Gold MD

I've noticed sometimes when I talk to people and they are bored, they frown or yawn a lot and try to get you to go off topic. Especially if they've heard it before. Maybe we just need to be prepared for what to say and how we say it, so not to appear rude or boring.

My older friend is 52 years old and he is a problem sometimes, especially because of his major obsession with vinyl records. He likes 50s and 60s music very much, but he goes for bands that nobody really knows anything about, just to feel special, I guess. I'm an 80s fan, you see. You can imagine what guff I get from some people because of this. I spoke about it on another forum not too long ago. He often says I am as thick as a plank, not as intelligent as he is and I'm not a full shilling, because I don't pick up on things at times. It's people like that who really just get on my nerves. They know you have a problem, so they pick on you because of it. Plus, he seems incapable of just shutting up. It's like someone was mentioning to me recently what a 'monologue' is and it started making sense to me when it refers to being used in social meetings. It's basically when people talk rubbish a lot and cannot understand when other people are not tuned in. If they kept doing it too, it would drive others barmy. If you liked rocket science for example and kept rambling about it to people who were clearly not interested in rocket science, you can see how that would get irritating. It's the same for any topic. Recognizing when to stop is important and my friend just likes to boost his ego too much. Maybe if I had lots of other mates around my own age, of both gender, I could pick and choose who to hang around with, but there's just him. He just needs to learn that nobody will validate his opinions, because not everybody would agree with his taste in music or his (usually) contrarian and expressional vocabulary. https://www.loveshack.org/forums/transitioning/friends-lovers/426072-my-older-friend-both-awkward-annoying That's really cheeky, isn't it? Edited for censored word.

Yeah. She's that type. She'd just come to see me if there was a trinket for her. But unfortunately, that's not love at all. Love is a mutual respect for both parties. If the other person in the "relationship" is only interested in money, they aren't worth a toss. So to sway away from the negative feelings, one has to get busy doing positive things. Because positive thinking is the way forward. Not everyone is an a-hole. Since I like music a lot, somebody suggested buying a guitar and learning some chords. A few of my support workers have formed a duo that plays Irish style music and another support worker who has since left was in a band and they added a profile on Bandcamp. Guitars don't cost a lot these days. Maybe I could start off with an acoustic. You can get them cheap in places like Cash Generator. Music is my passion, but I've never really thought about learning an instrument until now.

Is Bob not just short for Robert?

My key worker asked me yesterday about all the things I want to do in October. She made mention of a drama group. She also suggested having one shift a week to do some household cleaning. Like I could mop the floor, do the dishes and clean the shelves in my fridge. At this point I've not been able to make a big list of stuff I wish to do next month, but I did not see much of interest to me on meetup.com the last time I looked. I do like that site, though. I discovered a group that likes horror films around a year ago and I've been to watch movies with them a few times already, but I did not feel I made an effort to interact with anyone before or afterwards. For example, they usually sit in the area where you get served before and after the movie, and that would be a good time to sit down with these people and chime in. I have been to a gay friendly pool group with a mate as well. I'm not gay, but the organizer does it on behalf of her gay brother. However, I still tend to dwell on events from the past and my ex has emailed me. I did email her first, which maybe wasn't too bright. Would she use me again if she come back to see me? I wouldn't want that carry on beginning up ever again. Not after all the other incidents. Oh, no!

Well, I've had many key workers since I first started receiving support in 2008. Some have been better than others and my current one is by far the nicest of the lot, as she is not sarcastic, smarmy or judgmental like some of the others were. She is Spanish and very sweet. Unfortunately, support workers are off limits for dating. It's hard to keep focus at times on women you like for just a professional business relationship, when you want more. It's really something that should not be on my mind, as it's taboo. By being awkward, I could end up not having female workers helping me at all. Maybe it's because I have other things on my brain. And I think you know what one of those things is, too. The first lady I had as my KW was an older senior and she went to do gardening elsewhere, and returned eventually. We did get on well together, but occasionally she was being sarcastic about issues I was going through and that was something that bothered me. Since she's older like I said, I am not attracted to her. She was briefly my key worker again in 2010. I had one KW who left to be a school teacher at the end of 2011. That's not the one I was fond of, though. She was just a regular support worker and she is intending to become a nurse now. She left the service I'm with in 2011 as well. We liked the same sort of movies and she has a lovely personality. However, since she left quite a while ago, I don't hear from her anymore. Her brother is a part-time support worker, but I think he knows I just keep asking him questions about her because they are related. A key worker sends you your weekly rota for support shifts by e-mail or text, discusses meal planning, helps clean up the flat you live in and assists you in looking for work or social events, so I'd say they do actually do their job properly. However, if you had a crush on a female worker and asked her out, that is against the care commission's rules. What I was getting at though is that if you get fond of someone assigned to help you and they leave the job one day, it's a case of life goes on. However, that is upsetting because you get used to a person and if they leave, it's goodbye for good. They can't even add you on Facebook or anything, even if they leave. It's considered improper to maintain contact once they're gone. But why? Sometimes, I also blame my disability on why I cannot get a girlfriend. Sometimes, I think I'm just a 'meal ticket' and they hold my hand. I don't mean that in a nasty way, but they can find love effortlessly while every single thing I do is seemingly another huge hurdle to get over. Maybe I lack the skills, but I know I need to move forward and I need to own that inner doubt.

