LancsLad

The evening dress has gone into retirement as well and I haven't worn anything with a decent heel sine the late 1970's

A first reaction is it will make no difference to me at an individual level because I am not the sort of person who needs to communicate this aspect of my life with other people, rather I am an independent soul. For others I can see how this change might cause problems. My parents for example struggled to come to terms with what Asperger's might be all about 'Autistic Spectrum Disorder' might simply confuse things for them even more because does it mean i now have something different, more or lesss complex etc... As a retired teacher I can see these sorts of issues within professional sectors, whilst my partner a SENCO will have no issues whatsoever and would welcome the change I can think of many secondary teachers who might have been familiar with one or two kids with Asperger's who passed through their hands, now faced with a broader statement I feel their response would be "Ok but what do I need to do". At times experience counts for something even if it is just a label because within that experience we have beliefs and at times those beliefs are positive. I just hope people who felt positive by AS are not left feeling some of their positive experiences have evaporated a bit. At another level I am not sure how this will pan out in respect to recources and diagnosis availability. With a changing of definition lines will have to be redrawn, they exist at present make no mistakes over that. I suspect rather than those lines being more about inclusivity I suspect economic pressures will mean they get moved further towards the classic end of this spectrum. In a way that might be a good thing in the long term because I believe not having a diagnosis for the vast majority of my life has benefited me, but I am only speaking for myself there. Just a few thoughts.

In many ways the most important place is not where we are at but the destination we want to get to because that helps to start to define the journey we might need to take.

Sa Skimrande when I got my diagnosis I was fortunate that it coincided with what I felt was a natural developmental phase I was entering into (seven ages of man type stuff), which rang true looking back on my life. I very much wanted to make this latest transition a priority of mine so I decided not to go back into looking for work but I had to do something constructive and positive, it was Ironman triathlon. For me the endless hours on the bike in spectacular scenery, out running in the hills and trails, and to a lesser extent swimming in an empty pool up and down last thing at night have been the perfect backdrop to reflect. Triathlon for me has nothing to do with ego but about making contact with myself. Those environments have enabled me to stay in very positive emotional states of mind and as a result I have had possibly the best two years of my life in terms of personal growth. My decision was highly selfish but it has benefited the people around me. In financial terms it may have cost me £50,000 and two years out of 47 to get things back in balance but that is a very small price to pay in many respects for peace of mind and a sense of real well-being. I had done a lot of work before that point but it was a case of getting all the loose ends tied up. I think we can get stuck and go backwards, we can cling onto the wrong sorts of things to try and arrest loosing ground, things like intelligence and status and whilst that might be fine in the short term in the long run it isn't sustainable. The things which are sustainable and important to me are my relationships and my own self-esteem the other stuff is far less important. Most people have a mirror in the house somewhere and it is a case of taking a good hard look sometimes and finding the good things within ourselves on which to build upon. We can see that face change year on year and for sure I have got older, but i have also become a lot more mature, wiser and stronger. We carry the external scars for sure and I have been in a few battles if you care to look but it is what is inside us that is important and what we feel about ourselves and importantly the type of person we want to be. Our futures are not pre determined, we can choose to write them how we wish in many ways, but if we put new elements and changes into our future life story it is our responsibility and no one elses to make it happen. Just a few thoughts.

I undertand what you are saying Mannify. I guess what I mean is I suspect there are lots of parents who can't see any autistic traits in themselves and possibly there are none to be truthful because genetic conditions can skip generations, they don't often seem to engage with the older members of the forum who are here because they have a diagnosis of one form or the other. I am being honest but for example I can't remeber a teacher or a GP or a social worker or somone from what we might call a totally NT position coming on and engaging. The only thing we ever see like that are people wanting individuals to fill in research for their own final year degree submissions. In a way if people want to develop better lines of communication they are the people we should target and not parents who are often in the middle of things they have a child with strong symptoms and a diagnosis and can see traits in themselves as Justine has highlighted. And if forums like this are the incubators which help to develop and grow a culture what are the aims of that culture in respect to what it wants to achive in the longrun or is the forum just a warm place where bad feelings are left to fester and grow?

