of coping which are now only being 'discovered' by those experts? It's like they think it is not really possible. I think children in general these days are cosseted and pampered, given all they want when they want it. They can go to bed when they like, eat when they like and pretty much say what they like and challenge authority with little reproach. You are right, if my child acts up then it's automatically assumed that he's a spoiled brat and if he behaves very well and even more well-mannered than other children his age then he's not that autistic. It's a catch-22 really.

'The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome' Tony Attwood 'Aspergirls' Rudy Simone '22 Things a Woman with Asperger's wants her Partner to Know' Rudy Simone and a few more but these are the main ones.

My brother is dyslexic and struggled all the way through school. When he went to school, the term 'dyslexia' had only started being used and my mum was convinced he had it but no-one would listen to her and she was told to her face by one particular teacher that my brother was thick and there was no point in teaching him. My mum persevered and researched and in time took my brother to a specialist where all sorts of practical suggestions were made for him to be able to read and learn better. By this time though my brother had given up on formal education in huge part because of teachers' attitudes towards him and being bullied by his peers and to my knowledge has no qualifications at all to date. He never put any of the suggestions into practice and used his special glasses (tinted lenses in a colour which would make reading easier) as sunglasses. My son is not dyslexic but 25 years later, hearing that the local primary school with the special unit attached has a very dismissive view of the importance of teaching dyslexic children to suit their learning problems I had huge reservations about sending him there. He is autistic but if they can say that assessing for dyslexia is 'unimportant' and that it is simply 'a label the child doesn't need' when it will affect every aspect of that child's school experience, how little understanding will they potentially have of an autistic child's learning style, sensory problems or different way of thinking? Smiley, there are practical solutions now to help people with dyslexia. I believe you would be able to get some help and you could ask your support staff about this. The first step would be to be assessed properly to know for sure how to proceed.

My son roughly pushed his sister over today, banging her head off the floor about 3 times. The second and third time it happened he was put to his room immediately. I told him I was unhappy with him and knocking his sister over was very bad. He was upset and no doubt a bit confused but I felt it was important he had to connect the 'punishment' (being put to his room) with what he had done. This happens from time to time. He seems to like doing this for some reason - I think he likes the look on her face when she falls over. When she starts to cry I explain that crying means that he has made his sister upset/sad. When he cries because he is being chastised I tell him that he is crying because he is upset/sad. I wouldn't worry too much about the 'empathy' issue at this point although I know this may be hard to do. I find it fascinating that my (just) two year old is commenting when she hears her doll cry or sees someone cry on TV that they are sad and she looks sad too when she says it. I don't remember being like that. There were two seperate occasions when I was considerably older than my son or Jack (at around 8 and again at 13) when my sister was extremely upset; on one occasion because she hurt herself and it had had the potential to be a serious accident and the other occasion was when something happened to her which could have potentially killed her. On the first occasion I became angry with her because she was 'interrupting' me and the second time she cried all night and I couldn't sleep so I kept telling her to shut up. Looking back, I used to wonder how on earth I could have been so callous but I just didn't 'connect the dots' - I had no real notion about how serious those situations actually were. The thing is, my first reaction to someone else's upset may not necessarily still be what would be the 'norm' (although I would argue that I am much more 'empathetic' than I ever used to be) so I can't really expect my 5 year old to act in a typical way when he's not a typical person. Any understanding of the hurt he may have caused or an empathetic reaction to his sister's tears may not be forthcoming for some time but what I can do is develop a 'framework' for him to build his understanding of different situations on and to realise what is acceptable and what is not. I can explain to him 'cause and effect'. Good ways to treat his sister are to take her hand, give her a hug, say 'Thank you' to her and bad ways to treat his sister are pushing her over, pinching her or banging a toy off her head. If he laughs when he 'ought' to cry, I do an exaggerated 'sad' face and tell him I am sad. If he can't tell by my expression that I am annoyed with him, I tell him I am annoyed with him. Jack is probably very thrown by this unstructured time as is my son. I took both my children out yesterday, even though my daughter is still struggling with the cold, to a soft play area to expend some energy. Today, my daughter's cold came back full force so we were stuck indoors again and so my son was more bored and found the unstructured time more difficult. However, we keep other routines reasonably in place during holidays...mealtimes and bedtime routine remains at around the same time.

That's very sad news. I'm sure you'll be there for your sister at this difficult time as it must have been such a shock. <'>

I think that you have committed yourself to fulfilling a dream for your friend which is a truly selfless thing. However, you are very young (I am by no means putting you down or questioning your abilities, it is simply a fact) and this is a very big responsibility. I think you need to sit down with your friend and discuss all the nitty-gritty details of your trip including the reservations you have expressed here. Insurance cover is probably quite a big consideration. I organised a trip for my parents and my dad having had two heart bypasses was not entertained by all but one insurance company. I wouldn't completely rule out insurance until you check with all the companies (I'll let you know the name of the one we used if I remember). Your trip is one you are taking out of love and respect for a friend but I think all the practicalities need to be thrashed out well in advance and you need to have extra cash or means of getting hold of some for contingencies.