Well, the reason I was asking is because I'd be worried if I met a wonderful looking woman (which is unlikely knowing my luck) and I told her I had (whatever) and she didn't take to me because I admitted that I had it, I'd be left feeling worse off. I fancy some of my support workers, but I cannot date them. It's to do with their rules. That's because I love women, basically. But I've never had a loving girlfriend. I've paid for sex before, but that's not love or emotional. So if they one day quit the job and go elsewhere, they get replaced by other helpers. My problem is I don't really do much with my available time, but I want to aim to improve on this. You see, I lack in confidence and rely on them too much to take me from A to B everywhere I go to. I rant and rave a lot to them about being lonely and frustrated over what my ex did in the past, among other things. However, I think it's not a good idea to get 'too used' to anybody in that job role again, in case they leave. I was fond of one lady who eventually left and I still talk about her. I don't want to feel that way about anyone else again, but in general, I sit on my butt too much and watch the parade go by. I have got a bike now, at least. I just need new lights, oil, safety gear, but Bob's your uncle.

Is it wise to let people know you have autism when you first meet them? I'd be worried I'd be judged.

OK. I work with a lot of support workers as I get outreach support and I live in supported housing where they sleep over, and there is a drop-in facility that service users can use, and there are social activities most days. For the most part, everyone is so nice and I like my shifts. However, I think I have issues with attachment. A lot of my support workers are female and as such, you can get to be quite comfortable with them so easily. I tend to prefer women over guys, but I do work with a lot of guys too. My problem though is that I tend to have support personnel that I class as my 'favourites' and then if they one day leave the job, it bothers me. However, I do know that life works like that. Recently, they decided to have teams rather than do things the way they did before. This means that people that are support workers are assigned areas to work in. The sacrifice here is that a lot of the ones I liked to work with only work outwith my area, so I rarely even see them around the office, which is flat 1 where I live. They've even spoke of getting new office space for these specific teams and whatnot. There was one lady I loved to work with a lot who was just really cool. She no longer works where I have support, but she's still an employee of this company elsewhere and her brother is employed as a support worker too. I'm often talking to this lady's brother about her when I see him and he doesn't seem to say an awful lot about her when I ask him about her current activities. I'm not allowed to add staff on Facebook or that, so I guess it's due to boundaries. I last had her for support in 2011. I was working with another nice woman a few months ago who went off to California. We had a final shift where I was not in a good mood that day and was stressed about some stuff. We never got to have another shift to make up for it as that is around the time when the teams got moved apart (in July) and then someone told me she was going to California to do another project, but could return after 9 months. Although it would not matter to me, as she was categorized elsewhere anyway. I've tried adding her on Facebook, but she won't approve me. She's not allowed to. I only wanted to say goodbye properly as I was not available when she knocked on my door to announce her leaving and all. That's another thing that annoys me; I don't really have a large circles of friends and support workers don't count as friends, even if they are 'friendly' people. My only really close friend is a much older man and all we do is play pool, and I put music on his various phones. I'm always peeking at their Facebook pages and they all seem 'normal' and that makes me feel hopeless not to mention jealous. They all have great lives. Many also have partners and additional careers. I've not got Jack. All I do is whine about my ex, who was my only real girlfriend and not even much of one at that. I'm basically going over the same things because my mind seems unwilling to blank the no good rotter out of my head forever. Right now, I love working with my newest key worker, as she seems fair and I feel we'll get productive things done. A lot of my other key workers prior to this were not bad people in general, but we never really clicked a lot of the time. Unfortunately, I just feel that it could all abruptly end one day. The seniors seemingly stopped giving me shifts with a woman called Joanna because I text her once asking her to date me. Things are great now between me and my key worker, yes. But will they remain that way? I also use escorts. They aren't very nice people. I end up being too impotent to have sex to a satisfactory level. I do use Viagra, but using escorts is no substitute for real love. All they want is the money you hand over. That's all they care about, even if they are good at what they do. I'm a lost soul now. Sigh. It's a lonely planet.

Wow. Do vitamins really do all that? Well, I go to a similar shop called Real Foods that has a lot of organic produce. It's not the type of place you could shop at too often as it's VERY expensive. But I do love healthy living tips and they've certainly got it all. I went in there yesterday to get some sweets and juice. They have a lot of marinades too and some stuff like jam and honey.

