keepingmesane

hi all, im needing a little help and advice regards to potty training. Kieran and Jasmine are 3 1/2, i haven't pushed to get them to use the potty as they dont seem ready but im getting badgered a lot by family that they are ready and that i should push them. the nursery are fine with how they are and are happy to wait til they do it themselves. i have two slightly different situations and thought i would ask if anyone has been through this? Kieran knows when he is wet or has poo'ed but in general isnt too bothered about it. some days he will come to me as soon as he has weed or had a poo and wants changing immediately, but most days he will just get on with it til i check on him and make him have it changed, being dirty or wet really doesnt bother him most of the time. he has brief interest in the potty and the toilet but only to sit on for two seconds. he has never told me before he is going to do anything. his language is ok but a little behind for his age. i have tried him in pants and with nothing on to get him to know when he goes but he just looks a little shocked and has lately taken to splashing and playing in his wee if i dont get there quick enough . im inclined to just leave him a little longer without worrying about it as it may be part of his asd that he just doesnt get it yet??? he is high functioning and a very smart little boy but it doesnt seem to extend to this area. Jasmine is a very difficult little girl to know what to do. she has mild right hemiplegia so is a little awkward on her right side but is also being assessed for other difficulties... poss asd but no one will say yet. she understands the potty and once did a poo on it (she told me she had a stinky bum and when i checked she was clean so i asked her to sit on the potty and she did!, i praised her like mad and she got to flush the toilet, a treat here!). we did have an attempt at potty training a month ago and she wee'd twice in sucsession on the potty. i really thought she had got it but the very next day she sat on the potty and kept asking me to turn the water on she genuinely did not seem to understand that she does the wee. she is like that at times... things go in but dont stay for long. she doesnt know if she is going to wee and is only interested in the potty as an excitement type thing. she sits on then jumps off again proclaiming she has done a wee! i have tried getting her to sit on the potty for longer but she wont no matter what i do, she is always on the go (a very dizzy little girl! always flying from one thing to the next and getting so overexcited or really really upset and we can never tell the triggers) most of the time she knows she is dirty and sometimes wet when she has just weed and before it soaks into the nappy, but she too can be quite happy running around in a dirty nappy until i check. i try her fairly often with the potty but with no pressure. the potties are around at all times (have tried the big toilet too but no different) they have a friend who is younger that is potty trained and they often follow him to the toilet so do get to see what they should be doing, same with nursery... but it just doesnt sink in jas is a VERY strong character and hard to get her to do anything she doesnt want, even the nursery and professionals struggle with her my feelings are to leave them a little longer as its a fight i dont think i will win. should i be pushing them like my parents think? taking them to the toilet at regular intervals doesnt do anything except stress (kieran) or excite (jas) them. i would really like to hear how other people have gotten on with potty training special needs children as all the other people i know havent gone through anything like this, their children just seemed to fall into it eventually, but all at a maximum age of 3ish

thanks for the replies so far i always thought jas was fine as she was so social, in fact too social in my view, she is always in peoples face right up to their noses! screaming and really overexcited whenever other children are around i had a lot of difficulties through high school, i was fine in primary as it was ok to be friends with boys and to be a messy tomeboy but as it got to highschool i was ecpected to be dolling up and looking good and interested in boys etc... and all my male friends disappeared as i wasnt a girly girl. i still to this day get shunned by all females as i just cant understand why they want to dress in the coldest and most uncomfortable clothes. i also cant keep friendships up and am very introverted... still dont know where jas gets her bouncyness from. i just wish i could help her more though as she struggles a lot with her emotions and understanding funny thing is that ive noticed how much i ask people if they are ok (i think because i can never actually tell) as my children are constantly asking "are you ok?" to each other and strnagers im lucky that the nursery are very supportive and are pushing for jas to be looked at, her paed and other professionals tell me she is like she is as she has an autistic brother, even though her behaviours are similar they are very different how and when they show

kieran shows a lot of classic type signs of autism and was fairly quickly picked up by the paed and everyine who meets him. i have been told that there is a strong possibility that jas is also asd but that its much much harder to get a dx of asd in girls. is that true? Jas shows quite a few similar things to kieran but becuase she is so strong willed and can put a very outgoing confident front on, its hard to see her difficulties. its only people like her nursery who have spent a lot of time with her that can see the difficulties that she has. she appears to go along as any normal child but in actual fact is either playing alongside, or 'at' other children.. never really 'with' them. so do girls show asd differently or is it simply a case that all children (boy or girl) are just different in their presentation?? i would be very interested in your thoughts

