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I don't think you can, I think it's just a question of not using it if you don't want to. All the best. ~ Mel ~

Sorry to hear about your dad, Linda. Glad James is doing well and is settled, long may it continue. ~ Mel ~

As Titan said, can't really comment without a bit more info. ~ Mel ~

Yes, very strange. Maybe they let their kids decide to stay up until 3am if they choose, get up at mid-day and eat chocolate cake for breakfast?! Weird! ~ Mel ~

I guess you have to ask yourself what has changed over the last few months, as it is only since then that you started to feel exhausted. If you did not feel like this before, even though you have always had AS, it could be due to stress or overwork. AS per se does not cause exhaustion, but stress related to it can. ~ Mel ~

You're very welcome. Sometimes you just have to go with what you know is right for you and your family. It is odd that people on the other group would say things like that, but some people can express very strong opinions about what others should and shouldn't do and if we don't happen to agree with them they come out with the 'oh, you obviously don't understand' line. Best ignored, imho. The bed/mattress rule makes total sense to me. I should think it also means that he does his rocking in private rather than in inappropriate places or at times when it could cause problems, which could cause embarrassment for him and draw unwanted attention. Well done you for coming up with a solution that works for you all. Sometimes we can't 'cure' behaviours that our children might have but managing them goes a long way to meaning they are less of a problem for them, especially as they grow older, when behaving 'inappropriately' has more far-reaching consequences for them. ~ Mel ~

Hi smadams11, and welcome. I firmly believe that children with AS should absolutely have rules, in the same way that all children need rules. Without rules any child, whether on the spectrum or not, would think anything goes and to let them get away with behaviours that are unacceptable would not be doing them any favours at all in the long-term. We all need to live by rules; we must not hurt people, we must not steal other peoples' things, etc., why should someone with AS be any different. When it comes to the mattress, it seems like this is a good compromise. You feel he needs to do his rocking and the mattress is a safe place for him to do this when he needs to, and it sounds like it works well. Does he have another bed for sleeping in?, I was a bit confused by the 'must not fall asleep on it' rule, is this to keep it separate from the bed where he sleeps? Anyway, in answer to your question, yes, I think people, including people with autism, need rules. ~ Mel ~

Yes, please do keep us up to date with how things are going. All the best for the meeting. ~ Mel ~

Hi Teresa, sorry you're having a tough time with your grandson. I know it is frightening and it is not what you want, but it does sound as if residential could really be beneficial for your grandson. If his mum is struggling to cope with him at home and he is already getting away with difficult behaviours it seems like this could only get worse if he does not get the intervention and help that he needs soon. Sometimes the only place for these needs to be met are residential placements. I am not saying it is an easy option for anyone, but it is worth considering seriously because the alternatives are sometimes thin on the ground. Good luck with the meeting and all I'm saying is don't dismiss the idea of residential out of hand because it really could be the making and saving of your grandson where he gets the intervention that he really needs to turn him around. What other options could you see working? ~ Mel ~

Hi Shamankailona and welcome. Sorry that you have had bad experiences in the past and that you feel so helpless and lonely. I agree with Mihaela, having a diagnosis of AS doesn't mean that your daughter will not have a good and happy life. It is really good that she is now going to get some support and help, support and help that it sounds like you yourself did not get when you were young. This will help her to develop and grow and I hope you can both start to see it as a positive step. Have you spoken to her school about the bullying and her loneliness? It would be a good idea to speak to her teacher about how isolated she feels. They could set up a buddy group for her who could be encouraged to include her she should not be putting up with being called names. Are there any groups you could both join together where you could meet new people? If you went together you could support each other and give each other confidence. Take care and I hope you start to feel better and you certainly shouldn't be feeling guilty in any way. I know it is worrying and a frightening time, but things can and will get better for your daughter, and hopefully for you too. ~ Mel ~

Good luck with it, I know it is a challenge. How about if you wrote down a few basic 'facts', maybe just a bullet-point list so that you don't have to keep saying things over and over again and it could also help you to not forget important things. Let us know how you get on. Not much we can do here, but we can care and listen. ~ Mel ~