She was that and more. But I think it's considered poorly to dwell on it now. After all, she's not worrying about my carcass anyway. Someone who won't respect back but demands respect really are just lost souls. That would be her to the 'T' then. I've not seen her in months. One of her common lies is to say she'll be back to see me, but won't do it unless I pressure her. She only appeared that one time to get her PS3 which was really 'our' PS3. But sigh. Some people never change.

Nice family. They run like the wind and ignore you now. I say **** them.

I got into horror games around 2000. I've been a horror fan for much of my life and I have a huge collection of horror DVDs, which I frequently buy online. My consoles include the Xbox 360, original Xbox, GameCube, PS2, an NTSC PS1, a Dreamcast, Sega Saturn and I also have a Wii, which I keep forgetting I have as I'm rarely on it. I just find that today's games really aren't the same as when they were from 1992 to 2005. In that time, you had such classics like the first three to four Resident Evil games, its successor of sorts in Alone in the Dark, as well as the GameCube remake of the first Resident Evil title, plus Silent Hill 1-4, the Clock Tower series, and some other notable ones like Parasite Eve and Dino Crisis. Now, you don't get scary games at all on consoles, although hopefully that will all change soon with The Evil Within. Amnesia is often cited as a great current generation horror game, but I often unfairly dismiss PC games as I've been more of a consoles gamer. The problem with survival horror is that it was fresh and interesting at one stage. However, gaming companies know the big bucks comes from purchasing games with more action oriented game-play, thus, most games released post Resident Evil 4 in 2005 - have all been horror games sugar coated as action titles, incorporating less tension and more co-op aspects. How can you really feel concerned about being alone and with not much ammo when ammo shortage isn't that big of an issue anymore? I think I could take a breather while Ricky over there on Xbox LIVE deals with those three Hunters running my way and Shaun and Dave have me back if I get into a confrontation with Nemesis. Yeah. So not scary!

At the time, it was hard to see things the way others do, but I still knew what she was about. Looking back on it now, though, I can now see that I made the abuse become self-inflicted. Although nobody deserves that kind of ill-treatment, all I had to do was tell her to get to France and then she would not have come back. By allowing her to come back and award her for being a not nice person, this fed her ego all the more. What did I get from it all apart from money problems, insults, heartache and stress? Had she been forbidden from coming back, these subsequent issues would have been prevented. But I believe she believed I was gullible. Every single time she did come back, it's because I talked her around. This ultimately proved to be a silly and costly cycle, because she would just use me again or be nasty when the friendship between us went downhill. She admitted before she didn't love me, yet I persisted. This is why it's classed as unhealthy to be chasing her, thinking about her or dwelling on things she did. If she wanted to, like you said, she could have easily been a rat and got the police involved. They did call me once. She was just emotionally toying with me. I mean, who the heck asks you to get a bus to their home / area and then not be there when you show up? That was obviously deliberate, because things were arranged and she'd be elsewhere. If she knew I was coming, why did her sister say she was away seeing Mathew? Her mother's partner also insulted me once. He asked me if I was deaf as well as blind. None of these pointers indicate love. Sometimes, you need to pretend a friend is getting this done to him / her. That way you can think about what you'd tell your friend to do. However, it's maybe easier to give advice rather than accept the tips giving. Edit: I think censoring words is bad.

I think I'm agoraphobic, because I feel the same way when I go in public places. Prior to a panic attack I had years ago, I don't remember having the anxiety feelings I do have nowadays. However, I watch and play a lot of horror themed movies and video games, yet they don't really sway me to get anxious.

My anxiety was so bad once, I was giving beta blockers. The side effects sounded scary, even if they are supposed to be rare occurrences. Rather than take them, I binned them. I also once bought a pill in a sex shop which was sold in a clear bag with no medical information, because I wanted to treat a personal problem I had with sex. The guy in the shop said to dissolve it under the tongue, but I never took that either. Basically, any medicine that will tamper with your mood or blood pressure and comes with zero factual information whatsoever is best avoided. Use natural remedies instead. They're reportedly better!

Echo is right. I had a social worker involved at one stage. He actually was meant to stop working with me ages ago. When he learned she was back in my life, he stayed in the position longer to monitor things. Oh, he moved to another field of work way last year. He missed out on the PS3 drama completely. Even my mother said for years that she was just a money grabber. It's too bad I had tunnel vision for this atrocity. She's a nasty one.

I was diagnosed at 21 and it made things better, in one sense. But I hate being autistic at times. I cannot stop biting my nails and rubbing my face. My 'condition' if you want to call it that, makes it hard for me to mingle with others, autism contemporaries or not. Must be a compulsion. I'm also online all day and often all night. Other than that, I find it a chore going out. After I had a terrible panic attack, I got agoraphobic a bit. When I'm in a busy shop, my face burns up. What's that due to?