I can only speak for myself and looking back I was emotionally immature. My own AS as a developmental condition held me back a good few years as a child and then a teenager and as a young adult. My emotional maturity was always out of step for example I was pretty sexually acive in my late teenage years without having the slightest inkling that there was an emotional level to 'love making' for me I treated it no differently than if it was a game of rugby or any other physical activity. When I got into a serious relationship the one I am still in 27 years down the line I started to see how deficient I was. I started to think who needs to take responsibilities for missunderstandings me or you and the answer was nearly always me and so I started to work on better understanding myself at an emotional level to get in touch with that emotional side. I have to be honest and for about another 10 years of so I struggled with people but dynamic landscapes were the place to go an find this side of me be they mountains, the sea or cave systems. When I learn't to understand myself and develop a limited emotional vocabluary in those environments I was better placed to take my development onto the next stage, people. These days I consider myself to be well placed in terms of emotional development but I have worked very hard on it to be honest. It is possibly a good thing as I am not a young or as fit as I once was and this 'love making' is a bit easier to take on than a game of rugby at my age but it does need you to think about other peoples feelings and emotions for it to be much fun!

Along with Darkshine I would say Justine has come on here as a parent and given her opinion which she is entitled to. Looking through the responses it doesn't surprise me that no other parents have come on to answer the posts initial questions so what does that say? We can all play the game of getting a fishing rod and hanging a bit of bait out there hoping someone will come along take it and then we can see what happens next. If parents of ASD kids are not now going to take this particular bait I might offer the following thoughts in trying to move things on as Darkshine has. To all the older adults (I am not putting an age on this but not those in their early twenties) who like me have recieved a later diagnosis in life has recieving a diagnosis significantly changed the way you think and if so do you think this is a permanment feature of your life or do you think it is something that will change again in future. Speaking for myself my diagnosis self and formal all withing the space of four months made me wobble for about another four or six as I came to terms with things. I then realised I was the same person I ever was only more informed and surely that was better, wasn't it? As a result I went back to working on being the same me just a bit better if I could achieve that. At that point I came to this forum because I felt I had something positive to offer, though I am still a work in progress. I make this point because if people have a track record of being angry and frustrated throughout an extended adult life and a diagnosis comes along in whatever form what has really changed? And if the answer is nothing, is it not a case you are simply an angry and frustrated individual just a bit better informed, and surely that is better isn't it? I want to say I am not passing judgement on other peoples feelings here, people have a right to feel what they want to and it is so wrong to deny that. What I will say is if those feelings are not constructive in someones life then the answer is to work on those feelings and not build scafolded constructs to support them. And I think this is where some adults of around my age are going possibly in a poor direction post diagnosis. They are using the information they have gained through the process to build scafolding to reinforce elements in their lives which 'may' not be healthy. I say that because I was tempted to do the same. At one point I felt like blaming parents, schools, medical professionals and had to say towards what aim, to fit and cage myself in as a victim of all of this? I had to come to a concious decision with myself to say don't do it, it's not healthy for you! To go back to the origonal post I think it is true many parents and health professionals simply do not see us older ASD individuals as a valuable resource and that is a shame. But that might continue if they see us as animals caged in by scafolding structures ready to bite at them should they try and get too close. We choose whether to cage ourselves or not. And we need to recognise that we are at a point in time where because of information being readily available there are a lot of adults out there many self diagnosed, but we have a responsibility. If we want to be taken seriously we need to get over our own diagnositic issues and there are many and be prepared to offer our experiences in an open, balanced, for sure honest but importantly genuine way for society to take on board or ignore if that is how they see fit. I have real concerns that what is happening because of the strong culture of parents and children and resource driven services there will emerge a counter culture which if anything might be a lot, lot worse and something bitter and twisted. If that culture is there parents will as is their nature become protective and young adults with the condition will be fearfull of what is to follow. In my experience there is nothing to fear as you age with an autistic spectum condition however you want to term it. As for all individuals there is massive potential for personal growth but it takes time and a lot of effort to achieve that growth and it might not come in the same format for some as it does for others. For sure my own AS has been a challenge for me but nothing to worry or be frightened about once I accepted myself for being the person I am and took responsibility for myself. For sure there are lots of things people say and do which I could take as being hurtful or I could say they might not quite understand and leave it at that. Now that is easy for me because I know I am not perfect and there are lots of things I don't quite understand so I am sure it is the same for others. When it comes to this forum I think that needs to be the basis of healthy conversation the acceptance that there are things about ourselves and others we don't quite understand, if we want to find out a bit more about those things then we have to be tolerant and accepting of whatever anyone says or thinks otherwise we will stand in silence and brood to ourselves.