thanks bid for answering and for being so honest i really appreciate it

over the last few months i have been questioning myself about how i am and wondering if i am on the spectrum. my son is asd and his twin sister may also be on the spectrum, i only found out last year and until then never knew anything about asd. ive always been odd compared to my peers and have found things difficult but got on with it. there is so much that has always been odd/weird/unusual about me the problem i am finding now is that if i say to people that i am wondering if i am asd i get told i cant be as im normal and manage social situations etc so well, but a lot of it is learnt and put on as i ifind i get more attention if i dont try to fit in and i hate being looked at. or i get the reaction that i am making it up to fit my children and its a fad i told my mum and dh a while ago and they just pretty much dismissed it as not important and i was daft to even consider it.. but after talking more with dh and telling him a lot of things ive kept quiet, he agrees i prob am asd. it took a lot but the other week my mum also agreed with me that im most likely asd. she has always said i was a nightmare child and very difficult and the professionals didnt know what to do with me, my mum got a lot of blame on her because of how i was. im stuck between wanting to find out for definate to know that its not all in my head, or to just ignore it as usual and get on with life. i got my doc to refer me to a private hospital so i could see someone about whether i was or not (nhs is way too long wait) but got a letter back yesterday that they have set up appts for cognitive behavioural therapy which i know is no use to me as im generally a very positive person (ive had M.E since 2000 so know about CBT through that) im not paying �90 a session for a completely pointless task! i guess what im asking is what reception did you get from people when you said you thought you may be asperger/asd? who did you see if you did go for official/unofficial diagnosis? what began your thoughts that you may be asd any help would be appreciated. feeling quite at a loss

hi all and sorry to not post very often, never sem to get time. my son kieran was dx asd last year and in dec i was made aware that his twin sister is also very likely to be asd, she is undergoing all the assessments now. as i learned more about asd it became quite obvious that dh is most likely aspergers and that i myself have always struggled with things, its almost like seeing myself watching and hearing what my children are doing. i am in the process of going to see a professional to talk about me possibly being on the spectrum. my mum has always said i was incredibly difficult as a child, always in my own world (the doctors thought i had a severe hearing loss but this was proved wrong when my dad rattled some sweet papers, i have a high frequency hearing loss but nothing that really affects me, i just tend to shut off) i always played in the corner on my own, have always been difficult with eating, especially to this day. horrendous tantrums and so much more. i was said to be incredibly shy and would never come out from behind my dads legs. as i got a bit older i was generally ok through primary but found high school incredibly difficult and would do anything to stay off. anyway, my mum has always told me not to be daft even thinking about being on the spectrum, i was just difficult (lots of other people refused to look after me and the professionals didnt know what to do so blamed it all on my mum) my dh and i go to a webster stratton group with an asd element in it, on sat morns. it has been really hitting a raw nerve with me listening to the other mums talking about their children as it sounds so familiar. i have alway known i was odd compared to others but didnt think nothing of it so to hear others describing the same really is quite difficult. dh and i were discussing things in the car on the way back to see my mum who had the children, we were still discussing it when we got home and dh said it was very likely that im on the spectrum and my mum said yes definately. im very surprised that my mum has now said this, feeling a little confused about it all as ive been trying to fight myself and ignore what i thought. i am so desperate to talk to someone about evrything that has gone on in my life, my thoughts and my feelings and not to be told im just an oddball and to get used to it im sorry, doubt this post makes sense, im just feeling confused and all over the place.