What's that movie called where the guy with autism gets bullied and he gets help to fake his death on a ferry so the bullies feel ashamed? I saw it a long time ago. Remember it being such a good movie.

I've heard many people talk about this movie. I know it's a classic but I haven't seen it. I know it's famous in pop culture for that 'run Forest, run!' bit and for the opening scene on the bench. Tom Hanks is dynamite too, by the way. He's been in so many Oscar deserving movies. I really enjoyed him in Cast Away. Being all alone on that island and talking to a soccer ball named Wilson for years. He also seems to be a great method actor, having deliberately isolated himself for days to get the feel of being into the character before filming began.

I still miss her a bit, though. We first met in 2005 when we were in a charity shop. She suddenly asked me out, which felt kind of odd. After that, when I went to her home to see her, her younger friends would harass me and whisper things to her, in order to to annoy me to try to drive me away. One time she said, her mates were grounded and I could go see her. I went there, but they were there. Because she lied, I never went back. Plus, all she really seemed interested in was my money. A couple of years later, I went back to see her because my life was lonesome and she was gone. I posted on gumtree.com so hopefully somebody would reply and tell me where she was staying. Her old neighbor from some place said she was told I was looking for her. I also found her family and people who knew her on social media websites, like Bebo and Facebook, but they made out she wasn't interested. I'd even had a support worker pretend he knew her and wind me up in emails. I'm about 90% sure it was him, because he said things that gave himself away, plus he mentioned my support worker's name. Anyway, I found Laura (my ex) on Facebook in 2011 and we met up again in 2012. She told me she was seeing someone already and that no-one told her I was trying to get in touch, but I persuaded her to leave this man and be with me. So she did. All seemed good thus far, as we asked one another how our lives had been since we split away. After a week, I went somewhere to play Snooker with my autism group. Laura went with me and after a while, I was playing Pool with her in the area with the American Pool tables and she got in a bad mood. We went outside and she said I promised to buy her an iPod. So I felt pressured into getting her it, on credit. Then she dumped me but stayed friendly and I lost my DLA because the claim ran out and I wasn't prepared for that at all. She broke that iPod by jamming the charger in the wrong way and I paid money to get it repaired despite the severe damage, even though I was still paying it up on credit until June of 2012. Sooner or later, she'd muck me around again and act nasty, so I broke into her Facebook. She also kept going back to this Mathew guy and some man apparently called Steven (unless she made it up). We also went for a walk once and she told me to wait some place while she went to her pal's house and use the loo. However, she never come back. Eventually, her excuse was that she had fell asleep. Around August last year, she threatened me with police action. So I mentioned my DLA was returned and she acted nice again. Then I had already used the money on an escort and other stuff, to make myself happy. She hung out with me a while longer despite the fact I leaked this information to her, but she then maliciously said to me on the phone one time that she didn't want to see me again. So I went to her flat to talk to her. She refused me entry and threw a DVD I loaned her to the ground from her bedroom window and it was raining. She swore at me over the intercom, also making a fool of me for wearing glasses. I never hung about with her for months and one time her mother got money from me and paid me back, then asked for twice the amount and I never got it back. I actually seen Laura's family in the street one day I was going to go to her house with a support worker and Laura's mother briefly raged at me. Then in 2013, around my birthday, we started hanging out again and things were better but far from perfect. I paid her way to the cinema on my birthday because she apparently had no money (again). I went to see a medium for advice in February and she says she doesn't love me. Not that long after this, I got Laura a PlayStation 3 on credit, but this time she was meant to pay half the cost. She took it away home after throwing a fit immediately after we removed it from the box and I never seen it again. Then she come back the following day, but quickly left and said her mother wanted to talk to her in private. Because I have a companion pass for the bus, I offered to go with her, but she made an obvious excuse. Well, that weekend, she asked me to get her a pizza when we were on Facebook, and go with it to (suggested venue) and I said no, because she refused to give me her cellphone number. So she said to get the pizza, go home and then go back on Facebook to arrange to pick her up. I knew if I went there, she'd not show up. It was actually the same place she had me waiting at before, about a year prior to this. Then she started calling me nasty things again. I was going to go to the small claims court, but eventually gave up because of the hassle involved. Laura agreed we didn't need to go that far and she promised me she'd visit me. To this day, she still hasn't turned up. What a tool. Huh? She also called me her 'honey' in Facebook messages, but in person if we fell out, she would act like we were not together.

I had an ex-girlfriend use me for my money and mistreat me in various ways. I'll post more about it later, as right now I cannot be bothered to list every individual act she committed. I basically never saw her for several years, but I found her again and got used. I have a condition called PDD-NOS in real life.