I get your points about the 'We are Young' track. I must admit my initial reaction is to think about the benefits of being semi-retired. It doesn't take much imagination to transport myself to a works Christmas do at 1:00am in the morning and that coming on the dance floor with a lot of people pissed, for some reason I get an image of middle aged women in evening dresses the worst for wear waving arms in the air singing out of tune trying to balance on high heel shoes, and to be honest it doesn't do much for me these days.

Sally not in the area but have to say I found the images of your shop refreshing, open and honest, in a get what it says on the tin sort of way. The place looks full of integrity and I wish you both the very best in this venture.

I had a compact Nikon once and it was brilliant and I used to take it caving. Caving one day I dropped a tackle bag 90m with a pile of rope in it down the shaft of a cave, knowing no one was below by the way, before abseiling down the pitch. A few seconds later I realised as I heard it hit the bottom that in fact I had forgotten to take out a smaller bag inside it which had my butties an orange and my Nikon. When I got down the pitch I was anoyed that the main bag was lying in water and though the orange was fine everything else was a bit wrecked. The camera looked ok but it didn't work. I dried it out at home and took it back to the camera shop after drying it out in the airing cupboard for a week, and said it was still under guarantee and it had got wet whilst out in the Three Peaks on a day out. I didn't lie but didn't exactly tell the truth if you get what I mean. They sent it back to Nikon and a few weeks later I got a report back to say whilst the camera was under guarantee that didn't include dropping it for a minimum distanc of over 50m and leaving it submerged under water for at least 5 minutes. The owner of the camera shop was a bit disapointed because he thought I had damaged it walking, to which all I could respond with was how the hell did they know? They didn't replace it but gave me a voucher for £50 which was not its full value, and told me to be more carefull with cameras in future. I was grateful for the voucher because I suspect it was pretty terminal in that instance.

Why would they? They are just two normal adults in my view and they would react as they would and there is no way of knowing what you would do until you are faced with that as a reality. For sure they might have a few resources at their disposal but that is not what parenting is about in my opinion.

I was born into a generation where communication meant talking in sentances and so I have tried my best to communicate in that way ever since. I never text as I always feel I am not giving my best response, rightly or wrongly. Because I respect the other person I feel I should always try my best if that makes sense without writting an essay on it, lol!

Justine I agree many adults do feel hard done by because they are of a generation where they have missed out on support in their own minds. Personally I really don't feel hard done by rather the opposite. My childhood was in some ways brutal in that there was no understanding and it was a case of sink or swim and I just dug in and fought like hell to be the person I am today. In many ways I dread to think what would have happened to me in the current system. I would I suspect be a guinea pig for adults to push around searching for reasons as to why they didn't have to work with me because looking back I was pretty difficult and a bit of an handfull. Looking back does us few favours though, there is a retrospective culture around at the moment. In contemporary terms I was asaulted as a kid by a number of adults, but in a rough working class gritty Northern town at the bottom of the educational ladder what the hell do people expect to have happened.As a kid you just took it and moved on. In a similar way my parents knew nothing about autism why should they. I was born in very difficult circumstances and when I left hospital living conditions were not ideal, but my mum took me to a few clinics as you did every now and again up to a point and then you hit the school system, it was how things were. I can't blame my parents or anyone else for what it was like, nor as Robert says do I expect anything now. It would be nice if my parents understood and read up on the condition but they don't so what can I do but accept that is what they are like. What I do expect though and it is not asking much and it is what this post is about is a little bit of recognition and respect. I think when people get that they are able to move on in their lives far easier. I don't think the initial reaction of adults either formally diagnosed with AS or self diagnosed is to expect loads of things to be there for them. I think a lot of their reaction is simply wanting a little bit of recognition that they have symptoms and difficulties in their lives which may or may not be related to autism so they can move on. When that recognition doesn't come from the autistic community be it other people with the condition, parents , national charities, GP's and other professionals I believe it is at that point they start to get angry and at times stuck in their own lives. If there was a national register and all it allowed people to do diagnosed or self diagnosed was put a dot onto a map where they live many would feel a lot better about themselves, they would feel I am not the only one rather I am a single dot in a big picture of dots. But as far as I am aware no one does that. And the question is if they did how long would it be before some sections are asking for dots of different colours or sizes because that is what this forum feels like at times. It feels as if people are saying my dot is in fact a circle and it is different. Or we might want triangles decause I have a diagnosis of clinical depression and OCD and it goes on and on, because someone is then a star or a something really complex. When I think the reality is very simple people just want to feel they are not the only one feeling as they do and others feel the same way.