I am mum to four great children whom i love very much. my b/g twins (kieran and jasmine) are 3 and both are special needs, my son is autistic spectrum and my daughter is mild right hemiplegia. i also have a 20 month old little boy and a five month old little girl my son was diagnosed this year after his differences were noticed by our hv when we moved into the area last october, it came out the blue as we thought he was just a little slower in developing. my daughter had a cranial bleed at a week old and we had spent the first two years of her life watching to see how it had affected her, we are lucky that she is very mild and can manage almost everything K and J started at an integrated nursery in oct and it is a wonderful place which has very knowledgeable and supportive staff. We used to go to an opportuniy group at the nursery on a tues afternoon from april, so that the staff could get to know the children and so that k and j got used to them. i often spoke to the staff about the struggles i was having with k and was worried how he would settle at nursery only to be told that it was j they were more worried about, the nursery could see how to work with k but j was more of a problem, she would fly from toy to toy and would beraly speak only screaming in joy and squeeling if a child tried to take a toy. so when they started nursery they were put in seperate classes to try and allow them to be themselves and to also see how much of an influence k's behaviour was having on j. its now near the end of the term and j has actually got worse whilst k has really settled fantastically with the routine. i spoke to the senco at the nursery again today and they want to refer j to the educational psychologist, as they are having real difficulty with her. i am ok with this and i agree but its the fact that the nursery have said they have never had any child like jas before and dont know whats going on, this bothers me as the nursery was the first integrated nursery in the UK (its 50 years old) and they have had so many children with special needs there and the staff are very experienced. its very hard to describe whats going on with jas. they have said that she is very emotionally vulnerable. she is massively up and down... high as a kite and ecstatic over very small things but then she also gets incredibly upset and distraut and the nursery cant find the triggers at all and never know when it will happen or why she suddenly changes. they have said she has difficulty interacting with other children, we have seen that she gets so excited with other children about and jsut runs and screams, she has a set couple of phrases that she says to children which is her way of interacting with them but it doesnt work. she does rattle away and is very sociable, loves people to the point she will happily 'adopt' an adult and would just walk off with them if i werent watching. she notices small details and gets wrapped up in them often before seeing the bigger picture, we spent ages trying to show her an aeroplane hung above us on a ceiling in a building and it took ages for her to see it (there was nothing else there and we are talking about a real life size aeroplane). she is imaginative (well i thought she was) but the nursery have said that she isnt really and gets stuck on set details (i.e putting dolly to bed constantly)and wont really draw all she does is scribble a few times but has no interest in doing a picture, she spends ages playing in the water. also she cant be drawn away from things, if she sees the next activity or if someone is doing something she wants to do then it is incredibly difficult to get her to move on away from it. Jas requires that adults are by her all the time and she has no sense of danger at all, she would walk away with anyone so i have to watch her constantly whenever we are out. her speech and understanding are also being assessed at the moment and we will find out the outcome on mon. we know that she has a lot of difficulty joing words and sentences together and she still babbles quite a lot although she is very chatty and we generally understand her. the senco has said that Jas is a lovely bouncy girl and carries an air of being a very happy and comfortable child, which is why whenever she has been assessed or people have been there to help, they never see any of the problems.. you have to peel away a few layers to see how she really is which is why things are only being spotted now. at home she is comfortable so doesnt show much but whenever she is in a newer situation it is becoming very obvious. when jas started nursery she was having horrendous tantrums that would go on for 20 mins or more and had to have a constant adult with her. her temper is much better now she understands there are bounderies but now she has switched to becoming very upset at times instead im confused by whats going on and saddened by it all. we spent the first two years trying to deal with jasmines problems, only to then find that kieran was having problems and now that he is sorted for now and settled its another big shock to find out that jas is an 'unknown' again. the nursery wants whats best and want to get a statement and to get help for jas as they feel that she would really struggle at school. luckily my twins are at the nursery for two years before going to school so we hope that they will be more settled by then. has anyone had similar with their child? im staying optamistic and hoping that it is something that she will grow out of but im so tired with all thats gone on and just wish it would settle soon My 20 month old wakes most nights and has a lot of difficult behaviours learnt from his brother which adds to the stress i've had it suggested (plus there are things that i can plainly see) that she is on the spectrum, but she is so different to kieran and things like the timeline dont work much for her (sometimes they are fine but if she gets stuck on something she just doesnt back down) i would appreciate any words of experience i feel like a ###### mum and feel like im constantly wondering if my other two children are ASD, isaac at 20 months old shows several things but it could just be copying. lauren refused eye contact for over 3 months and still cant really laugh or giggle which is exactly what kieran was like as a baby. she is happy and smiley for me now but so was kieran i have a meeting at the nursery on mon morn to find out more, sign papers to refer jas on and to find out the results of the speech assessment. i feel like ive time warped back a year as this is almost exactly where we started with kieran im tired of watching for things and wondering if it is normal, and yet its what im supposed to do to be able to tell the professionals what they are like at home. i just dont know whats normal or not anymore so i tend to shrug my shoulders now out of sheer mental exhaustion