First off, have you talked to your GP? That might be the first port of call. Are there any other relatives or friendly neighbours who you could ask for help? How about the Citizen's Advice Bureau, they might be able to point you in the right direction of where to go for support. Social Services can offer support but it could be that your GP needs to help you with getting referred. Hope you can find some support. ~ Mel ~

Glad to help .... and welcome. ~ Mel ~

Thank goodness for that, at least. I hope it all gets sorted out for him and you all. Keep us posted please. ~ Mel ~

Okay, so have your piece of writing and this site (with the post you want to respond to) both open at the same time in different tabs. Go to your piece of writing and put your cursor just before the first word of your piece of text, hold down the left button on your mouse and drag the cursor all the way to the end of your piece of text. Release the button and all the text should be highlighted. Now press the right button and select 'copy'. Now go to the 'reply to this topic' box on this site. Make your cursor appear and right click the mouse. Select 'paste' and all the writing should appear. Hope that works for you. ~ Mel ~

Yes, when you're in the middle of a hellish situation like that it can feel like it will never end and leads to such despair. I'm so pleased that it will all be over for you soon. Stay strong. ~ Mel ~

Very best of luck, damonshouse, hope you continue to do okay without the meds and go from strength to strength. ~ Mel ~

Hi hsmum, I can understand your concern and confusion about this. It could just be that you are feeling anxious and sensitive and that your feeling that the staff are reacting negatively to the results are not correct. Have they given you any reason to think they are sceptical about the dx now, or do you think you could just be imagining that this is what they are thinking? I know myself that I would feel the same as you, but I can also worry that people are thinking something when really they are not, so try to be rational about this or else you could discuss it with them upfront to see what they are thinking. On the subject of MRI, my son used to suffer terrible migraines and he had an MRI scan. When we discussed the results with the consultant he said that there were some abnormalities in the brain but these were not due to epilepsy (which is what they were looking for) but due to his autism and I was very surprised by this, as I had not expected there to be any 'physical' signs. I must admit, that I did feel 'relieved', if this is the right term, because I had felt there might be some doubt about the dx and I felt the MRI confirmed it. So, I can understand that you would be feeling the opposite, but it could be that not ALL people with a dx of autism show these abnormal brains, just that they are present in some. You could write to the consultant to ask him to explain his comment and tell you if he feels the dx is in doubt and he might put your mind at rest about it by confirming that the MRI is not definitive. ~ Mel ~

Oh, I'm so pleased for you, you must be so relieved and thrilled. I really hope you get a nice family moving in and you can live the rest of your time there in peace and security. It just goes to prove that things don't stay the same forever and things can and do change and improve. Peace to you. ~ Mel ~

Hi, I'm so sorry, I have absolutely no advice to give as it sounds like you are all working extremely hard to try and help your brother and I have no other suggestions that you haven't already tried. It's a horrible situation you're all in, but you don't need me to tell you that. I only wish I could offer some practical support but I wanted to give some moral support at the very least and wish you all the best in getting him the help he needs. ~ Mel ~

Hi wishface. I guess it really depends on the reasons why you want a dx. Is it to enable you to access services or just for peace of mind? Some find that finally getting a dx a brings relief after years of wondering but in practical terms it might not really change your life in any way. Some people have coped well throughout their lives and have a job and good relationships, maybe are married with children of their own. In those cases, I have to wonder what they think a dx might bring for them. If you are looking for services it could help open some doors but there is not much in the way of support for adults on the spectrum, although a firm dx could still be useful in this case. Not sure that helps much! All the best. ~ Mel ~

Wish you well, damonshouse, hope things improve for you. ~ Mel ~

Sorry to hear that and hope things improve for you in time. Have you thought about seeing a psychologist about the problem or a sex therapist? ~ Mel ~

It's a rotten situation, I do know. Has he thought of charity work, just to keep him active and getting out there? Would look good on his CV and help him to get some confidence back maybe? ~ Mel ~