Justine I take your points on and what I would go back to is that we are talking about 'conditions' and not something which is a disease with a known cure which is in very limited supply. I used my own example of a tumour because in a way it is seen as a condition at the moment by experts, the evidence is not there to call it a disease and to find out might not be appropriate given where it is. So as a condition I and they accept it for what it is a tumour (condition) and we can describe it in terms of size and location on a report. What I am left with though is working out how I feel about it, and for me that is what conditions are all about what do i feel about it. When we turn conditions into something they are not then I think we start to get into difficult territory. That territory becomes problematic in my mind when we start to question how people feel about themselves, and surely that is their right not ours. In a similar way I would personaly never consider my own AS condition to be a disability, as such I couldn't relate to someone in the paralympics as a competitor with AS, though I train for sport to a high level myself. But if someone feels it is a disability in their life then I guess thats how they feel. The reality is whilst conditions are very much about what we feel about them making conections with symptoms is always going to be problematic. I might have some very severe autistic traits but because of my personality I am a very driven and motivated individual who will find a way past them to achieve what I want out of life. Not everyone will share these personality traits and I appreciate that it will be a very mixed picture out there. One thing that concerns me is that when finacial resources are brought into the picture parents and children get drawn into a bidding culture based on percieved needs and things become clinical and far more driven by professional analysis rather than the emotional needs of the individuals with a condition. In many ways the adult ASD world at the moment in a number of areas namely AS is not like the resorce driven culture at lower age ranges. I think what a lot of this post is about is do people from all areas recognise that fact. This could work both ways do people my age really understand what it is like for kids in their culture. I might say I do for a number of reasons but many might not. In a similar way do parents understand the culture of what it is like to be surrounded by all these online tests, looking back at your own life and 'feeling' you have a condition but not having any real answers other than having to deal with the fact it is there and is now a part of your life. You are right Justine to highlight with kids it is very different but we should recognise that and possibly adapt our thinking a bit if we are parents. To go back to my tumour i really have no problems with it at a personal level. When i found out I was a bit upset and went out for one of the fastest bike training sessions I have ever done and got the issue out of my system. The only time it gets to me is when I look at my son who is 8 and wonder what if in respect to thins thing on my spine because opperating on it would be a nightmare. Kids do make things different on a number of levels I understand that. And the way i deal with my son and my tumour is to say for the time being it is just a 'condition' and with a bit of luck it might remain so for a very long time. When we start to think a condition is something more than it really is we can get into all sorts of difficult areas. It might elicit a bit of sympathy from certain types of people but in the long run it does not serve us well, far better we understand things to be what they are and simply work out how to get the most out of life day by day.

I think we have to be careful and apreciate the reality of getting a diagnosis as an adult. I recieved a formal diagnosis after I was told by an undertrained and misplaced mental health professional "that I was far too intelligent to have AS". I wrote to their director of mental health who then offered to pay for a formal diagnostic process to take place. For a lot of adults there simply are not the resources, expertise or experience in their own areas to get a diagnosis. Before I recieved mine I was more than happy to be self diagnosed for the simple reason 'I am the expert in my own life'. I am the person who has lived it and believe me there is not a lot of positiove stuff if anything which comes with self diagnosing. I made that decision after talking with a number of people, reading up on a lot of research and a lot of books on the subject, and most importantly reviewing my own life. In reality I went into about ten times the depth that the formal diagnosis process did. In my opinion if someone has done the same as I did and is well informed and self diagnoses then I am happy to listen to anything they might have to say I would never say i am in a better position because some professional has wrote a few words regarding thier opinion. So I can see exactly what Lyndalou is saying here. Many adults such as myself with a diagnosis feel somewhat ignored and rejected by sections of the broader autistic community at the end of the way I can at least wave a piece of paper in their direction, for many others they can not and it must be so much more difficult. A few months back I had to go for an MRI scan on a couple of prolapsed discs in my lower spine. As part of the process they discovered higher up a large tumour growing on my spine, that I hadn't a clue about because it has caused no real symptoms yet, but it is there. In so many ways I wish I didn't know about it, because there is nothing I can do. Nor are the NHS in a position to do anything about because I don't tick and boxes, and so I know it is there and have to get on with life. In some ways not having a diagnosis is very similar in my experience you know you are carrying something around it is as clear as day as the tummour was on the scan but what do you do about it, you just have to get on with life. If someone said to me I am sure you haven't go a tummour I would find that very hard to deal with, because I know I have. In a similar way i couldn't say to anyone you might not be on the spectrum because how am I to know?