wow, how did you get that! have a good holiday wherever you go

(((hugs))) that is very similar to what happened with dd1. she was only 11 months old but we were in and out of hosp for two weeks, they eventually did a small op to drain the infection from her left hip and found that she had septic arthritis.. all due to a virus she was fine almost straight away and has no lasting problems

ive seen a lot of you mention social stories to help your as/asd child can you please tell me what exactly they are, what topics they cover, from what age etc? i know kieran is prob too young to understand them being only 3 but we are having a lot of difficulty with him being too heavy handed and physical (he badly bruised my ribs a few weeks ago during a melt down) also some other things that he doesnt understand arent really acceptable.. would social stories help that? sorry for the daft question but want to help him understand more

i post on a baby board and it was the first place i heard of this article... several mums posted terrified that their child would become autistic as they had the tv on when the baby was around... we're talking about 12 week old babies. i wish the media would think before publishing as it causes so much unecessary worry and stress. i thank the tv because my son learned to talk, sign, count and sing various songs, he is such a visual learner and it did wonders for him!!! what next i wonder.. its in the water, in the air, its the sun

thanks for the responses and many thanks tally for the book list, have just ordered them its actually me who is ending the marriage as i just cant pretend anymore and find things too difficult, i have tried to be 'normal' for so long that it has just majorly depressed me and from the day i came clean with my husband i have felt so much better. we are still good friends and still live together but basically i now need and want to understand myself better and come up with ways to cope that dont mean my wellbeing suffers from it im not actually after the actual dx, i just want to talk to someone and find out how i can adapt thanks again

i have always known i am very different to anyone i have ever met but have tried my best to 'conform' and be 'normal' in the last couple of months i have had a sort of clarity that i want to understand why i am the way i am and some things are similar to what i have seen in my son (dx asd) and the brief bits of information i have read i would like to see someone to try and analyse me but dont know who i would see, is a counsellor or a psychologist better? whats the difference? ive been told the waiting list is massive and runs into the years befire i will get seen so im willing to go the private route to try and fathom things out fairly quickly my marriage is breaking down as i simply cant cope with the physical side at all (there are loads of issues but this is the main one) are there any books out there that would be worth a read for me? all the ones i have seen seem to be about aspergers rather than asd any thoughts would be welcome

thanks for all your thoughts kieran and jasmine are away this week coming with my family so i hope to get the room finished then, im going to be doing a beach mural on one wall and plain colours on the other. i will add his characters as he adores looking at them all (i think he finds it claming to look at them) will try and post pics when im done

hi i also suffer from M.E so you have my sympathies on that one. one of my twins is autistic spectrum and my husband is suspected aspergers welcome to the board, its a really supportive place

my b/g twins (kieran and jasmine) are 3 in oct and rather than buy them toys (of which they have more than is decent!) we are decorating their room to get it finished off .we moved here in oct last year but due to my M.E, being pg and my sons asd showing and getting dx we havent done much to the house. i paint childrens name plates and do murals (well did prior to kiddies) and was thinking of doing a couple of nice murals in their room. one wall a seaside, one underwater, one a jungle and the other a fairytale land with various favourite characters throughout (and an ability to add others when they are in favour) kierans obsession is dvds and he rejoices in spotting characters whenever we are out, even ones that he has not seen the film of he remembers the names from the adverts on the dvd. kieran is high functioning and very intelligent. the reason why i am posting is to ask peoples opinions of parents to older children with asd. i know each child is different but just want a general thought to this before i put in time and energy i dont really have to waste would a lot of detail be too much for a person with asd? do you think he would he find it overpowering, its not a small room by any means. i know that they will prob be bored of it in a couple of years so will have to change it again anyway. i guess im just not that sure what asd entails, what its effect really is as my son is still very young (and second son is under watch as well) and he is not always very good at communicating any thoughts welcome and sorry for waffling but thats what sleep deprivation does!