Sorry to hear you had a bad Christmas Sally and absolutely get where you're coming from. That conversation took place a couple of times last year in this house too. It's not easy but it probably does clear the air if you can only just get past the argument. Glad to hear you are back on speaking terms now! I think I would have been hacked off if my husband had fallen asleep and burnt the dinner too...it's not like it's an important meal is it? Smiley, I think withdrawal is quite a common 'coping strategy'. I've certainly done it for a very long time. With regards to the meal, I would possibly have gone for a short while and then made my excuses before they went on for a drink. If you were to sit to one end of the table and not in the middle there are less people to speak to. I do understand your reticence though as it can be very daunting. When I was 20 I attended a wedding and the dinner was in a very small room. I went to the loo feeling quite ill and then had such a horrible hot flush that I was drenched head to toe and had to leave. I now recognise that it was a type of panic reaction but at the time I had absolutely no idea what had happened to me. I say this to you because over time you will start to recognise the signs that you are struggling in different situations and then this may alleviate some of the 'anticipation' anxiety. I'm not feeling as bad as I did this morning. I've got a horrible sense that it'll be a bit of a rollercoaster for a while.

I'm sorry this is such a negative post. Smiley, don't feel bad about commenting. I don't always feel like this and you won't always either. It's so hard when you are smack bang in the middle of it though - you can feel like you can never get out of it and it can take a lot of effort and determination to get to the top again. I always picture myself like I'm right at the bottom of a well or a pit (a bit like in the movie 'The Ring' but without the creepy girl...lol) and I am clinging to the side, slowly inching my way up towards the light. I agree with Matzoball to though Smiley that you do need help (I'm thinking about the meds here) and I probably do too. I do appreciate what you say too SA as I know how hard it is and it's so difficult to know 'for sure' if your perception is distorted or things really are as they appear. I'll just take it as an omen for the coming year that my oven gave up the ghost in the middle of preparing New Year's dinner when I got up the oomph to bother. What fun and games are in store for me this year? I'm trying to be positive but this morning I was thinking about the logistics involved in just 'disappearing' and starting again. My husband persuaded me to ask my neighbour for the use of her oven to finish cooking which she agreed to. I've spoken to her a lot about my son and my own situation because she has actually asked - she was the person who asked me 1 1/2 yrs ago how I was as I didn't seem 'right' - and she has remained interested in what ASD is about. It always gets to the point though that yet again I start being very paranoid about what she is thinking about me too (but not as paranoid as with other people). She reckons that if anyone was avoiding me or thinking badly about me that she would know. She reckons that it is simply my fuddled state of mind that is dictating those perceptions. My take is that people wouldn't go out of their way to say anything to her about this as they know that we talk quite a lot. Is it just all in my head?

It's New Year and I don't feel happy. In fact, I feel quite miserable. For the last 2 years, I've tried to raise awareness about what autism is for people to understand how to relate to my little boy and for people to understand that it can be a 'hidden' disability and that us girls can have it too. I was too outspoken from the start. I was too enthusiastic. I thought I could challenge perceptions and stereotypes and that people in RL would actually listen. However, it's all backfired. I'm not believed. I'm seen as being an attention-seeker and now that I'm in full-on withdrawal mode, simply cold and horrible. My son's not that autistic because people KNOW what autistic is, after all they've seen Rainman and there are other kids in the town who DEFINITELY have autism and compared to them my kid is obviously not. As for me, I'm talking rubbish because again, I don't LOOK autistic and everyone's quite clearly intelligent enough based on next-to-no actual knowledge on the subject that I'm talking rubbish. I'm sick of all the posts on FB (yes, that's a lot of the trouble) where autistic children are 'angels'or 'treasure at the end of the rainbow' or some other equally nauseating description with mums responding saying things like 'My child is an angel with wings' or other variations on the theme. No. Having autism is damn hard work a lot of the time and parenting a child with autism can be damn hard work too. I'm sick of the posts which say that THIS YEAR in 2013 they pray that people will understand what autism is. Everyone supports those posts, everyone 'likes' them because after all everyone wants to be seen to support such a worthy cause. Still, no-one listens and no-one wants to understand. A few days ago, a local woman killed herself and no-one had any idea before she did it that she was in such turmoil she would jump in front of a train. There's been a huge outpouring of grief for her. I've tried to tell people how difficult my life has been and particularly about recent times. Is it preferable that someone just kills themselves and everyone remembers the 'wonderful' person they were when they were still blissfully ignorant (not that anyone would think I was wonderful)? Because whenever I reach out, I feel that I just manage to push people away because they really don't want to know. How much more explicit can I be? 'I'm considering going back on the happy pills because I feel quite depressed, my emotions are yo-yoing and December is an extremely difficult time for me'. Response (not literally been said): 'Oh that's a shame. You're obviously just an attention-seeker. We'll just calmly walk the opposite direction now.' Seriously, I'd have to laugh or I'd cry. Actually no. I'll just cry.

I've been thinking recently that I should have been born in a different time. I think in general that a lot of us wouldn't have nearly the amount of problems we have if we only had a village store and a butchers to choose from like a century ago, we lived with the same people all our lives who put up with our quirks and perhaps valued our forthrightness, we were not expected to be able to drive, work a hundred different gadgets and study a huge variety of subjects all at one time and we had to work hard just to have a simple diet and clothe ourselves with a very small selection of clothes.