Jeanne there could be many aspects to this and all of them might be intertwined. To focus on one. A few years back I had an injury through playing rugby where I fractured my cheek bone in theree places and did a bit of damage to my eye, I needed surgery. The healing process was very disconcerting far more than many of the other injuries I have experienced because it was in my face and very close to my senses of not just sight but hearing and smell and taste, It was an injury close to my processing centre. Now given my ability to reason I came to the understanding that I had to simply let time do its job and to concentrate on other things to take the focus away. When it comes to self harm behaviour I think there can be an element which I relate to where we want to lay pain down as a masking agent over the top of other feelings. I might describe this as if the side of my face was uncomfortable and at a level of discomfort say five on a one to ten scale laying down a bit of pain at a seven takes away the level five stuff I don't really understand, it is a familiar feeling. My young son does this all the time he has skin problems which he makes worse by putting an understandable layer over the top of them 'pain' and so he sctraches dry skin areas untill they bleed. We are programmed to understand pain we are hot wired in our brains to recognise it, but for some individuals we are not too sure about discomfort and that is emotionally unsettling. In Glens instance my response might be to look at healing rates. If the underlying issues are healing then this is a period eventually which will resolve itself the underlying discomfort will vanish, my own face is now healed and it did a long time ago a few months after the surgery I was aware I didn't feel any discomfort anymore. In a similar way the superficial damage through self harm will also heal given time though at the moment Glen might look a mess. At times I try reasoning with my son and I then go into his room in the middle of the night because he is restless and he is attack himself in a subconcious state. Without being disrespectful I suspect Glen is possibly in this subconcious state a lot of the time. So what can you do as with all self harm you can't monitor the individual for a few months day and night and so when opportunitie arrise they will self harm if the desire is strong enough. Any self harmer such as myself will tell you the pain makes it feel better, or at least for a short period because it makes sense of our emotional feelings we understand it. That is a very powerfull force and it is something you will have great difficulty fighting against. To sum up my point if the medical people say things are going in the right direction no matter how messy then go with them even though as a parent I understand your frustration and how upsetting this type of behaviour can be. These things are not easy to watch they are even harder when you are Glen or another self harmer having to deal with them but we someohow survive and pull through we are after all very resiliant creatures.

I watched an interesting programme on TV last night called 'Alien Investigations'. What it highlighted to me is that people come to something with their own preconceptions and if you want to believe something is an alien for example it will be in your mind. To use one example there was a bloated dead carcass washed up on a beach and it did in fact took very strange. But if you come to this from a scientific perspective and say what is the real evidence then we might come to a very logical conclusion. The conclusion in this instance was it was a dead racoon which was half rotten, swollen, add lost bits of flesh etc... a dead racoon which looked very strange I agree. The response of the alien believers was "but it doesn't look like a racoon", but what does a rotten half eaten racoon look like after being in the sea dead for a few weeks? The skeleton says it's a racoon, the DNA says it's a racoon, all the science says it's a racoon, so it must be an alien, because it doesn't look like the ones in the zoos? As an individual I kind of feel like a washed of carcass in a way. I look back at a period of my life say childhood and teenage years and all the issues which I see on the forum from parents were there and a hell of a lot more besides I promise. But I do know that was me, all the scientific evidence says it was me just younger. I then look at a lot of young people in their twenties on the spectrum and the issues they post about and again I go back to a similar period in my life and the issues and a lot more besides were there in my life at that point and again I think back and know the scientific evidence would indicate that was me. I can then move on in a timeline and look over the last 15 years or so and the scientific evidence which is there the very real mental health issues, the suicide attempts the time in secure units lying naked in an empty room locked in and again, yes it was me, my medical records say so. And then I look at myself today and for sure there are issues but I am content and at a very good place in my life. Things come along such as health issues and I can deal with them where many might struggle and I think you are doing alright, the evidence says so, I don't take medication, I don't self harm, I don't need to engage in mental health services, I am self reliant etc... At times I have decided because I have learnt so much because of having to work out how to overcome so much to give back through teaching, coaching sport and being a foster carer with some very difficult cases. Whilst engaged at those levels people never questioned why I was in that position, they looked at the evidence in front of their eyes and came to the conclusion I knew what I was doing. In trying to give back in the same way to the ASD community why is it I feel like an alien, the answer is because that is how people see me. I possibly don't look like them or their kids and so I can't be the same species. In a way when I and others like me got to the scientists and they look at our skeletons and DNA they come to the scientific conclusions and say this is someone with ASD but in another state than what they usually observe. In other words not all racoons look like the ones in the zoo but even though they are dead and washed up they are a racoon nevertheless. The thing I find very frustrating as is the nature of the original post is I am very much not dead or washed up I am more alive and sorted than I have ever been and as such like others I feel I have a lot to offer but when you get treated like an alien because you don't fit the clichéd norm of what something should look like then you have problems. In a way if we transported all the old people off the planet for a few generations at say the age of 40 and then a couple of centuries down the line we transported them back how would we treat them. Would we be able to see they are mainly extensions of ourselves or would we treat them like aliens and be frightened by them and what they might have to offer. Well the scientific truth is no one transported me off the planet, I am not an alien rather there is a simple answer and it is I am someone with the condition who got a bit older and changed a bit, nothing more nothing less.