lisa ((( ))) is there anything i can do to help?? i know im not near you but so wish i could be there to support you you have so much going on and im not surprised how you are feeling, ive felt similar over the last few weeks. you are doing a fantastic job so please dont feel guilty. im around if you want to talk thinking of you (( ))

hi all, its been a while since i last posted asking whether my son could be ASD. he first saw a consultant paed in jan when his behaviour and delays became noticeable and he was formally dx last week which is a relief in some ways to know im not imagining things. my post is to actually ask for any advice on my hubbie actually. since learning about ASD for our son, i have noticed that actually my hubbie is almost definately AS and that has been sort of confirmed by several of the health professionals involved in our sons care, it will never go any further than that as he is training to be a dentist and it wouldnt do him good to have it on record. im asking for support and advice as i am struggling so much dealing with him. he is currently obsessed with 9/11 and the truth behind it, to the point that at the beginning of the year he was absolutely hyper and not sleeping. it took a huge toll on our relationship which was already struggling. he is incredibly intelligent (as is our son) but he is useless with the day to day tasks i have stuck with him and now that i understand why he does certain things, i do give him a bit more leeway but theres only so much i can handle. we have four young children.. our b/g twins are 3 next month, b is asd and g is mild cerebral palsy, i also have a 16 month old son who is being watched for asd behaviour (though hopefully it is all just copied, only time will tell but doesnt make dealing with the problems now any easier) and a 7 week old g who is very colicky! add to all this that i suffer from M.E and have just been dx with pnd so am now taking anti depressants. my main stress is my hubbie, he doesnt really help although he is trying slightly harder, he doesnt really understand anyone elses feelings so isnt always as supportive as i need and his obsession is driving me bonkers! he has got his obsession more under control again but its so frustrating to me and him does anyone have any advice on living with a partner with AS? or any recommendations on books etc ++edited as he is actually aspergers rather than asd as was first thought!++

question 1 - food in mouth we have known for a while that kieran tends to hold some food in the corner of his mouth, started at about 18 months old when he would hold a piece of orange or apple or even biscuit, but it was a fairly rare occurence. in the last couple of weeks it has got increasingly more common and we often see him with his cheek bulged out. we spoke to the occupational therapist about it and she said that maybe he didnt know it was there which would suggest he has little sensitivity in his mouth and to massage the gums regularly to try and get him some feeling back. in the last couple of days he has been coming up to me pointing at his mouth for me to empty it whenever he is given a drink or food to eat as he now wont eat unless this is gone (understandable!) but yesterday he wouldnt let me get the piece of burger out of his cheek and so barely ate or drank anything (for kieran not to drink it is extremely rare as he seems to find comfort in his drinking and can go through 10 cups of juice a day, its pretty much one of the only things he asks for and really wants) i was on my own yesterday and no matter what i tried to get this piece of food he wouldnt let me so ended up going to bed with it and me fretting all night and constantly going in and watching him to make sure he was ok. does anyone elses child do this? if so what do you do? question 2 - routines and changes kieran has never really been stuck in a routine and never bothered when his food arrived and what time he does things... but last week i went away to stay with my mum at their house in devon taking all three of my children. the week went ok but he had horrendous tantrums throughout the holiday, very similar (actually in some cases worse) to the first time they began in december, we thought we'd got it under control until the week away. on the day to come home he was like an animal possessed at several points in the day when getting him in the car and when coming out of a shop. i've never seen him like that before and it went on so long.. also i got a fair beating which when quite heavily pregnant is a worry. also, he has always been a bit of a funny eater but he has not eaten much at all since we went on holiday and still eats very little at the moment now we have been home 4 days, i used to be able to know he would have at least one decent meal a day and his drink of milk but that has changed. could all the above be simply because we had a change and went away? he is such a settled and mild boy (aside from his overly physical tendancies to all of us) at home that to see this change in him happen in such a short time when he had been progressing so fast since jan, its been a bit of a shock. we saw our consultant paed on thurs before we went and he wouldnt say what he thinks is different about kieran and to wait for the assessment in sept, so we dont really know what dx (if any) kieran will get question 3 - asking for things he doesnt actually want? sorry for this but its something that is beginning to rile my hubby. kierans twin sister jasmine is slightly better on her language and knows what she wants and likes to eat. things such as banana, apple etc are asked for when she wants them. with kieran though he asks for things and when you go to give it him he flies into a temper.. we cant work out what he actually wants as he seems so persistent and as though it is the one thing he wants in the world. is this just because he has got a word that he understands? he will literally pull us to the kitchen and ask for 'nana' etc and when we get it and try to give it him he throws himself on the floor am getting very confused with it all sorry for the long post but any help or thoughts would be greatfully received Deb kieran and jasmine 04/10/03 isaac 29/04/05 little one edd 26/07/06