Mine was a 'Pitta' which I don't mind as long as they come with donner kebab meat and chilli sauce.

As an adult with AS recieving gifts is really difficult. I have my world ordered and sorted to a very large degree. If I need something for a project I am working on then I will consider its merits and purchase it. When things come into my life which I have not planned for and don't need then what is the point of them? Christmas is a really difficult time of year for me and I suspect many others in this respect. My partner asked me last night what do I want for Christmas. My answer was I don't need anything so I haqve a blank list. A couple of weeks back I decided I needed some new winter cycling gloves because my old ones are no longer waterproof and I was loosing feeling in my hands as the weather got colder, so I researched the area and bought myself a very good pair. My suggestion was you can call them a christmas present if you want, but you can't wrap them because I will need them tomorrow and the day after etc... Last year the compromise was the fact I had a pair of running shoes still boxed on top of a wardrobe which my son was not aware of in wait for my then current pair to become a bit dead and get relegated to walking and a driving pair. On Christmas Eve we put some wrapping paper on it to go under the tree so I had a present. I have got a shed load of presents still sat unopened from last year and the year before. I have a watch but I already have a favorite one so why change it. There are DVD's unopened but I have seen the content on TV, there is chocholate and sweets unopened past its best before date etc... the list goes on. In an ideal world I would simply prefare credit notes and when stuff comes up I need I would cash them in. People know this and some give me store cards I have a few next to my computer from last year still not used. I know this is not getting into the spirit of Christmas but I have been like this since being a kid in many ways. When I was 7 I went into a local sports shop and put a deposit down for a tennis racket and gave it to my parents to pay off the rest for a birthday present. I can remember thinking that was a great idea because I knew what I would be getting and I didn't have to pretend to be excited over something which didn't interest me. The question I might ask kids who have stuff unopened is do you really like them or are you just being polite to the adults who gave them to you?

The first point I will make is Justine you have come on here and been honest which as people can expect we do after all live in a society where free speach is allowed. What your comment highlights is the fact that I don't believe many parents do listen to mature adults with ASD. In similar ways to Justine I believe they construct thought patterns which means they give themselves permission to listen or not as they see fit. This cherry picking culture is the real issue out there, we can decide what we want to hear about ASD and we can reject what we don't sound the likes of. We have had a recent debate on this forum about charities namely the NAS and though I doubt this post will get much response from parents it does importantly raise one important question for me Sa Skimrande and that is, if anyone is to own ASD who should it be? I think the answer is charities often think they own the condition or parents do but very few of them believe individuals with the condition have any ownership of it whatsoever. If we have a voice it is only going to be an internal one. The problem with this culture is it is in my opinion transfaring onto young people with the condition who in my experience struggle to take any responsibility for themselves, which is the worst possible thing they can do. If there is anything to be learn't from older people such as myself it is without an early diagnosis and being surrounded by this culture we can move on in our lives and make real progress. If you had to ask me in what area in life do I feel the least empowered and capable as an individual I would without doubt say it is on forums such as this and in the company of young people with ASD, their parents or professionals from within the sector. It is the one environment where I feel my experience, knowledge and skills are completly negated and neautralised and it is why I very rarely post on the forum these days. It is also why I don't get involved in my local AS group which is run by parents as I do not feel welcomed.

Happy Birthday Lizzy. I remember my 17th birthday as if it was just yesterday, which must mean I have a very, very good memory. Have a great day!

It depends what mood I am in and can range from erotic female forms as doodles to simpler stuff. I have to agree with Ben they are more like noodles these days 'pot noodles' but I guess it all relates to what is on your mind.

To answer your point Justine. Size 8 is well below national average sizes for white caucasian females in this country who are deemed within the healthy bracket. The easy thing for me to do is not answer posts and when I do join in with what the poster wants to hear, as such; Smiley I think size 8 is fantastic so go for it or whatever other size you feel is approporiate, just don't keep comming back time and time again to the forum complaining of all sorts of medical problems and issues related to lack of energy, depression, motivation, self-esteem etc... because personally I don't care anymore I have better things to do with my time and can use my experience elsewhere. Word your posts in one way and everyone will agree and say everything is fine, when you word them another way they will ignore you. Just a final thought.

Smiley I have noticed you have looked at this post again this afternoon and not responded, yet you are keen to update the forum about swimming and kitchen and stuff like that which are obviously the important things. So if you are not interested for the other people who look at this I will add in my final thoughts on where I see weight fitting in and then I will call it a day. To use another example in my life I have a racing bike which is very good and I train on it quite a lot. I could put some lightweight tyres on it and it would make it easier to keep up a good speed but if I am not racing I give that advantage away for something more practical. The thing is I find punctrues to be really problematic and dont like dealing with them all the time so I train with heavy tyres which have puncture protection built in. When I put my racing tyres on the bike feels a lost faster and it is always a pleasant suprise but I am taking risks in a race because I want to win. My approach to weight is the same. Because I am interested in high level sport weight is important for my key races and so I have a 'racing weight'. When I am at that weight I am faster. However that weight is not healthy at all. So for the rest of the time the most important thing for me is I am able to train and to do that I have to be fit and healthy. As such I am happy to carry extra fat because it is a good source of energy, holds important vitamins I need for recovery, provides insulation and importantly protects my joints and internal organs from damage. So I have a healthy weight and I have a racing weight and I know and understand the purpose of each. Smiley and others like you I think you should ask yourself the following question. If you have an ideal weight or body shape/size in your mind as being your ideal, why is it ideal? I have two ideals in my mind and I have a very clear understanding about why I need to be fit and healthy and you don't measure healthy with weight. Likewise when I diet it is for a very specific reason and that is to aim a qualifying for world championships after which I would go back to being healthy because it is a far better option. So those people who say size 8 is great, why is it great? If you are size 10 or 12 or bigger do you loose a job, a boyfriend or girfriend, become unatractive to everyone, will people laugh at you in the street. Or is it all to do with distorted thinking. If the reason is distorted then quite simply you need to challenge those beliefs and focus on a common sense approach and I believe that should be about health first and fitness second.

Whilst I can laugh about this now and I really can, as a child it was a real issue. My grandparents lived in Northern Ireland and I can remeber being taken to the arrival lounge at Liverpool airport as a young child and being told when they come through the door make sure you run up to them and give them a big hug to show them that you love them. It was an impossible request for a 5 or 6 year old. And my parents were very anoyed when I ran half way and just stood there confused not knowing what to do, I didn't perform to script. I still have to look at pictures of my nan before picking her up and would struggle to this day. Fortunatly she knows this and will wave and shout my name, she could have a stick with a name plaque on that would help. In a similar way at school I struggled my best mate was a kid called 'Smithy' and I reckon a lot of that was because he had to wear modified boots with callipers on the outside of his legs and so was an easy spot in the playground. I can remeber shoping as a kid with my dad in a supermarket which was a novelty they had just arrived. He had forgoten something and he told me to go to the usual checkout with the person we always went to. He came back with some bacon in his hand and I was unloading the trolly and he said why are you not two isles down because that is the right one. Personally all the checkout assistants looked the same so I had gone to number 3 because that was the one we nearly always used and had taken an educated guess. It is one of those things which can be a right pain in the ###### when no one else knows and you don't know how to tell people because it seems so stupid.