good luck lisa, will be thinking of you ((( )))

hi, yes i meant he is undersensitive therefore seeks a lot more movement etc (brain not working!) ive just got my copy of more than words and am on chapter 2, its been very informative so far. thanks for all your responses, she wasnt here to dx him, but i just felt so confused with what she said as it will contradict the team when they do come to assess him. to be honest i just want to put my hands over my ears and not listen any more, im tired of all this indecision and not knowing. will just be patient and wait and see what happens! thanks again for your posts (what she said about autism is what i used to think about it, that all autistics were 'in a world of their own' and avoided most things... ive found out so much more in the last few months

we had to fill out a questionnaire for kieran and got told the results of it today and basically kieran is an over the top movement seeker (vestibular something i think, i got lost with all the terms!). not news to us as we know what he's like but what surprised me is she said he wasnt ASD as they avoid all sort of stimulation like that and that na area where kieran did ok is where it would tell if he was ASD. she did then go on to say that the questionnaire wasnt there specifically about ASD and more just sensory issues but its got my husband saying, see i knew he was ok! now ive read loads and been told that chisldren with ASD can either be over the top avoiders or seekers. she was baffled when i mentioned that kieran wont take bites and keeps cramming food in til he is sick, also holds food in his cheek all day. so after having kierans portage and educational psych tell me that he will more than likely get a dx of high functioning asd, im now confused totally by what this lady has said!

i know this is a kind of "how long is a piece of string" question but just wondering what the chance is of my 1 year old having ASD like his 2 1/2 year old brother (i have b/g twins and only the boy is ASD, my daughter is mild cerebral palsy after having a bleed when she was a week old) so far my one year old seems to be hitting all his marks and is a friendly little chap although i noticed that whenever i cough he gets very startled and scuttles across to me. my ASD son was slightly unusual from an early age but things became more noticeable from 18 months, bit worried my second son will go the same way

thanks everyone for your replies oracle, my sister had told me about the more than words book and i had been searching for it but been unsuccessful, thanks to you reminding me i then went on to find it on ebay so have a copy on its way now which i am really looking forward to reading. also, many thanks for telling me about your son as its the first time i have ever 'met' someone who has gone through similar which has been a great relief and aid in understanding our son (even helped hubby to understand it more), everytime i have asked the 'professionals' why he did this i would get no answers. lisa, i look forward to getting the potty (sure kieran and jas will find it very amusing, lol) i cant get on an early bird course yet as we havent had an official diagnosis and wont get that til sept at least... i am just finding it hard to deal with the inbetween time especially when there will be a new arrival fairly soon to add to the worries. he has had some really sweet moments today and i have sat looking at him or cuddling him and feeling guilty that i get so angry at times with his behaviour. i know he cant help how he is and most times i manage fairly well, but every now and then i cant help but dislike him which makes me feel rotten (still, i should imagine that most toddler mums feel that way, lol) thanks again for all your replies

Hi all, firstly i apologise if this post is all over the place, im exhausted with everything going on and finding it hard to get my head working. i posted a short while ago but to briefly recap my situation... i have 2 1/2 year old b/g twins (the girl is mild cerebral palsy and the boy is suspected ASD) , a 1 year old son and am expecting baby no.4 (a little girl) in july. i suffer from M.E and have done for over 6 years. i have a lovely hubby but he has quite a few problems of his own that add to my stresses i feel very guilty posting here as my son is classed as 'high functioning ASD' (so most of his support workers tell me and they are on the assessment board so im inclined to believe them) and when i see how hard most of you have it i feel so bad for writing about him. he will undergo a proper assessment in sept where he should get his dx but i have been told that he should get one no prob, also his statement is well underway and should be in place for him and his sister starting at an integrated nursery in sept. he has changed so much since january this year when he couldnt really communicate at all, wouldnt copy any noises, eye contact was abysmal and tantrums were earth shattering. since the introduction of 'something special' on dvd a few months ago we are now having words and makaton signs from him so he can now communicate a little more, and seems to have come out of himself with the help of all his support workers. we also have managed to try and avoid what we found to be the triggers of some of the tantrums. he can be a very affectionate boy and his cons paed says we are very lucky as he does try to interact with us and does want a lot of contact. in fact he physically turns our face to look at him a lot of the time and repeats things so many times (most of his language is gibberish but he does rattle away) if he laughs he will make us turn our face to him (he even did it o his sister once when they were watching a film... she was not amused!) i began to think that it was all down to speech and language problems and that things were easing with him... however i am now seeing that he has simply altered how he is. its hard to put it into words to explain what i see as most people just see him as being a 'normal' lad and its only when they spend time with him they can see a difference. the number of tantrums seem to have lessened from before but he is still very difficult when he flies into them, he is very physical now and either headbutts or flails his legs near anyone he can get to, he also charges at speed into people which can be very painful. he is a very big and strong boy for his age and i get the brunt of most of it, although now that his baby brother is crawling about, kieran tends to take it out on him a lot as well which leads to some dangerous situations meaning i can never really leave the room. he seems to get into very hyper moods a lot of the time and will think nothing to picking up an object (the heavier it is the better) and throw it. he doesnt seem to care or even notice that people can feel pain and does some very hurtful things to me and his siblings. ive tried so many approaches to calm him down but none ever seem to work, ive now had it suggested several times to make him a 'quiet spot' but i simply have nowhere to do this and feel at such a loss of what to do. he wont take bites out of food and will cram it in til he makes himself sick so i always have to cut the food up lots, he has even become very fussy about what he will eat and sometimes eats very little for several days... although he seems obsessed by having drinks of juice (he is so calm and happy when he has a drink) he wont drink out of open cups and its only lately that i finally twigged that its because he doesnt like the liquid touching his lips. i find it hard to tell what part is just normal toddler and what is not.. i just feel like maybe i have a very difficult toddler with some odd habits, and that im not handling it correctly. in january this year i easily could say that he was ASD but now i feel so guilty as he generally behaves quite well when we are out (i have been told that this is because there is so much going on that distraction is very easy, although when i have to watch all three at a group its nigh on impossible so i avoid those groups now) its more when i am at home with them that i struggle and feel like a complete failure as a mum. i find it so difficult as kieran manages to get in so many hits on me and on my bump which scares me but i have noone else to help me out with the situations when they happen. a lot of the flailing legs,throwing etc occurs all the time as he seems to see no problem doing it so it isnt always connected to a tantrum making it difficult behaviour to deal with. he thinks nothing to pushing his brother or sister over (his sister more than looks after herself most of the time but with her being a little more stiff down one side she cant always land safely) or smacking them on the head with something (even caught him once with a pencil aimed at his sisters head and a thoughtful look on his face!) has anyone else on here experienced similar? i know it doesnt sound much but theres so much more thats odd, i cant even remember all of it. kieran has his obsessions but seems ok on his routines etc he never seems to be really bothered on that side. if i mention that kieran is ASD to most people they turn round and say he cant be as he will give eye contact (always on his terms!!) to anyone who has a similar age little one... what do you do to calm them down? if you have a 'quiet spot' where is it in your house? im really sorry this post is all over the place, i feel totally helpless with the situation, and the waiting constantly is so difficult to take. im worried how he will be when the new baby arrives, he wouldnt think twice about throwing things about near the baby and no matter whether i remove every item in the room.. he would still find something (he threw a chair the other day whcih nearly landed on baby brother) when my youngest son was born, kieran ignored him right up until he began to crawl, never even looked at him. i suppose it has finally begun to dawn on me that i wont have just the 'normal' toddler tantrums that will go away in a few years, and that i may be having to do all this for years to come. i feel so sad about it all apologies for the down post, most of the time i am a fairly happy person and do feel blessed with my children, i love them all very much, just wish it could be a bit easier at times Deb Kieran and Jasmine 04/10/03 Isaac 29/04/05 little one edd 26/07/06